School of Schlock

Roll for initiative! You're about to begin an epic encounter with a movie that's basically an extended PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is evil! Don't worry, you've got your faithful party members, Tom and Ryan, at your side; they're ready to fight, but also ready to talk about subjects such as why this film is a poor representation of the roleplaying experience, what "Satanic panic" was all about, and whether we can use this film to torpedo Tom Hanks's career. Draw your swords, ready your spells, and get ready for our review of Mazes and Monsters!

Time stamps:

0:03:48 - Background

0:29:55 - Film Summary

0:55:42 - The Good

1:01:25 - The Bad

1:13:40 - The Ugly

1:27:43 - Improvements

What would happen if you remade the film Independence Day, but left out all of the action and made the aliens look like goofy bug-eyed humans? Obviously you would get this movie, as Tom and Ryan quickly discover! Join them as they talk about oversized wildlife, the influence of Biography, and the sin of omission. Prepare yourself to be abducted by the Killers from Space!

What would it take to convince a skeptic that the supernatural is real? Would it take unbreakable trances? The foretelling of mysterious deaths? Or maybe just some carnivorous plants? Tom and Ryan watch a 50s horror film that tries to pose these questions, and then delivers disappointing answers. Meanwhile, they discuss casting Austro-Hungarian army members as natives, composing music for SeaWorld, and of course Undone - The Sweater Song by Weezer. It's all part of the experience of Voodoo Island!

Time stamps:

0:05:28 - Background

0:29:55 - Film Summary

0:50:35 - The Good

0:57:05 - The Bad

1:12:06 - The Ugly

1:25:25 - Improvements

Post-apocalyptic worlds are often scary, dangerous, and wild places. But what if you could visit a post-apocalypse that took place entirely in a verdant Canadian park? Why, then you'd have poutine, all-dressed chips, and this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat about a polite and gentle end-times, review the effectiveness of cloning, and take a long look at the commodification of women in our review of Survival Earth!

Time stamps:

0:03:38 - Background

0:15:35 - Film Summary

0:38:38 - The Good

0:42:35 - The Bad

0:53:10 - The Ugly

1:03:30 - Improvements

Sure, there have been plenty of adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game in cinema and television history. But imagine one with a wild new twist: it's boring! Join Tom and Ryan as they engage in a manhunt, build camera guns, and just miss finding each other dozens of times. You can also find out who the most forgettable lead actor in any of our films has been! Grab yourself a rifle and prepare to wander around L.A. as we review Walk the Dark Street!

Time stamps:

0:02:14 - Background

0:15:25 - Film Summary

0:36:45 - The Good

0:43:45 - The Bad

0:53:15 - The Ugly

1:10:30 - Improvements

They say flying is the safest way to travel, but if that's true then what's with all these demonic entities? Join Tom and Ryan as they review a supernatural horror movie set aboard a 747 where the scariest things are wind and mold! Listen in as they discuss cynical priests, the overuse of animal deaths, and hodge-podge religious references. William Shatner warmly invites you to our review of The Horror at 37,000 Feet!

Time stamps:

0:03:27 - Background

0:32:00 - Film Summary

0:56:50 - The Good

1:01:25 - The Bad

1:11:35 - The Ugly

1:23:25 - Improvements

Polar Vortex have you on ice? Need to warm up a little? Then come to the island where the temperature's hot and the aliens are gloopy! Join Tom and Ryan as they review a strange little 60s sci-fi horror film with some of the biggest names in British acting! Along the way we'll discuss infidelity, solving problems by blowing them up, and, of course, radioactive cauliflower. Things are heating up as we review Island of the Burning Damned!

Time stamps:

0:04:15 - Background

0:30:45 - Film Summary

0:56:00 - The Good

1:03:32 - The Bad

1:11:55 - The Ugly

1:23:28 - Improvements

Cryogenic freezing has been a sci-fi staple for a while, and it's easy to see why. Someone from our time is frozen and wakes up in the distant future of...one day later. And that's about all that happens in the 60s soap opera snoozer dressed up like a sci-fi film! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch scientific lectures, forget about the bullet in the chamber, and make a series of temperature-based puns! This isn't just Netflix and chill, this is Frozen Alive!

Time stamps:

0:04:55 - Background

0:21:05 - Film Summary

0:45:40 - The Good

1:00:44 - The Bad

1:16:35 - The Ugly

1:26:05 - Improvements

It's that time of year again! The annual Schlockys are here, and Tom and Ryan have a boatload of bad films, characters, visuals, and moments from the past podcasting year to review and rank. Who will take home the coveted Worst Character award? Which visual was the most offensive to the eyes? And what moments set us off on furious rants? Find out all of that and more in the 2018 Schlocky Awards!

Time Stamps:

0:03:38 - Film List and Categories 0:07:00 - Lifetime Achivement Award 0:09:52 - Worst Character 1:07:37 - Worst Moment or Line 1:52:14 - Worst Visual 2:04:30 - Best Moment 2:07:00 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

It's the time of year to spread holiday cheer! And who better to spread holiday cheer than a steroid-using washed up racist wrestler by the name of Hulk Hogan? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Jess as they review a mid-90s Christmas movie mistake that everyone would just as soon forget. And don't fret, because they also talk about Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, The Wolf of Wall Street, and the danger of candy canes as weapons. Cook up some reindeer meat and enjoy our review of Santa with Muscles!

Time stamps:

0:05:25 - Background

0:44:35 - Film Summary

1:09:40 - The Good

1:13:55 - The Bad

1:25:10 - The Ugly

1:40:47 - Improvements