Selfish for Success: Entrepreneur | Business | Psychology | Self Esteem | Happiness | Health

A very overlooked and rarely talked about key to success is Responsibility. I'm not talking about doing chores or fulfilling dreaded obligations, but taking responsibility for the course of your life. It comes down to two choices:

1. Take 1000% responsibility for your life, happiness and success

2. Leave it up to someone or something else to give you the life you want

The choice you make will have a PROFOUND impact on your success, happiness and self-esteem.

Episode highlights:

Why giving up responsibility leads to anxiety, passivity, and failure

When you give up responsibility you give up control over your life

Taking 1000% responsibility for your life leads to enormous benefits

How taking the reins of your life makes each day an adventure

Ask yourself: Am I taking 1000% responsibility for my life? Or am I waiting for someone or something else to give me what I want (happiness, my dreams or goals, my values)? What are the consequences or rewards of each choice? 

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Resources Mentioned

SFS 061: The Secret to Self-Confidence

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Therapy and sleep coaching with me.

Today I give you a step-by-step process for getting ANYTHING you want. This is not hyperbole. If there's something you want in your life, this is the process you need to follow every time to get it.

Episode highlights:

Even if you know what you want (and how to get there) these TWO things can stop you

The best way to learn how to do something you don't know how to do

The main ROADBLOCKS that must be navigated successfully

Why the last step is the hardest and what you need to nail it

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Resources Mentioned

SFS 061: The Secret to Self-Confidence

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Today I talk about the crucial difference between fear and anxiety, and why it's so important for your mental health and well being.

Episode highlights:

What CAUSES fear and anxiety

The KEY difference between anxiety and fear

How fear and anxiety can paralyze you and limit your life

Fear stops MANY people from going after their dreams and goals

How a phobia (intense fear) can be cured in minutes

99% of the time when you feel fear there's NO actual danger

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Are you living the life you want?

Today I talk about why I'm asking this question and why answering it is crucial to your success and happiness.

Episode highlights:

Why this is such a scary question for most people

What to do if the answer is "NO"?

Why some people know what they want but still don't go after it

The huge risk of NOT asking this question

How to use this question to create a life you love

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An article on the Today Show's website features a Tweet by Will Smith to his wife Jada Pinkett Smith for their 20th wedding anniversary. The Tweet got 1.3 million likes and 37,000 comments. I thought it was worth commenting on because there was much I agreed with, and some I didn't that I think is worth highlighting.

Will Smith's full Tweet:

“20 Years Ago Today we held hands and walked naively down that aisle. Here’s what I’ve learned since. . Love is Like Gardening... I have learned to focus on HELPING you to BLOSSOM into what YOU want to be (into what you were born to be)... Rather than Demanding that you become what my Fragile Ego needs you to be. . I’ve learned to take pleasure in Nourishing YOUR dreams... Rather than wrestling with you to Fulfill my Selfish Needs & Satiate My Insecurities. . I have learned that Love is Listening. Love is Giving. Love is Freedom. Happy Anniversary, My Queen! I am forever Devoted to Nurturing your Deepest Truth.”

I break down his comments and talk about what I like, why I like it, and what I disagree with.

Episode highlights:

Why I agree that “Love is Like Gardening..."

Why it's selfish to nurture and support your partner

Why a healthy romantic relationship is both giving AND receiving

Is having an ego good or bad?

Why I hate the saying, "A happy wife is a happy life."

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Resources Mentioned

Today Show article: "Will Smith's anniversary tribute to wife Jada is beautiful — and really deep"

SFS 012: Is Unconditional Love Possible? (and finding success in romantic relationships)

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Are you a complainer or do you spend time around people who bitch a lot? If so, you'll want to listen to this episode to learn why this is damaging to your life and happiness, and ways to stop doing it or disengaging from those people in your life.

Episode highlights:

How complaining can undermine your mood, success and motivation

You have to first catch yourself complaining to break the habit

Focus ONLY on what you have control over in your life

Why it's USELESS to complain about other people

Focus 99% on YOUR life and most important values

If you're going to complain, then offer a better alternative

The ONLY things you have control over are what you THINK and what you DO

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Mark Aramli is CEO and founder of BedJet, a climate control device he engineered for beds. BedJet is the #1 customer rated product in the mattress category on Amazon and has received hundreds of five-star reviews.

Mark is one of the most famous “failures” from the hit TV show Shark Tank.

After various roles as a management consultant assisting start-up environmental technology companies with their new products, Mark decided that developing cool new innovative home gadgets using applied science would be way more fun. And that was the inspiration behind BedJet.

Episode Highlights:

How bombing on Shark Tank "lit a fire" under Mark to succeed

How he became one of the top 5 most successful "fails" in Shark Tank history

How he increased his confidence in his product by using Kickstarter

How he learned that just because someone is successful doesn't mean their advice is always right

How NOT GIVING UP is one key to success when you have a viable goal

How business success feels like winning the Super Bowl

Why having an overarching sense of purpose helped Mark overcome self-doubt

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Resources Mentioned

Bedjet website

Bedjet [email protected]

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Are you more selfish if you prefer the window seat on an airplane? That's what an article in the The Telegraph says. And they quote two psychologists who claim this is science.

My first question after reading the article was: Where’s the science? There's no study referenced, no definition of “selfish”provided (of course they mean it negatively), and they treat the concept of selfishness very superficially.

This may seem like a frivolous article, but it reflects some major problems with the media's non-objective presentation of science, the field of psychology's lack of science, and the superficial way selfishness is dealt with in our culture.

Episode highlights:

Why so many people are skeptical about the field of psychology

Why you should be selfish when choosing your airplane seat

How a seemingly harmless article can do real damage

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Resources Mentioned

Telegraph Article: The science behind why people who prefer the window seat are more selfish

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Andy Lurling is a serial entrepreneur, mostly known for founding iOpener Media GmbH, which develops a technology that allows gamers to participate virtually and in real time. He's also a co-founder of LUMO Labs, a two-year venture builder program that besides providing seed funding, actively supports entrepreneurs with a ''hands on'' approach. LUMO labs is active in Eindhoven (The Netherlands) and Los Angeles.

Episode Highlights:

Why Andy takes 5 minutes a day to envision success

How he keeps "sane" while advising 7 cutting-edge tech companies

Why Andy thinks business success is 90% mental and emotional

Why he calls entrepreneurs "artists"

Two really effective ways to manage fear

Why FREEDOM is what Andy loves most about being an entrepreneur

Why Andy thinks getting an MBA is NOT the way to become an entrepreneur

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Resources Mentioned

Lumo Labs website

Andy's LinkedIn page

Andy's email: [email protected]

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If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more exposure for the podcast.

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Online coaching for entrepreneurs.

When there's something you really want, it can sometimes be the hardest thing to pursue. It might be a dream career, a person you're wildly attracted to or excellent health, but you find yourself not going after it and even pushing it away or avoiding it.

Unfortunately, this happens to many people, and they end up living without ever pursuing the things they really wanted. This is tragic, because (in my view) the purpose of life is to go after and achieve your dreams.

This came up for me recently as I considered starting a new business, one that’s completely aligned with the work I’ve always wanted to do. And I resisted. So I thought about what was going on. I’ve seen this before with other people and with many of my clients.

I identified 5 reasons why it’s so hard to pursue things you really want, and provide actionable tips on how to overcome these roadblocks so you can pursue your dreams.

Episode highlights:

Why the fear of failure is greatest with things most important to you

How the negative ways we interpret failure stop us

The one fear that stops many people (and they don't even know it's happening)

Techniques for getting past your fear

The many rewards of taking risks to go after what you want

Quote by Mark Twain: "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover."

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If you're enjoying the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help a lot to spread the word and get more listeners to the podcast.

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Additional Resources

Therapy and coaching with me.