Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Lately, we have been struck by how easy it is to get caught up in "positive" thinking. It seems this approach is more concerned with hype and motivation rather than grounding itself in truth. And that's where we look to the Bible for our absolute truth and the truest form of positivity.

In this episode, we want to uncover the differences between "positive thinking" and truth-based thinking. We believe this will be a catalyst for your pornography recovery and overcoming things like pmo, betrayal trauma and other sexual struggles.

Get ready to learn more about:

- Renewing your mind

- Uncomfortable truths that are truly positive

- Conflict resolution

- Why unfounded "positive" thinking doesnt work

- Harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit

Scriptures referenced in this episode:

- 1 Peter 2:20: Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.

- Habbukuk 3:17-19:

17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[f]
    able to tread upon the heights.

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Taking offence to honesty is a really common reason why couples avoid "rocking the boat" at all costs. Sadly, this comes at a cost to their sexual satisfaction, trust and confidence with one another.

This was our story for many years... We were stuck in the cycle of getting offended when the other would share about an unpleasant smell, a stressful day taking their mind off of sex or something else that was fair and rational. However, when feelings took over, logic went out the door.

Maybe you can relate? Maybe you're stuck on how you feel more than what is real?

In this episode, we want to help you:

- Focus on what is real, logical and true during healthy conflict and communication

- Be honest with love

- Grow in awareness around your own body and what the other person may be thinking/needing

- Become solutions focused and desire centric

- Become a leader in your intimacy and sex life

- Grow in curiosity and compassion toward yourself and your spouse

We understand porn addiction, betrayal trauma and other sexual struggles can cause deeper problems to this. However, we wanted to make sure we covered a topic that we see as necessary if you ever want to take 100% responsibility and move through your struggles into freedom.

If you want to learn more about deeper healing, listen to our past episodes that get into erectile dysfunction, pornography addiction, being honest, rebuilding trust, etc. Last week's episode was all about overcoming the lie that "sex is a chore", its a must-listen if you're feeling stuck!

Please share, rate and review :)

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Sex was made by God to be a beautiful and satisfying experience for married couples. If this is true, then why do so many couples feel the complete opposite!? At the surface, it seems like sex is a lot of work or after a long day at work or with the kids, the energy tank is just too low to think about it. But if we get below the surface and get to the root, its incredible what we find.

In this episode, we want to pull back the rug and share with you what we see as the underbelly sex feeling like a chore. Get ready to learn about

• The cultural narratives we hear and agree with
• The damage of unfair expectations and performance mentality
• Why porn is seen as easier than real sex
• What Gods design for sex really is
• The main barriers standing in the way of communication about sex
• How to communicate about sex as a couple
• Relational dynamics that are killing sexual arousal and desire
• Creating your own Sexual Template

We have a deep passion for Christian marriages to thrive. We believe this is done when together a man and women become fully known so they can be fully loved. A huge step in this is facing our own struggles, becoming vulnerable and getting help as we walk with Jesus.

If you're addicted to porn, stuck in pmo, dealing with betrayal trauma or have other unwanted sexual behaviours, then we're glad you're here to glean from our experiences of overcoming all of these and more through Gods power

Please leave a rating and review if you found this episode helpful!

If you really want to help spread the word, share this with someone who needs help in their marriage and sex life. You could have a helping hand in changing the trajectory of their life!

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

I've heard it said that it takes 10 positive experiences to equal the power of 1 negative experience. If that's true, then it's no wonder shame is running rampant in our lives. And when shame has more power in our lives than the word of God, we begin to question our worth, isolate and numb. And when these become habitual, we're on our way to forming habits around sinful behaviours such as watching porn.

This episode was inspired by a powerful approach Shawn Bonneteau learned from Jay Stringer in his famous book "Unwanted". It's the concept of "swimming toward the shark of shame" so we can face, defy and dismantle the lies we believe about ourselves and other people. It's all too common that we hear in the church that there is no condemnation in Christ, but then we realize the church is full of people who are feeling shame about some area of their lives. This doesn't say anything about Jesus, but it certainly says a lot about the approaches we're offering to handle shame.

Here you will learn the 4 step blueprint to defying and dismantling shame so you can live in the truth and light of Jesus Christ. We truly believe this is at the heart of one's freedom and abundance as a Christian. If you learn this, I believe you will begin to reclaim what God intended for you. You will begin to thrive in hope, peace and joy... and we desperately want this for you!

This is at the heart of recovery from pmo, betrayal trauma, sexual shame and other sexual struggles. No matter if you're single, dating, engaged, married or divorced, there's so much to learn from the word of God and His truth! It's the only way we can truly defy the lies in our life.

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Books mentioned in the episode:

- Unwanted by Jay Stringer

- Going Deeper by Eddie Capparucci

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

One of the key traits of an addict is lying... And it's this trait that drives everyone crazy! In the context of marriage, so often husbands think they're doing something noble by hiding their addiction to porn while their partners can't fathom why they would be so deceitful. This causes such tension in their connection, intimacy and trust and leaves them both feeling disconnected and misunderstood.

The reality is, secrets lead to damaged intimacy. There's a quote we love that says "where secrets are present, intimacy is absent" and we live by it 100%. When a man decides to hide his addiction to porn, or the continued relapses to pornography, he is destroying trust and intimacy every second he keeps it a secret. And it's not only because of his wife but also because secrets are like drinking poison! 

This is why we want to talk in this episode about making right-standing (righteous) decisions rather than good/nice decisions (self-righteous). We're talking about the choice to honor God before you honor man, or the choice to honor emotions and feelings before God. This is HUGE, and plays an incredible role in your recovery, marriage and dignity as a human being.

The main points we will cover in the show are:

1. The difference between right standing and being good

2. What does lying really do to a relationship

3. What we all need and long for as humans

4. Doing a full disclosure ("D-Day") 

5. How to become a person of right standing 

This is an episode we believe will make a huge impact on all areas of life. Regardless if that's helping you with porn addiction, masturbation compulsion, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, betrayal trauma or other sexual struggles, we trust that God works in these places when we truly humble ourselves and surrender to His truth and not our own idea of morality.

Please rate & review our show, it helps others hear our content and get the help they're searching for! It only takes 2 minutes :)

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

One of the biggest struggles I see with my clients no matter where they live or how old they are is creating healthy relationships. I have pinpointed 4 main barriers that stand in the way of someone taking the risks a healthy relationship requires and I want to help you break them down in this episode.

I believe healthy relationships breed the type of connection we long for. I also believe that when we feel connected, we feel safe, secure, loved, cared for and wanted. These are all VITAL to someone being free from sexual addiction and feeling redeemed. Relationships are truly one of the key elements to a successful recovery and life that you must take seriously.

This episode is taken from a live training Shawn Bonneteau did in the Secret Habit Mens Community. These are hosted once per month and for those in the community, you get access to a 20-minute Q and A afterward! Make sure to join the community today!

In this episode, you will learn about:

- The 4 barriers keeping you from healthy relationships

- The practical solutions required to break the barriers

- Biblical examples of healthy relationships

- Applicable and helpful next steps so you can get started today

The goal of this live training is to help you create purposeful relationships that bless your recovery and life. that's it! If you find this to be too simple and there are further traumas and struggles in the way, please reach out for coaching, I would love to chat and see how I can help

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

How do I make my wife feel safe again after my porn addiction? This is a question that has been asked by men over the years.  Women are not happy because they are not safe, and they will never feel safe until you make them feel like they can trust you again. The safety element is kind of a building block in building trust, and it’s a foundational element that must be in place before you can really start to rebuild the trust between you.

In this episode, Helena and Shawn Bonneteau are going to help you understand the do's and don't s of how to make your wife feel safe again.  Helena will give you some practical steps that you can take to rebuild trust with your wife and help her to feel safe again while on your journey to overcoming masturbation and porn addiction.

Many men think that they already know what their wives need from them and they think going to meetings, and calling their sponsors makes her feel safe. But it's not that simple. Sobriety isn't the end goal, as you will learn here.

Here you will quickly learn:

What is safe?

What is unsafe?

This episode is ultimately all about finding out what your wife wants and likes which helps remove the assumptions that bring marriage struggles between couples. Learning each other's boundaries and how to respect each other boundaries is a big part of what helps build trust in a relationship. When you respect each other's boundaries, it shows that you care about them and their feelings. If you're wondering how to rebuild trust with your wife after masturbation and porn addiction (and make her feel safe and happy), then this episode will help get started on the right path.

Ready to heal from Betrayal Trauma?

Grab the "Beneath The Skin" video course for only $49 cdn

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Our natural fear response is incredibly helpful to us as humans. However, it can also be the very cause of our struggles with things like addiction, conflict, safety, and relationships. Naturally, our body goes into shock when we perceive or experience danger. This is our nervous system reacting and helping us survive. Unfortunately, this natural response can become a prison for us if we don't understand what's going on and how to come back to a place of safety and calm.

In this episode, Shawn and Helena are going to help you understand and overcome the response of your nervous system to fear so you can build stronger relationships and a better sex life. Get ready to hear about:

1. What happens inside of you when you perceive or experience danger 

2. The different types of fear responses - fight, flight, fawn, freeze, shut down, flop

3. How your brain works when you get stuck in fear

4. The problems of staying stuck in the red zone

5. The solution to staying in and getting back to the green zone (safe, calm, and grounded)

This episode is ultimately all about regulating your emotions, and that's a crucial part of healing for anyone who wants to quit porn, overcome sex addiction, heal from betrayal trauma, or simply be healthier in their marriage and relationships. We deeply care about marriages thriving and feel as if this teaching may be one of the most important ones to understand and apply!

*The basis of this episode is from things we have learned from people like Adan Young talking about Polyvagal theory, as well as our own counselors along the way.

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠

So many of us do things we wish we did not do. It's one thing to not want to do them, it's another thing to know how to stop! For any of you that know the famous text in Romans 7:15, I'm sure you can relate to Paul's internal battle of doing what he hates, even though he knows what is good. From a psychological standpoint, this sort of inner war happens because of things like childhood trauma, no matter how big or small. When we experience something painful or come to believe something that goes against God's truth while in our formative years, it leads to that part of us getting stuck in "childish" thinking, aka. immaturity. It's as if the child within gets frozen in time and cannot mature, no matter how hard you try!

In this episode, you will hear from Shawn Bonneteau's teaching on inner child healing, as well as internal family systems and the concept of parts work. This recording was from his live training that was live in the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Mens Community. 

Get ready to learn about:

- Healing your inner child through being re parented

- Recognizing and healing the parts of you that carry shame

- Understanding your inner manager, firefighter and exiles

- What is happening inside the brain, mind and body when you get triggered

- Your 3 roles in healing your parts and inner child

- The 9 steps of inner child healing recovery

This approach has been incredibly helpful for porn addiction recovery and healing from other unwanted sexual behaviours. If you're struggling with watching porn, masturbation, sex addiction, or any other form of sexual shame, then I would encourage you to consider this opportunity to heal the deeper roots of your struggles. 

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Sexual shame is often at the heart of marriages that are sex-starved, disconnected and hurting. It's incredibly insidious... causing good-meaning people to lie, people please, isolate, and wear destructive masks. Sadly, the pain of past abuse, poor choices, and what are seen as shameful acts cause all of us to question ourselves and wonder if we can truly be loved for who we are and for what we have/had done to us. 

This is where we get to know shame very well. In the most vulnerable places that feel impossible to share with others... Shame says "you are bad" and seeks to attack our identities. And this is why this topic is SO important... God says "You are special" while shame says something very different.

In this episode, Shawn and Helena share from their personal story of how sexual shame kept them in the shackles of bondage for so long. It kept them in hiding, fear and constant lying... But there's good news, they are free today, and with that, want to bring a very real and hopeful message

Get ready to learn about:

1. The difference between shame and guilt

2. How pride and shame go hand and hand

3. What shame is and feels like

4. Shawns' story of PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction)

5. Helenas story of sexual abuse and body shame

6. Four Steps to healing from sexual shame and other identity issues

7. Shawn and Helenas most helpful lesson they learned along the way

Books referenced:

Unwanted by Jay Stringer (Chapter 11)

You are Special by Max Lucado (Punchinello)

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠