Self-Coaching

In this Self-Coaching episode Lauren and I talk about improving your social/people skills. By injecting empathetic communication into your social exchanges you can learn to progress from small talk to real talk. Becoming a better communicator means learning to overcome emotional hesitation by developing your self-trust muscle. Self-trust begins with a willingness to risk connecting with others. You can keep it simple at first, perhaps just a nod or smile as you pass someone on the street or at the office. Find out that the world doesn’t end if you open yourself up to others.

So, stop holding your head down avoiding others, make yourself connect. Stop acting like you’re so vulnerable that you have to protect yourself from…from what? Be honest, what are you afraid of…embarrassment? Vulnerability? Stop running. Stop hiding. Start realizing that with practice your self-trust muscle grow, your confidence will grow, and your world will no longer be hijacked by insecurity. And what exactly is self-trust? It’s a willingness to risk believing in yourself. And does it work?  Just ask Dr. Seuss: “Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!”

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss living without regrets. A regret is looking back over your shoulder, lamenting what was. Why do we do it? One reason may be that we're punishing ourselves for not being perfect enough, good enough, smart enough, and so on. Letting go of the past—especially the regrettable past—requires the courage to insist that today’s challenges don’t become contaminated by yesterday’s regrets.

Next time you find yourself swimming with regret, take a breath and realize the golden opportunity to do things differently going forward. Sit yourself down and ask one question, how am I benefitting from the self-hatred that comes from coulda, woulda, shoulda thinking? Stop beating yourself up. Embrace your humanness—sometimes humans get it wrong. And remember, stumbling is not falling. If you’ve stumbled in the past, this episode will help you to simply bring yourself to the uncluttered present and get on with becoming the person you need to be.

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how thoughts matter. Whether those thoughts emanate from active, passive, or no-mind choices, it’s up to you to decide what serves you and what hurts you.

Learn how you can choose Active-Mind to actively reject insecurity-driven thinking (doubts, fears, and negatives). By learning techniques like the ABC method, active ignoring, or envisioning, you can STOP dancing with shabby, destructive thinking while reclaiming your serenity.

You’ll also learn how Passive-Mind leaves you at the mercy of reflexive, knee-jerk habits of insecurity…isn’t it time to empower yourself and climb out of the passivity of the back seat and get up front? Grabbing that old steering wheel, heading off in “your” direction—not the direction dictated by knee-jerk pessimism or ruminative insecurity.

One last technique, No-Mind, can shed light on how a meditative life can offer a go-to respite to life’s struggles. Whether it’s Active-Mind, Passive-Mind, or No-Mind, simply knowing the difference can make all the difference in the world—your inner world

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how thoughts matter. Whether those thoughts emanate from active, passive, or no-mind choices, it’s up to you to decide what serves you and what hurts you.

Learn how you can choose Active-Mind to actively reject insecurity-driven thinking (doubts, fears, and negatives). By learning techniques like the ABC method, active ignoring, or envisioning, you can STOP dancing with shabby, destructive thinking while reclaiming your serenity.

You’ll also learn how Passive-Mind leaves you at the mercy of reflexive, knee-jerk habits of insecurity…isn’t it time to empower yourself and climb out of the passivity of the back seat and get up front? Grabbing that old steering wheel, heading off in “your” direction—not the direction dictated by knee-jerk pessimism or ruminative insecurity.

One last technique, No-Mind, can shed light on how a meditative life can offer a go-to respite to life’s struggles. Whether it’s Active-Mind, Passive-Mind, or No-Mind, simply knowing the difference can make all the difference in the world—your inner world.

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how nature can become our best teacher and healer. So, what can we learn from becoming more observant of nature? For starters, tolerance, acceptance, harmony and a sense of connectedness. Your congested inner life of anticipations, regrets, and incessant rumination begins to recede as you open yourself up to the outer world around you.

Nature doesn't discriminate, we do! Humans are always living in a binary world of good-bad, positive-negative, right-wrong, and yet, who's to say unequivocally that vegans are better than vegetarians or democrats are better than republicans?

For you to libertate yourself and be free of self-doubt and insecurity, you must manifest your intrinsic worth and beauty--your "nature." How? By being who and what you are, without comparisons, without regret. Minding the words of Dr. Suess, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

When life feels like an endless struggle, when everything in you is telling you to give up and quit, it seems like you only have one ally—hope.  And as valuable as hope maybe, in this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the fact that hope resides in a future expectation of relief and/or resolution. As important as it is to be hopeful about what’s ahead, it’s quite another thing to live that hope in the present.

By all means, cultivate a hopeful attitude, but do this in concert with a here-and-now determination to live your hope now--in the present. In this episode we discuss how to replace fear, doubt, or hopeless pessimism by harnessing what we call a 'hopeful present.' A hopeful present begins by learning to embrace your tenacity, resilience, and determination. Starting today, you can learn to live your hope.

After doing a wonderful podcast on the value of hope, I realized that I never pressed the record button on our Zoom session! In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I attempt to recover from our faux pas.

(fyi: the lost podcast on hope will be resurrected for next week's episode)

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss relationships—especially toxic relationships that chronically deflate us, frustrate us, and worse, depress us. Why in the world do we waste time on people who are toxic for us? You’ll find the answer in Self-Coaching’s technique called “Orbits.” Once you understand your relationship “orbits” you’ll never be disappointed by someone’s shabby behavior again. Never!

It’s important to keep in mind that not all friendships are equal. It’s time to spend more time on friends that you’re in synch with and less time with “quasi-friends” who typically wind up draining you. It’s better to be discriminate and have one or two close friends rather than many quasi-friends. It’s the quasi-friends who often leave you scratching your head asking, “Why do I put up with this nonsense?” But even with quasi-friends, as long as they are placed in their proper "orbit," it's possible to include them in your life without being negatively affected by them. Remember, “In life, we never lose friends, we only learn who the true ones are.”

Why do you think we spend so much time procrastinating? One reason is because living effectively in the present requires responsible, here-and-now action. It's a lot easier--and effortless--to imagine taking responsible action, later…or in a few minutes…or tomorrow. Truth is, there will never be a better "now" for purposeful action. In fact, there will never be anything other than "now." When the future does come, it will only be your new "now." Therefore, if not "now," when?  

And do keep in mind that procrastination can become a habit and like any habit if you reinforce it with wimpy compliance, it will grow stronger. Just keep in mind that self-discipline is also a habit. The more you define your goals and stick with them, the stronger your self-discipline muscle becomes. So let me ask again, if not now, when?

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how the days, weeks, and months just seem to slip by as we live a distracted, mindless life allowing ourselves to be pulled in all directions but our own.  You can begin to learn how to slow down your life by taking a psychological “audit.” Asking yourself, how much time do I spend arguing? Pursuing money? Status? Impressing others? Worrying? And how much time do I spend fortifying and restoring my life each day?

Clearly, every life has its demands, you go to work, pay the bills, watch the kids—these are life’s ‘have-tos.’ But within every day, there are opportunities…opportunities to glimpse a sunset, interact with friends or loved ones, or simply taking the time for a deep breath reveling at being alive. Learning to live correctly is a process and in this episode, we explore the many techniques available for taking possession of your days—to actually slow down life itself as you get in synch with your real needs and potential.