HEADLINES: close but no cigar for Jesse Marsch on yet another Premier League coaching gig, racism rears its ugly head again (and again) plus a rumored sex scandal so salacious that the internet would collapse in on itself if -- however far-fetched-- proven credible

WHAT IF: most ruthless celebratory taunting strategies

PREMIER LEAGUE: Arsenal's wild and woolly trip to Anfield (Xhaka, Salah pen, VVD, Ramsdale, Arteta subs and of course linesman's elbow); Brighton gets jobbed at Tottenham; Super Frank's non-super second debut at Chelsea; flowers for Unai's Villa; Power Rankings and what to watch this week

REST OF WORLD: Champions League preview; USMNT abroad updates plus roster thoughts for Mexico game; terrible news out of USWNT camp and winner of NCAA bracket pool

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: FIFA strip Indonesia of u20 World Cup and Argentina's big brain reaction; bad Tyler Adams news and who Spurs, Lester and Chelsea should turn to in wake of sacking Conte, Rodgers and Potter (respectively)

POP QUIZ [15:00]: Champions League odds

PREMIER LEAGUE [18:15]: City toys with Liverpool, putting the "ick" in Mudryk and Mikey makes some bold claims if Arsenal can find a way to win at Anfield this weekend

REST OF WORLD [42:30]: MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute, thoughts on one of the last pre-WWC rosters for USWNT and who has one hand on the Sam's Army NCAA pool trophy

STOPPAGE TIME [52:30]: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

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INTERVIEW [1:02:00]: Distinguished GSU member Kei Kamara on differences between his former teammate Ezra and his current Coach Hendrickson (plus stories from their Columbus playing days); what needs to go right for the Chicago Fire to make a 2023 playoff run; his thoughts on Leagues Cup; most/least favorite MLS goals, wins, losses and rivals; incredible highs and lows from representing Sierra Leone and if he and Federico Higuain exchange Christmas cards

HEADLINES: Barcelona got 99 problems but Gavi may not be one for long, the coaching carousel is spinning extra fast with Conte and Nagelsmann sent packing plus the confusing Sebastian Lletget and Becky G situation

WEEKLY WHAT IF [24:00]: where would Tottenham finish this season if Jesse Marsch took over as manager right now?

REST OF WORLD [26:00]: Rapid reaction to USMNT games vs Grenada and El Salvador, MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute plus NCAA pool update

MAILBAG [51:15]: unpopular opinion on Folarin Balogun, new twist to the "Messi to MLS" story, where do Spurs and Harry Kane go now, plus some tasty St Louis City SC locker room talk

PREMIER LEAGUE [1:20:45]: what to watch weekend including an emotionally charged breakdown of Liverpool at Man City

STOPPAGE TIME [1:27:30]: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: pluses/minuses of FIFA's new 48-team format starting with World Cup 2026; is the Allstate Continental Cup a good thing for USMNT; and MLS announces opponent for 2023 all-star game

WEEKLY WHAT IF: in a hypothetical universe where the current owner never bought your club, how would things be different?

PREMIER LEAGUE: Antonio Conte goes scorched earth after Tottenham piss away points (again); Chelsea get Dyched and Arsenal keep on keeping on

REST OF WORLD: MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute and hard truth about Falcons FC; preview of USMNT window with games against Grenada and El Salvador plus NCAA bracket pool status update

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

IMPROMPTU Q&A - we pillory Tim Parker with questions about St Louis City SC's three-game win streak and what it has been like in the locker room and out on the town, the story behind his goal celly/pregnancy announcement, plus we get an answer to the biggest mystery of all: what voodoo magic is making teams repeatedly hand St Louis free goals

HEADLINES [12:00] - appeals court restores lawsuit brought by Relevant Sports seeking to force FIFA/UEFA to allow European leagues to play regular season games in the US; the latest twist in the Berhalter/Reyna drama and updated thoughts on Pulisic's ideal landing spot when he leaves Chelsea this summer

WEEKLY WHAT IF [24:45] - if you had to put your life savings on a country to win World Cup 2098... who you going with?

PREMIER LEAGUE [28:30] - most notable results from the weekend; why Sam is legit getting nervous about Arsenal; how back is Liverpool according to Tyler and Power Rankings (Mikey finally admits he no longer even knows when he is reverse jinxing anymore) and most interesting games of the upcoming weekend

REST OF WORLD [51:00] - MLS Hit-It-N-Quit-It Minute, who's to blame for the sh*tshow involving Violette AC -- up 3-0 on Austin in Concacaf Champions League -- only getting visas for 10 players for the return leg in Austin; and preview/picks for UEFA Champions League

STOPPAGE TIME [1:04:30] - Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES - Jurgen Klinsmann (from the clouds) lands in Good Korea, PSG's Achraf Hakimi sexual assault allegations, Ivan Toney facing lengthy suspension and latest and possibly greatest installment of Keeping Up With The Icardashians

WEEKLY WHAT IF [15:30] - if you could go back in history and have a season-long "All or Nothing" documentary made about one team... who you picking?

PREMIER LEAGUE [23:00] - how back is Liverpool after hanging a casual 7-spot on United, the Tweedles touch themselves over Reiss Nelson's buzzer beating game-winner vs Bournemouth, thots on Tyler Adams, Mikey directs every iota of hate in his heart towards a neighbor club, Power Rankings and whose upset alert is beeping loudest between Arsenal and City this weekend

REST OF WORLD [1:03:30] - return of the Hit-It-N-Quit-It MLS Minute plus Champions League preview

STOPPAGE TIME [1:10:00] - Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES: new MLS format and France women's NT in disarray

WEEKLY WHAT IF: where would PSG finish if they played in the Premier League?

PREMIER LEAGUE: giving United some flowers, Liverpool is actually not #back after all, trying to describe Chelsea's heinousness and preview of the week ahead f/t City vs Newcastle and Liverpool vs United

REST OF WORLD: an inside and outside look at MLS's opening weekend and Apple's coverage of it, Champions League preview + predictions and Concacaf U17 championship recap

STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

HEADLINES - best and worst of MLS's 2023 jerseys; yay or nay on Thierry Henry as next USMNT manager; thots on Manchester United becoming another oil money club and how big of a deal is Barcelona's sordid referee payment scandal (note: last one not touched upon until GOAW section because someone -- not naming names -- is a dummy)

WEEKLY WHAT IF [23:00] - right here right now one game your life depends on it, who's your striker... Marxus Rashford, Erling Haaland or Harry Kane?

PREMIER LEAGUE [31:00] - if Arsenal's title hopes went up or down after losing to City which then dropped points to Forest; how back is Liverpool; Power Rankings and weekend preview f/t Make-Belieague Cup Final (with a hilarious twist) and the possibly the ugliest Tottenham vs Chelsea daerby in eons

REST OF WORLD [1:11:15] - Champions League preview + predictions and update on USWNT's quest to repeat as SheBelieves Cup champs

STOPPAGE TIME [1:14:45] - Ivan Toney's Best Bets (big swinging parlays galore) plus GOAWs

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INTERVIEW [1:28:30] - Chris Wingert reminisces on MLS career before we delve into his transition from player to agent; featuring Roc Nation's plan for making waves in the soccer universe; his experiences with Jay-Z, Beyonce, Rich Paul and Mark Wahlberg; as well as biggest misnomers and shadiest experiences from life as an agent

HEADLINES - pluses and minuses of the latest iteration of the Fuck Soccer Get Money Super League and if Jesse Marsch to Southampton would be a good thing for him and/or USMNT fans

WEEKLY WHAT IF [19:00] - in a hypothetical soccer club stock market, which clubs are you buying and/or short-selling?

PREMIER LEAGUE [27:00] - most interesting results from the weekend, is corruption or incompetence at the heart of recent VAR mishaps and preview of Wednesday's big yuge massive Arsenal vs City fixture (featuring an iron-clad prediction from Terens)

REST OF WORLD [48:15] - Champions League is BACK with the R16 so we got your preview plus a smattering of predictions

STOPPAGE TIME [55:30] - Ivan Toney's Best Bets plus GOAWs

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INTERVIEW [1:05:00] - San Antonio FC goalkeeper and newly minted USL-C champion Jordan Farr stops by to discuss the highs and lows of his time with Indy Eleven, overcoming struggles off the field and seizing opportunities to become USL GK of the Year in 2022, whether San Antonio's River Walk is overrrated and the one and only Pacific Northwest stereotype for which he is not guilty.

HEADLINES: thots timing of and fallout from Leeds firing Jesse Marsch (and relevance for USMNT); why Man City may not be able to wriggle free from allegations of financial irregularities again and heartbreaking situation in Turkey/Syria/Lebanon

WEEKLY WHAT IF [27:30] - if your favorite team had to hire one as your coach in 5-10 years, would you pick Messi or Ronny?

PREMIER LEAGUE [34:45] - January transfer window winners and losers; takeaways from Arsenal and City losses this weekend plus preview of the week ahead featuring Leeds vs United - TWICE - as well as Arsenal/Brentford and the saddest Merseyside Daerby in years

REST OF WORLD [58:00] - USMNT goal spree

STOPPAGE TIME [59:15] - Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs

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INTERVIEW [1:10:00]: Kelyn Rowe hops on "fresh" off an intercontinental flight from Morocco to discuss the Sounders' experience at the FIFA Club World Cup where they were the first-ever MLS representative ft the highlights and lowlights of the trip, the pros and cons of playing in the tournament, and what needs to go right for Seattle to bounce-back from a subpar 2022 season. Kelyn also blesses us with another installment of Wine Snobbery 101.