Self-healing

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

  .   But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Allen kept the book simple, both in length and language, so that everyone could understand the points he was trying to make about how power over one’s thoughts gives power over one’s life.

Here are 3 great lessons about how your thoughts shape your life:

Your actions are outgrowths of your thoughts.

You shape the world just as much as it shapes you.

Thoughts can keep you young or make you age faster.

Want to become the master of your own mind? Time to think!

Lesson 1: What you do is the result of what you think.

The very first argument Allen lays out is that man is the sum of his thoughts. Just like tiny seeds turn into big plants, a single thought often turns into a major decision, which makes your thoughts the roots of your actions.

Over time, these actions shape into patterns, which will eventually make up our character. This is why most pessimistic people tend to give up more easily on the things they care about, because your attitude and your actions are directly linked to one another. If you don’t start out with confidence and expect very little of yourself, that’s exactly what you’ll deliver.

But if your thoughts shape your actions, then by changing your thoughts, you can change your actions and subsequently, your character too!

The time to start weeding out bad thoughts is right now. Today is the day to stop accepting negative thoughts as normal and fight back. Take control of your mind, and you’ll take control of your life.

Lesson 2: You shape the world just as much as it shapes you.

The reason your thoughts and actions are so deeply connected is because they live in a constant cause-and-effect relationship with the outside world.

What does that mean? You might see your life as mostly determined by external factors. The weather, the economy, politics, your co-workers, your boss, whether you have good luck or bad luck, your life depends on so many things you can’t influence. But it’s not as black and white as that. Playing the victim is easy. You can just push off responsibility and blame the world for everything.

In reality, your thoughts, your actions, your character, they all take at least as much influence on the world, as the world does on you. The thoughts and attitudes you have are what lead you into the situations of your life, some of which you then end up assigning to good or bad luck, when it’s really yourself that got you there.

Therefore, you can’t describe a person’s character just by looking at the environment she lives in, or predict the circumstances she’ll end up in, because of the way she is. There are many admirable and probably genuinely good people in jail, while some greedy bastards live happily off other peoples’ misery.

Lesson 3: Be careful what you think, it might make you age faster.

A crucial aspect almost no one looks at when examining thoughts is your health. When we talk about the power of positive thinking, we usually speak of affirmations, goals, priorities, etc. But not about health.

Yet, what you think massively impacts your heart rate, sleep, chronic pains like migraines and your skin. Yes, you can think yourself to wrinkly skin.

Do you know that saying “be careful what you wish for?” This book extends it to “be careful what you think about.” On the other hand, thinking very positively and dwelling on energizing thoughts can keep you young. So take every chance you get to weed out negative thoughts.

Pretend your mind is a garden, and everything that doesn’t help it grow has to go. You’ll thank yourself for years to come.

Introduction

This book talked heavily on the law of attraction but from a later investigation from other psychologists like Peterson and Jung (although considered more philosophical). Thoughts become things and the thoughts that you tell yourself and reinforce can make or break your character and thus your goals. He believes that “They themselves are makers of themselves.”

Thought & Character

This section ties beautifully to the Dalai Lama model of attitude determining your perception of reality. He argued that the summation of all your thoughts was the construction of your character, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. Every action created whether it was conscious or not is argued to be the result of your internal dialogue. “Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits.”

Here the author proposes that man has the ability to shape their destiny — so to speak — by cultivating “God-like” thoughts. This is because the cause and effect principle is not just the natural world, it is also of the mind. Only through humble introspective investigation can you address potential problems.

He uses an analogy of gold and diamonds. Precious metals such as those are only found after exhaustive excavation. Similarly, the man must mine the mind and “soul” to fully uncover the truths that construct your being. The lies you tell yourself and the words that catalyze your action.

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment

Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word ‘but’ and ending with a critical statement.

For example: ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.’

Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word ‘but.’ It makes him question the sincerity of the original praise. It seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word ‘but’ to ‘and.’

Like this: ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.’

Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because there was no follow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attention to the behavior we wished to change indirectly, and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations. Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

:Appeal to the nobler motives.

A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.

The person himself will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas.

This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.

You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.

Throw down a challenge.

To get things done, stimulate competition using the desire to excel.

‘All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.’

The one major factor that motivates people is the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looks forward to doing it and is motivated to do a good job.

That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. The desire for a feeling of importance

A magic phrase to stop arguments, eliminate ill feelings, create goodwill, and make the other person listen attentively: ‘I don’t blame for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.’

An answer like that will soften anyone. And you can say that and be 100% sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he does.

Most people you meet want sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

Other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn but instead try to understand them.

There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Find that reason and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Put yourself in his place. Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.

“Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.”

Always ask yourself: ‘Why should he want to do it?’ This will take time but it will avoid making enemies and will get better results.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. People have much more faith in the ideas that they have discovered for themselves than in the ideas that are handed to them in silver plate. If so isn't it bad judgement to try to pour your judgement/opinion down the throat of other people. Letting the other person that the idea isn't his/her it's there idea is much more beneficial.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. "Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. Ask them questions.

When you disagree with them, don’t interrupt. Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully. Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said:

‘If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.’

When our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they – or at least some of them – will feel inferior and envious."

In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree. A "No" response, according to prof. Overstreet is a most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said " No ", all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. You may later feel that the " No " was ill advised. The skillful speaker gets at the outset, a number of "yes" response.