Sex Matters.

This week we are sharing a full and uncut episode Judy did 1 year ago, May of 2019, from the Wellness Renaissance Podcast Archives. This is the full recording of that podcast. It was a fantastic interview and we wanted to share it and Emily with you all.Enjoy….

Emily is a Sex Educator,  an expert on women’s sexual well-being,

healthy relationships, and the prevention of sexual violence and

harassment.  

If her name sounds familiar, you may know her from her best selling book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that will Transform your Sex Life, or various TED talks. (links below)

(She also has a recent book with her sister Amelia called, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.)

So much

thought provoking, life changing stuff in here for women and anyone else who

has ever had sex, might have sex or born from someone having sex!

What did we

talk about??

How

cultural narratives have changed over time, what it teaches us right away when

someone assigns us as a boy or girl, how it has lied to us and how it is

helpful for us to recognize that!

What do we

do now?   Emily shares her garden

metaphor to help us think about that.  

Desire is

at the center of sex in many discussions

Pleasure…

that is what we should be using as a guide.

Pleasure is the Measure!

Understanding

Arousal Non-Concordance

This isn’t

something we understand in our culture well. 

How that lack

of that understanding, and believing, has set the course to women not being

trusted to know what they want.   “You

say no but your body says yes.” used to place blame in sexual assault cases and

in relationships.   

Emily talks

about how we experience this.

You are normal… and… you not knowing you are normal… is TOTALLY normal!

How do

couples sustain a good sexual connection over decades?

Emily talks

about the few simple things they have in common and do to maintain that.

What we can

do to re-connect.

She shared

a difficult time in her own life and marriage that she walked through pulled

her and her husband closer together…

Why the 6 second kiss and 20 second hug!

Emily’s Mentionshttps://hermanwallace.com/ Peggy Kleinplatz – Sex Therapisthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peggy_J._KleinplatzGirls and Sex by Peggy Orensteinhttps://amzn.to/31OsUrdDown Girl: The Logic of Misogyny by Kate Mannehttps://amzn.to/2ZhndAg

Emily’s Books

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex

Life

https://amzn.to/2KTZJfp

The Come as You Are Workbook: A Practical Guide to the Science of Sex

https://amzn.to/2Z4ICRZ

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

https://amzn.to/31RxtB3

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle https://amzn.to/31RxtB3

Check out Emily’s Ted Talks… here is one

Learn More About Emilyhttp://www.emilynagoski.com/

Advertising Sponsor: Sarah Bamford SeidelmannFind your core Beastie at:FOLLOW YOUR FEEL GOOD TO AN ABSURDLY FANTASTIC LIFE

Advertising Sponsor: Sarah Bamford SeidelmannFind your core Beastie at:FOLLOW YOUR FEEL GOOD TO AN ABSURDLY FANTASTIC LIFE

Thank YOU for listening!   We truly appreciate you!

SexMattersPodcast.comhttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Send in your questions, topics you’d love to hear us talk about, we love to hear from you.Leave a reviewSign up for the email list and get a PDF of daily positive sex affirmationsConsider supporting our work on Patreon.  Your support makes a difference.https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

PATRICIA – Relationship Doula

You can learn more about and find Patricia’s main website at: https://www.patriciaengelking.comFind her on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lkingHer book – Crossing the river called sufferingYou can click right to amazon through the website

JUDY – Weekly well-being Podcast and wellness advocate

Conne

NOTE… no, we are sorry… Chris Collingwood of Fountains of Wayne/Stacy’s Mom fame is alive and well! Sadly, however, the base player… and famous for MANY other cool things,  Adam Schlesinger, did die on April 1st from complications of Covid-19.

HAPPY late MOTHERS DAY!

An appreciation to all the Mom’s out there… for if they

didn’t exist… neither would we.

What did we talk about?

The popularity of MILFs

Mom… she is a sexual creature. Permission to BE a sexual creature.

MILFS… what is the intrigue? The draw? The complexity…

The nurturer

Shame

Taboo

Incestuous intrigue

She is through a lot of the relationship drama

Knows what she wants or excited to explore. The draw and honor of being chosen BY a MILF

She is a teacher

She ix experienced, in tune with her sexuality.

Ready to enjoy the experience and pleasure.

Confident.

She can take control.

Why MILF instead of a dominatrix?

Why not a DILF? 

OLD PEOPLE HAVE SEX!!  Get used to it and embrace it!

Happy mother’s day to anyone with a vagina!

Creating space for creativity, playfulness and sex. 

Ladies… Your sexual desires… they matter!

Thank YOU for listening!   We truly appreciate you!

SexMattersPodcast.comhttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Send in your questions, topics you’d love to hear us talk about, we love to hear from you.Leave a reviewSign up for the email list and get a PDF of daily positive sex affirmationsConsider supporting our work on Patreon.  Your support makes a difference.https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

PATRICIA

You can learn more about and find Patricia’s main website at: https://www.patriciaengelking.comFind her on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lkingHer book – Crossing the river called sufferingYou can click right to amazon through the website

JUDY

Connect with Judy and her weekly The Wellness Renaissance PodcastWellnessRenPodcast.comor listen on iTunes

A listener dropped us a note with a question”44″“Can my boyfriend know that I’ve made love with another guy after making love with him?”

We explore the physical and biological aspects of this

question… as opposed to the ethical conundrum.

Does your body give you away?BiologyPenis or toy sizeHow close the timing of events are and how long it takes your body to recover, How tuned into you your partner is to you and your body Hygiene Safe sex practicesEtc.

We share some responses from men who kindly respond with

their experiences and thoughts around this question… can you tell if your

partner has had sex with another person before you.

Gang bangs… 300… OOFDAH!?   YOU GO Annabel Chong!  (Annabel never got paid her 10k… so say the interwebs.  COME ON RON JERAMY… WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!?!)

Episiotomies… Be aware of your surgeon’s plan to give you good “customer service” with an extra stitch that may cause some serious pain afterwards.

Thank YOU for listening!   We truly appreciate you!

SexMattersPodcast.comhttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Send in your questions, topics you’d love to hear us talk about, we love to hear from you.Leave a reviewSign up for the email list and get a PDF of daily positive sex affirmationsConsider supporting our work on Patreon.  Your support makes a difference.https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

PATRICIA

You can learn more about and find Patricia’s main website at: https://www.patriciaengelking.comFind her on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lkingHer book – Crossing the river called sufferingYou can click right to amazon through the website

JUDYConnect with Judy and her weekly The Wellness Renaissance PodcastWellnessRenPodcast.comor listen on iTunes

Inspired by the UFO sightings in Duluth. https://mix108.com/there-have-been-two-ufo-sightings-in-the-duluth-area-in-2020/(OK, it was on the list but it rose to the top due to the articles Judy read about recent sightings in Duluth, MN.)

Lots to explore here… this is what we touched on.

A popular fetish.

Exophilia is the love of strange, new, extraterrestrial, robotic, supernatural, or otherwise non-human life-forms. It can be considered as a sexual form of neophilia. People with exophilia have a desire to be with non-human life forms, but that are essentially human in an alien form.

It also is linked to the belief of otherworldly entities, energies, and/or

beings. Mythos from other cultures tell of spirit/alien/demigod/etc. couplings

with humans that are sexual in nature, which gives hint that perhaps at one

time exophilia was possibly more common. 

(From Wikipedia)

One thing it is missing… 

enthusiastic consent.

The book and movie Entity??… I did NOT find the book or

movie to match what I recall… so…. NO idea what the one I talked about was

called.   I was PRETTY sure Entity was

right… not so sure any more.

What does WIKIPEDIA say about the missionary position?https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missionary_position

The Loophole – Garfunkel and Oates https://youtu.be/7pzs0aGu1fU

Getting pregnant by an alien.

What part does the alien play? What part does the fantasy “haver” play? (What is the better word for “fantasy haver”?

Another version of BDSM?

Stories of those who have been abducted

Like David Huggins and more

This Guy Paints the Sex He Allegedly Has with Alienshttps://www.vice.com/en_us/article/a34dme/this-guy-paints-the-sex-he-allegedly-has-with-aliens

Is JUDY a descendant of an alien… HMMM???

Being turned into a “human cow” and Milk fetishes.

Tentacles

Your partner has alien sex fantasies and you want to try role

play… some ideas.

Photo by Joe

deSousa on Unsplash

Thank YOU for listening!  

We appreciate you!

SexMattersPodcast.com

Send in your questions, topics you’d love to hear us talk

about, we love to hear from you.

Get on the email list

Leave a review

Sign up for the email list and get a PDF of daily positive

sex affirmations

Consider supporting our work on Patreon.  Your support makes a difference. https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

PATRICIA

You can learn more about and find Patricia’s main website at: https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Find her on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Her book is called Crossing the river called suffering

You can click right to amazon through the website

JUDY

Connect with Judy and her weekly The Wellness Renaissance

Podcast

WellnessRenPodcast.com

or listen on iTunes

After listening to our penis episodes we thought a few

things maybe came out NOT as we had intended…. This week was kinda the

conversation we were going to have last week… 

NEXT week… Alien sex….  But,

listen to this first!)

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT

Social distancing with a  loved one…  Do you need your alone time?

Toilet paper… we share our views and current situations in

our homes about the proper toilet paper direction for US!

(Yep… we got deep out of the gate on this one!)

“The whole world just needs to accept everybody’s differences.” – Patricia

Getting to know each other authentically as individuals.

Body positivity.

Making judgment… our fight or flight response…Comes from a place of…Fear of lossFear of rejectionFear of failureFear of the unknown

Ahhh, the challenges of being human… Wanting to say the

right thing at the right time.

Charms school anyone??

Asking permission to create welcome spaces to receive your

observations in conversations.

PATRICIA’S CURRENT

OFFERING

Secret KeeperPatricia explains this offer at the back of the episode. Listen and learn more.

Connect with her here… https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Judy and the Wellness

Renaissance Podcast

The Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Faceookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Sex Matters. Podcast

https://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast

Find and support us on Patreon… and, THANK YOU!https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

Patricia and I had a lovely conversation.   We went in with a topic that we never quite got to… I present to you, the finished product.  Enjoy our philosophical therapy session.

Here is what we

talked about

STUFF LOTS of stuff

De-stressing and EscapismWhy do we have this small box that we put sex into? The resistance of acknowledging it is all around us in various forms and flavors. Connection!Finding soul focus from ego focusTalking to kids about sex.Memories, living in a state of bliss and orgasmsdo we remember the best, the worst?7 levels of energyChoosing bliss…TEA-GASM!! Fill your day with “Tea-Gasms!”  Enjoy life!This time we have… right now. Going with the flow or the resistance?How do we get out of the patterns where talking about sex is bad and hard?… no matter where and when we are in life!It’s never too late!

RESOURCES FOR PARENTS

Book for children

The Amazing True Story of How Babies are Made by Fiona Katauskasfionakatauskas.com/the-amazing-true-story-of-how-babies-are-made/

A sex positive Facebook group for parents. PARENTS OF THE KALEIDOSCOPEhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/parentsofthekaleidoscope/

Look for our new resource page in progress:https://sexmatterspodcast.com/resource-page

BOOKS & MOVIES MENTIONED

Celestine Prophecy by James Redfieldhttps://amzn.to/2z1UHLA

Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoskihttps://amzn.to/2VjO1RX

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.https://amzn.to/2RLXyyM

Love on a Leash – Starring: Gloria Winship Ayon, Shane Ayon(Currently on Amazon Prime) – or – https://amzn.to/2KbViNb

Sex Matters on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast/

Find us and support us on PatreonFind us and support our work on Patreon. Though the podcast plays on…  we, like many, have been affected by covid-19. If you enjoy our podcast and are able to support us, please consider.  Thank you so much! https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

FIND OUT MORE OR CONNECT WITH…

Patricia

https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Judy

The Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Patricia shares her research for this episode. Thank you for your help Leo!

Challenges with larger penis sizes.

Is bigger better?

Condoms and Birth control 

(Bigger is no reason for lack of preparedness)

What do guys do with their large sized cocks on a daily bases… where do they go?? (Like really… feel free to send in your answers… inquiring minds want to know!)

Putting sexuality, intimacy etc. on project status

Sex Matters. Podcasthttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast/

Find us and support us on PatreonFind us and support our work on Patreon. Though the podcast plays on…  we, like many, have been affected by covid-19. If you enjoy our podcast and are able to support us, please consider.  Thank you so much! https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

FIND OUT MORE OR CONNECT WITH…

Patricia

https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Judy

The Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Smaller penis sizes – benefits, challenges and awarenesses

What do we talk about?

Small and micro penises and what are the definitions of each?

Should one disclose if they have a smaller… or larger… penis

pre getting naked?

How frequent are micro penises anyway… what are the stats?

Psychological impacts                                    

The potential benefits of dating a person with a smaller

penis… why do some partners prefer a smaller penis size.   

Pregnancy issues, ED, etc.

The culture and smaller penis size

Condoms

Female condoms

Birth control/STD responsibility

“there’s a lot that can happen that can be delightful… that can happen outside your vagina.”

Judy talked about

…… remember 1984?

Short Dick Man by Gillette

Club mix…

The radio version

Short short man

FIND OUT MORE OR

CONNECT WITH…

Patricia

https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Judy

The Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Sex Matters. Podcasthttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Find us and support us on PatreonThis is a GREAT time to support us here at Sex Matters. IF you are able!  Thank you for listening! https://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast/

Patricia and Judy are NOT doctors, nurses or medical

professionals. Not to mention, information changes as time goes.  So, please do your research if you have

questions. 

Thank  you!

Many of us are choosing to be isolated at home or are in

quarantine due to safe at home orders.

This time is going to challenge many of us no matter if we

are alone or spending this time with others. 

How can we use this time as thoughtfully and intentionally

as we can.   We may have each others full attention in a

way we have never had before.   As

family, with our children, with our partners.

What can we do to make this intentional and quality time? To

bring us to a place of forward growth for ourselves.  Our relationships.

To improve our communication.

Our sexuality and sexual connection.

Patricia talks about the difference between expectations and

boundaries.  (One may sound like nagging

and the other may leave the door open for softer communication and a better outcome

for everyone.)

What about sex?

We talk about sex and what, at the time of recording, is

regarded as safe and safest to minimize transmitting the Coved-19/CoronaVirus.

Please check out the

guidelines given by New York’s

health department

Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf

Spoiler alert… this is not the time for new partners.

Even regular partners that have not been quarantined with

you may pose risks.

There are drastic measures you can take. And then their are

reasonable risks you may choose to take… especially if you are sharing a room,

a bed, etc. already.

A few lines from the New York Health Department to clear up what we talked about in the episode:

Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19.Virus in feces may enter your mouth. Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva or feces, especially during oral or anal sex.

We toss out some alternative things you can do to have fun,

play, communicate, connect with your partner in ways to make being in the same

house, or across town, more fun.

Wash your hands… in general… and especially before and after

any sexual activity.  Probably a good

idea to add washing your face to that too! Think about it!

This virus is not a sexually transmitted disease, but it can

be transmitted in the act of sex through saliva, kissing, breathing, air

droplets from breathing, etc.

Take care of yourself, take care of your partner, take care

of your community.

Check out Patricia’s new Facebook GroupClose Quarters-Sparking Intimacy in Quarantine and Beyondhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/212132580195107/

A few RESOURCES

Sex and CoronavirusDisease 2019 (COVID-19)https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf

Can You Have Sex With COVID-19 Coronavirus Spreading? Here Is Howhttps://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2020/03/22/can-you-have-sex-with-covid-19-coronavirus-spreading-here-is-how/#4677c88f50a8

FIND OUT MORE OR

CONNECT WITH…

Patricia

https://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

Judy

The Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Sex Matters. Podcasthttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Find us and support us on Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast/

Pet Names… are they a safe form of affection in this time of social distancing?Patricia LOVES pet names!

For partners… or PARTS of partners… and her parts.

Do you use them?

Like them?

Like when people use nicknames/pet names for you?

When is it too soon in a relationship?

When do you have permission?

Give permission?

Suggestions for creating a nickname/pet name and how they

can organically pop up.

Patricia reveals her nickname for her “down there” lovely

lady bits.  

Suggests a really interesting idea of how having a name can be helpful in our communication with our partners…and maybe ourselves… to dis-associate to re-associate.  Zooming out… to re connect.

Our alter ego.

WE INVITE YOU!!

on facebook or on the notes page…

Your comments… share with us.

What are some of your favorites pet names?

For you or others?

Are they inside the bedroom or outside the bedroom?

Names are fun!

No explanation needed.

Minneapolis stores

Smitten Kittenhttps://www.smittenkittenonline.com/

Bondesquehttps://bondesque.com/

Venus Unveiled (shoes and morehttps://venusunveiled.com/

Lickety Splithttp://sexworldbrands.com/stores/lickety-split-minneapolis-mn/

SIA… just in case you weren’t familiar with who I spoke of. 

FIND OUT MORE OR

CONNECT WITH…

Patriciahttps://www.patriciaengelking.com/

Her Book… Crossing the River Called Sufferinghttps://amzn.to/2QEVtnY

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/patricia.eng3lking

JudyThe Wellness Renaissance Podcasthttps://wellnessrenpodcast.com/

Faceookhttps://www.facebook.com/WellnessRen/

Sex Matters. Podcasthttps://sexmatterspodcast.com/

Find us and support us on Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/SexMatters

Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/SexMattersPodcast/