Sean Healy: Tools

In this follow on episode regarding boundary dynamics, we continue with some of the themes from episode 114 and add some extra elements.

Sometimes when we have a perceived boundary clash with another person it can be truly accidental. We all grew up in different family systems and had possibly different areas that were considered taboo and no go areas. Some of the areas that can differ around what is appropriate and what isn't are areas such as money, religion, politics and sex to name a few. 

In our relationships, especially newer ones there is a natural process of finding out where the parameters are. In times like these, we are better served to embrace an approach of being open and enquiring rather than judgemental and ridiculing. Fostering the ability to be able to be respectful and curious about how another person has arrived at the boundaries they have can really foster deeper closeness and intimacy.

As children grow, they move through different stages of development on the journey to adulthood. As their yearning for individuality emerges and especially as they reach late teens, early twenties the relationship with them begins to change. It can be very challenging and anxiety-provoking to the parent to step out of their directive role into a more adult to adult relationship.

What used to be a comfortable, familiar relationship is let go and new dynamics emerge for relating to your adult child as an equal. How, especially in moments of stress, can I deal with this person in the present rather than falling back into old relating dynamics and reactive, uninvited advice-giving?

It can be challenging to reinvent our relationship with our kids but if we can push through the discomfort, amazing things can be achieved!

Setting boundaries and parameters around what you consider ok treatment and what you don't consider ok treatment is vitally important. This is an area that, as adults, is constantly up for review and improvement.

How do I set boundaries that people are going to respect? What strategies do I employ when setting boundaries?

Are there times where I have set boundaries effectively? When have I been ineffective and what are the key differences?

This episode looks at some of the refined and nuanced aspects of setting frameworks of what is acceptable in people dynamics.

The episode is intended to help you set boundaries from a place of clarity, integrity and as an adult. 

There are key areas in which couples can find themselves in a struggle for control. Areas such as who gets to decide, leader/ follower dynamics in the relationship and what we do with our money.

Even the healthiest couples can get into power struggles in these areas and have to work through challenging conversations to work out what will work best for them going forward.  What can make these discussions even harder is being too emotionally overloaded.

Before having these discussions do I need to be clear on what is driving me here. Are my reactions and anger only driven by the present, or am I bringing in unresolved residue from past relationships?

How can I get clear on what my emotional drivers are so that we can have the best chance to reach a workable solution together. How can I help myself so as to help us?

It is unavoidable that even in the healthiest of relationships there will be from time to time minor or significant power struggles. How we navigate these going forward can be the difference between staying together and breaking apart.

This episode looks at some of the key areas that couples tend to struggle for control over and what can be red flags that there are areas that may need updating. How do we navigate through our money, time and intimacy decisions as a couple, and how might we look to improve and/or safeguard these areas of relationships?

I hope this episode helps to provide some effective discussion points to engage in with your partner, so as to promote ongoing relationship vitality.

Modern relationship and parenting paradigms are changing so rapidly. The old ways of the father role being only the provider no longer fits the requirements or the family's expectations.

This episode looks at a couple of focuses that can really help fathers navigate with more effectiveness in the modern family landscape. Children grow up so quick! How can we ensure as fathers and stepfathers that our relationships are strong, intimate and lasting? How do you make the most of the privilege of fathering?

We are going through exceptional times! External pressures can help to bring a couple together or pull a couple apart. How in times of increased anxiety and strain to we build our connection, love and support for one another. Minor differences can be amplified in periods of extended stress. This episode looks at a few things to be mindful of, and also what to do to promote relational health.

All the best in this challenging time and beyond!

Abuse dynamics are so painful and can fill us or those witnessing what is going on with fear, anger and confusion. This may be a challenging episode for some to hear and as always make sure you have adequate support for yourself if you feel you need it.

This is a complex area which I feel requires even more general public awareness and education.

The episode draws from a number of areas but I certainly wanted to mention Lundy Bancroft author of Why Does He Do That? and Should I Stay or Should I Go? in conjunction with Jac Patrissi, also Jess Hill author of See What You Made Me Do?

Through greater clarity and awareness the more we can generate effective solutions for couples and families going forward.

Recovery from having grown up in a very challenging family system can mean that you need to take several avenues to healing. If we have wounding that affects our relationships as adults, our ability to feel safe and also the level of effectiveness in problem-solving, then there can appear to be a lot to do.

This episode looks again at dealing effectively with the inner critic and how it can impact recovery. The inner critic can affect our self-compassion, self-regard, and our ability to effectively self protect.

The more we are aware of how the inner critic continues the legacy of family disfunction and learn methods for challenging, quietening and integrating the more successful our recovery journey.

Our early family experiences fundamentally influence the kind of relationship quality we have as adults. What did we experience growing up, and what types of strategies and coping methods did we take on to get through?

This episode looks at some of the areas of wounding that can need addressing in order to have better, more genuine and intimate adult relationships. One of the reference sources for this episode is the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker.

The recovery journey for some can be long and anything that can help add to our self-education so that we can reclaim ourselves is valuable. This is a vast topic, hence visiting with it in parts. I hope you find this helpful.