Sean Healy: Tools

There is a saying for which I don't know the origin. "Structure provides freedom."

Some structure also helps with progress and human beings tend to do very well when they set a goal and feel that they are making progress towards that goal.

This episode is about setting up some broad structure so as to begin to set up a practical plan for getting more of what you want out of life. Once you nominate some categories of importance to you such as health, friends, romantic relationship and career, then you have a base to measure progress going forward. What are the key areas in your life that deserve some time, focus and attention from you so as to serve as a start point for incremental, measurable steps forward on a consistent basis?

I hope this episode gives you some good insight into setting up a strong foundation or building on what you already have so as to get more of what you want. Enjoy!

There are a number of ways in which humans behave when drama, anxiety and intensity increase between themselves and another. Some responses are helpful and lead to resolution. Other methods actually make matters worse.

One way in which anxiety and friction are managed between two people is to pull in a third party to vent and complain to. There are helpful versions of this and unhelpful versions.

This episode looks at the triangle dynamics that can form as a response to increased stress and what are the ways in which this process known as triangulation can play out. Any complex system, be that family, a business or our romantic relationship is at some point going to hit a point of challenge so it is useful to know what can happen as a result.

In this final episode of looking at affairs, we look at what to do if we are faced with the reality of unfaithfulness.

What are some of the better ways in which to support ourselves through such a challenging time?

Do you stay or do you go? Are there larger considerations?

How I respond now will either help my future moving forward or adversely affect my future relationship health. How can I best support myself? How specifically do I start to look for the support I need to heal, resolve and move forward?

This episode may also be of help to those looking to be of effective support to a loved one who is going through dealing with an affair.

Continuing on from part 1 with the idea that monogamy can no longer be safely assumed in the modern relationship arena, what can we do?

How can we continue to have honest and open discussions around the strong possibility that at some point temptation will present? Denial and refusal to have the challenging conversations can leave us very vulnerable indeed.

In this episode, we explore possible red flags that our partner could be engaging in an affair. What can we watch out for?

How do we then begin to approach the situation? Are we even ready to approach the situation and risk that the truth might be very confronting indeed? Sometimes if we confide in friends or family, their good intentions but their own baggage around infidelity can force us to take action before we are ready.

The way the modern relational landscape is moving it has never been more important than now to begin to examine some of our outdated assumptions about why people are unfaithful.

As long as there has been committed relationships there have been affairs. We need to be able to accept that they happen and begin to work out better ways to approach and deal with them when they do.

The idea that "It will never happen to me!" is a very high risk idea to hold. How can we have more open and honest conversations with our partner regarding the inevitable times that we may find ourselves attracted and fascinated by another? Refusing to look at the things that can threaten our idea of a stable relationship isn't a safe way to go.

If we understand that things can and do change despite our best intentions then we can better deal with and face reality.

Those that excel in their chosen field of endeavour have a very different relationship and idea of feedback than the rest of us. Feedback and peer review is an opportunity for advancement. It is an essential tool for improving in life, love and business.

How can we get better at utilising feedback to advance?

This episode looks at what the successful tend to do regarding feedback and getting the most out of it for themselves.

When we are truly open to enquiry about our present methods and approaches to life we increase our ability to reduce problems and maximise opportunities.

How do I become the kind of person who can really hear others rather than letting my own defences and attachments get in the way?

Modern parenting is challenging and one of those challenges is getting the kids to listen to our sage words of parenting wisdom! The reality is we can't make anyone listen who doesn't want to but we may be able to maximise our chances of increased receptivity in our children.

This episode looks at some of the ways that parents get in their own way when trying to lovingly guide their children through the journey of life. One way to get our kids to listen to us more is we must first listen to them more!

Despite our wise words children still tend to respond both consciously and unconsciously to what we do rather than what we say.

Boundaries in romantic relationships are so important and add to connection or distance depending on how we respond to them. Boundaries are about what is and isn't ok in relationship for us, and it is very likely that our partner’s ideas, or at least some of them, will be different from ours.

Boundaries in relationships is a vast area and will vary from couple to couple. However, there are ways to approach the discussion of boundaries in a way that can maximise receptivity. If done well and from a place of calm non-reactivity it can greatly add to the strength of the relationship.

I hope this episode gives you some strategies for maximising success with healthy boundary setting!

The loss of a dearly loved one is painful! These moments in life can have a very significant effect on individuals but also on the whole family system. A family can be pulled apart by their grief and unresolved conflicts resurface at this time or we can come together with greater compassion, love and closeness than ever before.

One way in which we can manage the experience is to over focus and over worry about others. It is important to be present to support and love those who are experiencing the loss with us but not as a distraction to being in our own process.

Reactivity is heightened at this time so we need to be extra mindful around bringing up challenging issues or addressing old wounds. How can we support others but stay present for ourselves and work out what we need to process our loss in a healthy way?

If approached effectively we can turn great pain into an opportunity to create even healthier closeness in our family.

The most rapidly growing relationship style is the remarried or step family relationship. Some individuals are not only on their second family but beginning the third.

It is important to know what can make this journey so much more challenging for not only the new couple but the children they bring into the new arrangement.

How can we best support the children, ourselves and our present partner going forward to create the best new family dynamic we can?

Through developing a better understanding of what awaits we can plan for how best to meet our challenges.

I really hope this episode informs you of what will need to be addressed. All the best!