Sacrilegious Discourse - Bible Study for Atheists

David Captures Rabbah / The Giants Slain by David's Men. 

Every Spring we put on our rain boots, open our umbrellas, grab our swords, and skip off to war. Whee! Killing giants is fun!

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The Defeat of the Ammonites and Syrians.

These guys pick a fight with David and are shocked when he gives them what they asked for in this very special story of F*ck Around and Find Out.

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David Extends His Kingdom / David's Officers.

David is so awesome. He's the best. He is everything good in life. I love David. All hail Kind David! We also talk about farts, just in case you get bored of hearing about David's greatness.

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God's Covenant with David.

This crap is a ridiculous love letter wherein they promise to be together always, forever, eternally, infinity-times-two. Ugh, gag me with a dead smurf. Y'all need to get a room.

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Husband and Wife cover 1 Chronicles chapter 16:

The Ark Brought to Jerusalem (cont.) / David's Psalm of Thanksgiving / The Levites Appointed for the Ark.

David gives bread to every single Israelite because, sure, he totally cooked hundreds of thousands of cakes, and there was definitely enough to go around (rolls eyes). Then, hold on to your butts - Wife gets to sing again!

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Bible Study for Atheists Weekly is a collection of last week's episodes by Sacrilegious Discourse with Husband and Wife. This week's collection includes 1 Chronicles Chapters 11 - 15, with Q&A and Sacrilegious Book Club.

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Husband and Wife cover pages 217-225 of Asimov's Guide to the Bible, in this episode of the Sacrilegious Book Club. Topics include Merom; Zidon; The Philistines; The Tribes; and Mount Ephraim.

Next time we will take a break from the lecherous Asimov and instead turn to a rabbit hole that we've been excited to explore: A Treasury of Jewish Folklore, edited by Nathan Ausubel. We hope you'll get a copy of the book and read along with us.

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Husband and Wife answer questions about how many times David was anointed and whether or not he danced into town naked. Spoiler alert: He totally did. Then, one of our devices starts making an odd sound that sends our cat into a fit, so we bail.

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The Ark Brought to Jerusalem.

The Chronicler added a bunch of unnecessary info like who all was in the marching band, but he left out the single most important detail: David was naked! The Chronicler is FAIL.

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Husband and Wife cover 1 Chronicles chapter 14:

Hiram's Recognition of David / David's Children Born at Jerusalem / David Defeats the Philistines.

Once again we hear about how awesome David was with his multiple wives and his need to use subterfuge as a method of defeating the Philistines because apparently God wasn't strong enough to fight David's enemies straight on. Yeah, that tracks.

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