Sean Healy: Tools

The relationship that you have with your sibling/siblings and cousins can be the longest relationships in your life. Depending on your experiences growing up these relationships can be of massive support, considerable pain or both.

This episode looks at how these relationships were shaped by our experience in our family system growing up and how they play out in our present adult relationships.

Were you forced to compete for attention? Did you feel that you were constantly compared?

How has the past shaped the present?

This episode looks at some of the dynamics that can shape sibling relationships. The more we can understand what happened in the broader sense of the family the more we can move towards having even more joyous and intimate relationships in the present.

The early stages of dating can be an amazing time full of optimism and hope for the future! Finding a partner that enriches our life is the ideal!

However, for some, they can find that what began so amazingly has turned into a nightmare where they are left wondering how did we get here and when will the person I first fell in love with be returning?

Abusive dynamics tend not to show themselves early, in fact, on the surface, everything can look amazing.

However, there are certain red flags that might help you to see that this person may actually be toxic for you and therefore allowing you to avoid a really painful relationship. 

This episode looks at some of the warning signs that may suggest that you slow things down, dig deeper, seek advice or move on. 

One of the most intense, influential and challenging relationships we can experience in our lives can be with one or both of our parents. The parent/child dynamic for some has meant chasing parental approval all our lives or actively trying to push away from what we perceive to be overbearing parental intrusion into our lives. This intrusion for some of us doesn't seem to abate just because we have become an adult.

It is amazing that we can be around someone all our lives and yet do we really know them?

What would you like to know about your parents that you don't yet know?

This episode looks at getting to know our parents beyond the parent/child dynamic and what benefits can become present out of engaging in these conversations.

A wedding is an amazing symbol of love, commitment and unity! It is an opportunity to share and celebrate our relationship with those we love. It is great that we really enjoy the day and invest time in making sure on the day it all goes smoothly. 

Given we put that much time and energy into a day in our relationship, how much time do we invest in the planning of our life together and our marriage?

Some planning and structure in our married life actually promotes romance, freedom and intimacy rather than takes away from it. There is so much to talk about such as how we prioritise our time as a couple, what are our joint dreams and desires, how will we spend our money and what constitutes fighting fair?

Even great relationships take renewed effort, focus and work! With so much demand on our time in modern life, how can we give ourselves every chance at success? This episode looks at some of the areas to address before it is absolutely necessary. This episode could be of value not only to those early in the marriage journey but also to help refresh for those of us further along the marriage road. 

As a couple, the health of our argument style can be far more important to the overall success of our relationship than what we fight about or how often.

In healthy relationships, there are certain rules, parameters and boundaries that are not crossed due to the mutual respect we carry for one another and the relationship overall. The argument backdrop isn't about winning at all costs, proving the rightness of my argument, maintaining the one-up position but rather about using this experience to know more about one another a willingness to listen, hear our partners side with openness and a mutual intention to find middle ground.

This episode continues to explore some of what works and what doesn't in relationships when it comes to disagreements. 

It would appear to be logical that after we leave a toxic relationship it instantly gets better and only improves from there. Unfortunately, when it comes to the road of recovery it can actually be an extreme roller coaster with a lot of mixed emotions. It is sometimes harder to recover from a toxic breakup than it is from a reasonably healthy relationship breakup.

It is so important to have a good support group around yourself as you begin to rebuild. It is also important to move at your own rate and speed. Avoid comparing your recovery journey to another as you are your own unique person. Others that are with us on the recovery journey are there for inspiration and support, not comparison.

This episode looks at some of the potentially unexpected things that can present on the road back to having our own lives on our own terms. If you are on the recovery road or supporting someone who is, I hope this helps in some way. You have my absolute admiration and respect! 

Even a healthy relationship takes work and compromise over time, not to mention the many challenges that life seems to throw at a couple! It can be challenging at the best of times. It can get even harder when we appear to have found ourselves in a relationship with someone who is reluctant to grow up and step up. 

This episode looks at some of the behaviours and dynamics that you may have to deal with on a continual basis if your partner seems to have some maturity issues. Such things as they refuse to consistently clean up after themselves, make impulsive choices that seem to blow up and set you both back. Show up for the fun and disappear for the hard stuff. Perhaps they consistently seem to put their friends and hobbies before you and the relationship. There are many other ways in which immaturity can put tremendous pressure on your relationship.

The more we are clear on what we are dealing with or up against the more effective the solutions we come up with will be. All the best in your relationship and I hope this episode helps!

This episode happened to emerge from the recesses of my brain because I was wondering about how it is that sometimes I have settled for so little lovingness and put up with so much below standard behaviour. 

I was on the track of thinking about that in relationship with others, and then realised it was more reflective of my relationship to me. This episode is a bit of a muse and a ramble through the concept of standards of treatment and levels of tolerance.

How is it that, sometimes I find that it is effortless to devalue, belittle and shame myself? However, the effort to readdress that with some loving positive self-talk seems more hollow and anything but convincing?

At the moment when I need myself the most, I can go missing. As human beings, we are in my opinion truly amazing and my hope is that this episode helps in some way towards your own growing relationship with self. All the best on your journey!

Whilst there are some red flags that exist in the early stages of relationships, unfortunately it can take some time before we really become aware that the relationship we are in is really unhealthy.

Whilst this episode is by no means meant to be taken as specific advice as everyone's challenging situation will consist of elements of its own uniqueness, there are however some general points of consideration that may help make a difficult situation a bit easier to navigate. 

I hope this episode helps those in challenging situations and those who are supporting loved ones through challenging situations. It is also important to understand what protections under the law you have for your particular geographic region and what support groups are available to you.

Given that abusive dynamics are unfortunately so common, there is every possibility that someone we love could find themselves in an abusive romantic relationship where both their physical and mental wellbeing is being damaged.

Effective support through this period requires some understanding otherwise we can unintentionally be playing into the hands of the abuser. The person who is experiencing threat, coercive control, domination and denial of their basic human rights needs to be met with full support and compassion.

However, we can be swept away in our own anxiety about their situation and rush in with advice-giving that may actually leave them feeling worse. This episode looks at some of what we can do to be of effective support to those we love.