Selfed

What if I told you our nervous system functions metaphorically the same way the solar system does? As I’m leaning into this Atomic Living model, I’m recognizing the world “out there” in space is quite synchronous to the world within us.

In this episode I process my last therapy session in a way that I can equate to wringing out a wet rag of emotional clean up from the aftermath of my relationship with my ex. I intend for this to be the last I need to speak about it because now 6 months after the breakup, nothing I say is reactive or in response to anything shared with me since and this is fully an expression of how I feel and naming things that happened to contribute to what I feel.

All that said, therapy and my people have held me beautifully through my lowest of lows as I’ve been witnessed through the rising to the sustained regulation I’m at now, finding my rhythm in New York City, living my life in a way that aligns rather than forcing myself to find out what’s “wrong” with me.

Reality is that who I was never aligned with who she wanted me to be and as painful as it is to say, I was emotionally manipulated . . . again and with recognition of that pattern, and the aftermath of how I saw her respond to the breakup led me to see the value of boundaries. If I had them, we wouldn’t have even been in the relationship and I’d have been on the trajectory I was on, but the lesson on this path was an invaluable side quest away from what I’m supposed to be doing and toward what I let myself be convinced I should do.

All of this was a choice and I take accountability for the path to get to this new center of gravity for my own nervous system, allowing aligned bodies of people and experiences to orbit by orienting themselves to my presence rather than me forcing myself into their orbit or them into mine. The important thing here is that I be myself and continue to transmute my trauma into healing the same way the sun transmutes hydrogen to helium and in the process radiates light and heat and gravity for other things to be born out of.

In this episode of Selfed, I reflect on what it means to be a straight Black man in queer spaces—without trying to fix, take, or define the room. I explore how anime characters like Tanjiro from Demon Slayer model a version of masculinity that isn’t about dominance or ego, but alignment, empathy, and rhythm. I talk about presence as an offering, about learning from queer communities and Black women, and about how I’m navigating my identity without trying to prove it. This is a raw stream of thought about challenge, liberation, performance, and how we create from the friction of opposites.

Some additional notes and quotes:

• On masculinity & ideals:

“I think that what society misses in terms of what it means to be a man is those intangible aspects of self—those virtues, values, those ideals, that drive consciousness forward.”

• On queerness & presence:

“I’ve become more comfortable being in the spaces, right? And it’s been practice for me to experience queerness without like making it mine or trying to like take it or take it over.”

• On anime & purpose (Tanjiro):

“Tanjiro’s purpose is so fucking clear—he wants to make his sister human again. He wants to save his sister, and that puts him in an environment that reinforces what his purpose is.”

• On identity & possibility:

“I think that a lot of us know who we are at the expense of being able to find out who we could be.”

• On emotional survival & performance:

“There wasn’t room for how like, that fucking hurt. Don’t do that again. It was ‘yo bitch ass up, get—walk it off,’ right? There wasn’t room for the intention behind things because everything was performed.”

• Shoutout to Dr. Donna Oriowo—sex therapist and author of Drink Water and Mind Your Business—whose AASECT presentation helped me name a lot of what I’ve been processing around identity, embodiment, and emotional honesty.

Hey hey! I read my journal entry this morning that began with me talking about how what I want doesn’t matter. I know I know, but hear me out, it’s really about what the moment calls for because what I want changes and as we know, a successful life calls for stability. The only stable force other than gravity that I’m aware of is presence.

But what is presence, how do we be present “with” or “for” ourselves and others? I’m learning through how atoms behave that it’s about the nurturing of natures through being. Atoms that are becoming what they’re becoming are stable attractors. These attractors call in experiences, people, environments, opportunities, challenges that test the stability and integrity of the atom. When an atom is susceptible to drift, it isn’t stable.

Consistent alignment of beliefs and behaviors reflect stability and that is solidified by presence. When we are present it’s like the undercurrent of living expresses itself through us and we experience it. It being that unifying essence of particles that make us up, protons, electrons, and neutrons just entangling together.

This episode speaks to hopefully something useful to you. I’ve learned a lot about presence from being in sex positive and queer spaces and hope brining it here is helpful to you.

In this episode, I reflect on the storms—both literal and emotional—that have been moving through my life. After the tornado hit St. Louis and forced me into displacement, I found myself back in the same room where my ex and I once stayed. For five days, I dreamt of her. Those dreams held pain, longing, and eventually, closure.

This wasn’t just about her, though. It was a cosmic nudge, reminding me of a path I once knew but had detoured from—my plan to move to New York and fully step into the mission of SPFPP. I didn’t honor my proton’s highest expression; I let the pull of comfort and proximity shift my orbit.

Now, I see the message clearly: alignment is everything. My shell 1 beliefs—freedom and safety—have to guide my shell 2 identity rhythms of curiosity, connection, and creativity. And from there, I can express in shell 3—through work, play, and rest—in ways that stay true to my purpose.

This episode is a reflection on what it means to stay aligned, to release attachments, and to trust the rhythm of your own atom, even when storms shake up your life.

I needed to just bitch about my feelings about my breakup. I'm grateful to the people who've heard me out, but I needed to really be able to let go of the energetic residue of that relationship. I've filtered my existence out of respect for her, and I realized that, while 'nice' is the exact thing that got me here in the first place.

I just say all the things that I have been holding onto that creep out unconsciously. This episode of Selfed is about me reconnecting with my intention of this space. The emotional safe space I created, neglected, transformed, neglected again and now I'm back to it more aligned with its original intention, to be my emotional safe space to exercise self-exploration.

The tornado that came through my home gave me something unexpected. While I had only been in my own space 2 months, there was a LOT of realigning and connecting to intention that occurred. Mother nature just came through and told me it's time to gone and move on. I don't know what this means, but I'm damn sure glad I have the space to not know so I can find out.

In this episode, I needed space to be with my own grief, so that’s what I created—and I’m sharing it in case you need that too. I talk about how easy it is to spread our energy across different identities and expectations, and how reclaiming that energy starts with presence. This meditation isn’t fancy. It’s raw. It’s real. And it’s grounded in a message I heard that hit deep: God creates by deciding and allowing. That’s the practice here. Decide. Allow. Be present. Feel whatever’s coming up, and know it’s okay to just be here.

Hey y'all, it’s Courtney. In this episode, I’m opening up about some major shifts in my life and work. After starting Self as a nonprofit, I realized it wasn’t sustainable to build something new while maintaining Something Positive for Positive People and everything else I’ve got going on. So, I made the decision to let go of Selfed as a nonprofit and reshape it into a space that serves as an outlet for my personal journey with emotional wellness.

I talk about how yoga therapy has become central to this work and why it’s important for me to focus on creating emotional wellness resources for men and those who support them. I share what I’ve learned about vulnerability, navigating relationships, and staying true to myself as I balance the different areas of my life, including my upcoming certification as a yoga therapist in 2026.

This episode is about more than just updates—it’s about being honest with where I am, what’s working for me, and how I’m building something that reflects my values and supports others. I even dive into how I’m planning to host events, workshops, and conversations that spark connection, including some exciting opportunities to collaborate with other men’s wellness advocates.

If you’re curious about emotional wellness, yoga therapy, or just want to hear a little more about where I’m headed, give this episode a listen. And don’t forget—if you’re looking for support, I’m here. Check out my peer support calls or yoga therapy sessions over at getselfed.org.

In this episode of Selfed, we recap the Black Men's Emotional Wellness Symposium, a transformative event focused on deconstructing the "high value man" through four key entry points: fitness, spirituality, leadership, and vulnerability.

Dr. Rodrick Stewart led a conversation redefining fitness as more than physical appearance, emphasizing holistic health, nutrition, and stress management to address long-term conditions like hypertension and diabetes.

Breathwork facilitator Ade brought insights into the role of mindfulness and presence, but a disruption cut our time short. Stay tuned for a deeper conversation with Ade in a future episode.

Anthony Toney's session on leadership highlighted the need for safe spaces where Black men can engage in honest, productive dialogue, while noting the real-time consequences of the absence of Black male leadership.

Finally, Mike Joseph explored vulnerability and self-care, challenging the perception of self-care as selfishness. He reminded us that prioritizing personal well-being allows Black men to better support their communities.

Tune in to hear lessons learned, powerful insights, and how we plan to grow these essential conversations for the future.

Man am I grieving! It’s taken 23 years for a specific event to make its way into my healing space legitimately. The passing of my grandmother in 2001 had multiple layers to it from her being who protected my mom from coerced abortion to her funeral being on my 13th birthday. For as much self-work as I’ve done, it all prepared me for this triggering election as well as supporting my girlfriend and her family through the loss of her and her sister’s grandma…. who passed on my girlfriend’s sister’s birthday.

In Selfed 52: Having Anger, we explore the journey of healing and self-awareness through the lens of anger. Courtney Brame discusses the surprise of old emotions resurfacing despite significant self-development progress. He shares a personal story about a recent burst of anger that, left unprocessed, affected him in an unexpected area of life: intimacy. Reflecting on how emotions manifest physically, Courtney unpacks the importance of observing and understanding anger rather than suppressing it. This episode sheds light on using mindfulness techniques to process emotions in the moment, so they don’t resurface later in ways we might not expect.

The upcoming events for Selfed can be found: www.getselfed.org/events