She Doesn’t Read the News

Chris and Alice are in New York, and didn't have time to read the news, so this is a very short little episode/non-episode to check in with you all and say hello before shouting 'I'm walking here!' in your face.

See you next week!

Chris explains football while Alice listens patiently, before she explains the life of the poet too scandalous for Paris.

Plus: Martian Helicopters, drunk men abduct Big Bird, and Milkshake Sex!

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Bakery Beats

Facebook gets tangled up in a very French misunderstanding, Alice lusts after caterpillar-shaped cake, and Chris complains about tea, real estate agents, and tea again. 

Plus, rabbit theft, very white paint, and Brad Pitt kissing a child. 

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Vintageman Produkcja 

Chris and Alice commemorate Prince Philip, talk about the time that Chris (kind of) met him, and are joined by special guest Clara, who wants to know if she should do heroin. 

Plus Khloe Kardashian, Demi Lovato, and Schindler’s List all get a thorough going-over. 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Jahlil Beats

Alice explains why Lil Nas X isn’t the first artist to make Satan sexy, Chris learns about ‘The Tooth Mouse’, and we discuss why Matt Gaetz might be interested in taking a trip to the UK.

Along the way, we discuss The Emu War, the correct plural form of ‘Octopus’, and the best April Fools’ prank.

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Chris whips out his definitely not offensive Russian accent, Alice waxes lyrical about dead old white men, and Bredlick poetry makes a long-awaited return to the show. Also, what a Southwest pilot thinks of Bay Area Liberals, why you shouldn’t go public about shrimp tails in your cereal, and oily pennies. 

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Bakery Beats.

This week, learn how to get free sushi, how to ignore a stab wound, and the worst thing about having one arm. Chris talks about cat fishing guys on tinder, Alice explains how she invented communism, and there’s plenty of discussion about tiny testicles.

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Bakery Beats.

Chris un-patriotically deals with the fallout from Meghan and Harry’s Oprah interview, Alice talks about playing Classical music at a silent disco, and we learn about a legendary game of mutual decapitation.

Plus, gold-digging science teachers, screaming Frenchmen, and the time Alice blackmailed a Doctor.

Join Chris’ Zoom Gig list here: http://bit.ly/ZoomGigs and his live gig list here: http://bit.ly/ChrisMail 

Freestyle Rap instrumental by Beats By Con.

Alice’s elderly crush visits a war zone, Chris tells us about the consequences of eating raw meat, and the Chinese government continue to probe foreigners’ anuses. We also hear the songs that Dolly Parton and the Dalai Lama sang while being vaccinated, learn about a Victorian child who was consumed by fire, and discuss how Charlton Heston got hit on by a sexy, sweaty man without realising. 

Of course, there's a freestyle rap about the week's news with an instrumental by  Bakery Beats.

Mr Potato Head gets cancelled, Alice and Chris sing the best song ever written, the Pope gets squished by a meteor, and Rudyard Kipling's jingoistic poetry gets a thorough going over.

Plus, Chinese anal swabs, how to stop a genocide, and gold statues, gold toilets and gold microphones.