Sex Matters.

LISTENER QUESTION (Thank you listener!)

Is BDSM a healthy sexual activity?  As a feminist I’m instantly turned off. How

can this be a loving sexual dynamic?

STUFF WE TALKED ABOUT…

Everyday life values/sexual values

Intention, impact and beyond.

RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink

BDSM and abuse – Intent and impact.

A clear description of the differences of BDSM and abuse.

“BDSM is the use of sensation to illicit pleasure… “

BDSM & Feminism: The Two Can Coexist — Lachrista Greco

Includes BDSM VS ABUSE charthttps://medium.com/@lachristagreco/bdsm-feminism-the-two-can-coexist-6f06977f291e

Cycle of violence from patriciahttp://www.sjsu.edu/spartansforsafety/healthyrelationships/overview/cycleofviolence/index.html

YES, NO, MAYBE LISTS – Some options http://selfservetoys.com/resourcecenter/favorite-yesnomaybe-lists-available-online/

The listener question

“IS BDSM a healthy sexual activity?  As a feminist I’m instantly turned off. How can this be a loving sexual dynamic?”

WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT?

Can you be submissive and a feminist?

Where BDSM fits in with feminism and knowing ones self.

Patricia talks about her own role as a submissive in her relationship

and what ingredients make it happy and successful.

Communication!

Keeping your relationship spicy!  

What are the parts/stages of a BDSM scene?  It is so much more than just the scene.  And that is where the magic happens in the

relationship, the experience and for the participant personally.

More about Patricia’s Birthday experience and after care.

“On the rack”… The rack described

And more!

YES, NO, MAYBE LISTS – Some optionshttp://selfservetoys.com/resourcecenter/favorite-yesnomaybe-lists-available-online/

Cycle of violence http://www.sjsu.edu/spartansforsafety/healthyrelationships/overview/cycleofviolence/index.html

Question: “IS BDSM a healthy sexual activity?  As a feminist I’m instantly turned off. How can this be a loving sexual dynamic?” -Justine

WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT!

A little history on BDSM – And why people might have a negative opinion of BDSM…

(Or better stated… why culture has sent this attitude

through generation by generation not actually knowing the historic origins… as

we do so many things!  AHHH the human condition!)

What IS BDSM stand for? 

(There is a lot packed in those little letters!)

What IS IT?

Who participates?

**The movie was Exit to Eden. 

As I recall the book was better?? It’s been YEARS!!!

Can participating in BDSM be healthy?

A look into roles

CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT!

Patricia’s birthday spankings!

The responsibility of love and care for both the top and bottom from and for each other. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201206/loving-introduction-bdsm

WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT

Arranged marriages…  Some

interesting and thought provoking pros and cons.  

(Maybe great for those of us who STINK at decision making!)

Patricia shares a little about her “the one” story.

How many people are we allowing into our bedroom… into our

sex life… when we bring our phone to bed?

Patricia’s phone routine. (Wonder how we’d all feel if we

were able to follow her lead?  It sure is

something to think about… how do the little things affect us!?)

Phone apps and the questions they cause in our relationships…

inspire in ourselves?

Phones, Phone apps, insecurity jealousy. Opening the door

for cheating?

Patricia’s fear for humanity.

“IF he paid as much attention to me as phone…”

What parental controls do we put on ourselves to keep us

balanced?

AN article Judy found with some lovely ideas for using our phones for good!https://nypost.com/2018/08/15/phones-turn-bedrooms-a-no-sex-zone/

THE QUESTION FROM THE LISTENER…

How can you be sex/body positive without being too sex/body positive? We didn’t want our son to have any hang ups about sex so from a very early age we tried to teach that all body parts were perfectly normal and fine. And we tend to walk around naked. Now that he’s older (but still prepubertal), he sometimes wants to poke my breasts (in a teasing, nonsexual way), and touch penis tips with his dad (because it’s funny).  We are trying to figure out how to explain that all body parts are normal but some body parts are still kind of off limits in certain ways.

THINGS WE TALKED ABOUT…

Ages where kids can begin to understand consent

Fluid Boundaries VS walls and rules

Boundaries and psychological health

Privacy VS secrecy

Positive reinforcement

Intent of the child is play…

Whose property is a pregnant belly?

A sense of humor that feels like bullying

Staying in our power in our body but respectfully flexing out boundary muscles… how do we do that?

Family and relationship “safe words”!

Shame and guilt

Boundaries with adult children – Still learning to navigate the world.

Mentioned in Outro

The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kidshttps://www.fatherly.com/play/best-dirty-jokes-for-kids-and-families-clean-jokes/

Thoughts and ideas to help both men and women engage when

there is a prostate, or other, issue challenging their penetrative sex life.

Sex without penetration… what can I do if that is off the table?A few things we touched on

Mutual masturbation… ideas and benefits!SkyDancing tantraKunyaza – Check this out ladies and gents)Cuddling parties for intimacyMilking the prostate

Pain…to pleasure/intense sensation to orgasm… CAREFULLY!

Communicating with your doctor about what “sex” means when

there are restrictions.

NOTE! This podcast is for informational purposes only.  ALWAYS check with your doctor if there is

pain, blood in your urine, etc.  Be safe!

Inspired by a doctor visit!  Let’s talk about the prostate!

Where is it, what is it and why it is so important?

IT KEEPS GROWING! 

Things you can do to HELP?

LifestyleHomeopathicMedicinalSurgical – “Turp” Kegels for men!  How do you do it??  DANCE BABY DANCE!

How you and your partner engage as part of the treatment for

prostate and ED  (Erectile Dysfunction).

Milking the prostate… 

how do you do that?

And other ways to move the inflammation.

What exactly qualifies as losing your virginity??

Join us for part 2 next week where we will have even more for your prostate or you if you have a prostate-having loved one… REALLY loved one!

We’ll talk more about

What is sex and a sex act?Adult sex educationThe stripper slide and MUCH more about sex that is NOT penetrative sex!

Learn more about Patricia and her work as a Sexual Authenticity Coach on the Wellness Renaissance Podcast:Episode 68 – Patricia Engelking – Sexual Authenticity Coach

Patricia’s Book – Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2GNFOhd

This is a portion of a MUCH longer conversation that was planned to be a second Patricia interview on my wellness podcast, The Wellness Renaissance Podcast.  Instead… it lead to a… Hmmm… how about a dedicated podcast where we can talk about all aspects of sex, sexuality, etc.   AND… here we are!

The MUCH longer conversation sits accessible to anyone who supports Sex Matters through Patreon.  (Patreon is the way people support the podcast for as low as $2 a month to help us create a community for the products created through Sex Matters!)  You can check it out on the website – SexMattersPodcast.com… and click on “become a Patreon“.)

Things we touched on…

How to be sensual…. That is tapping into your senses to tap

in your sexual power.

 “They just need to

get laid!”

The power we embody when we have great sex!!

The celibacy switch? 

Do you have one of these?

The energy of sex with someone else… and sex with yourself…

your body knows the difference.

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is

about power.”

― Oscar Wilde

Male/female tension. – The connection, the balance… female

energy and male energy

Coming from the place of connection in sex…  “that’s what everybody wants… they want the

connection”

Somewhere in there Patricia compares orgasm to getting your

teeth cleaned!

MMMM… It’s a GREAT feeling!

Patricia talks about when women have to tap into their

masculine energy to “get things done”… and why that can result in unbalancing

our male/female tension.   When women

have to step into their masculine energy it can put a strain in the attraction.

Being in balance with the ebb and flow… finding the

“connection”. Being in your higher level energy

WHAT DID WE TOUCH ON?  (CONSENSUALLY OF COURSE!)

Patricia shares Kama Sutra sizes and possible size matches.

Erectile Dysfunction

Kegals for men… why and how? 

(Dance for me baby… NO, not YOU… your penis!)

The prostate

And, lots of other stuff about perception, culture,

communication and more mixed in.

A little bonus tip from Patricia for some of you… HOMEWORK

How being an elephant can help make sure you don’t loose

your golf balls.   

***DISCLAIMER… Tampons are NOT a form of birth control. This

is NOT a good idea… don’t do it!