There’s only one Balaton… Where hunters gather. You can search the entire United States and you won’t find another Balaton. Settled in 1879 when the Dakota Central Railroad was laid, the town incorporated in 1892.  No one is sure how Balaton got it’s name.  Some say it was named after  the large and picturesque Lake Balaton in Hungary.  Others claim it was named after a Mr. Balaton, a stockholder and employee of the railroad.  An early resident has written that it was to be named for Mr. Bell and called Belltown, but a traveling salesman suggested it be Balaton, saying there was only one other place with that name…a lake in Europe…the most beautiful lake in the world.   Or was it really named by vote, when residents suggested they take a “ballot – on” the name…However it comes about.,..there is still only one Balaton.

The City of Balaton would like you to visit our town.  We are proud of what our community offers.  Lake Yankton is located along Highway 14 on the north edge of town.  Summer months offer swimming, boating, fishing and areas for family gatherings.  The winter also offers good fishing if you know where they are biting.  Lakeside Park is the center point for the kickoff to our annual Fun Fest celebration, which takes place the first weekend of July.

Other parks and recreation sites include Lions Park downtown, which provides a picnic area and nice playground equipment for the younger set.  On the west side of town is a lighted softball field and a nine-hole disc golf course.  On the east side of town is Eastbay 9 a executive par-three nine hole golf course.

Our business district will meet most of your daily needs including a bank, restaurant/pub, liquor store, vehicle and equipment repair services, gas station, insurance offices, dental clinic.  On Highway 14 there is a gas station/convenience store/restaurant.  The City’s Community Center also houses the city offices and a public library.

We welcome your visit and also invite you to consider Balaton as a place to raise a family and spend retirement years.  We have much to offer and remember there is only one Balaton

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Teenage Adult by Pissed Jeans

Beer Song by Mustard Plug

CHECK OUT ALL THE HALF HOUR PROPHECY PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE!

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 9: Child Molester Hunters

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

//

Al pastor (from Spanish, lit. In the style of the shepherd), also known as tacos al pastor, is a dish developed in Central Mexico, likely as a result of the adoption of the shawarma spit-grilled meat brought by the Lebanese immigrants to Mexico. Being derived from shawarma, it is also similar to the Turkish döner kebab and the Greek gyros. Although shawarma and döner are usually lamb-based (thus the “shepherd-style” name), gyros and tacos al pastor in Mexico are made from pork.

Pork is marinated in a combination of dried chilies, spices and pineapple. In some places, achiote is also added, and then slowly cooked with a gas flame on a vertical rotisserie called a trompo (lit: spinning top), very similar to how shawarma is cooked, with a piece of fresh onion and a pineapple on top. When ready, the meat is then thinly sliced off the spit with a large knife. It is served on small tortillas, with finely chopped onions, cilantro, and occasionally, a small slice of pineapple, and usually topped with some lemon or lime juice and hot salsa. This meat is a common ingredient in not just tacos, but also gringas, alambres, huaraches, tortas and pizza

A non-pork version was brought “back” to the Middle East in the early 2000s, and sold as “shawarma mexici”. It is essentially a chicken shawarma made in the Middle Eastern style (wrapped with garlic mayonnaise, dill pickle and french fries in a thin flatbread), with the only difference being the marination of the chicken in the “al pastor” style.

Special Guest:

David Melendez

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

D.E.A.D.R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by Modern Life Is War

Count Funkula (I Didn’t Know That Funk Was Loaded) by George Clinton

CHECK OUT ALL THE HALF HOUR PROPHECY PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE!

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 8: Al Pastor, Damnit!

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

//

Curtis Montague Schilling (born November 14, 1966) is an American former Major League Baseball right-handed pitcher, former video game developer, and former baseball color analyst.

He helped lead the Philadelphia Phillies to the World Series in 1993, and won championships in 2001 with the Arizona Diamondbacks and in 2004 and 2007 with the Boston Red Sox. Schilling retired with a career postseason record of 11–2, and his .846 postseason winning percentage is a major-league record among pitchers with at least ten decisions. He is a member of the 3,000-strikeout club and has the highest strikeout-to-walk ratio of any of its members. He is tied for third for the most 300-strikeout seasons. Of post 19th century pitchers, Schilling has the second highest JAWS of any pitcher not in the Hall of Fame (behind only Roger Clemens).

After retiring, he founded Green Monster Games, which was renamed 38 Studios. The company released Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning in February 2012, but just three months later, Schilling laid off his entire staff amid severe financial troubles.

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Cone of Light by The Almighty Defenders

Substitute Creature by Municipal Waste

CHECK OUT ALL THE HALF HOUR PROPHECY PODCASTS AT http://sexpotcomedy.com/category/podcasts/sam-tallent-half-hour-prophecy/

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 7: Fake Curtis Schilling

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

 

 

//

YOU ARE JUST A CORN HUSK! PEEL YOURSELF!

AUGUST 3 RIBCO ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 4 DG’s TAP HOUSE AMES, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 5 IOWA RIVER BREWING CO MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 6 KIRKPATRICK’S BALANTON, MINNESOTA TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

AUGUST 3 RIBCO ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 4 DG’s TAP HOUSE AMES, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 5 IOWA RIVER BREWING CO MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 6 KIRKPATRICK’S BALANTON, MINNESOTA TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

AUGUST 3 RIBCO ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 4 DG’s TAP HOUSE AMES, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 5 IOWA RIVER BREWING CO MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 6 KIRKPATRICK’S BALANTON, MINNESOTA TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

AUGUST 3 RIBCO ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 4 DG’s TAP HOUSE AMES, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 5 IOWA RIVER BREWING CO MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 6 KIRKPATRICK’S BALANTON, MINNESOTA TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

AUGUST 3 RIBCO ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 4 DG’s TAP HOUSE AMES, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 5 IOWA RIVER BREWING CO MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA TELL YOUR FRIENDS. AUGUST 6 KIRKPATRICK’S BALANTON, MINNESOTA TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

PEEL YOURSELF!

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Kids by Chase Ambler

Bloodstains by Agent Orange

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 6: Corn Husks

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

 

Evil is like most developmental disabilities. It’s on a spectrum. There’s your sub evils. Lying to a loved one. Wasting water. Then there’s your big boy mondo omega evils. Like cutting in line at a movie. Playing an upright bass. Child murder. The things that get you into the VIP section in Hell. On Judgement Day, it’s best not to be caught with your pants down. So some of us never take them off.

Malice will rain and there will be no time for explanation, not that it would work if they didn’t solder your lips shut first thing. The Almighty doesn’t speak man. Not a lick of it, unless you know aramaic or any of them dead tongues. Couldn’t keep up with all the branches of that tree ever blossoming tree. God is deaf to you unless you know Old Church Slavonic. Couldn’t even listen if she wanted to.

Besides, the Magnificent One has better things to do than monitor our crude symbolism. You think God read the Bible? Pshhhhh. Could we be more self- centered? To think that the Creator of All is reading our diary. She’s busy. Come back when you know Ardhamagadhi.

The main thing to remember when she beckons you forth is don’t compliment her looks. Goddesses don’t give a shit what they look like. She’s the Morningstar. Of course she’s beautiful. She knows. Millenia of man has crawled towards her on their hands and knees to tell her she’s hot. You make her mad, it’s over. There’s no absolution when she’s mad. There is no saving you. God help you.

Oh.

Right.

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Out All Night by The Pietasters

Jesus Has A Place For Me (Rock The 40 oz.) by Leftover Crack

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 5: Engaging in Evil

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

 

//

They came from the hills in the their homemade shoes and they came from the swamps in their stained union suits and they came from the plains with their stern faces pitted with sorrow, came to rejoice for the sun had only just exploded and today was the end of it all. They knew. The best time to revel is when the sky is filled with death.

Come forth with your crippled hands and your broken backs. Gather round the cauldron and put out your bowls because the ladle only tips your way once. Eat, consume, be full. Tomorrow there is only pain but RIGHT NOW WE FEAST. When we heard that the Morningstar popped and that soon we would all be consumed, turned to ash, that’s when we decided to have some fun. If only we had lived this way then, before, before we were doomed to dust, maybe I would have learned to dance. Maybe my children would have learned to sing. Maybe I would have made love and got drunk and fell down and laughed until there were no words. Maybe if this was during the Before I would have been able to have fun. I’ll never know. We’ll never know.

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Life is Awesome by Skye

Rejoice by Andrew Jackson Jihad

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 4: Rejoice

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

 

//

Book that flight to Pork Island because it’s another episode of SAM TALLENT’S HALF HOUR PROPHECY and this time, it’s impersonal! Soak yourself in vinegar and prep the leeches, it’s time for your reckoning with the Deity that abandoned you.

So many men have fallen to their knees in hopes they will ascend. I beg you to stand. Leap. Get as close to Heaven as you can. Transcend. Satan is a smiling manager that needs you to work late. Let Jesus cover your shift. He needs the money.

When time makes you beholden to it’s whimsy, shut your eyes and shit your pants. You are the shepherd and the days of your life are your flock. Submit to Chinese Democracy. Vote for you, it doesn’t matter either way

What will today bring you, Intrepid Listeners? Look outside and slake in the blood as it rains down on our fallen empire like cosmic afterbirth. You have an electric eel in your pocket and I feed him raw egg yolks. NONE OF THIS MATTERS, MUCH LIKE YOUR INDIVIDUAL DECISIONS. WE ARE A SUM OF OUR FARTS!

This is episode 3!  So, there are a whole ‘nother two episodes that you can use to put your lobes through blissful pleasure. Check them out here.

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

I Can’t Hardly Stand It by The Cramps

Preaching the Blues by Gun Club

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 3: Book Him, Ham-O!

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

//

There is a time in most lives when a choice rises like cream and it is up to the liver of the life to pull out his slotted spoon and remove the sweet debris. What they do with their clotted fat is up to them. Some people make butter. Others add honey and feed it to the pigs. What you do with the girth defines you for the rest of your life. What would you do with the fat? Don’t waste your life figuring it out!

WHIPCRACK!

It’s time to wake Daddy…

From the mind of comedian/co-founder of AUDIOSLAVE Sam “Ham Detective” Tallent comes yet another bone in the audio boneyard buried deep in the podcast jungle! THE HALF HOUR PROPHECY. Get your shots and apply powder to your dampest areas because you are about to embark on the chillride of a lifetime. Spark up a thick one and let your brain wonder along with Sam’s through a menagerie of topics housed in a locked curio cabinet that we can unlock together. Where were you on 9/11? Likely story. This is the first day of the rest of your life so you better put on two pairs of underwear for they are the currency in Hell. Raise up, Carolina, RAISE UP! A/S/L FOR PREZ 201666

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

You Gonna Get It by The Coachwhips

Dancin’ On the Hardwood Floor by S.L.F.M.

“There was a word for what he was that nice people didn’t say except in the dirtiest jokes. He knew. Always had. There was no need for more of him. His life was a gross testament to cowardice and repugnance.”

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 2: Be Holdin Too Much Girth

Sam Tallent is a comedian and writer from Denver, Colorado. He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada with his wife and dog. His interests include Southern Gothic fiction and the “death” of Elvis Presley. He enjoys slow simmered suppers and writing in the third person.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

 

//

EXCELSIOR! EXCELSIOR! Ring the goddamn gong and let the bells peal because Ol’ Sam T (also known as Big River, also known as El Dulce, also known as Frank Conley, Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, also known as Sam Tallent) is bringing the irreverent wit that made him the regionally acclaimed jug maker and kiln cleaner you know and love to the podcast game.

Listen as he screams his people’s heartsong high into the sky where only the cowardly yellow moon can hear. Lay down the leviathan tarp because The Chubby Funster cometh.

Be a part of the new taste sensation that (allegedly) poisoned the water supply of Suffolk County, Virginia. See him apply his patented ankle lock to the big issues until they tap out from a wounded knee that isn’t a crime against indigenous individuals. THERE ARE MANY WORDS HERE BUT NONE OF THEM COMPARE TO THE AUDIO EXPERIENCE YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE LOCKED INTO LIKE A CTHULU NAMING RITUAL. FEAR NOT BECAUSE WE HAVE THE UNLOCK CODE TO YOUR BRAIN CACHE. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGGING OF THE END.

FORGET HOW TO PRAY BECAUSE THE DEVIL HAS NO EARS.

Sam Tallent invites you to be a part of the new aural sensation ripping God from the sky. Every day, Sam blasts off into a brand new podcast complete with a theme song and an ethos bound in blood and bone. So download, stream, boil some Sunkist and bask in the steam. How many children died building  the phone in your hand? The revolution will not be televised but it is free daily ONLY on SAM TALLENT’S HALF HOUR PROPHECY only on SEXPOTCOMEDY.COM. MY NAME IS KIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDRRRRROOOOOOOCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!

Sam Tallent is the man for you. The time is WOW!

SAMTALLENT.COM

Featured Music:

Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones

Lights Out by Angry Samoans

Sam Tallent’s Half Hour Prophecy Ep. 1: No Bull, So Far

Sam Tallent Half Hour Prophecy is the daily podcast of Sam Tallent, a comedian and author from Denver, Colorado. He lives with his wife and dog in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Audio Mixing by Wally Wallace

A Sexpot Comedy Production

//