Seeing Death Clearly

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In this week's episode, I talk with Helen Bauer, host of the Heart of Hospice podcast. This is part 2 of a two-part interview. Over the years, she's observed a profound inward shift in patients as they approach death, noticing changes in their communication and socialization long before their bodies begin to shut down.

In describing the dying process, she emphasizes the profound stillness she's witnessed at the moment of death, reflecting on the sacredness and emptiness of the physical body. While acknowledging the difficulty in articulating the sensation, she mentions a sense of missing energy.

She reflects on various beliefs about the afterlife, remaining open-minded to diverse perspectives. Having learned from her experiences in hospice, she now values the importance of supporting individuals' beliefs without imposing her own. She emphasizes the significance of meeting people where they are, respecting their beliefs, and providing support tailored to their needs.

She challenges the notion of a universal definition of a "good death," emphasizing the individuality of the dying process. For her, dying is deeply personal, and preferences for the dying process vary widely among individuals. She advocates for honoring each person's wishes and beliefs, rejecting the idea of a one-size-fits-all approach to death.

My episode with Helen Bauer on the Heart of Hospice Podcast

https://www.theheartofhospice.com/podcast/episode/23f1c2af/death-doulas-are-expert-guides-at-end-of-life

To connect with Helen, reach out via email at [email protected] or visit https://www.theheartofhospice.com/.

The Heart of Hospice Podcast

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

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In this week's episode, I talk with Helen Bower, host of the Heart of Hospice podcast. This is part 1 of a two-part interview. The following is a link to my guest episode of The Heart of Hospice Podcast. https://www.theheartofhospice.com/podcast/episode/23f1c2af/death-doulas-are-expert-guides-at-end-of-life

As a nurse with 34 years of practice, Helen introduces her unique bond with Sonny, a 74-pound golden doodle, with whom she volunteers in hospice, offering solace to patients and families.

Helen embarked on her hospice journey unexpectedly after transitioning from being a stay-at-home mom. Her transformative experience on her first day in hospice care solidified her commitment to this field. She vividly recounts a poignant moment when she witnessed an LVN providing exceptional care and support to a dying patient and their family, challenging nursing stereotypes and emphasizing the importance of every role in hospice care.

Reflecting on her observations, Helen discusses the subtle changes she's witnessed in patients as they approach the end of life, emphasizing the shifts in communication and consciousness before the body begins its final shutdown. She shares touching anecdotes of patients experiencing visions and connecting with loved ones before passing.

In a world where death has become medicalized and distant, Helen's insights offer a refreshing perspective, encouraging a deeper understanding of the dying process.

To connect with Helen, reach out via email at [email protected] or visit https://www.theheartofhospice.com/.

The Heart of Hospice Podcast

Hospice Navigation Services

The Heart of Hospice on IG

The Heart of Hospice on FaceBook

@TheHeartHospice on Twitter

The Heart of Hospice on LinkedIn

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Support the show financially by doing a paid monthly subscription. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2092749/support 

Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

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https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/end-of-life-planning to learn more about End of Life Care planning and schedule a free 30-minute call.

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My guest today is Sue Burns, author of the book A Common Life, A Voice from the Progressive Era where she published her great-great grandmother Mary's diary from the late 19th century Iowa farm life.

We talk about the demographics of Iowa in the late 19th century., Her great great grandmother, Mary, managed to raise six children without losing any, although there might have been unrecorded miscarriages or infant deaths. Sue highlights that Mary's diary, like many others from the time, did not extensively cover topics like pregnancy or childbirth, reflecting a cultural silence around such matters.

Sue discusses Mary's diary entries regarding deaths in the community, which were frequent and treated as a natural part of life. Mary herself experienced grief after her husband's death, which followed a period of illness and medical procedures documented in the diary.

Describing Mary's farm, Sue mentions its size (about 240 acres), the crops grown, and the various buildings on the property, including a windmill, barn, and corn crib. She details Mary's involvement in farm management, including decisions about planting, harvesting, and eventually renting out the land for income.

Sue reflects on Mary's accounts of butchering chickens and a pig, speculating about her involvement in these tasks and the practicalities of farm life. She also discusses the layout of Mary's house, including a main living room with a coal-burning stove and a separate "summer kitchen" building.

She recounts the process of preserving Mary's diary, which was written on fragile paper found in an attic. Sue and her mother collaborated to transcribe and digitize the diary, eventually donating a copy to the Iowa Women's Archive.

Sue emphasizes the importance of preserving family histories like Mary's diary, which offers unique insights into past lives and experiences. She notes the limitations of relying solely on written records and highlights the value of oral history and personal connections in understanding the past.

https://marybriggsacommonlife.blogspot.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Common-Life-Voice-Progressive-Era

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

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Amy Flanagan has had a diverse career journey that led her to a unique role in medical education. Initially pursuing acting from a young age her passion shifted, leading her to the Uniformed Services University, the U.S. military's medical school. There, she played patients with different illnesses, aiding medical students in honing their diagnostic and communication skills.

Her enthusiasm for teaching through experience propelled her to become the director of the facility, a role she cherished until 2015 when she retired due to a diagnosis of narcolepsy. She continues to contribute as a part-time consultant, specializing in helping doctors improve their communication skills, especially in delivering challenging news to patients.

Amy highlights the need for enhanced communication training in medical education, noting that while it's present, it often gets overshadowed by other curriculum demands. She emphasizes the importance of doctors learning to convey compassion and empathy effectively, particularly in delivering distressing diagnoses or news.

Amy talks about the human aspect of healthcare professionals and the significance of providing support and guidance to navigate difficult conversations with patients. She shares anecdotes illustrating the impact of effective communication and the challenges inherent in delivering bad news. In her current role, Amy offers individualized training and support to improve communication skills. 

Drawing from personal experiences, including the loss of her sister to a rare illness, Amy emphasizes the unpredictability of life's challenges and the importance of accepting and preparing for difficult circumstances. She emphasizes the need for empathy and understanding in healthcare, acknowledging the emotional toll on both patients and providers.

Amy's commitment to improving communication in medicine reflects a broader societal need for compassionate and empathetic care.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2104812/14515794 My episode on her podcast The Savvy Communicator. 

@savvycommunicator on all social media 

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

[email protected] 

https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/end-of-life-planning to learn more about End of Life Care planning and schedule a free 30-minute call.

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My guest in this episode is Chaplain Hank Dunn. Hank is an ordained healthcare chaplain, bestselling author, and speaker who, for more than 30 years, has been helping patients and their families as they struggle with end-of-life decisions. In this episode emphasizes the importance of understanding these treatments as they may not always align with what's best at the end of life. 

His experience as a nursing home chaplain led to his involvement in ethical committees, especially after Virginia passed a Natural Death Act, granting patients the right to refuse treatment and have advanced directives.

He began educating families about treatment options, which led to the creation of a booklet. Despite initial reluctance from the ethics committee, research on CPR outcomes prompted the production of "Hard Choices for Loving People," addressing the complexities of end-of-life decisions.

He emphasizes that end-of-life decisions are not solely medical but also emotional and spiritual, requiring individuals to let go and accept the inevitability of death. He stresses the importance of palliative care, which focuses on comfort and symptom alleviation at any stage of illness.

Feeding tubes, hospitalization, and transitioning to hospice are major decisions discussed in his book. He addresses misconceptions about hospice, illustrating its role in prioritizing comfort over futile treatments. Orders such as "do not hospitalize" offer patients and families more control and thoughtful consideration in their care decisions.

www.hankdunn.com

https://www.amazon.com/Hard-Choices-Loving-People-Palliative

https://www.amazon.com/Light-Shadows-Meditations-Life-Threatening-Illness

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

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Following the decision, I prioritized my aunt's comfort as we prepared to remove her oxygen support. The nurse and I made her as comfortable as possible, opting for comfort care with a touch of morphine to ease her pain.

Reflecting on the day, I found solace in the serenity of the room. With all distractions muted, I held her hand, conveying love and reassurance, even reading aloud from "A Wrinkle in Time.”Despite initial hesitation, the book's themes of fear and acceptance resonated, offering a parallel to our shared journey. Reading aloud connected us, grounding me in the moment.

As her breath stilled, I comforted her, echoing the words of my grandmother. Watching her peaceful transition, I reflected on life's transient nature, finding solace in the beauty of her final moments. Reflecting on her life, I found comfort in knowing I was there for her. Despite the sadness, I was so happy to be with her for her final moments.

Looking back, I realize now that I should have asked earlier for palliative care involvement, recognizing the value of open communication and advocacy in ensuring a peaceful transition.

Having navigated my aunt's journey, I emphasize the significance of candid conversations about end-of-life wishes, underscoring the importance of support and preparation.

In the days after, I confronted layered emotions, finding solace in shared memories and the opportunity to honor loved ones' legacies. Reflecting on our time together, I cherish the memories and the enduring impact of her smile, finding comfort in the shared moments that define our bond.

Grief is a complex journey, yet amid the pain, I find solace in the shared memories and the enduring connections that transcend life's final moments.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2092749/14343949 Episode with Barbara Karnes that I referenced in this episode. 

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

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In the latest episode, I share a personal experience of losing my aunt after her two-week stay in the ICU. 

Despite being familiar with medical procedures from my volunteer work, seeing a loved one in that setting was different. I remember walking into the ICU and hardly recognizing her.

During her last days, the hospital ensured her comfort, although it was tough seeing her struggle. I had discussions with the palliative care team and understood the gravity of her condition. 

Reflecting on this experience, I realize how knowledge and preparation eased the process for both my aunt and me. Being informed empowered me to navigate difficult decisions, even though they weren't mine to make, I was able to advocate to have her wishes followed.

As her condition deteriorated, we allowed nature to take its course. It's a reminder of the importance of palliative care and having these conversations at any stage of illness.

Ultimately, we liberated her from the medical interventions that sustained her life. It's a term I learned from my mentor, Ali, which reframes the act of letting go as setting the person free.

This experience has taught me the significance of being present during the end of life, embracing the discomfort, and finding solace in the knowledge that we did our best for our loved ones.

Next week I will finish up the story about my experience.

The episode of Seeing Death Clearly with my mentor Alison Kepple https://www.buzzsprout.com/2092749/13062233 

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

[email protected] 

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Marie Scott, the Creator and Founder of Happy and Healthy After Widowhood boasts an impressive resume as a best-selling author of three published books, with two more in the pipeline. She's also recognized internationally as a speaker and holds certifications as a Health and Grief Coach.

Following the loss of Dave, her husband of three decades, and her mother in the same year, Marie pursued education, laying the groundwork for her life-changing program: the 7 Steps to Healing After Loss. This roadmap offers guidance to widows and widowers, aiming to help them lead fulfilling lives filled with wellness, laughter, and the possibility of love once again.

Dave's battle with esophageal cancer was a poignant chapter, defined by his choice to prioritize quality of life over aggressive treatment. Through functional medicine, Marie addressed her own health issues, underscoring the transformative power of dietary choices.

Amidst the dual loss of her husband and mother to Alzheimer's, Marie found solace in practices like journaling and meditation. These experiences birthed the seven steps to healing, advocating for nurturing relationships and discovering new avenues of purpose.

Now embracing life with Jeff, Marie finds joy in shared interests like hunting, and savoring each moment together. Her journey stands as a testament to resilience, offering hope, gratitude, and encouragement to those navigating life's challenges after loss.

Website

https://www.mariescottwellness.com/ 

My Top 10 Grief-Busting Tips

https://www.mariescottwellness.com/media

Happy & Healthy after Widowhood / Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/happyandhealthywidow/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/mariescottwellness /

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mariescottwellness/ 

Contact

https://www.mariescottwellness.com/contact 

The book is referenced in the podcast episode.  Being Mortal by Atul Gawande 

https://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/ 

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

[email protected] 

https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/end-of-life-planning to learn more about End of Life Care planning and schedule a free 30-minute call.

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Meloney, a first-generation BVI islander from Tortola in the Caribbean, shares her unique cultural background, heavily influenced by her Jamaican roots. She highlights the diverse religious and cultural landscape of Jamaica, including the presence of various ethnicities and religions. Despite being predominantly Christian, Jamaican culture is a fusion of different beliefs and practices.

She delves into the intersection of Christianity and African spirituality in her upbringing, emphasizing the blend of Christian teachings with African rituals like Obia or Voodoo. Meloney recounts her experiences with death, particularly the tradition of "nine nights" celebrations before funerals, where families gather to honor the deceased with food, music, and storytelling, turning grief into a celebration of life.

Reflecting on encounters with spirits, Meloney shares anecdotes from her life, including sightings of black bats symbolizing departed spirits and eerie experiences in church. She discusses the significance of facing mortality and the fear of unfinished business, drawing from personal struggles and losses in her journey toward mental health advocacy.

Meloney candidly discusses her battle with bipolar disorder and the impact of witnessing classmates' suicides. These experiences prompted her to create a safe space through her blog, "The Between and the Rocks," where she promotes mental health awareness and offers support to others facing similar challenges. Additionally, Meloney is a serial entrepreneur and a devoted mother, cherishing her role as a parent despite past traumas like miscarriages and the loss of her child's father.

In the face of grief and loss, Meloney finds solace in memories and acknowledges the bittersweetness of remembrance. She concludes by emphasizing the importance of embracing life's uncertainties and cherishing every moment, guided by the understanding that while death is inevitable, the way we choose to live is within our control.

Blog: www.dopamineontherocks.com 

Facebook.com/dopamineontherocks

Instagram.com/dopamineontherocks

Support the show

Support the show financially by doing a paid monthly subscription. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2092749/support 

Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

[email protected] 

https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/end-of-life-planning to learn more about End of Life Care planning and schedule a free 30-minute call.

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Dr. Kim Harms has encountered numerous challenges throughout her 67 years. She endured the tragic losses of her mother, son, and husband, all to different circumstances. These losses prompted her to delve into the topic of death, exploring how individuals manage it and the impact it has on their lives.

In her reflections, Kim highlights the unexpected nature of grief, especially when it comes to losing a child. She emphasizes the importance of confronting grief head-on and not allowing it to consume one's life. Kim observes societal attitudes toward death, noting a prevalent sense of control and avoidance, particularly in Western culture.

Through her experiences and observations, Kim advocates for embracing life with joy, even in the face of grief. She stresses the significance of cherishing moments with loved ones and fostering connections. Kim shares insights from her journey of healing and encourages others to navigate their grief with resilience.

In her book, Kim explores the concept of legacy, emphasizing the impact of everyday interactions on shaping one's legacy. She delves into discussions about death and dying, challenging common fears and misconceptions. Drawing from diverse perspectives, she encourages open dialogue about the end of life and practical preparations for it.

Kim shares personal anecdotes, including her husband's peaceful passing and her son's impactful funeral, which brought communities together in support. She discusses forgiveness and reconciliation as essential aspects of coping with loss and fostering healing.

Ultimately, Kim's message is one of hope and empowerment, urging individuals to confront their mortality with courage and preparation. Her book serves as a guide for navigating the complexities of grief and preparing for the inevitable, offering practical advice and heartfelt reflections.

https://www.drkimberlyharms.com/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHG23HD5

[email protected]

Support the show

Support the show financially by doing a paid monthly subscription. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2092749/support 

Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast. 

Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life. 

[email protected] 

https://www.endoflifeclarity.com/end-of-life-planning to learn more about End of Life Care planning and schedule a free 30-minute call.

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