In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor swap gym drama and snappy comebacks for a deeper dive into the not-so-obvious ways our nervous systems respond to life: the polyvagal ladder. Ever spaced out mid-conversation? Snapped on your partner and instantly regretted it? Or found yourself calmly people-pleasing while your insides scream? That’s not a personality flaw—it’s your body’s built-in survival system at work.

They walk through the three core states—ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal—and unpack how those states shape your reactions, relationships, and even your ability to sit quietly in a room with someone (hi, vulnerability!). You’ll learn what it feels like to be in each state, why blended states matter, and how understanding the nervous system shifts the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening in my body right now?”

From freeze mode to flexibility, this episode unpacks real-life examples, nerdy metaphors, and why regulation doesn’t mean “calm forever”—it means learning how to move between states without getting stuck.

Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor claws her way through the surprisingly bougie journey of lobster—from “cockroach of the sea” to martini garnish.

🕒 Timestamps:

00:01 – When reactions feel “off” & why it’s not about being rude or lazy
05:00 – Intro to Polyvagal Theory and the 3 nervous system states
08:00 – Ventral Vagal: Calm, connected, and emotionally flexible
10:15 – Sympathetic: Activated, reactive, and wired for action
12:30 – Dorsal Vagal: Shut down, spaced out, or frozen
15:10 – Blended states & the magic of stillness without shutdown
17:30 – The plant metaphor that makes it all click 🌱
20:00 – Reflection prompts for listeners & nervous system check-ins
21:53 – 🦞 The wild rise of lobster from prison slop to luxury dinner

Resources & Mentions:
Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergent
Read the blog: safelydivergent.com
Cover art: Honor Heindel
Music by: Obey Grey

This week on Safely Divergent, we’re talking about one of our favorite ways to explain burnout, energy crashes, and why getting dressed sometimes feels like climbing Everest: Spoon Theory.

Originally created by Christine Miserandino to describe life with chronic illness, this metaphor has become a lifeline for neurodivergent folks, especially when the world expects us to just “push through.”

We share how this concept shows up in our day-to-day—from shower math to scrambled breakfast chaos—and how it’s helped us communicate needs without guilt, advocate for rest without shame, and stop equating worth with productivity.

And in true Safely Divergent fashion, we wrap it all up with a serotonin boost featuring chirping crickets, surprise science, and an unexpected protein source.

🕒 Timestamps:
00:01 – Spoon Theory 101 & why it’s not just about energy
03:00 – When showering costs 3 spoons and breakfast breaks the bank
06:00 – How “I’m low on spoons” helps us communicate (and avoid conflict)
12:30 – Crickets as thermometers, delicacies, and little science legends

🔗 Resources & Mentions:

• Christine Miserandino’s Original Spoon Theory Essay

• Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergent

• Blog & resources: safelydivergent.com

• Cover art: Honor Heindel

• Music by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor trade last week’s meltdown tales for a quieter—but no less intense—survival strategy: shutdown. What does it actually mean when your brain goes blank, your body stills, and suddenly you’re horizontal on the couch thinking about everything and doing… absolutely nothing?

They explore the neuroscience behind the freeze response, from Sue Johnson’s "demon dialogues" to the very real physiological signs of dissociation. You’ll hear how shutdowns differ from meltdowns, why they’re often misunderstood as laziness or disinterest, and how to spot one in yourself (or a loved one) before spiraling into guilt or confusion.

The episode gets candid about how shutdowns show up in relationships, what recovery actually takes (hint: margaritas may be involved), and why reframing shutdown as a protective response is the first step toward repair.

Then, in a serotonin-sparking left turn, Eleanor takes us on a wild, gas-powered float down sloth fact lane—including poop dances, surprise swimming skills, and the real danger they face today.

🕒 Timestamps: 00:01 – What shutdown feels like inside & why your brain goes blank / 06:00 – The fight/flight vs freeze dynamic in relationships / 11:00 – Misreading shutdowns: Lazy? Disinterested? Or just overwhelmed? / 16:00 – Gentle recovery strategies & how not to trigger a second shutdown / 24:00 – 🦥 Sloths, poop rituals, and gassy swimming champions of the jungle / Resources & Mentions: Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergent / Read the blog: safelydivergent.com / Cover art: Honor Heindel /Music by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor get personal about what it’s really like to hit your limit—and what happens when your nervous system says “nope” in the form of a meltdown. From the infamous egg incident to navigating hormone storms, they break down how and why meltdowns happen, and why they’re not something to fear.

You’ll hear about the internal symptoms and external signs of a meltdown, why logic and language go offline when stress maxes out, and how to create safer recovery—whether you're supporting yourself or someone else.

They also share practical (and judgment-free) ways to reduce overwhelm in the moment, offer space without abandoning, and how to support without escalation.

And yes—this all wraps up with wrinkly fingers, bathtub debates, and a twinkle-twinkle singalong gone slightly off-key.

🕒 Timestamps
00:16 – Why this week’s all about meltdowns (hint: we’re in it) / 02:00 – The egg incident: tiny thing, big nervous system signal / 04:30 – What a meltdown actually is (spoiler: not attention-seeking) / 06:45 – What it looks like on the outside vs. what it feels like inside / 10:00 – Why “calm down” doesn’t help, and what to say instead / 13:00 – Accommodations, support, and the power of planned space / 17:00 – Gentle co-regulation and what not to do mid-meltdown / 20:00 – SCATTERED: The science of wrinkly fingers + awkward hot tub chats / 29:00 – Would you rather: lukewarm tub or stranger soup?

Resources & Mentions

/ Follow us on Instagram → @safelydivergent

/ Read the blog → safelydivergent.com

/ Cover Art: Honor Heindel

/ Music by: Obey Grey

Feeling Stuck? You Might Be in a Stress Cycle and Not Even Know It!

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Eleanor and Kirstie take you behind the scenes of a real-time stress cycle—because, yep, they’re living it. Instead of slapping on a productivity hack or pretending everything’s fine, they break down what stress actually is (spoiler: it’s not just a feeling), and how it builds up when multiple domains—biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial—start stacking on top of each other.

They get honest about everything from cortisol wakeups and dino nugget dinners to skipping small talk in elevators and redefining what a “win” looks like. You’ll learn how to spot a stress cycle before it spirals, why your empathy might vanish when you're maxed out, and how giving yourself accommodations is actually a sign of regulation—not failure.

Plus, they close things out with a serotonin-sparking deep dive into... the history of the high five.

🕒 Timestamps
00:01 – What stress really means & how it builds in the body / 06:00 – How emotional overload turns into a full-body shutdown / 13:30 – Spotting the signs (and shifting the self-talk) / 16:00 – Recovery in real life: pizza, naps, and not forcing social energy / 20:45 – 🖐️ Let’s get scattered: the surprisingly recent invention of the high five

Resources & Mentions:
Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergent
Read the blog: safelydivergent.com
Cover art: Honor Heindel
Music by Obey Grey

If you’ve ever had a “just take a shower” moment spiral into a full blown breakdown… this one’s for you.

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor dig into the very real reasons hygiene can feel like an uphill battle—especially for neurodivergent folks.

They unpack a listener’s heartfelt question about parenting around hygiene resistance, and get honest about their own experiences (including the infamous travel shampoo bottle that lasted three months). You’ll hear why hygiene is often less about willpower and more about sensory processing, executive functioning, emotional state, and past experiences—and how to make room for validation, accommodations, and self-compassion.

And yes, they manage to tie it all together with a delightfully unhinged history of toothpaste. Spoiler: people used to brush their teeth with bones, bricks, and… urine?

🕒 Timestamps
00:01 – Grounding, iced coffee, and what makes hygiene so complicated / 3:00 – A listener letter and why neurodivergent hygiene isn’t just about motivation / 07:00 – Sensory, executive function, emotional overwhelm & social pressure / 22:30 – Validation, building your “why,” and making small sustainable shifts / 26:40 – ⚡ Scattered corner: A truly cursed history of toothpaste

Resources & Mentions:
Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergent
Read the blog: safelydivergent.com
Cover art: Honor Heindel
Music by Obey Grey

What if success wasn’t just about showing up—but actually feeling good while doing it?
In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor break down the massive shift from deficit-based models (like the medical model) to strength-based approaches rooted in the neurodiversity paradigm. They get personal about what it actually feels like to mask your needs just to meet made-up "normal" standards—and how it drains our nervous systems.

You'll hear real-life examples of goal-writing gone wrong, why “normal” is a myth, and how accommodations can make the difference between surviving and thriving. Plus, they introduce the Neurodiversity Wheel as a visual tool to better understand your own strengths and support needs.

The second half gets delightfully scattered (as always) with a deep dive into time zones, daylight savings myths, and the utter chaos of living on a state border.

🕒 Timestamp:

• 00:01 – Viral iced coffee & today’s topic: strength-based support

• 01:25 – The problem with deficit-based thinking (aka the “what’s wrong?” model)

• 06:00 – Cognitive inflexibility example & goal-setting cringe

• 10:00 – What strength-based support actually looks like

• 14:00 – Intro to the Neurodiversity Wheel & how to use it

• 16:00 – Let’s get scattered: Time zones, myths & why the sun might not rise 'til 10am

  Resources & Mentions:

  • Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergent

  • Read the blog: ⁠safelydivergent.com⁠

  • Cover art: Honor Heindel

  • Music by Obey Grey

Do crossed arms mean you’re closed off? Can a resting face cause social chaos? And how close is too close when someone’s talking to you?

This week, we’re decoding nonverbal communication—body language, tone of voice, and proximity—and why your nervous system might be screaming even when no one’s said a word. Plus, Eleanor drops some bed bug facts that Kirstie definitely didn’t ask for.

Timestamps:

01:00 – What is nonverbal communication & why it matters03:26 – Body language: posture, movement, facial expressions15:56 – Tone of voice: how we say things vs. what we say20:40 – Proximity: personal space, cultural norms, and social comfort26:02 – Scattered Brain: Would You Rather (bed bug edition)

Resources & Mentions:

• Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergent

• Read the blog: safelydivergent.com

• Cover art: Honor Heindel

• Music by Obey Grey

Join us in this episode of Safely Divergent as we break down the concept of executive functioning and explore how it shapes our daily lives. Whether you're managing tasks at work, navigating social situations, or simply trying to stay organized, executive functioning is at the core of it all.We'll dive into six key categories of executive functioning:~Inhibition Control~Working Memory~Cognitive Flexibility~Planning/Organization~Self-Monitoring~ActivationThroughout the episode, we’ll share personal stories and offer practical strategies to help you manage and improve these areas. Understanding executive functioning can be a game-changer for both your personal and professional life, and we’ll highlight how it affects everything from decision-making to emotional regulation.Tune in for insights that could help you thrive in all aspects of life!

You know that moment when the room’s too bright, your shirt feels wrong, and someone dares to talk to you before caffeine? Yeah, that’s not a personality flaw—that’s stress.

This week, we’re diving into what’s really draining us (spoiler: it’s not always what you think) with help from the Self-Reg framework by Dr. Stuart Shanker.

Timestamps:00:00 – Intro silliness and fake-out ending

00:34 – Real intro: Welcome back to Safely Divergent!

01:12 – Who is Dr. Stuart Shanker and what is Self-Reg?

02:40 – What is stress actually? It’s not just “feeling overwhelmed.”
05:00 – Explaining the 5 domains of stress
06:55 – Biological domain: sensory, nutrition, sleep, and movement
09:45 – Emotional domain: recognizing and recovering from emotions
12:20 – Cognitive domain: mental load, executive functioning
15:05 – Social domain: the pressure of people-ing
18:10 – Prosocial domain: empathy fatigue and “being the helper” stress
20:35 – Real-life examples of subtle stress
24:50 – Why naming stressors changes everything
27:00 – How Self-Reg helps us pause judgment and get curious
30:15 – Wrap-up, quotes, and one last shoutout to Dr. Shanker

Resources & Mentions:

• Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg website

• Dr. Shanker’s book: Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life

• Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergent