Sexual Assault Survivor Stories

For those of you who have been following this show since the beginning almost 2 years ago, or who have had the opportunity to go back to listen to some of the early episodes, you’ll recognize this weeks’ guest: Mac McDonald. Mac was one of the four people who were on a panel of rape survivors who had been assaulted on their respective college campuses in New York state. Each of them has a gripping story of what it means to be raped, then not believed, or blamed for their own assaults. Such was the case with Mac…even her close friends denied or minimized her experience of rape, which only exacerbated previous traumas and sexual assaults she had endured. But Mac is a fighter. Mac sought help for her trauma experiences, and now is progressing through the hard work of fighting the daily grip of PTSD and downward spirals. She has an amazing support system of therapists and several friends, and of course her original sisterhood of the 3 other people who were on that panel with her. Mac fights her past every day. She leans on her therapists, her friends, and the joy that comes from her job of working with children in a daycare. These children support and lift her up with their innocence and curiosity, their laughter, and their sometimes-brutal honesty of inquiry and exploration. Because of all of this support, Mac not only survives her horrific past, but is thriving and growing every day. Please listen to this episode in its entirety…that would be greatly appreciated by Mac and myself. Then, as an extra dose of support, please subscribe to this podcast! AND, I want to make you aware of my new Instagram account: @sexualassaultsurvivorstories.  I have decided to take additional steps in furthering the power of this podcast and the community of victims and survivors that are guests and listeners of this show, but also for all of you who listen to support victims and survivors, and to learn more about the impact of rape and sexual assault, as well as the power of empathy through being trauma informed. Please visit the new account @sexualassaultsurvivorstories, and hit that FOLLOW button. Then, please take an extra moment to share this account with all of your followers and also ask them to follow @sexualassaultsurvivorstories. There’s power in numbers, believe me. And to make an even greater impact in our society, and in order to help bring justice to victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault, I have set a towering goal of 500,000 followers by the end of October! Don’t for a second believe that this cannot be accomplished…because it can!! If you follow, then ask all of your followers to also follow @sexualassaultsurvivorstories, the exponential growth can quickly help us get to this goal! I truly thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your help in this endeavor!! Here are some links and sites I hope you look at, subscribe to, and read and learn about: @sexualassaultsurvivorstories (on Instagram)

I’ll start these notes off by providing you some important information about my guest this week, Sergeant Major Aaron Stone, US Army, Retired. This information is taken directly from Aaron’s website, 18 Winters – Shattering the silence I am a retired Combat Medic in the United States Army, and I have completed multiple tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Bosnia; none of those experiences affected me as much as the trauma I suffered at age 15 at the hands of a male teacher who methodically groomed and raped me. I choose the word “rape” deliberately, because it conveys the reality of that man’s actions so many years ago. For over 17 years, 18 winters, I became a silent sufferer of depression and PTSD. The cost of keeping that shameful secret caught up with me in 2010 through a nervous breakdown. Thankfully, I finally realized I needed help and, for the first time in my life, I told my story. It was an act of liberation. Over the last eight years I have spoken over 100 times to numerous military organizations across the U.S., Germany, and South Korea spreading my message of pain, redemption, and hope. My goal is to be an inspiration for those who may be suffering through the same mental anguish as I once did. I reassure survivors that sexual assault is never their fault, they are never alone, and help is here. With social stigmas and victim blaming, most male victims who never report a sexual assault. Public awareness and education of male-on-male sexual violence and the horrifying impact it can have on one’s life must increase. For me, the most amazing aspect of interviewing Aaron was how his personality and conversation style is both calm and collected, yet commanding and powerful while telling his story. It’s no wonder Aaron is so incredibly sought after as a speaker. Our conversation is insightful and comprehensive. It was a true honor to speak with Aaron and learn about both his rape story and his healing journey, and how he looks at telling his experience as his therapy. I share in Aaron’s belief that telling our own rape or sexual assault experience is one of the first steps in our healing journey. If your organization or agency is looking for an inspirational presenter as a way of educating your employees or colleagues on the solution to the stigmas of rape and sexual assault, Aaron is the person you need to bring aboard. I feel no doubt that you will be impressed with the results! Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode…Please hit the subscribe button on whatever podcast platform you found this show, and leave a review, if you would…it helps more than you know! Also, don’t forget to do your part to help bring justice to victims and survivors of rape or sexual assault. A great way to do this is to Start By Believing! Please take a look at these sites, and pass them on to others who may find the information helpful:

In the deeply insightful podcast episode featuring Lynn Stroud, listeners are immersed in a profound exploration of what it truly means to be trauma informed. Stroud, a renowned advocate and expert in trauma recovery, eloquently guides us through the multifaceted layers of this crucial concept. At its core, being trauma-informed is not merely a set of techniques or protocols but a profound shift in perspective—an empathetic approach that acknowledges and respects the experiences of those who have endured trauma. Throughout the interview, Stroud illuminates the path towards becoming trauma-informed, emphasizing the importance of creating environments that foster safety, trust, and empowerment. She articulates how trauma can profoundly impact individuals across various aspects of their lives, shaping their perceptions, behaviors, and interactions. By understanding this, she argues, we can reshape our responses—from healthcare to education and beyond—to be sensitive and supportive. Drawing from her extensive experience, Stroud delves into practical strategies for cultivating a trauma-informed mindset. She stresses the significance of listening without judgment, validating survivors' experiences, and recognizing the resilience that often emerges from adversity. Her insights paint a picture of transformational potential, where institutions and communities can become healing spaces rather than inadvertently perpetuating harm. Moreover, Stroud addresses common misconceptions about trauma and emphasizes the need for ongoing education and awareness. She highlights how integrating trauma-informed practices not only enhances individual well-being but also contributes to a more compassionate and inclusive society. Her words resonate with a call to action, urging listeners to consider how they can contribute to creating environments that prioritize safety, respect autonomy, and foster genuine healing. Lynn Stroud's interview serves as a beacon of understanding and compassion, offering a roadmap for listeners to embark on their own journey towards becoming more trauma informed. It's a reminder that by embracing empathy, knowledge, and proactive change, we can collectively build a world where survivors are not only heard but supported in their paths to healing and empowerment. This episode leaves a lasting impression, inspiring us to reflect on how we can all play a role in creating a more trauma-informed society. Here are some links and websites I hope you’ll find interesting and inspiring! Please check ‘em out!

It’s quite the honor to be hosting a podcast that has reached the 100th episode landmark, especially because hitting this commemorative occasion is a testament to the loyalty of you, my listeners, and because of the privileged circumstance of having made it this far. It’s a lot of work, but for me because of the amazing guests I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing, it’s been more than worth it. I cannot thank all of you enough for the trust you’ve placed in me in allowing me to talk with you and having your share your rape or sexual assault experience with me. It is truly an honor. Caroline Markel is back this week, and for those of you who’ve had the privilege of hearing her in the past, you won’t be disappointed in this episode. For those of you who are new to SASS, welcome…you’re in for a pleasant surprise in listening to Caroline’s deep wisdom and knowledge from surviving the horrific experience of being  drugged and trafficked by her own fiancé. Caroline is the founder and CEO of Safe in Harm’s Way, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims and survivors of rape, sexual assault, and interpersonal violence, find the resources for escaping abusive experiences and navigating their way to safety and healing.  Caroline guides the topic this week and leads us into a place of self-reflection and personal responsibility for how we manage our healing journey. You’re in for a true learning experience from Caroline this week! As usual, I’ve provided some helpful and informative links, below, that I hope you will take the time to explore and learn from.Thank you, again, for being part of the 100th episode celebration of Sexual Assault Survivor Stories, the SASS podcast!

Here’s some information about Nicole, in case some of you are new to Sexual Assault Survivor Stories. Nicole is a frequent guest on this show, and I want you to know some information about her. This information is published by Force Science, Nicole’s employer, on their website: “Nicole Florisi, PsyD Candidate, LEO Director of Curriculum & Content Development, Staff Instructor Force Science Biography Nicole has extensive experience as an educator, police officer, and therapist. She provides front-line instruction in de-escalation, crisis communications, and force encounters investigations. With over 25 years of experience, she has held positions including communications specialist, patrol officer, patrol sergeant, investigator, and acting chief. She has held previous roles as a Law Enforcement Subject Matter Expert at and as the Executive Director for the Verde Valley Sanctuary; a shelter dedicated to providing services for victims of sex trafficking, sexual violence, and domestic violence. Nicole is currently working on her doctorate in clinical psychology. She holds two post-master’s degrees; one in Human Factors Psychology and one in Trauma Counseling; an M.S. in Professional Counseling; and a B.S. in Public Safety Administration and Emergency Management.” Just over a month ago, Nicole Florisi reached out to me to let me know that there was a not-so-great situation that had recently come to her attention regarding a domestic violence/sex assault shelter. She told me that several residents of this particular shelter had reached out to inform her that there were some pretty extreme reports of inappropriate behavior and abuses perpetrated on shelter clientele at the hands of some of the shelter staff. Before I go any further, I want to emphasize that these reports were not initiated by Nicole, but rather by clientele residents of the shelter referenced in the reports. At the time Nicole reached out to me in July, we were not releasing the name of the shelter. But since the time of that recording, reports of the abuses and poor living conditions at the shelter were made public through an article published by the local newspaper, the . The shelter at the center of the reports is Verde Valley Sanctuary (VVS), which is the shelter at which Nicole had been the Executive Director. And the reason clientele of the shelter were reaching out to Nicole is because they know her, trust her, and thought that Nicole may be able to help. These reports had started coming to Nicole in the fall of 2023, and Nicole forwarded those reports, via email,  to the shelter administration and board of directors in October, 2023. Because Nicole did not receive any type of acknowledgement of her report from either the shelter or administration, she forwarded a second report to the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence (ACESDV). The response that Nicole received from ACESDV, was that “ACESDV has visited the program and has not seen anything of concern.” But the reports of abuses and lack of services continued to come in from shelter clientele, and now were also being received by staff employees that had been terminated by the new Executive Director. Those same previous VVS personnel were forwarding some of the resident complaints to the newspaper, which in July 2024 published a story, “”. When Nicole reached out to me last month and told me about this entire situation, I was resolved to get her on SASS and discuss this situation; not to disparage Verde Valley Sanctuary, but to give an additional voice to the affected clientele residents, and to educate, discuss solutions, and talk about reporting options to my audience in case they are currently in a similar situation or find themselves in a shelter of any kind, anytime in the future. CURRENT SITUATION: Since it has been over a month since Nicole and I recorded this episode, I recently reached out to Nicole to let her know the episode was going to be published today (20 August 2024), and to ask her to provide me with any updates that may be available to keep you, my audience, appraised of the situation. Here is the update that Nicole sent to me: Hi Dave!  Here is an update so far: After the newspaper article came out, VVS responded to the claims with many false and misleading statements.  We are in the process of responding to this at this time.  The VVS Board President has been making untrue and disparaging remarks about me (and others who brought this to light) in emails to donors.  I do not know the status of my complaints to the state funders, as they are not required to report them to me.  Personnel from sister agencies have come forward to me after hearing about these claims, stating their clients have been telling me about how fearful they were of staff and of their mistreatment, and they have a lot of concerns about working with VVS at this time.  I had hoped we would have something more positive for you by the time this show aired, but we are still fighting the lies, manipulation, and corruption on behalf of the clients. No one should ever be victimized or re-victimized by those who are supposed to help.  Talk to you again soon, hopefully with better news. -Nicole  I hope that this episode provides some enlightenment and valuable educational information to all of my listeners, whatever situation you find yourself in. If you’re a victim or survivor of rape, sexual assault, or any form of interpersonal violence and find yourself in circumstances that necessitate your need to utilize a shelter, of any kind, I hope this information is helpful. If you never need the services of a shelter but know someone who currently is in a shelter or may need a shelter in the future, please pass this episode on to them. Please hit the subscribe button on whatever podcast platform you found this show, and leave a review, if you would…it helps more than you know! Also, don’t forget to do your part to help bring justice to victims and survivors of rape or sexual assault. A great way to do this is to Start By Believing! I am providing some website information, as well as links to the newspaper stories. In addition, you’ll find my email address, as well as Nicole’s, below. Nicole gave me permission to publish her email addresses and would welcome any inquiries for additional information or help for those who are in a similar situation. Please look at these sites, and pass them on to others who may find the information helpful:

Tracy endured and survived 23 years of domestic and spiritual abuse in a marriage to a prominent minister. For years she lost her voice and agency, living in silence as her spirit was bruised behind closed doors. In the early 80s, when emergency shelters were scarce and conversations about unhappy marriages were taboo, she struggled to even recognize her suffering as abuse. When she finally escaped, the disbelief she faced from those who revered her abuser made her path to healing even more challenging. Inspired by the "Start by Believing" movement, she became an advocate for victims, eventually leading her to chair a local domestic violence shelter agency. Haunted by the tragic outcomes of those who never reached out for help, she decided to take action. Her response? Creating the film “No Ordinary Love”, which tells the story of two women grappling with toxic relationships, aiming to raise awareness and spark crucial conversations about domestic violence. The film is now streaming worldwide. In addition, Tracy has no hesitation in telling her story because she believes in the importance of pushing the conversation, and the movie she produced, out to everyone she can to help bring justice to victims and survivors; because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape, sexual assault, or domestic violence. Here are some important web sites and other links I hope you’ll explore and support:

To know David, you’d think he’s living a great lifestyle. And the truth is, he is! But it wasn’t always that way. David was born and raised in Virginia, but life started taking some harsh turns when David turned four. That’s when he remembers his father abandoned him, telling his mother that he couldn’t take being around David anymore. It wasn’t long afterward that his mother married the next-door neighbor…he was a soldier and shortly after he became David’s stepfather, he was deployed to the middle east. David was left, at age four, to be the “man of the family,” quite the burden for a young child. Also, David became the focus of his mother’s attention, being cuddled and loved on to the point of him feeling uncomfortable and awkward. But then, when David’s stepfather got home from being deployed, and David was suddenly discarded. These emotional shockwaves were just the start of David’s emotional abuse. Things got worse before they got better. He and his sister were on the hit list their biological father created alongside the family he married into. At least that is what his mother told him at the age of ten; it would be over a decade later to find out the truth of what actually happened. Things went downhill for David after that. And stayed that way for years. But to catch the true essence of this story, you need to listen to this episode. David doesn’t hold back. And that’s his nature. That’s why he was able to endure the horrific lifestyle that was pushed on him, and that’s why he is so tenacious and persistent now. And that’s why I wanted him on this show. Give this episode your ear, and you’ll hear all the reasons David is a terrific guest. As David is doing in helping get the word out about child abuse and child sexual assault and rape, you too can do your part in helping bring justice to victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault. Just Start By Believing when it comes to listening to and supporting a victim or survivor of rape or sexual assault. Because we all know someone whose life has been affected by these horrific crimes. Here are some websites that I hope you’ll check out and support, however you choose to do that. I’m also including my email address and would appreciate hearing from you… let me know how Sexual Assault Survivor Stories has impacted your life, or your thoughts and opinions on any of the episodes of this show. Thanks!

This show seems to inevitably bring guests that are not only willing to share their sexual assault or rape experience with this audience, but who have the true desire to help, inspire, and uplift others on their own healing journey. Melissa Fairchild is an exceptional example, and I am honored that she reached out to me, asking to be a guest on this show. She is the epitome of a sexual assault and rape victim turned survivor, whose fortitude and strength exude from her words. Melissa is now unabashedly and powerfully working toward helping others who have experienced similar atrocities so that they, too, can thrive like she is. It truly is a privilege to introduce you to Melissa and present her experiences, successes, and hopes for your edification! Melissa’s first trauma was forced on her at age 12 by the father of one of her neighborhood playmates. Frightened and stunned by her sexual assault, she struggled to understand and make sense of what happened to her. But before she could fully make sense of the trauma she experienced, she was raped multiple times by another playmate neighborhood predator who had targeted Melissa to be his prey. The repeated rapes left her even more confused about what was happening and ripped her identity and self-confidence away from her. She struggled just to get through her days. Fear permeated her existence. And if that wasn’t enough, that same perpetrator trafficked her to five adult males and his mentally disabled brother. This only left Melissa even more vulnerable as she matured and grew into young adulthood where the sexual assaults and rapes continued. Melissa’s experiences are appalling and sad. Which is why her recovery and healing experiences are so very compelling. Listen to this amazingly powerful story, and then share it with others…as I’ve said multiple times, and Melissa agrees, we need to make these discussions and painful experiences normalized so that we can use them to change the rape culture we live in. Much can be gained in our society by sharing this episode. Don’t stop there. Do your part to help bring justice to victims and survivors. One massively important way to do this is to Start by Believing (End Violence Against Women International) the experiences shared by victims and survivors as we absorb and come to comprehend the reality of the prevalence of these crimes and work to lessen that prevalence. This may not be common knowledge in our families, friendships, and workplaces, but, we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. Think about that for a while, then make this podcast part of your weekly routine. Subscribe. Rate the show. And share it with everyone you know. You’ll be making a huge contribution in helping reduce the prevalence of rape, sexual assault, and interpersonal violence. Here are some important sites that I hope you’ll take the time to look at. Contribute monetarily where/when you can, and if you can’t afford to contribute with money, do your part in sharing this podcast whenever and wherever you can. Thank you! https://apoetsoul.com/

Sometimes I am flabbergasted by how things work out to bring someone into my life for the purpose of helping to heal others through this show. This is one of those times…I found Ashley Bendiksen through Instagram, being duly impressed with her mission and accomplishments of bringing her story to national audiences to help bring justice to victim and survivors of interpersonal violence. But she also seemed vaguely familiar to me…then, during a pre-recording conversation I was having with her, she mentioned that I might know of her through a mutual friend of ours. It turned out that, in fact, she was correct!—the friend had recommended Ashley to me as a guest for this show, months ago, I just hadn’t gotten around to reaching out to her. So, it was serendipitous that I had reached out to her so many months later. Ashley is a powerful force in telling of her abusive experiences and how those relationships shaped her into who she is today…someone who really relates to victims and survivors because she’s been there. She’s researched the dynamics and statistics. And she knows how to use her words to help bring positive influences into people’s lives through her book, presentations, and articles. Ashley is available to come speak to your organization, your school, or your agency. And she’ll make a lasting impact. Because she’s authentic, transparent, and powerful. Her contact information is listed below. I encourage you to have her come speak to you, your students, your administration, or your employees. You won’t be sorry. Here's where you can read about, contact, and find out about all things Ashley Bendiksen: And some other links I would appreciate you taking the time to explore and read about, and where to write to me:

John Jay Wiley is a retired police officer (Baltimore Police Department) who is now the founder and host of Law Enforcement Talk Radio & Podcast…both a radio show and a podcast. I had the honor of being a guest on LET Radio in an episode that was aired on 09 June 2024. You can listen to that episode It was quite the experience, and I appreciate John Jay for allowing me the privilege of being on his show. It was also an honor to do a turn-around invitation for him to be on SASS…and he graciously agreed to be here! In this episode, John Jay showed his strength and fortitude in his willingness to tell a great deal about his own trauma story. That is something that he doesn’t often do; he even stated that for him to be open about his trauma, the listener must “earn the right,” because for him to make himself available and vulnerable isn’t easy for him. Isn’t that the way it is for most of us who suffer the effects of trauma?...don’t we all, to some degree, hold something back, as John Jay says, in order to protect ourselves? It’s part of that healing journey…we must weigh the costs and benefits of talking about something so personal and painful. But ultimately, it almost always leads us further down the healing path. John Jay recognizes this, and it’s why he was willing to be on the show; that, and his desire for us to be mutually helpful to each other as recognition of our shared mission. We both benefitted from being on each other’s podcasts. As I reflect on our discussion, I feel that one of the most important aspects of this conversation was John Jay’s deep understanding of how impactful his trauma is on who he is today. He emphasized that to heal, whether from being shot, robbed, injured in a car accident, or sexually assaulted, we must reach the point where we realize that we, ourselves, are responsible for what we do moving forward. It’s the “aha moment,” as he puts it, when we reach the point where we grasp that if we want something good to come from our trauma, we have to put in the work. When we do, the “good stuff” starts happening in our lives. John Jay is powerful in his delivery of the wisdom that he has acquired through his own healing journey. This is a powerful listen; I hope you put in the time to do so. And then…share this episode with everyone you know. Additionally, subscribe to John Jay’s show!…it’s the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show & Podcast…found wherever you listen to podcasts. And while you’re at it, hit the subscribe button on this show, too! We both thank you!! Thank you for being a Sexual Assault Survivor Stories Podcast listener, and don’t forget to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. From the Law Enforcement Talk Radio website (): John J Wiley Radio Show Host and Producer Retired from the Baltimore Police Department at the rank of Sergeant. He was retired early due a permanent line of duty injury that occurred during an act of violence. The injury resulted in 3 surgeries, two steel plates and a fusion of his right wrist and thumb. About 8 years after retiring from police work, he began a career in the audio broadcasting space. Starting with "audio-blogs" in 1999. Which progressed into a brokered once a week radio show and then led to broadcasting school. After graduating he has been a full time FM radio personality and launched the Law Enforcement Today Show as a podcast in March of 2017. This was in a partnership with Law Enforcement Today's Robert Greenberg. The show was quickly recruited by radio and is a nationally syndicated radio show, broadcasting weekly on many US Radio Stations to millions of people. The partnership with them ended in the Summer of 2023 and the show was renamed the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show and Podcast. The radio show is syndicated by Talk Media Network. Go to the Radio Page of the site for more information. Here are the links you can use to find John Jay’s show, my LET Radio episode, and other links that I hope you’ll check out and recognize their importance in helping provide justice to victims and survivors of rape and sexual assault.