Sex in Space

This week we’re re-releasing another of our podcast episodes. This time, we’re revisiting a conversation that Jane had with Vanessa Hamilton, a sexuality educator and founder of the education business ‘Talking The Talk Healthy Sexuality Education’.

Vanessa has over 25 years of experience as a registered sexual health nurse, she is a parent of 3 teens and is an award-winning author, highly respected speaker, podcaster, blog writer and educator on the topics of human sexuality, consent and respectful relationships. Vanessa has immersed herself in helping parents, teachers and health professionals understand human sexuality and, specifically, how it relates to children. 

Together, she and Jane spoke about the key topics parents should address with their kids about sexuality education, including consent, pleasure, and pornography. Vanessa provides strategies for tackling uncomfortable situations and gives examples of how to use teachable moments with young people, as well as providing a script for responding when a child asks how babies are made.  

You can find more of Vanessa here: https://www.talkingthetalksexed.com.au/ 

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

00:49 – How Vanessa ended up in the sexuality education space 

03:26 – The scale of the sex ed gap within adults 

04:48 – The impact of confidence on having sex ed chats 

05:47 – How to talk with young people about sending nudes 

07:18 – Vanessa’s take-home message to parents 

08:50 – When should you start thinking about having conversations with your kids about sexuality?  

09:42 – Why your tone is more important than what you say to a child 

10:13 – What topics you should be covering with your kids (and why saying something is better than saying nothing) 

12:47 – The majority of parents support this education  

13:38 – Why Vanessa doesn’t like the term ‘sex ed’ (and what she uses instead) 

15:20 – Reframing how we think about pleasure 

17:01 – How consent is part of our everyday experiences 

19:59 – How to explain how babies are made 

23:35 – What are the contributing factors towards teen pregnancies?  

24:46 – What kids are learning about sex from pornography 

26:36 – Why Vanessa wrote her book ‘Talking Sex’ 

29:11 – How to respond when you encounter an uncomfortable situation with your child 

31:10 – How to practice having conversations about sexuality 

32:22 – The barriers for male parents having these kinds of conversations 

34:14 – Examples of how to use teachable moments with your kids 

38:15 – Make yourself the adult that your kids can come to 

39:56 – Why it’s important to give young people a framework to think about pornography 

42:10 – How to respond if you think your child has seen inappropriate content online 

43:21 – How to get a copy of Vanessa’s book ‘Talking Sex’ 

44:23 – Vanessa’s book on consent for parents and teachers 

45:05 – Just get started: it’s easier than you think 

45:39 - Conclusion 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week here at Sex in Space we’re re-releasing one of our episodes from 2023. In this podcast, Jane had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Laurie Mintz, an author, therapist, speaker and emeritus professor, to talk tips for a better sex life. 

Dr Laurie is more than qualified to speak on this topic, as the author of two popular press books: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It, and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship. These books were written with the aim of empowering women sexually and they both have published studies demonstrating that readers enhance their sexual functioning.  

Dr Laurie aims to provide scientifically accurate, sex-positive information to enhance female pleasure. She gives presentations and workshops to professionals and lay audiences, and has a TEDx talk that’s received more than 2.5 million views.  

Together, she and Jane spoke about what causes women to have low libidos, the two types of desire (and why you should know them), what the orgasm gap is and why it exists, the truth about sex positions, the issue with penis-size jokes and practical takeaways for a better sex life.  

Find Dr. Laurie’s website here: https://www.drlauriemintz.com/ 

Watch Dr. Laurie’s TEDx talk here: https://youtu.be/oD2ja2BT-0E?si=e_qwyGySYx7GXRWg 

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro 

03:15 – Why Laurie wrote her first book 

04:53 – What causes women to have low libidos?  

07:31 – The two types of desire (and why you should know them) 

09:10 – Why we need to rethink the way we talk about sex 

14:59 – How reading Dr. Laurie’s book can improve your sex life 

17:04 – Shame and sex are enemies 

18:44 – What inspired Dr. Laurie to start educating about the clitoris 

20:37 – What is the orgasm gap and why does it exist? 

23:03 – The need for porn literacy 

25:19 – Why sex ed in the Netherlands is so effective 

26:42 – The truth about sex positions 

29:53 – Why women have pain with penetration (and what you can do about it) 

32:50 – Why do women fake orgasm?  

34:42 – The issue with slut-shaming and penis size jokes 

36:07 – What does it mean to be sexually active? 

37:37 – Dr Laurie’s communication tips 

41:34 – Why it’s important to learn how to pleasure yourself 

43:53 – 12 commandments for a better sex life 

46:05 – Conclusion  

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, we have a special bonus episode – thirteen of our top tips from experts on how to have a better sex life. We’ll cover things like how you can use responsive desire to feel aroused – and why taking time to build arousal is so important, how to bring variety into your sex life, advice on how to give and receive feedback with a sexual partner, and more. 

Our experts include: 

Dr Laurie Mintz: author, speaker, therapist and emeritus professor, whose life’s work has been committed to helping people live more authentic, meaningful, joyful—and sexually satisfying—lives. 

Melody Thomas: creator and host of The Good Sex Project – a podcast about good sex, good relationships and how to have them.  

Dr Ian Kerner: licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sex therapist who works with individuals and couples on a range of relational issues that often lead to distress. 

Susan Bratton: intimacy expert to millions, who is known as an ‘orgasmanaut’ and is an advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. 

Damian Weatherald: disability advocate and inclusivity consultant, sex educator, and sex toy guru.   

Dr Jenn Gunsaullus: keynote speaker, sociologist, sex coach, and author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. 

Suzanne Werder: nurse practitioner from the New Zealand Sexual Health Society. 

Hollie McNish: award-winning poet, writer and performer. 

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro 

00:36 – How to use responsive desire to feel aroused 

01:25 – How to give and receive feedback with a sexual partner 

02:06 – Why it’s important to take time to build arousal 

03:15 – How to practice self-advocacy in non-sexual situations 

03:57 – Why you should embrace laughter in sexual experiences 

04:40 – How trying something new in bed can help build intimacy 

05:14 – How we can reframe the way we think about condoms 

05:48 – Use a hand massage to practice communication 

07:02 – Why it’s important to treat others how they want to be treated 

07:42 – Why you should be asking questions in bed 

09:03 – Why it’s important not to rush into sex 

10:54 – How to bring variety into your sex life 

13:33 – How to prioritise your own pleasure 

14:17 – Conclusion  

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On today’s episode of the podcast, Toshi had a conversation with Ella D’Aloia. Ella is a certified holistic sex coach and therapeutic yoni massage practitioner who specialises in female sexuality. Together, Ella and Toshi spoke all about yoni massage - what it is, what the benefits are, what to expect from a session and how to find the right practitioner. They also had a conversation about how through her intimate and supportive approach, Ella helps women to reclaim their bodies, pleasure and sexuality so they can live a life filled with joy, pleasure and aliveness. 

Find Ella here: https://www.ella-daloia.com/ 

Or check her out on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ella_daloia_/ 

TIMESTAMPS:  

00:00 – Intro 

00:46 – How Ella got started in this space 

02:46 – What is a yoni massage? 

05:39 – What are the benefits of a yoni massage? 

11:57 – How many sessions does a person need? 

14:50 – Is yoni massage sexual? 

17:18 – Why you need to do your research into yoni massage practitioners 

18:20 – How does Ella create a safe space for clients to feel comfortable? 

19:34 – What can you expect from a yoni massage session with Ella?  

23:05 – Standout client experiences for Ella 

25:44 – What Ella has learned from her work as a yoni massage practitioner 

28:57 – Ella's message if you’re feeling hesitant about getting a yoni massage 

30:27 – Can you have a yoni massage if you’re on your period? 

31:44 – Why it’s so important to be connected to our bodies 

33:22 – Where listeners can find Ella and her work 

33:55 – Is there a version of yoni massage for men?  

35:06 – How you can check if a practitioner is certified 

37:12 – Conclusion  

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tim had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Niobe Way about the social and emotional lives of young boys and men.  

Dr. Niobe Way is an internationally recognised NYU developmental psychologist who has spent nearly 40 years researching social and emotional development and has found that boys and young men desperately want and need the same thing as everyone else: close friendships. Yet they and we grow up in a stereotyped “boy” culture, one that devalues and mocks those relationships, rather than recognising that they’re necessary for human survival. Her social science research has made her an expert on friendships, loneliness, teenagers, gender stereotypes, masculinity and the roots of violence.  

In this conversation, Dr. Way shares insights from her latest book, ‘Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves and Our Culture’. She explains how these “rebels,” as she calls the boys and young men in her research and in her classrooms, teach us about their and our crisis of connection, evidence of which is visible in our soaring rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, suicide, and mass violence. They also teach us about the solutions to the crisis, which is to care, to listen with curiosity, and to take individual and collective responsibility for the damage we have done to them, to ourselves, and to the world around us. 

Find Dr. Way here: https://www.niobe-way.com/

TIMESTAMPS 

00:00 – Intro  

01:26 – How Dr. Way got started researching boys and their friendships 

03:57 – The four themes she learned from young men 

10:56 – Close: the movie about boy friendships 

12:08 – Which men are most at risk of suffering from this crisis of connection? 

16:38 – What Dr. Way means when she refers to ‘boy’ culture 

17:20 – Why curiosity is key to connecting with others 

21:29 – Dr. Way’s advice for parents 

24:06 – The impact of technology and how we use it on ‘boy’ culture 

26:07 – How we could change technology to connect better with others 

28:15 – Having feelings is normal for everyone 

33:41 – Why ‘boy’ culture is not just about masculinity 

38:40 – Society tolerates our ‘soft sides’ more when we’re younger 

39:37 – What we can learn from listening to children and teenagers 

43:02 – Why this book is not Dr. Way’s opinion 

45:25 – Dr. Way’s hopes moving forward 

49:11 – Why Dr. Way focused her work on boys and young men 

50:32 – Where to find more of Dr. Niobe Way 

52:54 – Outro 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode, Toshi had the opportunity to talk again with Kate Muir, a women’s health expert, investigative journalist, documentary maker, and author of books on the menopause and the pill. Together they had a conversation all about the menopause and Kate’s book, Everything you needed to know about the menopause but were too afraid to ask.  

Kate and Toshi discussed the difference between perimenopause and menopause, the impact of the menopause on mental and physical health, the role of hormone replacement therapy (HRT), and what young people should know about the menopause.  

Find more of Kate here: https://katemuir.co.uk/ 

Check her out on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/menoscandal/?hl=en 

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

00:35 – Kate's story with the menopause  

03:29 – The difference between perimenopause and menopause 

06:56 – The impact of the menopause on physical and mental health 

10:10 – How does hormone replacement therapy work for the menopause?  

13:24 – Is there a relationship between hormone replacement therapy and breast cancer? 

15:39 – Societal attitudes towards HRT 

21:34 – The accessibility of health knowledge 

23:18 – How women's relationship to menopause has changed over time 

25:22 – Why so many women suddenly put on weight in midlife 

27:37 – Osteoporosis, bone density and HRT 

32:30 – The impact of hormones on Alzheimer's and dementia 

36:34 – Why we need to be getting hormones to all those who need it 

38:35 – What young people should know about the menopause 

40:15 – The rewiring of the brain during the menopause 

42:45 – The impact of AI on accessibility of science 

45:36 – Kate’s new book, How to have a magnificent midlife crisis  

48:07 – Advice to people wanting to support someone going through the menopause 

50:30 – Where to find more of Kate’s work 

51:28 - Conclusion 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On today’s episode, we were joined by Dr David Perl, a qualified expert on limerence. Growing up with a father who survived Auschwitz and a mother facing frustration and anger as a stay-at-home mum, David’s path to success was anything but ordinary. Seeking the approval of his parents, he pursued a career in medicine, graduating from the prestigious University of London in 1984. Exploring various disciplines within medicine, including psychiatry and aviation medicine, he eventually founded docleaf, a renowned Crisis Management and Trauma Psychology Consultancy. Along the way, he acquired expertise in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, counselling, and even earned an advanced postgraduate diploma in Leadership Coaching. However, it was his own personal experience of developing limerence in 2010 that ignited a new purpose for David. Determined to help others impacted by limerence, he founded limerence.net, a platform that includes a supportive forum to aid individuals on their healing journey. Together, Toshi and David had a conversation all about limerence – what it is, who is impacted by it, and ways to deal with it. 

Check out Dr David’s site here: https://limerence.net/ 

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

02:32 – David's experience with limerence 

05:29 – What is limerence? 

07:10 – Why do people get limerence? 

10:14 – Advice for someone dealing with limerence 

11:26 – How can we get over limerence?  

13:37 – Limerence and affairs  

15:13 – Can limerence turn into love?  

16:43 – David’s key tips for getting over limerence  

19:47 – Should you tell your limerent object about your feelings? 

22:46 – Why self-compassion is so important if you’re struggling with limerence 

26:44 – Understanding male and female friendships 

32:01 – Limerence is a symptom 

33:45 – Where you can find more of David 

35:21 – Conclusion 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, we were lucky enough to be joined by Amal Awad. Amal is a writer, director and performer, and as a journalist has contributed to publications including The Guardian, The Sydney Morning Herald, ELLE and Frankie. She’s produced and presented for ABC Radio National, and is the author of eight books, both fiction and non-fiction.  

Together, Amal and Jane had a conversation about the complexity of the experience of wearing a veil, and the personal and societal pressures that play into this. They spoke about modesty and the policing women’s bodies in society, as well as the contrasts between wearing the veil in the Western world compared to in the Arab world. Amal and Jane also had a discussion about female sexuality and education around sex and bodies. 

Find Amal here: https://amalawad.com/ 

Read 'Beyond Veiled Clichés': https://amzn.asia/d/bOs4xPc

Watch ABC Australia’s video, Why Muslim women wear a hijab, burka or niqab & the importance of modesty in Islam: https://youtu.be/hkLjExxCQdY?si=piVVLOL-uLBCT5me 

TIMESTAMPS 

00:00 – Intro  

00:41 – How does Amal’s work connect with Sex in Space?   

02:23 – The need for nuanced conversations about the veil 

06:51 – Amal’s experience wearing a headscarf 

11:22 – The policing of women and their bodies 

15:08 – The veil and symbolism 

19:16 – The difference between belief and faith 

22:57 – Wearing the veil in the Arab world vs the Western world 

26:23 – Female sexuality and religion 

32:24 – Understanding the lack of education around sex and bodies 

35:07 – Different expressions of modesty 

38:54 – Why Amal chose to stop wearing the headscarf 

43:25 – About Amal’s book: Bitter and Sweet 

49:16 – Conclusion  

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On today’s episode of the podcast, we were joined by Arielle Zadok. Arielle is an intimacy coordinator, sexologist and founder of The Sexy Directory, an upcoming sex education platform launching in 2025. When she’s not facilitating intimacy on film and television sets, you can find her leading transformative intimacy workshops and speaking about sensuality, sexuality and intimacy at events. Arielle also hosts and produces Birds & Bees Don’t Fck, a show that normalizes how sex education of the past failed us, and how we all managed to get through that. Each week she brings on a comedian or sexpert for these fun, free flowing, educational conversations. 

Together, Arielle and Tim had a conversation about the role of intimacy coordinators in film and television, the responsibility of media creators to portray sex and intimacy in an authentic way, what makes a great sex scene, and the impact that misinformation from places like pornography has on real sexual interactions.  

Find Arielle here: https://www.ariellezadok.com/ 

Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariellezadok 

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

01:39 – The state of sex ed 

03:53 – Arielle’s early interest in sex and sexuality 

08:20 – How Arielle got started as an intimacy coordinator 

13:59 – The need to portray intimacy in an accurate way 

17:53 – What does a good sex scene look like?  

20:12 – Intimacy coordination and kink  

23:10 – What Fifty Shades of Grey got wrong about kink  

30:18 – Does intimacy coordination exist in pornography?  

34:35 – The problem with using porn as a form of sex ed 

37:00 – Where we should be learning about sex from 

39:05 – How messages about shame and masturbation impact our sex lives 

44:13 – Education and The Sexy Directory 

49:49 – Where to find Arielle  

50:27 – Conclusion 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, we have a special bonus episode – ten of our top parenting sex ed tips from experts. We’ve spoken with a lot of parenting experts on our podcast over the years and we wanted to put together some of our favourite tips from these conversations. We’ll cover things like how to talk with your kids about consent, masturbation and porn, advice for how you can be the kind of parent your kids feel safe to come to – and why that’s so important – as well as how you can respond, rather than react, when they ask you a tricky question. 

00:00 – Intro  

00:34 – Make it normal for your kids to talk to you about what they see online 

02:07 – Why you don’t want to shame kids for their bodily reactions to sexual content 

03:10 – Be the go to place for your kids to learn facts and values, rather than the media/porn 

04:06 – Think about helpful sex conversations you've had in your own life 

05:27 – Why your tone matters even more than what you say when having sex talks with your kids 

06:20 – How to talk with kids about masturbation 

06:59 – How to explain to kids how babies are made 

09:28 – How to talk with your kids about porn 

10:50 – How to teach kids about consent 

12:12 – How to respond rather than react when your child asks you a tricky sex question 

14:26 – Conclusion  

Our experts include:  

Cath Hakanson, qualified sexual health nurse, author, speaker and the founder of Sex Ed Rescue. 

https://sexedrescue.com/ 

Vanessa Hamilton, sexuality educator and the founder of education business ‘Talking The Talk Healthy Sexuality Education’, with over 25 years of experience as a registered sexual health nurse.  

https://www.talkingthetalksexed.com.au/ 

Dr Jane Cherrington, PhD in discursive psychology, with some post-doctoral work around the themes in porn, founder of the Sex in Space Project. 

https://sexinspace.com/ 

Justin Hancock, writer/editor of BISH, a trained sexual health trainer, qualified youth worker, and a sex and relationships educator since 1999. 

https://www.bishuk.com/ 

Nikki Denholm, director at The Light Project, which aims to equip youth, their whānau and communities to build porn literacy and positively navigate the new porn landscape. 

https://thelightproject.co.nz/ 

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Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.