saoirse dream

where i'm at

mixed by @soupandreas

mastered by Ryan Schwabe

cover art by @daywaiter, photographed by niko olivo

11 of 10

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

You came to my party with that girl you fucked

Who had a fiancee when you fell in love

All my friends are sick of hearing your name

Every time i get a little bit lonely

I made a promise to leave it alone

But i don’t think that’s possible

I want your hands on me

I wanna say sweet things

I wanna make you laugh

And see you smile so big

I want your hands on me

I wanna say sweet things

I wanna make you laugh

And see you smile so big

Sometimes i feel too crazy

Especially lately

You’re calling me catie

I’m calling you baby

Freaking out daily

Feel like i can't breathe

But i can't say no

Cause i'm afraid you’ll leave

Cause i'm not like you

Cause i'm not like you at all

Cause i'm not like you

Cause i'm not like you at all

If i had found the key and just stopped

I would define myself by the lock

If i could wait for it to turn out like you want

I wouldn’t have written everybody’s favorite songs

1 of 10

additional guitar & ambience by @wishlane

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

go break your silence

while saying some shit

that no one will remember

'less they ratio it

at least you're being honest

for once in your life

'til you beg and you promise

"[you're] such a good guy"

and i'll hate you as long as i want

but that doesn't mean i won't cry when you're gone

it's not like i can take your name out of my songs

i just won't sing along

6 of 10

mixed by @soupandreas

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

i saw a boy turn into smoke

convinced myself i’m dreaming

he gestured back shot a pointed glance

at a cycle still repeating

oh it won’t be easy catie

you just gotta try

if you don’t see yourself in me

just look in my eyes

i knew a girl who took so much

she couldn’t stop the bleeding

19 years old with no map

and a skill for self-defeating

she's tellin' everybody she fucks

that she doesn’t feel anything when she gets touched

and she’s bargaining one more month

against one more drink or one more cut

yeah she's tellin' everybody she loves

that it’s their fault she isn’t growing up

yeah she's tellin' everybody she trusts

she’s just having fun and they care too much

oh it won’t be easy catie

you just gotta try

do you still see yourself in me

when you wanna die

i've been a girl who gets so choked up

every time she’s speaking

pretends the awful things she put behind her won’t be creeping up

again again again again

again again again again

again again again again

again again again

oh it won’t be easy catie

you just gotta try

you haven’t been yourself lately

what does it feel like

if it was easy catie

you’d just follow the light

promise you’ll never hate me

just to dull the bite

2 of 10

cowritten, coproduced, & featuring @wishlane

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

(sd)

i can taste the menthol in your spit

i'd probably complain if i was really tryna quit

tried to do the math on what it means when you commit

cause i'm only ever underneath, you love how i submit

i don't get much more direct than this

if you wanted to know me, you should've known me when we were kids

naming everyone i walked all over in the stupid emo songs i wrote

why does forever feel like just a couple years ago

less than enough, less than enough, less than enough for ya

less than enough, less than enough, less than enough for ya

less than enough, less than enough, less than enough

(wishlane)

do you mind if i want it

do you mind if i want it

do you mind if i talk in half measures to fill up the space in between

(the lie and the truth)

is it really the sorrow and the pity thats keeping you wrapped in the sheets

(like every night)

cos sundown gets your stomach in knots

do you excuse yourself just to get what you want

like every time you get hurt, its someone elses fault

and i dont think you even know what it costs

so make me think im less-than

just to kill some time

you can use it as a weapon

any time you like

keep me wrapped between your fingers

just to keep your lie intact

you dont know the half

but you do it right back

cos now im falling so carelessly just to please you

you turn your shoulder so callously, did you mean to

let me in on your secret, i see the real you

oh, was it all so one-sided, or was it me too

10 of 10

featuring, coproduced, & cowritten, & mixed by @can-of-bliss

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

(sd)

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

if i work hard enough, i can get out of this town

while all of your parents are just flying you out

give my honest opinion, put your head in the ground

if you want explanation, i’ll be shutting my mouth

but i play games to make being broke feel fun

wondering how much money can i waste this month

spill my guts to the cashier while she’s ringing me up

i could go back to california anytime that i want

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

(can of bliss)

i wanna hurt you and make you feel bad

and then have a breakdown and show you that i'm sad

but i know i won't do that cause that's kinda dumb

make discussion, tell you where i'm from

i get so frustrated every day of the month

cause i'm not getting all the attention i want

doesn't help it's been so long since i made a new song

yeah it's been so long, yeah it's been so long

(sd + can of bliss)

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

(sd)

don't take it serious

i've been doing so bad lately

don't take it serious

i've been doing so bad lately

i've been doing so bad lately

(sd + can of bliss)

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

i am the target i’ve been trying to reach

but all of my verses feel shallow to me

the only words i believe in are too painful to speak

make my trauma a collar pulled so tight i can’t breathe

8 of 10

coproduced & mixed by @can-of-bliss

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

you didn't wanna be seen with me

told everyone you wanted to fuck

i never said i wanted you in me

but i never said i wanted to stop

you can feel so old when you're fifteen

but at 22 you're not grown up

keep the memory but not what's in between

i don't wanna be stuck in your passenger seat

just let me out, i've gotta think a bit, you know

told the only person who'd hear me

she said the thought was making her sick

sarah doesn't hate the person within me

but i'm not being a good catholic

she thought she'd get the perfect boyfriend

look at how i'm proving her wrong

i don't ever doubt she remembers

i don't wanna be stuck in your passenger seat

just let me out, i've gotta cry a while, and i can't tell you why

can you pull the car over

i've gotta throw up

as if to remember it wasn't enough

a perfecter person

could just let it go

but i'm stuck reliving what nobody knows

5 of 10

cowritten by & featuring @prodmusa

coproduced & mixed by @can-of-bliss

additional guitar & production by @wishlane

mastered by ryan schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

(sd)

I think I get what that Kanye song means

If I put my hand on a stove will I bleed

If I cut again can I even go deep

Picking away at the body beneath

Grounding by naming five things I can see

Five things I can hear

Five things I can touch

Can tasting the back of my tongue be enough

Yeah with my luck, you’ll tell me

I’m so beautiful, so beautiful

You’ve got front row seats to the dream

To scream my name back at me, pretend

I’m in control, I’m in control

All eyes on me, on me, on me, on me, on

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

(musa)

Sometimes I think I’m on top of the world but I’m missing their words when they’re talking to me,

Fucked up the details everything they told me I thought that their birthday was the seventeenth

And I don’t know why I just act like I have so much energy, when I don’t even get sleep

My words just compress out my mouth now it’s hurting to breathe,

It’s hard to accept you’re relying on me

I’m burning this bridge it’s not holding up

My patience ran thin yeah I called your bluff

I bottled my feelings the day that you left

Yeah I tried to be cool, I’m not cold enough

It would be funny if I ran into you on a corner, street, or party

If I’m just telling you the truth,

My heart already broke before it started

(sd)

I’m so beautiful, so beautiful

You’ve got front row seats to the dream

To scream my name back at me, pretend

I’m in control, I’m in control

All eyes on me, on me, on me, on me, on

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

Five more steps, fingers around my neck

Five down and one ‘til I’m dead

Five counts and I’m catching my breath

4 of 10

cowritten by & featuring @t0rr

coproduced & mixed by @soupandreas

additional vocals & production by @daywaiter

mastered by Ryan Schwabe

art by atlas ezra

~~lyrics~~

(sd)

if it isn't all bad

but i still don't like it, ya

what do u call that?

what do u call that?

if it isn't all bad

but i still don't like it, ya

what do u call that?

what do u call that?

i don't know if i'm prepared for

anything more than this

oh what am i scared for

everything more than this

i don't know if i'm prepared for

anything more than this

oh what am i scared for

everything more than this

when i speak with my voice

at a regular tone

yeah u like that don't u

started telling myself

that i sound like this

cause i love being lied to

it came pouring out of me

And i don't know how

i've been so good lately, honestly

been too busy portaling

and i wont stop now

getting so close lately

i'm scared of me

(torr)

what do u call that

what do u call that

letting you trade away your pulpit for a ballgag

im been living apathetic to the betterment

go ahead and burn a cigarette into my letterman

i could be passed out dead in the doldrums

letting my cup runneth over til its all gone

how long did u expect yourself to keep on rising now

what goes up must come down you know

thats not surprising now

(sd)

if it isn't all bad

but i still don't like it, ya

what do u call that?

what do u call that?

if it isn't all bad

but i still don't like it, ya

what do u call that?

what do u call that?

i don't know if i'm prepared for

anything more than this

oh what am i scared for

everything more than this

i don't know if i'm prepared for

anything more than this

oh what am i scared for

everything more than this

(daywaiter)

never taking days off, yeah

end up with the shades on

now we never taking days off yea

(yea yea yea)

bouncing on the lip cause i was riding too slow

chomping at the bit its inevitable

(oooooo ooooo)

look what they gave us (if i took a little bit i’m rolling)

takin a day off (just another little hit i’m calling)

keeping the shades on (keep it coming till you hit that bottom)

kicking the chains off (just another little hit i’m wanting)

look how it paid off (if i took a little bit i’m rolling)

never a day off (just another little hit i’m calling)

keeping the shades on (have another and you’ll hit that bottom)

but we just can’t stop there

7 of 10

cowritten by & featuring @daywaiter

coproduced & mixed by @st1cksyea

mastered by Ryan Schwabe

art by atlas ezra!

~~lyrics~~

(sd)

i recently realized

i’ve been the bad guy for a long time

and that doesn’t sit right

i gotta take charge of my life

i’ve gotta be fine for me or fine with me

spend a lot of time with me

cause what’s good for you ‘s not good for me at all

i gotta be honest

can’t be hard to be honest

wait why’s it hard to be honest

why’m i always stuck on it

truth be told it’s been a while since i’ve been writing

wish i could say that it’s been longer since i’ve lied and

can’t make promises but i know i don’t wanna end up like him

these thoughts can’t be intrusive if i invite them

look, what do you want

do you check your read receipts to see whose side you’re on

no proof is enough

you look past the words i say to criticize the tone

(daywaiter)

hey

its always fun

to fault when you're involved

i'm so uncomfortable and i'm freezing cold

reminds me of a white lie i once told

of a bond that we lived on until we broke it

a token, i'm all choked up

tried put that act to bed

instead you called my bluff

its funny how its hard to find

till your in inches of your life

that inches further was the light

that coulda broken your disguise

i've told you like so many times

that its all in your mind

so lets leave it behind us

evolved into someone your kind

now i know what its like

and i hate being honest

i've told you like so many times

that its all in your mind

so lets leave it behind us

evolved into someone your kind

now i know what its like

and i hate being honest

(sd)

i recently realized

i’ve been the bad guy for a long time

and that doesn’t sit right

i gotta take charge of my life

i’ve gotta be fine for me or fine with me

spend a lot of time with me

cause what’s good for you ‘s not good for me at all

i gotta be honest

can’t be hard to be honest

wait why’s it hard to be honest

why’m i always stuck on it