Just recently I’ve seen a quote saying: “I am not your free time or your second choice, prioritize me or leave me”.

One of the most common causes of friction and arguments in relationships is when one partner does not feel like being a priority.

And of course, if “being a priority” is based on the expectations that the other meets your own needs, then this is neediness and manipulation, but not a conscious request for making the relationship a priority.

You have heard me speaking about the importance of knowing one own’s needs, values and boundaries. This knowledge is your pillar for love. For self love and for any love relationship.

And then if you enter a relationship and you really want it to grow, it needs a third entity:  call it the relationship bubble or what ever,  where both partners make a commitment to.

And 2 more important simple aspects which make the relationship feel "being a priority". 

I haven’t created any podcast for a while, since I had to listen deep inside of me.

What listener am I really? How do I listen to others? To Myself?

The importance of how we listen and its impact, is part of my workshop MAKING TIME AND SPACE FOR LOVE (which you can find on my web page). I usually speak of 3 types:

What impact has my listening style on the other? 

And if - in addition - we play out our Drama Triangle roles - where most relationships live in, how can I go deeper learning about my listening? 

May 2021 bring even more awareness in love.

During the Germanic Rauhnächte, which means long cold nights, stories formed part of the family gathering. So let me tell you a story: an interesting one:

How we bonded over the past thousands of years:

The commitment here is to the needs of the relationship, that third aspect of US. It’s not about YOU, and not about ME, but about the relationship itself, a container for which we both are responsible for and committed to. 

The key is: we both make our relationship primary and our needs secondary.

In my coaching I don't focus on healing the traumatised child and it’s woundings, but to empower the Healthy Self which is self-aware and accountable for its own emotions and actions. If two people are reliable, empathic and sustainable present with each other, it creates a new emotional safe environment,  where the loving presence replaces old toxic behaviours, and creates a container of joy and connection, which extends further out, supporting others, creating community.

May 2021 bring even more awareness in love.

Can we really love the other person unconditionally?

Loving their not- so- nice expressions and behaviours?

And how much do we get triggered by them?  

Or we suddenly feel our inner demon having a go at the person we most love?

What is happening here?

Find out!

It is a repeating story in heterosexual relationships. Most don’t even dare to speak it up. There is a lot of courage in it to stand up for what you feel you need.

However, there are needs and needs.

If you are in this place, be aware of the impact and the consequences this decision may bring with it. Don’t just be that child which throws his rattle out of the bed and then cries. Be conscious and don’t hide, less you both have agreed on hiding this topic.

The first one, I believe, can be managed if both partners are open to it. It requires feeling and  being your partner’s first priority, deep trust, deep love, conscious communication and clear boundaries and agreements. It can still be tricky in our society, where there is a lot of competition, a “chasing” energy  and not a lot of community support in this subject. I personally also believe, there is a lot of confusion around how to live “polyamorous” or “open”

If you experience the second one, then... find out more here

Holding back a truth.

Maybe of fear of speaking it out, maybe of fear of consequences….

How to speak our honest truth? Our desires? Our boundaries?

Find out more here.

Holding back a truth.

Maybe of fear of speaking it out, maybe of fear of consequences….

How to speak our honest truth? Our desires?

Find out more here.

Last Sunday I experienced a huge shock. There was nothing I could do, meditating and breathing would not help me in this moment, I was too shocked, too restless. I could feel my 2nd chakra and my throat chakra were totally blocked. They always go together.

What I did was screaming over the empty ocean by sunrise.

And then I shook

I shook the “hell” out of my body.

Until I felt relief.

The situation of course has not gone away or changed, but I felt lighter, more grounded, more sure of what I needed next. And I was able just to listen to what my soft animal, my body, needed.

I’ve learnt long time ago, that in times of extreme sadness, anger, frustration and uncertainty,  what has helped me most was shaking my body for over 15minutes or screaming into the forest or over the cliffs into the wide ocean. (if you don’t have a forest or ocean around you to scream into, use a pillow).

Even though shaking or screaming do not bring immediate clarity of my next steps, I always feel my body gains more clarity. I always feel a huge relief, lighter, less stuck.  And from that place, I am open again to receive the right messages, or creativity. Or maybe I just staying in flow waiting for what comes next, trusting. At least, I did not feel stuck anymore, nor in my mind trying to figuere it all out. And at least, I was taking care of my body to not let these not so nice emotions get stuck in my body and build up that baggage which one day may explode and swamp everything and everyone around me.

I have learnt, that this method is deep love. Deep love to MY-Self.

All animals do it and  scientifically it's explained what it does to our body. Listen here. 

Can you feel the fear?

If the fear rushes in, if it hits me, it can be like a Tsunami wave, it’s huge. My mind is racing with all kinds of possible terrible scenarios about to happen. I feel so vulnerable and low, impotent almost to this raising panic in me. It does not matter if it is fear of abandonment or being hurt, or anything else.

I guess, you certainly can  relate to this immense fear.

The first time I realised that fear is a monster that I created and at the same time, it is a blessing, - was when I saw the title of the Book: Face the fear and do it anyway. That phrase created curiosity in me to find out more.

Maybe you like to find out more as well here.  I trust it helps you.

Do you get lost?

I have and I confess I still do sometimes, but I am so grateful to my tools.

However, I was like Alice in Wonderland not knowing which road to take. 

If I do not know myself, I don't know where to go nor can I express and show myself fully. I can't show who I really am.  And that may keep me in the loop of pretending who I am, to please others and be loved, or to worry constantly what others may think of me. 

I need a road map!!!  

To navigate my road to relating. I don't have a crystal bowl on my head, where others can look into and say: "Oh, that is how Sabina ticks"... and it won't help them anyway, if I am not clear what my needs and wants are, what my values are and what my boundaries are. 

I am the one being responsible to find out:

Then I know for what I stand up for, how I want to show up. I am stronger and empowered and I can communicate and show others in a clear manner who I am.