Self Centered™ with Katie and Allie

In this episode, we kick off a new ongoing series, Centered or Not, which reflects on the narratives we absorb through pop culture and how those messages shape our understanding of power, healing, and self-worth.

Today's exploration? Two iconic breakup anthems: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood and "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus.

Katie and Allie use these two anthems to explore contrasting messages about reclaiming power after a breakup... from revenge and validation to self-love and rebuilding from within. Along the way, they reflect on how similar messaging showed up in advice many of us received growing up, via religion, and in conversations about how we’re “supposed” to move on.

We Explore:

• How pop culture frames power as retaliation vs. self-connection
• The difference between internal and external sources of validation
• Why anger can be valid without being the place we stay
• How breakup narratives have evolved and how we’ve evolved with them
• What it looks like to be self-centered without becoming closed off or hyper-independent

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New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Have you ever looked back at a past version of yourself and thought, “I should have known better”?

In this episode, we explore why we so often judge our past choices through the lens of who we are now - unpacking the difference between guilt and self-punishment, why mistakes are often coping strategies rather than character flaws, and how black-and-white narratives around “bad behavior” keep people stuck.

If you’re caught replaying a past decision, struggling to forgive yourself, or feeling defined by something you’ve already taken responsibility for, this conversation invites a more compassionate, developmentally honest way of understanding your growth and yourself.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why we judge our past selves using information we didn’t have at the time
• The difference between evaluating behavior and condemning identity
• Why many “big mistakes” such as infidelity might actually be coping strategies shaped by context and development
• How black-and-white narratives around mistakes keep people stuck in shame
• What gets in the way of self-forgiveness, even after you’ve done the work

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Have you ever slowed down, felt more settled, and somehow started feeling… guilty?

In this episode, Katie explores why contentment can feel uncomfortable, why rest can trigger anxiety, and why many of us mistake peace for stagnation. Drawing from her own experience with hustle culture, productivity, religion, and healing, she unpacks her former belief that growth must always look like striving and the 3 belief shifts that helped her to uncover true peace in her growth journey.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re actually growing (or secretly falling behind) because nothing dramatic is happening, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why guilt can show up after you slow down
• What it means when growth feels quiet instead of exciting
• The discomfort of contentment after a life of striving
• How to tell the difference between peace and “falling behind”

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Family estrangement is often framed as a mystery or a failure, especially by the people who feel left behind. In this final episode of our estrangement series, we explore why repair so often doesn’t happen, even when adult children clearly explain what hurt them.

We talk about the concept of the missing missing reasons, why parents and family members may genuinely believe no explanation was ever given, and how emotional immaturity, shame, and defensiveness make it impossible to make the changes required to repair the relationship.

This episode is especially for adult children who have gone low or no contact. It’s also for anyone trying to understand why good intentions, apologies, or repeated explanations don’t lead to real change or repair.

Rather than blaming or diagnosing anyone, this conversation focuses on emotional capacity and opportunities for growth. We talk about what actually makes repair possible, and why adult children are not responsible for teaching these skills to their parents.

YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why most family estrangement comes down to harm that was never acknowledged or repaired
• The difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame, and why shame blocks repair
• Common ways estranged parents unconsciously minimize, reframe, or deny the real reasons
• Why repair requires emotional capacity, not pressure, guilt, or more explanations

RESOURCES:

• Ep. 13 The difference between guilt and shame
• Ep. 27 Wait, is it me or their ego?
• Ep. 28 How defense mechanisms show up in relationships
• Ep. 32 Communication styles 101
• Ep. 35 How to know who you can trust
• Ep. 42 The drama triangle

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Family estrangement is often described as selfish, impulsive, or cruel. In this episode, we slow the conversation down and examine why those narratives miss what actually leads adult children to go no contact.

We explore common myths about estrangement, including the idea that adult children do not care, are overreacting, or are following a cultural trend. Through a trauma-informed lens, we talk about attachment, emotional exhaustion, and why distance is usually a last resort after years of trying to repair, explain, and stay connected.

This conversation is not about encouraging estrangement. It is about understanding why some people reach a point where protecting themselves becomes necessary. If you have ever questioned your decision to create distance, or felt misunderstood for prioritizing safety, this episode offers context, clarity, and relief.

You’ll learn:

• Why adult children often choose no contact only after years of trying to repair, explain, and stay connected, and how caring deeply can coexist with choosing distance.

• How common myths about estrangement oversimplify complex attachment, nervous system limits, and long-term emotional harm.

• How to reframe no contact as a boundary rooted in self-protection rather than punishment, cruelty, or lack of love.

RESOURCES:

• Ep. 55: Oprah’s “Rising Trend of Going No Contact”: Why it’s not a trend, It’s a cultural shift (Estrangement Series Pt 1)
• Ep. 56: A Trauma-Informed Response to the NYT and Mel Robbins on Family Estrangement and No Contact (Estrangement Series Pt 2)
• Information on CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

If you read the New York Times article on family estrangement and no contact and felt unsettled, this episode is for you.

We respond directly to the NYT opinion piece “Life Is Too Short to Fight With Your Family,” co-authored by Mel Robbins and Dr. Karl Pillemer, and explain why its conclusions about estrangement, mental health, and regret overlook trauma, power dynamics, and emotional safety.

Rather than pushing blanket reconciliation or “just let them” advice, this episode offers a trauma-informed perspective on why estrangement is often a last resort, not avoidance.

You’ll learn:

• How the NYT article minimizes cumulative relational harm

• How “life is too short” narratives pressure people into unsafe contact

• Why no contact is often a values-based, intentional choice

• How to trust your body and lived experience over cultural pressure

This episode centers estranged adult children and others whose experiences are frequently erased in mainstream conversations about family, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

RESOURCES:

1. Ep. 55: Oprah’s “rising trend of going no contact”: why it’s not a trend, It’s a cultural shift
2. Ep. 38: Are your boundaries too strong for your own good?
3. Ep. 35: How to know who you can trust (and who you can’t)
4. Ep. 7: Deathbed regrets: how living an authentic and aligned life helps you reclaim your power and maximize happiness
5. NYT “Life Is Too Short to Fight With Your Family,”

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Oprah’s podcast framed estrangement as a rising "trend.” But is it really?

Allie and Katie take a closer look at how mainstream media covers “no contact” relationships, responding directly to The Oprah Podcast episode featuring Dr. Joshua Coleman, Dr. Lindsay Gibson, and Nedra Tawwab. They share their professional and personal reactions, fact-check common misconceptions, and explain what’s actually happening beneath this so-called “epidemic".

You’ll learn:

• Why estrangement isn’t a trend, it’s an empowering cultural shift in response to awareness of harm
• How therapists really handle client conversations about dysfunctional or harmful relationships
• Why “protecting your peace” is often mistaken for rejection
• How emotional immaturity and ego fragility contribute to dysfunction
• The role of emotional maturity in repair and reconciliation
• Why cultural shifts around boundaries and mental health are healthy, not divisive

RELATED EPISODES:

Ep. 7: Deathbed regrets: how living an authentic and aligned life helps you reclaim your power and maximize happiness

Ep. 27: "Wait, is it me or their ego?"

Ep. 28: How defense mechanisms show up in relationships

Ep. 42: The drama triangle explained: stop doubting yourself and start standing in your power

Ep. 48: Codependence 101

Ep. 49: How to break codependent patterns and come home to yourself

Ep. 50: The subconscious codependent habits that keep you from real connection

OTHER RESOURCES:

• Whitney Goodman, LMFT ("sitwithwhit" on IG)
• Kate Gray, LMFT ("codependencykate" on IG)
• Destini Ann - parenting education ("destini.ann" on IG)

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

After years of survival mode, loneliness, and self-abandonment disguised as “being good,” Allie shares how centering herself finally led to genuine connection. This episode is an honest reflection on the decade it took to rebuild her sense of self, community, and joy, and what it really feels like when your friendships start aligning with who you’ve become.

Through stories of loss, boundaries, chronic illness, and healing, Allie reveals the surprising way self-trust and playfulness helped her rediscover belonging. She explores how masking, over-functioning, and fear of being “too much” can block authentic connection, and why centering yourself is the foundation for finding the right people, not just more people.

Whether you’ve outgrown old dynamics, struggled to make adult friendships, or feel like you’ve lost yourself in the process of being there for everyone else, this episode will remind you: nothing’s wrong with you, you’re just in the messy middle of finding your self, and your people.

You’ll learn:

• What true alignment feels like in relationships and community

• Why trying to be someone you’re not to fit in often leads to loneliness, not belonging

• How play, authenticity, and boundaries open the door to real connection

• Why “getting lost” can be an essential part of finding yourself again

RESOURCES:

Ep. 4: Dimensions of Wellness 1.0

Ep 36: Dimensions of Wellness 2.0

Ep. 22: The traits and skills you need to build authentic, lasting relationships

Ep 23: How to make friends as an adult

Ep. 35: How to know who you can trust (and who you can't)

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

Is being “self centered” the key to healing both ourselves and our culture?

In this one-year anniversary episode, Allie and Katie reflect on the evolution of Self Centered, what it is, what it isn’t, and why it’s not just a mental health podcast.

They reveal the deeper mission behind the movement: to help people reconnect with their true selves and reshape the systems that keep us overworked, over-functioning, and disconnected.

You’ll hear about:

• How personal healing connects to cultural change
• Why good intentions often keep us trapped in codependent systems
• The mission to dismantle cultural blueprints that cause burnout, guilt, and self abandonment
• Changes happening in future episodes
• How selfies can co-create the movement as guests and contributors

Perfect for anyone feeling unseen, overextended, or misunderstood, this episode is your reminder to come home to yourself, and join the community changing our codependent culture from the inside out.

EPISODES REFERENCED:

• 40. How society shapes your boundaries
• 41. How cancel culture keeps people who cause harm from changing their ways
• 44. The loop of avoidance: Why you can't live a centered life while running from discomfort
• 47. Outgrowing the grind: How I learned to choose alignment over hustle culture
• 51. It's not just you; the world around you is codependent, too

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, guest requests, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.

This week, Katie tells the story of her very first date after her breakup… and all the chaotic, conflicting, surprisingly insightful feelings that came with it. Think of this episode as a self-centered field trip into listening to your body, unlearning old rules, and figuring out what you actually want instead of what your fear or society tells you to want. It’s honest, playful, and a perfect example of how tuning in can shift your whole experience and help you build self trust along the way.

IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN:

• How to notice when old beliefs, rigidity, or “rules” start creeping back in, even when you thought you’d outgrown them.
• Why conflicting emotions (like wanting connection and wanting distance) can coexist and still offer helpful information.
• A practical example of choosing actions that honor your values rather than your fears, expectations, or past patterns.
• Ways to use your body’s cues as feedback for what feels aligned, safe, and supportive instead of forcing yourself into situations out of obligation.

Love the show? A quick rating or review helps us so much!

New episodes every Tuesday – hit subscribe so you don’t miss out.

Follow us on IG: selfcentered.pod

Thoughts, questions, or episode ideas? Email us: [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: The Self Centered with Katie and Allie Podcast is intended for entertainment, educational, and reflective purposes only. The views, opinions, experiences, and content shared by the hosts and guests are personal and subjective. They are not presented as objective facts or as representative of any professional body, organization, or field, including psychotherapy, coaching, or personal training.

This podcast includes personal reflections on dynamics in various relationships, platonic, family, romantic, and professional. General references to “family,” “an ex,” or “a friend”, for example, are intentionally vague to protect anonymity and do not refer to every individual in those categories. When names are used, they are fictitious, and identifying details are altered. Some information shared is based on research or professional experience, not personal history.

The information provided does not constitute medical, mental health, legal, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for consultation with qualified, licensed professionals. Listeners are strongly encouraged to seek the advice and support of appropriate professionals for their own needs.

The hosts, guests, and creators of the podcast disclaim all liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on, or interpretation of the podcast content or any linked materials. Use of this podcast and related content is at your own risk. By listening, you acknowledge and agree to these terms.