Sacrilegious Discourse - Bible Study for Atheists

Nehemiah's Reforms.

This guy is so full of himself. He is telling God what's what and beating up people and pulling out their hair. He is dead set against commingle-babies and cites Moses WHO WAS MARRIED TO A MOABITE. He literally blames 1000+ women for leading Solomon astray, because clearly my dude was not responsible for the multiple conquests that he bragged about. There are simply not words to describe how much we loathe Nehemiah. He's a beta cuck giving off little-D energy.

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The Priests and Levites / The Dedication of the Wall / The Provision for the Priests and Levites.

Nothing even happened in this chapter. Seriously, it's just a list of the same names over and over together. Husband had to edit out all the times Wife yawned. Honestly, Nehemiah is pointless, and he can suck it. Especially if he's the Chronicler!

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The Residents of Jerusalem / The Settlement outside of Jerusalem.

Our guys vote on who gets to live in Jerusalem, but it kinda sounds like the prize is a punishment and nobody actually wants to live there, which makes no dang sense because didn't y'all just bust your balls building this holy temple? Well, they're so eager not to live in Jerusalem that this entire chapter is a list of every other town and village in the surrounding area because that's where the REAL barley parties are at! It's like they're saying, "Ugh, you live in Jerusalem? Okay, Boomer. Whatever, ya doink."

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The People Covenant to Keep the Law (cont).

These peeps are super keen on returning to OG Levitical laws. We learn how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop — no wait, it's how many Israelites does it take to replace a light bulb — jk jk jk here's the REAL question: How many Levites, priests, gatekeepers, and musicians does it take to seal a scroll? As numerous as the stars in the sky... or like a couple hundred, which is still at least 199 more than necessary.

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Ezra's Confession of Israel's Sins / The People Covenant to Keep the Law.

Ezra goes on and on about how stupid and horrible people are. At the same time, he talks at length about how stupendous God is. It's a dumb comparison and anyway it's also boring and a bit of overkill because omg he just drones on and on...

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Bible Study for Atheists Weekly is a collection of last week's episodes by Sacrilegious Discourse with Husband and Wife. This week's collection includes Nehemiah Chapters 4 - 8, with Q&A and Sacrilegious Book Club.

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Holy Men; Part 2 of A Treasury of Jewish Folklore.

In this episode of the Sacrilegious Book Club, topics include charity; compassion; social justice; giving from the heart; acts of kindness; the Golden Ladder; and qualifications and guarantees to get into heaven.

Next time, we will cover some entries from Heroes: Holy Men — Martyrs. We hope you'll get a copy of the book and read along with us.

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Did the stories of Nehemiah and Ezra overlap?

Who knows. It's all a history mystery. But we do find out the importance of being a king's cup bearer, which clears up another question! Finally, we learn that Nehemiah might be the Chronicler, but he was such a gossipy sumbitch that his coworkers wouldn't let him take any credit.

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Ezra Reads the Law to the People.

The timeline is kinda confusing so we aren't sure if this is OG Ezra or "other" Ezra. Regardless, my guy stands there in the hot sun reading the Book of the Law of Moses for SIX STRAIGHT HOURS. Then Ezra told them fools to stop crying and go eat lunch.

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Nehemiah Appoints Rulers for Jerusalem / The List of Returning Exiles.

They finally put up gates to keep out the vampires, and then they do a soft census and build houses. Lots of names (because of course!) and then the chapter literally ends mid-sentence.

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