Sean Healy: Tools

When it is time for the kids to leave home and we are faced with the empty nest there are a number of elements to consider. This episode is about addressing some of the areas that you may need to plan for ideally ahead of time.

How does our identity and interaction with our child begin to move from just parent to child exchange to adult to adult exchange? How will we negotiate time spent together and when to catch up?

Now that the kids have left, how will you now best structure your time? Are you and your partner now having to rediscover each other after relating through the kids for so long, what will that look like?

These and other elements for exploration are addressed in episode 126 and for those of you facing this phase.

I hope it aids in navigating this transitional phase as elegantly as possible!

Have you ever experienced or know someone who has an abrupt end to a relationship you thought was going well? It may be because you had a couple of strikes against you but they weren't communicated.

In a business apart from a clear set of dos, don'ts and performance expectations, there is often some sort of warning or strikes system. If you transgress in such a way that your standing in the business has been impacted but not enough to be fired, you get a warning. A warning lets us know where we now stand and gives us an opportunity to course-correct. This is vital if we hope to remain in the business long term.

Sometimes in relationships, either ourselves or our partner wounds the relationship. The relationship takes a hit but not enough to end it. It is vital to communicate relationship strikes otherwise we don't get the chance to course-correct. Avoiding the conversation so as to not cause hurt is likely only to end in causing more hurt later.

This episode looks at the idea of relational strikes and how they can aid or destroy our relational success.

There is a small percentage of the population that are not influenced as much as the rest of us by guilt, shame, anxiety, behaviourally appropriate boundaries, remorse and excessive empathy. 

Whilst they are small in number if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself entangled with them in a business or personal dynamic of significance then the damage can be great. Unlike in the movies where, as an audience member, it is made clear or clarity develops as to motives of exploitation of certain individuals, real life isn't that way.

Those that are seeking relationships of exploitation rely on a number of strategies to keep that hidden.

This episode looks at some of the ways in which these individuals exploit, strategise, misdirect and charm their ways into our lives and businesses sometimes with devastating consequences.

The irony is that the individuals that we deal with in our business and personal lives that we most need firm boundaries with are the people who are most likely to completely ignore our boundaries.

The majority of the population respond well to boundary clarification and are willing to work towards better more mutually compatible relationship and project outcomes. However, more research is emerging regarding low conscience or character disordered individuals who have made ignoring, violating or avoiding the healthy boundary requests of others an absolute art form. This art form not only requires an ability to violate boundaries and get away with it but also to excel in detection and accountability avoidance.

Some of the individuals leading the way in this area of study that I wish to acknowledge are Dr David Scharch, Sandra Brown, Jennifer Young, Robert Hare, George Simon, Kent Kiehl not to mention a host of others.

This episode looks at ways to help our brain assess states of effectiveness and high performance.

How often are we attempting to focus on work and yet our mind is drifting off to thoughts of the weekend?

On the flip side when the weekend finally arrives and it's time to relax we can't keep the office out of our minds.

What are some of the ways in which we can help the brain to stay in work mode when needed and also stay in play mode when it is time for rest and self-care.

The techniques are easy; it's just making sure we stick to them consistently so as to be able to get the most out of our brains as often as possible.

Sometimes we make vows or our partner does, to do better in the relationship going forward. Great sentiment but with no substance on exactly how that looks, time and time again we can be left feeling deflated as nothing actually changes! This leads to resentment which can be a relationship and passion killer.

When we agree to " what specifically "  trying harder looks like going forward then it is harder to be evasive.

This episode is a little shorter than others but the topic of committing to evidence of how you or your partner are actualising your relational promises is vitally important to the ongoing longevity and happiness of the relationship.

If you grew up in an unhealthy family system of one form or another then you need to adapt and mould to try to survive your childhood. Some of those adaptations can end up being assets later however some get in the way of living a fulfilling and successful life as an adult.

This episode looks at some of the potential areas a person may need to focus on in order to heal and have peace of mind. We can face challenges in feeling safe in intimate relationships or even just with people in general. Trauma triggers to manage as we overreact to experiences that others take for granted. We can develop a painful relationship with pleasure and seek to avoid or sabotage experiences that could bring us joy. This amongst other elements needs to be understood so that they can be effectively addressed.

I hope you find this episode helpful!

Modern relationships are challenging and there are some many ways to get distracted and get off track as a couple.

In this episode, I explore the exceptional framework of Dr Pat Allen, who is in my mind one of the most effective contributors to making modern relationships work. Dr Pat Allen identifies four key areas that are essential for couples to negotiate to keep the relationship on track.

Those areas are Time, Space, Money and Play. In this episode I will look at little deeper into these areas and why it is important to set time aside to work through these points of focus.

Anything that helps keep our relationship growing is well worth the effort and allocation of time to explore.

This particular expands on episode 117 by looking at boundary violations in the business setting. Depending on where you sit in the hierarchy of the business you are in will mean a potentially different approach to poor behaviour. The higher up you are the more power you have to demand what is allowable treatment for you and to police that.

This episode deals with some of the elements you need to take into account when you aren't so high up the food chain. What can we do when we perceive we don't have as much power as we would like? How do we really get to a clarity of thinking and responding that will optimise success and reduce adverse expose?

Boundaries, boundary setting and boundary maintenance is a growing field of understanding. I hope this episode helps.

People shouldn't annoy me, treat me poorly or violate my boundaries! The reality is that from time to time people can and do.

This episode is dedicated to looking at some of the ways in which we can approach this inevitable situation in the most effective and healthy way. How specifically am I reacting to this perceived poor treatment and how do I get to a place of best thinking, feeling and reacting in response.

I can't control what others will do but I can control what I can do. When we can foster a place of the calm adult within us, then we optimise the best change to respond going forward.