Once our consciousness is uploaded to the cloud, what will we use our virtual brooms to e-swat off our digital porches? Raccoons. This week, we show you how that bandit-masked dream is becoming a reality.

Written By John Harris

Featuring Melinda Taub and Nate Maggio

Edited By Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Mixed By Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by John Harris and Matt Klinman

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]

Eels may look like phalluses, but that's not what's making these test subjects cum — it's their electricity! On today's show, we delve into the world of grabbing electric eels at the moment of orgasm so you can cum harder than ever before.

Written By John Harris

Featuring Melinda Taub, Zack Poitras and Nate Dern

Edited by Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by John Harris and Matt Klinman

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]

Now you see him there, and then now you do not. On today's show we meet a man who is constantly fading in and out of existence.

Written and Edited by Matt Klinman

Featuring Melinda Taub and Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by John Harris and Matt Klinman

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]

On today's show we meet, of all things, a woman scientist who says she is doing research on something.

Written by Melinda Taub

Featuring Melinda Taub and Jenny Nelson

Edited by Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by John Harris and Matt Klinman

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]

Canned chunky soups can only be so chunky... or "can" they? On today's show, we meet a scientist searching for a breakthrough in soup-chunk density that may just change how the world slurps.

Written By John Harris

Featuring Melinda Taub and Alexa Polivka

Edited By Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by John Harris and Matt Klinman

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]

A mysterious man just floating in space? It's not science fiction. On the first episode of Funny or Die News' podcast Scienceology, we meet the astronomer studying the porn-loving space drifter known as Space Roy.

Written By Matt Klinman

Featuring Melinda Taub and Patrick O'Brien

Edited by Matt Klinman

Music by Henry Carter and Cyrus Ghahremani

Special Mixing Help by Cyrus Ghahremani

Art Design by Kyle Kirkup and Nate Maggio

Created by Matt Klinman and John Harris

Produced by Funny or Die News [Nate Dern, John Harris, Melinda Taub, Matt Klinman]