School of Schlock

There are a small handful of B movies that can claim a real cult following and true cinematic infamy. Perhaps the greatest and worst of all of these is none other than Plan 9 From Outer Space. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss one of the most famously terrible movies of all time for their special 50th episode! You'll hear all about the future, the tragic end of Ed Wood, the future, beating off aliens, and the future! All this and more in our review of Plan 9 From Outer Space!

Time stamps:

0:03:10 - Background

0:38:25 - Film Summary

1:08:25 - The Good

1:12:10 - The Bad

1:28:06 - The Ugly

1:32:04 - Improvements

As Indiana Jones could tell you, archaeological expeditions can easily go sideways. Who knows what you might unearth while you're exploring the ruins of ancient peoples? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the dangers hidden in ancient tombs, learn the differences between pictographs and petroglyphs, and find out how a San Bernadino District Attorney ties into this mess. It's our review of Teenagers Battle the Thing!

Time stamps:

0:04:30 - Film Summary

0:15:10 - Background

0:26:30 - The Good

0:30:50 - The Bad

0:43:20 - The Ugly

0:51:25 - Improvements

It's another creature feature from the 50s, as well as another Bert I. Gordon joint, where a giant spider is on the loose! Can a high school science teacher and two obnoxious teens save this small town? We discuss the possibilities while also chatting about exterminators in a daycare, failing to empathize with your main characters, and which double-bill featuring this film would be the worst. Come out of your cave and listen to our review of Earth vs. The Spider!

Time stamps:

0:03:55 - Film Summary

0:24:48 - Background

0:42:09 - The Good

0:53:58 - The Bad

1:01:24 - The Ugly

1:12:48 - Improvements

Four scientists have crash on Mars and have to survive the barren alien landscape, but if you come to this film expecting The Martian, just click your heels three times and go home! We watch this plodding movie where nothing happens while discussing why nothing happens; we also talk about Martian lectures, a cabal of vending machine operators, and the use of this film as a safe, non-addictive sleeping aid. There's no place like home, and there truly is no movie quite like The Wizard of Mars!

Time stamps:

0:04:35 - Film Summary

0:13:20 - Background

0:28:23 - The Good & The Bad (Mostly the Bad)

0:46:35 - The Ugly

1:05:30 - Improvements

Adorable, furry parasites from parts unknown are out to conquer the human race via mind control, and Tom and Ryan have to watch this poorly-plotted piece of sci-fi dreck to find out how to stop them! Along the way they discover a missing group of scientists, find out how to make monsters out of pipe cleaners, and uncover a role played by a future titan of science fiction cinema. You don't need to spend forever searching for clues; just listen to our review of The Brain Eaters!

Time stamps:

0:03:23 - Film Summary

0:31:05 - Background

0:51:58 - The Good

0:59:18 - The Bad

1:11:52 - The Ugly

1:27:10 - Improvements

If you grew up in the 1980s, you probably knew all about He-Man. But were you one of the lucky youths to experience the live-action movie from 1987? Whether you were or not, you should listen to Tom and Ryan discuss this sword-and-sorcery-comes-to-America adventure. Come learn all about this film's connections to the Rocky franchise, why its climactic fight scene was shot in the dark, and of course, what it means to move twenty metrons poleward. Play a little ditty on your Cosmic Key and listen to our review of Masters of the Universe!

Time stamps:

0:04:10 - Film Summary

0:33:43 - Background

1:09:37 - The Good

1:15:23 - The Bad

1:24:15 - The Ugly

In the year 2889, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find Tom and Ryan still suffering through this post-apocalyptic snoozer. Not even irradiated mutants can inject excitement into this film from the 1960s that features everything you'd expect: swimming pools, jugs of moonshine, and absolutely zero tension. You can also expect to find discussion about the all-important title of "schlockmeister," the right way to remake Roger Corman films, and the protection of child actors. So pour out the water, get yourself some fresh, raw meat, and settle in for our discussion of In the Year 2889!

Time stamps:

0:02:45 - Film Summary

0:27:48 - Background

0:50:55 - The Good

0:55:30 - The Bad

1:01:55 - The Ugly

1:16:33 - Improvements

If there are any constants in life, they are death, taxes, and bad movies based on video games. This episode doesn't focus much on death or taxes, but it definitely takes aim at this cheesy piece of 90s cinema that tried to capture the gaming crowd. Tom and Ryan wield the powers of Body and Soul as they talk about roided-up supermutants, The Big Quake of 2007, and the significance of Iron Chef America. As a special bonus, you also get to learn what faction Tom played back in his Warhammer 40,000 days. Plus our first comment from an international listener! You get all of this and some choice quotes from Andy Dick during our review of Double Dragon!

Time stamps:

0:04:04 - Film Summary

0:36:28 - Background

1:12:35 - The Good

1:19:20 - The Bad

1:27:58 - The Ugly

1:43:34 - Improvements

1:45:25 - Listener Comments

Calling all luchadors! There are evil mummies on the loose in the Mexican town of Guanajuato, and only a veritable super-team of lucha libre stars can stop them! Join Tom, Ryan, and Jess as they grapple with this over-the-top piece of Mexican cinema "starring" El Santo. But don't be surprised if the discussion turns to such things as the Guanajuato tourism board, the best restaurants in Guadalupe, or a countdown of the many masks of Mil Mascaras. Get ready to suplex Satan in The Mummies of Guanajuato!

Time Stamps:

0:03:28 - Film Summary

0:29:05 - Background

0:41:57 - The Good

0:49:13 - The Bad

0:58:20 - The Ugly

1:09:25 - Improving the Film

Buck Rogers in the 25th century! If that's a phrase you recognize, then you're the target market for this 1953 recut of a bunch of 1930s sci-fi serials. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Olympians, ponder round-trip flights to Saturn, and encounter the person who may be the most prolific actor in the history of Hollywood! So put down that Encyclopedia of Dirigible Accidents and enjoy this review of Planet Outlaws!

Time Stamps:

0:05:00 - Film Summary

0:21:35 - Background

0:43:20 - The Good

0:49:30 - The Bad

1:00:05 - The Ugly

1:16:20 - Improving the Film