Sex in Space

For this episode we were lucky enough to be joined by Dr. Fiona Vera-Gray, one of the UK’s leading feminist academics working on sexual violence, and the Deputy director at the Child and Women Abuse Studies Unit at London Metropolitan University. 

Earlier this year, Fiona published her book, Women on Porn, where she interviewed 100 women on their experiences with pornography – how they first encountered it, how they consume it, how it has affected their sex lives and relationships, what they like and what they don’t. Toshi and Fiona spoke about what inspired the book, how people have responded to it, how porn impacts our sex lives and the conflicting feelings that many women have towards their porn use.  

Check out Fiona here: https://www.fionaveragray.com/ 

Find Women on Porn here: https://www.fionaveragray.com/book-women-on-porn.html 

-----------------

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

01:14 – What kicked off the book?  

02:58 – What are sexual scripts?  

04:29 – How does porn impact our sex lives?  

06:26 – The problem with the Fast and Furious analogy  

08:03 – Balancing regulation and privacy  

09:49 – Removing the judgement from the conversation 

13:33 – It’s not as simple as pro-porn or anti-porn 

15:34 - What women say about their first sexual experiences  

17:30 – Advice if you feel conflicted about your porn use  

22:05 – How people have responded to Women on Porn  

24:00 – What positive impacts can porn have? 

27:32 – Fiona’s challenges working in this space  

29:24 – Men’s responses to her work  

30:51 – Supporting young people  

32:50 – Women’s responses to Fiona’s work 

34:32 – Feeling validated by other women's experiences 

36:00 – What about feminist/ethical porn?  

38:09 - How our sexual desires are shaped by culture  

40:26 – Conclusion  

----------------- 

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, we were thrilled to be joined by Lucy Sante, a Belgian-born American writer, teacher, and critic, who has contributed to the New York Review of Books for four decades about film, art, and photography. She transitioned at the age of 67 after downloading an app on her phone that had a gender-swapping feature, allowing Lucy to see herself as a woman.  

Earlier this year, she published a book called I Heard Her Call My Name, a Memoir of Transition, which brings together two threads of personal narrative – the first, the arc of her life, and the second, her recent transition that allowed her to reach a place of inner and outer alignment.  

Timestamps:  

00:00 – Intro  

01:23 – Feelings after promoting her book  

02:10 – Lucy's experience being trans 

04:40 – Containment vs desire  

07:28 – Lucy's upbringing  

08:52 – What triggered Lucy’s transition  

11:45 – The impact of age on transitioning 

13:56 – Lucy's social experiences as a kid  

17:25 – First encounters with trans people  

18:41 – Finding courage from others  

21:33 – Why Lucy might have transitioned 25 years earlier  

22:31 – Gender in society  

25:33 – The debate with feminism  

27:11 – The joy of transitioning  

31:42 – Being transgender is not a choice  

33:51 – Conclusion  

Check out Lucy's book here: https://lucysante.com/book/i-heard-her-call-my-name/

----------------- 

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode of the podcast, Toshi was lucky enough to speak with Annah Pickering, the regional co-ordinator for the NZPC – the Aotearoa New Zealand Sex Worker’s Collective. The Sex Worker’s Collective is a national organisation here in New Zealand that empowers and advocates for the rights of sex workers, as well as doing work internationally around the decriminalisation of sex work.

Check out the NZPC here: https://nzpc.org.nz/.

----------------- 

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Jane had the privilege of speaking with Susie Orbach, who is a British psychotherapist, psychoanalyst, social critic and the writer who hit the world with the iconic book: Fat is a Feminist Issue, which is an important examination of the obsession we have with food and body image. Written over 40 years ago, it remains hyper relevant to this day.  

Fast forward to 2009, and Susie followed up on this idea with Bodies. In this book she argues that the way we view our bodies has become synonymous with how we see ourselves – our body becomes the way that we measure our self-worth. In Bodies, Susie suggests ways that we might be able to heal from this kind of messaging.  

In the podcast, Susie spoke with Jane about this amazing body of work, and three main themes emerged – the development of feminism and the way that our perception of it has changed over time, our struggle as humans to be both connected and autonomous, and the way in which the food and beauty industries profit so significantly from body insecurity. 

What you’ll find in the podcast: 

How feminism was perceived when Susie was young 

What role should work have in our lives?  

The shift from relying on each other to competing 

Can we find common ground with others?  

Why connection is so important  

Why do so many of us feel bad about our bodies? 

How we can change the way we feel about bodies 

Why you should read Bodies 

A reflection on the times we’re living in

-----------------  

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  

Follow us here:  

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace/featured 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to talk with Chanel Contos, founder and CEO of Teach Us Consent, a campaign that mandated consent education in Australia. Chanel discussed the success of this campaign and the response she received from people within Australia and internationally. She unpacks what people can expect from her book, Consent Laid Bare, and discusses the last chapter which is titled “Dear Boys and Men” and what she hoped to achieve with this particular part of the book. Chanel also gives her advice on how to have healthier conversations and practices around consent and understanding personal boundaries.  

Find out more about the Teach Us Consent campaign here: https://www.teachusconsent.com/ 

Grab a copy of Consent Laid Bare:  https://amzn.asia/d/87nIuxU 

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro  

01:11 – What is the Teach Us Consent campaign?  

03:22 – Responses to the campaign  

03:52 – What Chanel has learned from working in this space  

04:40 – What's most rewarding about being involved in this work  

05:43 – What you’ll find in Chanel’s book 

07:20 – Dear Boys and Men  

10:11 – How to help people feel comfortable to say “no” 

12:10 – What is affirmative consent?  

14:24 – Advice to help have better consent practices  

17:07 – How you can get in touch with your own boundaries  

18:57 – Goals for the future  

19:45 – How Chanel got into this space from starting in IT  

20:46 – How you can support Teach Us Consent 

21:17 - Conclusion 

-----------------  

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  

Follow us here:  

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace/featured 

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For today’s episode, Jane had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus. Dr. Jenn is a clinical sexologist, sociologist, and relationship coach who has more than 20 years of experience in the sexual health and relationships space. She is the author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women, and is an international speaker about couples' desire, sexual consent, healthy relationships, body image, erotic play, effective communication, women's empowerment, and mindful intimacy.

Find more of Dr. Jenn here: https://www.drjennsden.com/ 

Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro 

02:22 – How Dr. Jenn got involved in this work 

04:28 – Changes in the sex + sexuality space over time 

06:40 – Why it’s important to do hard things  

09:29 – What is a growth mindset?  

12:51 – How awkward encounters can increase intimacy  

14:19 – Dr Jenn’s course for couples 

15:46 – Rewriting our sexual stories  

17:22 – 10 day refresh for couples  

18:11 – Our complicated relationship with pleasure  

21:49 – From Madness to Mindfulness   

26:00 – The lack of education around the clitoris  

28:47 – Dr. Jenn’s tips for parents  

31:56 – Advice for couples  

38:25 - Conclusion 

----------------- 

Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. 

Follow us here: 

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace/featured

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

For more info, check out our website at: 

https://www.sexinspace.com/ 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For today’s episode, Toshi had the pleasure of chatting with Damian Weatherald. Damian is an avid gig-goer to live music, sport, comedy, theatre and travel. He’s also a disability advocate and inclusivity consultant, a sex educator, and sex toy guru.  

We came across Damian on Instagram, when we asked our followers which topics they’d like to hear us discuss on the podcast. Damian approached us and said that he would love to speak with us about sex and disability, and we were super keen to have this conversation with him.  

You can find him on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/wheelie.rocking.pink/ 

Check out his website here: https://www.damianweatherald.co.uk/ 

--------------------------  

Check out our books here:   

https://www.sexinspace.com/books   

And find our merch here:   

https://www.sexinspace.com/shop   

--------------------------   

Watch video versions of our podcast here:  

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace/featured 

Follow us here:   

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom   

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom   

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For today’s episode, Toshi had the privilege of chatting with Trish Dribnenki, National Policy and Practice Lead for the New Zealand Needle Exchange Programme.  

Together, they spoke about the New Zealand Needle Exchange Programme – what started it, the services that it offers, and Trish’s role within the programme. Trish unpacked harm reduction and some of the misconceptions that people have around this philosophy, as well as how her work in this space has helped her navigate her own feelings of shame and self-stigma around drug use, and how us as listeners can make small changes in our daily lives to help reduce the stigma around drug use.  

Find more information about the New Zealand Needle Exchange Programme here: https://www.nznep.org.nz/ 

-------------------------- 

Check out our books here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/books  

And find our merch here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/shop  

--------------------------  

Watch video versions of our podcast here:

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace/featured

Follow us here:  

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this week’s episode of the podcast, Jane had the opportunity to speak with Sarah from Pantydeal. Born and raised in Australia, Sarah moved to Berlin after graduating from Ballet school. In the last few years she focused her time on Event Management in the Cabaret and Burlesque scene. In 2023 she started with Pantydeal, an online market place and social community for buyers and sellers of used panties. It’s the largest platform of its kind and has a large focus on sex, kink and body positivity. 

Check Pantydeal out here: https://pantydeal.com/. 

-------------------------- 

Check out our books here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/books  

And find our merch here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/shop  

--------------------------  

Follow us here:  

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to speak with Kate Muir - women’s health expert, investigative journalist and documentary maker in the UK – about her latest book, Everything You Need to Know About the Pill (but were too afraid to ask), which is released April 11th, 2024. They spoke about what inspired the book, how the pill impacts hormones and libido, Kate unpacked some misconceptions around contraception, and explained why we need to be educating young people better about their options, and they discussed trans, non-binary and male contraception, as well as exploring the history of the pill – including the fact that it was female-funded!  

Kate has also produced the recent Davina McCall: Pill Revolution documentary, and created two ground-breaking Channel 4 films on the menopause, which ignited a massive conversation among women. Her book Everything You Need to Know About the Menopause (but were too afraid to ask) is out now in paperback. She is a campaigning speaker, and a founder member of The Menopause Charity. 

Find more of Kate here: https://katemuir.co.uk/ 

Check out her book Everything You Need to Know About the Pill (but were too afraid to ask) here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Everything-Need-Know-About-afraid/dp/1398529516

Find Kate on social: @pillscandal and @menoscandal.  

--------------------------  

Check out our books here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/books  

And find our merch here:  

https://www.sexinspace.com/shop  

--------------------------  

Follow us here:  

https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom  

https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom 

https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.