Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

It's one thing to find freedom from porn addiction, PIED and betrayal trauma, but it's another thing to continue to heal the deep roots and experience greater levels of freedom.

In this really real and honest episode, Shawn and Helena share some of the recent pain points in their lives and some profound findings as they heal through a difficult season of emotional turmoil. Shawn's original call from the Lord was the "use his story as a way to share hope with others" and we hope this episode does just that. One of the greatest things we can all do for our marriages and families is to continually work on finding deeper healing from our pasts, so we can live fully in the present.

Hear even more of Shawn and Helena's story on the Braveharts Hero's Journey Virtual Summit: Sign up now or FREE access during the conference

In this episode you will hear/learn about:

- The contrast of being free from porn and betrayal and forgetting the dark days VS struggling with porn addiction or betrayal trauma and wondering if you'll ever get there

-  The valuable God lessons we learn through our healing journeys rather than experiencing a miracle like Paul

* HELENA's update on a season of feeling like God was silent

- That God always speaks and wants to speak to His children

- The Assurance in Christ's death and resurrection 

- How to fixate on the beauty of who you are in Christ

- The power of coming boldly and confidently to God who is our Mighty Counsellor

- The importance of Seeking, Knocking, and keeping it up until you will Find (Matthew 7:7-8)

- The relationship we have with God that leads to our fellowship

- The security we have in Christ that leads to our Assurance

* SHAWN's Update on a season where he felt hopeless, fearful and avoidant

- Attachment and how to be reparented by God

- Our spiritual focus: Do we build our own "house" or do we build the Lord's "house" ( Book of Haggai)

-  The difference between sharing emotions with God and sharing our situations (Psalm 34)

- Deeper levels of healing = Greater levels of freedom

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Book recommendation:

Troy Black: Stop Worrying

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Knowing what route to take for your recovery can be a tough decision... So often we are faced with many options, but which ones are actually helpful? And that's why we want to talk about the differences between group coaching and 1 on 1 coaching, as well as what to look for to ensure you're going to get the quality help and support you need. We know when you want to achieve things like quitting porn, healing from PIED and rebuilding your sexual and emotional confidence, its vital to find the right help to get you from point A to point B

In this episode, Shawn and Helena share their personal experience with group and 1 on 1 coaching, as well as professional experiences when working with clients. They offer insights to help you make the best decision for your personal recovery journey. That's our goal here, not to sell you on us, but to help you see what's best for you and offer some resources and options that may help.

Get ready to learn about:

- Accountability vs. Attunement Dynamics

- Competition vs. Compassion & Curiosity Dynamics

- Helpful topics/areas to cover and uncover when going through coaching

- What to look out for: the good and the bad

- 1 on 1 coaching vs group coaching - the pros and cons of both

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Intimacy in your marriage is about so much more than just having sex. It's all about closeness and connection between 2 people. In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau has the privilege of interviewing Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo to hear more about their incredible book The 6 Pillars of Intimacy

Here's a bit about our guests today: As co-hosts of the top marriage podcast in Apple Podcasts, the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show, Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo speak to a worldwide audience about sex, love & commitment, and challenge every listener to make their relationship a priority. Their best-selling book, The 6 Pillars of Intimacy, has transformed countless marriages around the world. This framework is simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.

Tony and Alisa are total legends in the area of intimacy! They have been coaching and educating marriages for 13 years now... that's a lot of wisdom! In this episode, you're going to learn all about the 6 pillars of intimacy:

• Emotional Intimacy: Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
• Physical Intimacy: The Non-Sexual Intimacy!
• Financial Intimacy: Being on the same page
• Spiritual Intimacy: Going deeper in your faith together
• Recreational Intimacy: Having Fun!
• Sexual Intimacy: romance, initiating, foreplay and intercourse
• BONUS: Learn how each pillar is built up and made strong, and how each pillar begins to crack!

Here's a bit about the 6 Pillars of Intimacy Book:

• The six intimacies (pillars), and how to use them.
• How to keep the pillars solid and straight so your marriage thrives
• How your marriage can start to collapse if the pillars become damaged
• The author’s real-life story, experience, and relationship struggles.

Here's a bit about the 6 Pillars of Intimacy Workbook:

• Get clarity on each of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy.
• Develop an understanding of how you each show up in the marriage.
• Build action steps that you can really implement.
• Understand how you can take action today.

To learn more about Tony and Alisa and what they're doing with The One Extraordinary Marriage, go to:

oneextraordinarymarriage.com

@oneextraordinarymarriage on IG

6pillarsofintimacy.com

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

When a man cannot get or stay erect due to the influence of pornography consumption, we call this Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED). It's a really hot issue right now and it's affecting men from all walks of life. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction has become an epidemic due to the incredibly high rates of men addicted to internet pornography (some stats show up to 70% of men are watching porn regularly). PIED occurs when the consumption of pornography causes physiological damage to the brain and psychological damage to the mind. This results in things like atrophied dopamine receptors, deteriorated grey matter of the brain and skewed beliefs about masculinity and sex.

Your co-host Shawn Bonneteau had a struggle with PIED and psychological ED for many years. In this episode, he and Helena dig into what he went through as he struggled, what he learned and what changed so he could be healed and free today. You will also hear from Helena and the perspective of a woman... because this issue affects women too!

In this episode, we will talk about:

1. client success stories from Josh and Grayson

2. what is Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction 

3. Shawn's story of struggling with and overcoming PIED

4. The medical systems perspective

5. The Pornified brain

6. how to overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction in 4 practical steps

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Successful recovery from porn addiction requires good habits, but how do you develop them? It doesn't "just happen" that's for sure. It's all about making small adjustments to your mindset and decisions. This is how you can begin "winning the day" which is what helps you win the week, the month and the years ahead.

The 6 porn addiction recovery habits we will discuss in this episode are:

- Being outcome focus over task focus

- Anticipating the good

- Being Connected (Because the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, its CONNECTION)

- Start and end your day with intentionality

- Develop self-awareness

- Having fun

This is from a live training Shawn did back in the summer called "Winning The Day: Recovery Rhythms" which was for a male audience but is applicable to anyone!

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Finding accountability partners for porn addiction recovery can feel arduous. Regardless if it's online or in person, it's never easy to open up about what you’re going through. This is why it's so important to find a place that connects like-minded men in a safe and growth-focused environment. Because safety is one of the most important pieces to helping people open up about porn addiction and masturbation. If we don't feel safe as humans, we retreat and turtle. On top of that, we need relatability - people who are on the same path or who have walked the path and made it to the other side. Safety and relatable peers are two vital components that I would encourage you to look for when considering finding porn addiction online accountability partners.

I want to share with you something I WISH was available when I was addicted to porn… I went to many years feeling alone and want to ensure my redeemed failures and hurts can help you avoid what I went through. May this resource be a blessing to you as you embark on finding safety, relatability and truly helpful accountability in your porn addiction recovery.

After working with men 1 on 1 for the past 4 years, I was noticing something problematic in almost everyone I worked with… they lacked friendships, connections and routines. To be able to quit porn, you really do need all 3 of these. Friendships are like oxygen to the soul, connection is the true opposite of addiction and routines help men stay on track until their minds, brains and bodies recalibrate. This is why I created the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community. It exists to be a safe space for Christian men to heal from porn addiction and other unwanted sexual behaviours. The goal is for men to feel safe, secure and confident that they are loved, seen and cared for at all times. This is the foundation for a successful recovery from pornography and we believe in it whole heartily! And our passion is to see men become confident, healthy and free to engage in the world around them while advancing as healthy fulfilled followers of Jesus Christ.

In this episode, you'll learn about the Secret Habit Men's Recovery Community and all that it offers:

Click here to join the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community and make 2023 your best year yet!

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

We all get sexually triggered, but that's not the problem. The problem is that very few men actually know why they're being triggered and how to deal with the root issue. This makes it really hard if you want to experience freedom porn... In this live teaching from Secret Habit's lead coach Shawn Bonneteau, you're going to learn the 3 essentials to understanding, handling and overcoming your triggers so you can gain the awareness and self-control that freedom from porn requires.

This episode is taken from a recording of a live training Shawn did back in the summer of 2022 called "Sexual Triggers, Why They Happen & What You Can Do About Them". He is speaking to a male audience but what he shares is applicable to anyone struggling with porn addiction, sexual triggers and other unwanted sexual behaviours.

In this episode, I will help you understand why you get triggered, what to do when you get triggered, and how you can develop the confidence to deal with them when they arise.

In this episode you will learn about:

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Inner child healing has become a really popular concept as of late. Just recently, I became an Inner Child Recovery Specialist. It's becoming so popular because it makes a ton of sense and the approach really works! If you have felt stuck in your addiction to porn, are acting out in ways that are far from mature and continually feel confused about how you got to the point of relapsing once again, then this approach is definitely for you. The concept of how to heal your inner child is one thing, but what I want to do is walk you through the 9 steps I am helping my clients with on a daily basis. Let's unpack this so you leave feeling like you have a grasp on the ideology as well as the practicality.

In this episode, Shawn and Helena will help you learn:

1. What is inner child healing?

2. Why does inner child healing matter?

3. The 9 steps of inner child healing (The How) 

These 9 steps will help you do 6 key things:

So many people go through life struggling with porn, masturbation, erectile dysfunction, drugs, etc, all without any inclination as to why they struggle… Thats point one. Point two is that 99% of them condemn the heck out of themselves! This is why inner child healing matters! It offers you the chance to understand your pain, temptations, triggers and coping choices… not because understanding them is everything, but it opens the door for you to say “Oh! That makes sense why I fear this, or hate that, or want this, or am triggered by that!” When we can get to this point, we can then offer ourselves compassion. What? Offer compassion? Yep! We all need love and care when we’re in the dumps, not condemnation and rigidity. That's why this works. You’re going to practice the art of “loving before you lead”.

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Credit:

Eddie Capparucci and his book "Going Deeper"

Kim Miller and her book "boundaries for the soul"

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Knowing how to help your partner who is struggling with porn can be really confusing... What's your role? Whats too much? What is healthy and whats unhealthy? 

These are questions we hear all the time and we hope to bring some light to how you can help your partner as they recover from porn addiction.

This episode was recorded to answer a question we got directly from a listener, here's what she wrote:

“My boyfriend told me a few weeks ago that he struggles with pornography and in the midst of processing that I’m also trying to understand what my role is in his healing and how I can be supportive and encouraging while still maintaining an appropriate relationship given that we’re not married. I know walking through an addiction together can be painful and can also bring couples to a really deep level of intimacy because it’s such a personal issue, and I want to be wise about how emotionally intimate we become at this point in our relationship”

We cover 3 major insights in this episode to help answer her question and shed light on her situation. The 3 areas we touch on are:

1. Having a Standard With Grace (Truth & Grace)

2. Focusing On Emotional Intimacy

3. Really Getting To Know One Another

We have a STRONG passion for relationships to thrive. It was actually this passion that fueled everything we do with Secret Habit. We want couples, especially pre-marriage, to get on the same page so they begin their marriage ahead of the 8 ball...  This is why we record episodes like this and continue to release new episodes every week!

Read our BLOG post on: How To Help Your Partner With Porn Addiction?

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Episodes referenced in the show

Dos and Donts of Recovery

Doing vs Attending Recovery

Get Your Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide here:

⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

In the last episode, we were talking about the first 2 stages of porn addiction withdrawal symptoms. In this episode, you can look forward o hearing about the better half of the process of withdrawal stages 3 & 4 and a little bonus about stage 5.

We are covering what to expect the first 90 days after quitting porn.

Get ready to learn about:

• The last 2 stages of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
• What's going on inside your brain, body, and mind (and how they’re different)
• What you can expect to experience and feel as you move through the stages
• The mindset shifts sobriety requires
• Simple daily and weekly action steps to help you move through each stage.
• How to look ahead to better days so you can get through anything today

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠