This weekend ushers in the most holy day of the Christian faith. A day that this year, because of the pandemic we’re facing, will look different than it has ever and will ever look again in our lifetimes. So we’re putting it all out there. How is Easter going to look in isolation? How do we keep this pinnacle day of the resurrection special and sacred and set apart? How do we encourage individuals who may not be able to be with family this year, and how do we include our children in Easter Sunday activities and worship? Can this anxious and uncertain global context in which Easter falls this year stir our hearts more deeply than it would if business were as usual?

 We believe God is working big time in all these questions, as well as the millions more we may be asking this year. We believe in the right-now power of divine disruption and in the potential that chaos can have as a catalyst for good. This week’s She’s in the City guest says it best: 

“I don’t think God is surprised by any of this. I think He’s trying desperately to get the attention of his people.”

The truth is some of us are frustrated and disheartened that COVID seems to have hijacked Easter. Some of us are relieved because we’ve never felt welcomed or at home in a pew or a church but desperately feel like we need what Jesus offers. Some of us might feel unaffected altogether. But here’s what we’re praying and what we see as a uniquely strange yet sweet gift this Easter season:

In giving up the place of the church – the band, the clothes, the social gatherings and events – is God giving us space to turn all of our unhindered, undistracted attention onto the person of Jesus?

When all the happenings and traditions are stripped away, will we still get up and will we still worship? And when we do, how do we do it? 

Undoubtedly our two most important tools for “iso-Easter” are creativity and prayer. This year we have a chance to make Easter more fun for our kids than coloring silently for an hour in a pew, wearing an uncomfortable outfit. This week’s episode shares lots of creative ideas and suggestions for individuals and families alike to keep Easter both reverent and fun! Try everything from to doing communion together or reading the powerful passage in John 17 (Jesus’s last, intentional prayer for us) to writing scriptures around your neighborhood in sidewalk chalk and many more as you embrace this year’s Easter at home.

Above all else we are striving to embrace the extra time this weekend and use it to step into the shoes of the confused and afraid disciples, who also found themselves isolated and longing for hope two thousand years ago. We want to see the whole story through their eyes, not just on Resurrection Sunday, but on the dark days before it spent hiding and waiting for a resurrection they could only hope would come. We pray this weekend will remind us that even as we wait in this global crisis, there is undoubtedly a Sunday coming for us in this pandemic, in God’s hands.

Happy Easter, everyone!

A few resources from Brooke (mentioned in episode):

Download COVID worksheets for kids here.

Follow the Curry family’s worship @homeandhallelujah

Are you frustrated with weight loss? Are you tired and constantly losing energy? Are you worn out from trying so many different diet plans? Aren’t we all!

We’ve decided to kick off March by kicking out old diet tricks. We’ve heard the names a thousand times – keto, paleo, and the newest hip way to eat (or not eat), intermittent fasting. But how much do we really know about each system? They may help us lose a pant size, but what are they doing to our organs and our brain? Why do we expect that what worked for our friend will work for us?

This week we welcome Christi Lee Bowling of Prime Wellness. Christi is a registered dietitian and nutritionist whose mission is to help others live a healthier, happier life by uncovering the optimal diet for their body. But when she says diet, she doesn’t mean Weight Watchers. When she says diet, she means resetting our minds, not to follow rules and log carb intake but to reshape our relationship to food, subsequently alleviating pressure to keep the rules that never got us where we wanted to go anyway.

“Diets don’t give us margin to be human,” she tells us.

Instead, we should focus on living an 80/20 lifestyle, meaning 80% traditionally health-conscious food and 20% exactly what we want.

“If you’re craving a scoop of ice cream, go get a kiddy scoop and enjoy every bite!” vs. “Omg I gave in and had this ice cream, I’m so terrible. I’m so done!”

We can certainly get on board with that!

But before we toss all our no-carb pasta and cauliflower rice, Christi gives us an honest rundown of the pro’s as well as the con’s of some of this year’s most hot topic fad diets: keto, paleo, and intermittent fasting. Her final answer on these? Short term, you can see a weight loss benefit. Long term, the Mediterranean “diet” or lifestyle of eating is the fail-proof way to get all the food groups, nutrients, and appropriate, heart-healthy portions we need to sustain long term health and fitness.

How do people find you?

beprime.co/

 

We’ve all been at the blood curdling crossroads of conversation where we blurt out, “You have no idea where I’m coming from!” And the Enneagram tells us, that’s actually true! This ancient, now resurgingly popular system of understanding how individuals see and do life tells us that each of us falls into one of nine primary “types.” Which means unless you’re in conversation, relationship, or conflict with someone of your same type (i.e. same way of processing the world), they likely don’t much of an idea where you’re coming from. Okay, so we’ve confirmed there’s a problem, but where’s the hope here? How can another personality test help mend the broken lines of communication and expectation in our marriages, friendships, and work spaces?

Evan Barbee, Nashville enneagram consultant and teacher, shares with us just how this system of understanding ourselves and others holds the power to navigate relationships as well as to heal old wounds in previously broken ones. And don’t be overwhelmed by the science behind it, Evan assures us:

“ALL YOU NEED TO GET INTO THE ENNEAGRAM IS CURIOSITY AND A SENSE OF HUMOR.”

In this episode of “Asking for a Friend,” we take a dive into the truth and misconceptions about the trending enneagram system. We talk about how crucial it is to start by first understanding ourselves, our motivations, and thus, our strengths and hang ups in communication and relationship. The key is to “focus on yourself first, and you’ll be amazed how open and interested others are in asking questions and learning from your growth.”

We talk a bit about each of the nine types individually, but spend a good bit of time on what are considered the three “centers of intelligence” in the enneagram. Each type, Evan tells us, falls into one of the three centers – body, heart, or mind. When we look first at these centers and their primarily filters for processing the world, we can then understand what “prevents us from extending or receiving love to our fullest capacity.” Think of a more holistic approach to love languages: depending on your type and its fundamental center of intelligence, you can start to see how you and your loved ones inherently give and receive love, and start to understand what’s getting in the way.

A quick overview, just so you know where you or your spouse or child or sister might fall:

BODY CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 8, 9, 1
HEART CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 2, 3, 4
MIND CENTERS INCLUDE TYPES 5, 6, 7

And remember, whichever center your type falls in doesn’t mean you don’t use the other two to navigate relationship. It simply means that when you’re not working to be aware of your feelings and actions, your center is where you’ll go to in autopilot.

 The bottom line to applying the enneagram in real relationships is this: awareness of yourself and open handedness with others. The enneagram is not a way to dismiss or intellectualize conflict, but rather a way to see your and your loved one’s discrepancies as differences rather than as deficits. The ultimate goal of the enneagram is compassion for others by learning how to speak one another’s different languages. It gives us new frames through which to address misunderstanding and pursue resolution.

 You’re not telling me something is an orange when it’s clearly an apple just to get under my skin. You really see an orange. And as Evan reminds us, simply with curiosity and a little bit of humor, the enneagram allows us to see that fruit differently but love one another just the same!

Where do we start?

• www.enneagramworldwide.com
• The Essential Enneagram, David Daniels
• Private coaching and typing interviews with Evan

Where do we find Evan?

• https://www.evanbarbee.com/
• Instagram @evanbarbee
• [email protected]

We’ve all uttered those words, “Hey, I’m just asking for a friend, but …” It’s the universal pre-requisite for a question too embarrassing, too cringe-worthy to ask. And this week, we’re asking some of the most uncomfortable questions of all. We’re talking all about sex.

This week’s guest, Christian marriage and sex therapist, Angie Landry, straight up tell us:

“PEOPLE DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX.”

While none of us particularly hold dear the day we got the birds and bees talk, this discomfort with talking about sex far exceeds just our 5th grade sex-ed class. Why do we feel so exposed, out of place, even ashamed to discuss this physical form of love and engagement, especially those of us raised in traditional faith communities. As both a sex therapist and a Christian, Angie explains that her “ultimate goal is to meet people where they are and help them get to a place where they feel good about themselves.” And like most things, this starts with clearer and more honest communication.

But as believers, how do we keep sex sacred and boundaried as the Bible calls us to without vilifying it and creating greater stigma and discomfort around the subject?

First and foremost, we must chuck the language of “should” and “normal.” With the #1 issue Angie treats in couples being what she calls “desire discrepancy,” how can we all learn to shut down this harmful language and embrace individual expectations for sex and intimacy, rather than accepting what culture suggests sex should look like?

Above all else we have to embrace two things that Angie teaches about female sexuality:

1)    WOMEN’S SEXUAL DRIVE IS COMPLEX AND OFTEN MORE EMOTIONALLY CENTERED THAN PHYSICALLY CENTERED

2)    OUR BIGGEST SEX ORGAN IS OUR BRAIN

What?? Yes! So the issues we think we have with low libido or lack of interest are often times less about our bodies and more about our minds.  “How a woman thinks about sex is going to determine how she participates in it.” As much as we may want to engage sexually with our husband, we must first engage with our minds. Worries like do I feel good about my body? Am I well-rested? Has he been sweet to me today? often prove the invisible roadblock for women who feel their desire “is lower than it should be.”

The two keys to breaking through these and other roadblocks, Angie says, are communication and timing. Often where we’re not lining up sexually isn’t so much difference in desire or drive but simply in timing. The bottom line, and starting line, is, how do you and your spouse talk about sex? While it may feel awkward starting out, it is without doubt the first step toward better and more regular sex. And Angie assures us, “Own the awkward; it’s worth it!”

Check out the full episode for at home tips and tricks for you to try before approaching a counselor, as well as some questions answered on sexual trauma, psychology of infertility and loss, and how to address sex in the wake of infidelity or widowhood. We asked it all for you in this episode, friends!  

Find Angie:

www.restorationcounselingtn.com

More Resources:

Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski

Sex Made Simple, Barry McCarthy

Passionate Marriage, David Schnarch

We’ve all uttered those words, “Hey, I’m just asking for a friend, but …” It’s the universal pre-requisite for a question too embarrassing, too cringe worthy to ask. But should they be embarrassing? Should these real issues we wonder and worry about in private really be kept so private? Or are these physical, emotional, and mental struggles we face far more pervasive than we think?

For the next few months, we’re going to change direction and partner up with local Nashville women’s health and wellness collective, FYI. We’re going to sit down with some of their experts and teachers and talk through the real issues that plague us and sabotage our self-confidence. We’ll ask real questions from real women about sex, intimacy, dieting, therapy, and more. We are here to learn right along with y’all about many of the tough topics we find ourselves “asking for a friend.” So stay tuned!

And while you follow along with She’s in the City, go check out FYI and the incredible services, space, and solace they’re providing for women all across Nashville! FYI is a local, women’s health and wellness collective that offers a fun, casual space where women can interact with their favorite physical, mental, and emotional health professionals in intimate but comfortable settings. FYI is removing the barriers that often keep us from asking the questions and pursuing the answers we want as real women with real struggles.

FYI meetings are open to the public and also offer membership rates that include unlimited access to meetings as well as over the phone telemedicine and prescriptive benefits.

https://fyi.health/

We all know the blockbuster hit movie, The Blind Side. And while Tim McGraw and Sandra Bullock may have stolen our hearts on screen, the real pulse behind this powerful story of adoption, compassion, and redemption all begins with Leigh Anne Tuohy.

A southern powerhouse beyond compare, Leigh Anne’s story began with a simple prompting to “turn around.” One night driving down a familiar street in her hometown of Memphis, she saw the young man who would later become her son. We’ve all felt these intuitive prompts from the Holy Spirit, but so often we dismiss them out of fear, inconvenience, or any number of other reasons. Leigh Anne didn’t, and now millions know her story, champion adoption, and fight on behalf of the millions of kids falling through the cracks of the foster care system.

Humble and hilariously self-deprecating, she admits, “Trust me, we were not driving down the street looking for a large African American kid to adopt. We didn’t even like our own kids that much.” But she was obedient and open minded and ended up changing Michael’s life along with many, many others.

Fear not, though! Not all our stories, she assures us, have to look quite this big or bold.

“I’m a big fan of living where your feet are, wherever they are. And that’s what we did at that moment [with Michael].”

Everyone has the ability to do something, and the most valuable commodity most of us have is our time. She claims, “It took a village with Michael. It was like a revolving door [of help] around here with him.” A huge part of her platform is to remind those of us who aren’t financially or circumstantially able to foster or adopt that it’s not all about the money! The money is important, but it’s by no means the only way to serve this community. If you can’t find a way to serve that fits your finances, skill set, or life season, Leigh Anne assures us, DM her @leighannetuohy! She can find you something to do!

Though most of us won’t have award-winning films made about our lives, we can be open to the big ways God might use our small stories. Women like Leigh Anne encourage us to remember how God can work when we’re simply open handed with our lives. When we have the courage to turn around and the faith to be obedient, even when it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, or unexpected. The Tuohys have seen endless fruit from the public telling of their story – a telling they never asked for but simply fell into – including leading actress, Sandra Bullock’s adoption of her two children following the film.

Bottom line: be willing to take chances and be willing to be surprised.

When we asked Leigh Anne what she now knows about God that she didn’t before this process, she gave us this to claim and look forward to:

“Every day He’s going to reveal something different [to us]. I’m always interested in what God’s going to show me that day.”

Don’t miss the real woman behind the story that changed the hearts of America and the lives of so many kids who simply needed someone to turn around and fight for them.

Where to find Leigh Anne

Socials:

@leighannetuohy

www.leighannetuohy.com

Foundation:

https://www.makingithappenfoundation.com/

Books:

In a Heartbreat: Sharing the power of cheerful giving (firsthand testimony of The Blind Side narrative)

Turn Around (a daily devotion on biblical giving in your own community)

Two years ago Jess Clarke was a mid-twenties, Nashville native working a 9-5 sales job. Though always a smiling beacon to those around her, she couldn’t imagine the light she would soon shine in the public eye when she first met the former Bachelor, Ben Higgins. Jess gives us an inside look at the two’s unlikely, Instagram meet-cute and as well as their instant Nashville to Denver love story. And to anyone struggling in a long distance relationship, Jess speaks to the great depth that can develop between long distance couples when faith and intentionality take center stage.

She laughs as she tells about the chaos of her overnight “fame” after Ben announced their relationship publically, surging to over 50k followers under 12 hours. Though being in the public eye was never something she wanted or expected, Jess says she’s grateful for the platform and voice it allows. Her key to staying grounded? Embrace it but don’t be consumed by it. When often asked how she feels about being an influencer, she chuckles saying:

“[Influencer] is just a word. Everyone is an influencer in life.”

Amen!

She even gives us a glimpse at her first foray into Bachelor Nation, a whirlwind evening at a formal wedding in Mexico. “Everyone is so kind,” she says of the Bachelor crew, “I have never met someone who wasn’t friendly or welcome to me. And they’re all just as gorgeous in person.” But being thrust into a room with some of TV’s most beautiful people sure leaves some room for insecurity, to which Jess reminds us that comparison is real, whether on the bachelor, on social media, or simply in whatever room you find yourself in. So how do we handle the curse of comparison? Keep trusted family and friends around who will “kick your booty,” Jess says, when you start altering yourself to fit into the world’s shoes. Remember you’re here for such a time as this but also for such a time far beyond this.

“My identity isn’t of this world. My identity is with the Lord, and I have to remind myself of that every single day.”

Part of her work to serve women is through events in the Nashville and Denver communities where women discuss real issues like this one. In both cities Jess hosts monthly women’s groups where she leads conversation on topics that isolate women, aren’t being had, and need to be had. Everything from body image, healthy diet lifestyles, and relationship struggles is on the floor at these gatherings. The only rules: real talk and no cameras. To find out info on Jess’ events, check updates @jessclarke_

All about fitness? Also check out www.sweatnetnashville.com where Jess is a co-owner of SweatNet, in Nashville (launched!) & Denver (launching January 25th). SweatNet is an online community and coupon book for spas, restaurants, workout facilities, events with 4-6 free events/classes hosted for members each month.

We all find ourselves in the same place today – between a finish line and a starting line. The close of a decade and the unfolding of a new one. Whether or not you were able to find rest as the year and holidays came to a close, we could all use a few renewing rhythms for rest to kick off 2020.

We’re starting this year with best-selling author and speaker, Rebekah Lyons, who encourages us all to “take inventory,” which if you’re anything like me sounds like a nightmare of numbers, color-coordinating pantries, and realizing you may be more of a hoarder than you let yourself believe. But Rebekah in her newest released book, Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose, distills this idea of spiritual and relational reflection into four simple questions we can consider to better start this new decade with transparency, peace, and renewal. She simply asks herself and asks the Lord to direct her in:

WHAT’S RIGHT? WHAT’S WRONG? WHAT’S CONFUSED? AND WHAT’S MISSING?

While seemingly daunting at first with a potential for skeletons to surface that we may not want to face, these simple questions are how we stop running and start living God’s best for us! “I don’t want to always have my head so down that I don’t see the bigger picture of what God is doing,” Rebekah says. Maybe taking inventory is just the place to start?

But how do we do this if we’re not big journalers or if time feels so elusive for things like reflection and prayer? Check out just a few of the practical ways she offers.

GET QUIET & DO THE HEART WORK

“So often we don’t know where we are and how we are because we will not give ourselves permission to stop long enough and ask. We’re afraid of what will come out.”

TECH DETOX

“I wasn’t being true to my voice. I started writing and posting [on Instagram] what others wanted to hear, not what I wanted to say. [I started] running out of original thoughts because [I was] consuming everyone else’s.”

TRIAL AND GRIEF AS A BIRTHPLACE OF FRUIT

“The fullness of joy depends on the fullness of healing. And the fullness of healing depends on knowing what needs to be healed.”

The heart of the matter is, we all crave, need, and are made for restful and renewing relationships with the Lord and with others. And we know how much courage it takes as women to prioritize and pursue that in our busy day-to-day lives! Rebekah defines bravery as “moving scared.” And sometimes that’s exactly what committing to rest feels like. Making a healthy move that’s scary; fearful of missing out, getting behind, or benching ourselves from all that’s before us.

It’s brave because it’s hard. It’s brave because it’s counterculture. It’s brave because it reminds us that we don’t have it all together, that sometimes we have to fall apart, and that we’re ultimately made for a place where eternal rest will be found.

“REST REMINDS US THAT WE WILL NEVER ARRIVE [ON THIS EARTH]. IT GIVES US PERMISSION TO STOP AND REMEMBER LIFE ISN’T ABOUT GETTING TO THE NEXT THING, IT’S ABOUT OBEDIENCE AND FAITH GROWING IN THIS NEXT DECADE MORE THAN IT DID IN THE LAST.”

So let’s just take a little inventory, shall we? Let the Lord show us what’s right, wrong, confused, and missing and soak up the delicious truth that He will carry us through those things in the now and will make perfect all those things in the end.

Happy New Year, everyone!

So many of us find ourselves in positions as mothers, women in ministry, or simply as the friend who everyone seems to call when something falls apart. And God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves and to serve not wait to be served, so how on earth are we supposed to find rest when we keep putting others before ourselves?   The reason this topic is so depleting and guilt-laced is not because we feel undeserving of rest; it’s because we feel others deserve to rest before we do. It’s rooted in our inherent female desire to be caretakers, though often the last one to be taken care of is us.   Listen in this week as our guests are honest about how consistency doesn’t seem possible and how sometimes rest comes in fast and furious of moments of simply telling the Lord you’re grateful.   And the best news of all? Rest can look like whatever it needs to for you! As long as it replenishes your mind, body, and soul in the Lord, rest can be anything that restores you – worship or prayer, exercise or naps, clean eating or splurging a little, being in nature or enjoying Netflix. The bottom line is ultimately not what you do, but how your heart and mind are postured to what you’re doing. This internal stillness and surrender, even in brief moments in the midst of the chaos, is the birthplace of real, soul-filling rest.

At age 29, Jaclyn is the Director of Publicity of Shorefire Media Nashville. We met more than 10 years ago in a PR 270 course at University of Tennessee, a class that clearly fared much better for her career than mine! What she’s accomplished in the past seven years of work in publicity and media tops the charts for most in her industry and certainly at her age. (Yes, I’m bragging on my friend, but yes, that’s also 100% true!). 

But among the many “pinch me” experiences her work allows are also demanding deadlines, endless expectations, and lots of plane tickets. She recounts one of her most hectic weeks of 2019 where she spent 5 days in Atlanta promoting the Super Bowl musical performances followed by 6 days in LA for the Grammys, a quick turn around in Nashville, and a subsequent 4 more in NYC to follow. This isn’t her every week, but in the midst of a lifestyle that can get you to the top but leave nothing in the tank, we talk with Jaclyn about how to find rest when you’re killing it at work so that your work doesn’t end up killing you.

 We look at the seemingly impossible balance of holding drive and hard work in one hand and keeping real, prioritized expectations of ourselves in the other. It’s easy to fall victim to others’ personal and professional expectations of us, so Jaclyn is diligent to keep her goals, her goals. “I make a point to write down my goals once a week or month or whatever makes sense. Setting and sticking to my expectations of myself instead of living up to other’s expectations of me helps me feel free to slow down.”

We also talk about reframing the to-do list and travel schedule with a “have to versus choose to” mindset. We talk about the importance of asking, “why am I doing this next thing?” rather than simply asking, “what is the next thing?” 

And when we finally do honor our need to pump the breaks and push pause, we explore what real rest can look like. We both share our struggle to learn how to rest, and Jaclyn speaks the freeing truth that rest can look very different for different people on different days. We don’t have to do the week at the beach or the expensive spa day to recharge. What we love about Jaclyn is her celebration of and overwhelming gratitude for the beauty of the mundane. She started pursuing “regular” spaces for rest when she realized “the little things really are the big things because they’re the things that recharge us and keep us going.”

If you’re in a profession with long hours and lots of travel, or even if you’re simply in a season that feels impossible to slow down, I urge you to listen in. Hear first hand from two doers who have blown through a lot of stop signs in life and are learning, little by little, the joy and contentment that comes when we fight for rest and much as we fight for rewards.

Other suggested reads:

Non-Violent Communication:A language of life, Marshall Rosenberg
Dare to Lead, Brene Brown
Rising Strong, Brene Brown
Make Your Bed, William H. McRaven