In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress Treatment, LMFT, and BCETS, Cindie Henrie joins us to explore the psychology behind sexual abuse and survival. Cindie shares her experience working with high-risk youth, sex offenders, trafficking survivors, and the LGBTQIA+ community, offering a rare and honest look at the “why” behind predatory behavior. Together, we unpack how perpetrators often carry their own trauma and project it onto their victims, how survivors internalize abuse, and she introduces the "Trauma Triangle". A model in psychology of the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator that keeps people stuck in painful cycles.

If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why did this happen?" this episode will help you start making sense of it. Strap in, this is a good one. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Check out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.com

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

We’re talking about what happens when you end up in another toxic relationship...one that looks a little too familiar. You saw the red flags. You stayed. Is that your fault?

We’re also unpacking the sticky, complicated ways survivors of sexual assault sometimes attach to people who feel safe, like comfort, like healing, like maybe they’ll be able to put us back together. (Spoiler: that’s not their job.) We share our own attachments to people we thought could keep us safe forever and fix us, and why that isn't their job.

This episode is about the patterns we don’t always want to admit, and the kind of honesty that can actually move us forward. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let’s get into it. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Our Website: WhatTheyDontSay.com

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this crossover episode, we sit down with Dave Markel, a retired police detective and host of the Sexual Assault Survivor Stories (SASS) podcast. Together, we explore the complexities of rape culture, the role of humor in conversations about sexual violence, and how trauma impacts the brain long after the event itself.

Dave shares insight from his years in law enforcement and his current work with survivors, helping us bridge the gap between the systems that fail and the stories that deserve to be heard. Cheers!

Check out Survivor School: https://www.survivor-school.com/free?ref=WTDS

Listen to Dave's SASS podcast:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/33U3Vn4jGkzNf5weufDnjB?si=e27e90ebc492437e

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexual-assault-survivor-stories/id1653248814

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Check out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.com

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

No one really tells you what going to court for a sexual assault case is like. Not the emotional toll, the things you quietly give up along the way, or the things you gain. So… is it worth it? In this episode, we're pulling the curtain back on the process and the parts no one prepares you for. It was long, emotional, and exhausting. But it also helped us reclaim our voices and feel grounded in our stories. Whether you’re thinking about it, deep in it, or just curious, we’re sharing what we wish we knew. If you’ve ever wondered if going to court is worth it, this one's for you. So grab your favorite beverage and get cozy. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

We talk a lot about survivors and perpetrators. But what about the people caught in the crossfire? In this episode, we sit down with award-winning author and trained SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner), Dianne C. Braley, to talk about the often-ignored reality of secondary victims: the mothers, sons, daughters, and partners of those who cause harm. Her new novel, The Summer Before, is a raw, powerful look at what it means to love someone who’s hurt others, and how those closest to perpetrators are left to navigate their own trauma, shame, and silence. Dianne opens up about growing up with an alcoholic father, loving someone in active addiction, and how society has slowly made space for addiction, but still refuses to acknowledge secondary victims. As a former SANE, she also sheds light on the lack of support built into a system that asks so much of them. Inspired by real events, this conversation and her new book make space for a deeper, more honest conversation about healing. Cheers!

Dianne's new book: https://a.co/d/hTXDdRy

Dianne's first book: https://a.co/d/alURwXK

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Magician and escape artist Gabriella Lester joins us to talk about surviving sexual assault at 16 years old and the brutal years that followed inside the Canadian legal system. From walking into court through the same door as her assailant’s mom, to being told she fought back “too well” for a longer sentence, to attempting to take her own life, Gabriella opens up about what survivors are never warned about.

We talk about what it takes to stay alive when the world feels rigged, how your passion can play a part in your healing, and that it is possible to have a full life after sexual assault. We also answer a listener's question: “How do I find myself again after an identity crisis post-assault?” Cheers!

Gabriella's Information:

Website:https://www.gabriellalester.ca/

Tedx Talk: https://youtu.be/QlE3yJw2G0c?si=8z6SDujhhwHDgv55

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegabriellalester/?hl=en

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Want some merch? WhatTheyDontSay.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Sexual assault is one of the most violating experiences a person can go through, but why does it hurt so much? In this episode, we break down the impact of sexual assault in a way that actually makes sense. From what trauma does to the brain to how it strips away autonomy, to the way society twists the narrative- we’re talking about all of it.

Healing isn’t linear, but understanding what happened to you is a step forward. Let’s talk about it. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Buy merch: whattheydontsay.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

What happens when the person your entire town admires is the same person who assaults you? This week, we sit down with Allyson Kreps, a child and family psychotherapist and survivor, to talk about the brutal reality of coming forward about sexual assault.

Allyson shares her story of how Mark Langford, owner of Amic Lake Maintenance and Storage in Magnetawan, Ontario, drove her hours away from home and assaulted her. She shares her 6-year legal battle and how she fought for justice, not just for others, but for herself. We dive into the backlash survivors face when they speak out, the retraumatization of the legal system, and what it means to reclaim yourself after trauma. 

We also answer a listener question:
"How do you work through self-blame? Like logically knowing it wasn’t your fault but not believing it?"

This episode is raw, powerful, and a testament to why survivors keep fighting, even when the world wants them silent. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Want to wear consent is hot merch? whattheydontsay.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Ever had a wild shower thought? Same. Ever had a million-dollar idea come to you in a dream? Well, Shirah Benarde did, and it was a game-changer. At just 16, she became the co-founder of NightCap, a wearable drink-spiking prevention product. Shirah joins us to talk about the frustrations of getting people to care, being a young woman in business, building communities that create real change, and the fight to make safety a priority. And remember... don't forget your NightCap. Protect your drink, protect your peace. Cheers!

Get connected with Shirah & NightCap:

https://nightcapit.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoquLeR_AUhZJmxLMdv6NsKrxHglXjQkohmuZ3RxTyTME3bYaorG

Follow NightCap on socials: https://www.instagram.com/nightcapit/?hl=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@nightcapit?lang=en

Follow Shirah: https://www.instagram.com/shirahbenarde/?hl=en

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

We’re back, and so is Lauren. After five months off the mic (and, yes, a very real hiatus in our friendship), we’re reunited and diving right back into all the messy, complicated, and chaotic conversations you’ve been waiting for.

In this episode, Lauren explains why Fletcher’s I Just Had Sex with My Ex hits a little too close to home (because, well... she did). We breakdown the reality of dating after trauma, how when you’ve been treated like garbage for so long, a “good guy” can feel foreign, even wrong. The pressure to want the right kind of love, even when your gut says no, is real. And Shannon shares a proposal story that went horribly wrong.

We missed you, we missed this, and we’re so happy to be back talking with our friends again. Grab a drink, settle in, and let's chat. Cheers!

Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

Got questions? Have an episode idea?

Send us an email: [email protected]

Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/

Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)