但凡是涉及到“人性”的话题总是很难聊个清清楚楚，这一期节目我们邀请了学哲学的Shen Lee来聊一聊友谊。大部分时候我们聊到友谊都会去聊自己付出多少，而一些有毒的朋友是多么的不懂珍惜，而这次我们聊的是：面对变化，多年相处的朋友也可能会分道扬镳，面对巨大的沉没成本，我们又该如何调整心态？这一期节目里，Danni和Shen Lee讲出了关于友谊的一些真相，也引导我们向内求，更多看到自己的需求，因为内心秩序的稳定会帮助我们更好的理清很多外部世界的人际关系。我们需要面对自己的真相，也要有面对离别的勇气。Shen Lee在节目结束后，写了一篇关于这个话题的千字文章，我们会在节目介绍里附录一部分，具体内容就请去Shen Lee的主页查看吧！
“Topics involving ‘human nature’ are always difficult to discuss clearly, and in this episode, we invited Shen Lee, a philosophy student, to talk about friendship. Most of the time when we discuss friendship, we focus on how much we’ve given and how some toxic friends fail to appreciate us. But this time, we talk about change—how friends who have been in our lives for many years can drift apart. With the huge emotional investments we’ve made, how should we adjust our mindset? In this episode, Danni and Shen Lee share some truths about friendship, guiding us to look inward and recognize our own needs. A stable inner order helps us better navigate our relationships in the external world. We need to face our own truths and have the courage to embrace separation. After the episode, Shen Lee wrote a thousand-word article on this topic, which we’ll include a portion of in the episode description. For the full article, please visit Shen Lee’s homepage!”
Shen Lee’s Douyin ID: HakujoShinn
The elucidation of the notion of friendship is a multifaceted endeavor, fraught with challenges. Attempting to analyze or interpret the concept of friendship through the lens of cognitive models shaped by contemporary social realities frequently leads to extreme conclusions.For instance, some contend that friendship is nonexistent, while others assert that it is merely an emotional byproduct entwined in interpersonal relationships and propelled by shared interests. However, if a phenomenon manifests extreme characteristics without leading to its own demise, it can be posited that this extremity may be an illusion, an outcome of distorted or influenced cognition, shaped by a pessimistic imagination of its origins.In other words, the belief that friendship is illusory or merely an emotional attachment stems from an unconscious but deliberate form of self consolation, a preemptive choice designed to mitigate potential disappointment and protect one's mental well being. This predetermined pessimism enables individuals who experience betrayal in friendship to rationalize their pain by convincing themselves that every occurrence has a purpose.
想要理清楚友誼的意義，絕對不是一件簡單輕鬆的事情。如果以目前已有的社會現實所搭載的認知模式去拆解或解讀「友誼」，我們通常只能得到一些相對極端的答案，例如：友誼並不存在，或者友誼只是一種盤踞在人際關係之下、圍繞於利益相關的情感附屬品。
但是，假若一個事物及其伴隨而生的現象呈現出極端，卻沒有走向滅亡，那就意味著這一事物及其顯現的極端一面，可能只是一種假象——一種因為認知被影響，甚至被異化後，所產生的自我悲觀想象。換句話來說，大多數人之所以認為友誼是虛無縹緲的、只是一種泛情感下的附屬品，是因為人們不自知卻有意識地進行了一種自我安慰式、甚至想象式的選擇。其目的在於放下自己的期望，預設一個更有利於自我精神狀態不受戕害的糟糕結果。在這被預設出的糟糕結果庇護下，人們即便遭受友誼的背叛，仍能以理性的方式說服自己——一切都是命定的。
However, this self deceptive approach does not constitute a method in the true sense of the term at least not in the sense of an effective prevention or alleviation of the pain of friendship's betrayal. On the contrary, it serves only to deepen and engrave the wounds. In order to truly understand the nature of friendship, or more precisely, its relationship with each individual, it is necessary to circumvent these preset notions and avoid the socially constructed, distorted perspectives that confine our thinking.
然而，這種借由想象式預設來為自我解脫的方法，實際上並不能稱之為一種有效的方法。至少，這所謂的方法並不能真正解決或預防友誼背叛所帶來的傷害，反而會加深創傷。想要理清友誼的本質，或者更準確地說，理清友誼與我們每個個體之間的關係，我們就必須繞開這些預設，更要避開一些被社會現實異化的普遍認知及其衍生的思維邏輯。
A frequently discussed question can serve as an effective entry point in this examination: when we contemplate the essence of friendship whether it exists and what its relationship is with ourselves and others why not first examine another common inquiry about friendship? Specifically: can true, platonic friendship exist between men and women? People typically provide two polarizing answers to this question: "Yes, it exists" or "No, it does not." The crux of the issue lies in the fact that both answers seem to hold validity and can be backed by personal anecdotes that serve as proof for either stance. However, upon closer examination, these testimonials often resemble stories rather than theoretical arguments narratives constructed around the reality they seek to affirm rather than objective evaluations of friendship itself.This occurrence can be attributed to the fundamental contradiction of the premises of these opposing views.
一個被大眾經常掛在嘴邊的問題，可以很好地擔當我們探討的切入點——當我們開始思考「友誼究竟是什麼？」「友誼是否存在？」「友誼與我及其他個體的關係？」時，不如先思考另一個有趣且時常被人提起的問題：「男性與女性之間，是否存在真正純潔的友誼？」
針對這個問題，人們通常會給出兩個截然對立的答案：「存在」或「不存在」。然而，當我們考察這兩種極端答案時，會發現它們各自都有道理，甚至都能找到現身說法的人，以自身經歷來佐證其立場。然而，很快我們也會發現，這類「過來人」的敘述，往往更像是一則故事，他們關注的重點，並不是定論本身的理論支持，而是故事的演繹。這是因為，「存在與不存在」這兩個對立答案的出發點，本身就是矛盾的。
A thought experiment can be constructed to illustrate this phenomenon. Imagine a peculiar computer placed before us. This computer offers only one function: a communication tool that allows us to transcend geographical and temporal constraints and engage in written conversations with another individual. However, we have no knowledge of the other person's external characteristics, including their gender. This means that our perception of them is temporarily freed from real world biases and left to exist purely in the realm of imagination.
In this scenario, external factors such as gender exert minimal influence. Participants may find themselves enjoying the conversation, perceiving the other person as warm and understanding, and even assigning them imagined traits based on their words. Participants may picture them as a gentle woman or a considerate man, deriving clues from their descriptions of daily life. Yet, reality eventually intrudes, disrupting the imagined identity that had been constructed, and which participants may choose not to explore further.
舉例來說，假設現在有一台古怪的電腦擺在我們眼前，這台電腦只提供一個功能——它能以超現實的姿態，飛越地理甚至時間的限制，使我們與另一個個體發生聯繫，並進行文字上的溝通。而我們所需要做的，只是與這台機器聊上幾句。很快，我們就會發現，這樣的情境框定了一些限制——最明顯的一點是，我們並不了解與自己談話的靈魂，其具體外貌為何。這也就意味著，此時此刻，我們對於對方某些特徵的認知，會被不自然地屏蔽，比如：對方的性別。
當現實中的性別因素被屏蔽時，其所帶來的干擾也會降至最低，幾乎只能停留在我們自身內心的想象之中。換句話說：無論對方在談話中如何討我們的歡喜，無論我們多麼享受與其交流的愉悅感受，對方的性別因素，始終只能停留在我們的想象當中。在這個過程中，我們可能會想象對方是個溫柔的女性，或者體貼的男性。隨著談話深入，我們甚至可能察覺到對方對生活細節的掌控、對儀式感的要求、對未來的期許。然而，現實的力量終將戳破這層幻想，或者說，現實會迫使這層幻想停留於此，使大多數個體不再深入地進行進一步的想象與狂想。
In this thought experiment, the question of whether true friendship exists between men and women is examined. The logic behind the two extreme answers is identified as being at the heart of the thought experiment.The lower the interference from reality, the easier it is to form a true friendship, and the more interference from reality, the easier it is to disintegrate a true friendship.This suggests that the existence of friendship is contingent on the presence of a "delusion of delusions," residing in the spiritual realm of the individual.
當我們借由這個簡單的思維實驗，來重新審視「男女之間是否存在真正友誼」這個問題時，會發現那兩種極端答案所遵循的邏輯，正是這一思維實驗的核心——受到現實干擾因素越低，就越容易形成真正的友誼；受到現實因素干擾越多，就越容易瓦解真正的友誼。簡單來說就是，友誼所依託的幾乎不存在於能夠被理性識得的現實之中，它所依托的是盤踞在自我之存在本身的精神國度之內的“妄想的妄想”。
However, it is noteworthy that the cognitive processes that individuals acquire through real-life experiences can, in some cases, result in the unconscious engagement in a series of delusions. This phenomenon, often referred to as the "delusion of delusions," serves to imbue one's own delusions with a sense of perceived reality.In the context of interpersonal interactions, individuals often form judgments about others based on their behavior in the real world. These judgments are influenced by the cognitive processes shaped by the prevailing discourse power within one's respective living environment. This cognitive approach, shaped by environmental discourses, serves as an interpretive framework for navigating and comprehending social interactions. Individuals then employ imagination to fill in the gaps in this knowledge, thereby creating a coherent and comprehensible image of another person, although this image is largely derived from our own internal cognitive processes.It is crucial to note that the content we use to construct this reality is, in essence, imagined, stemming from our individual cognitive processes and experiences.
然而，有趣的地方在於，現代人經由現實鍛鍊的認知，會不自覺地迫使他們進行一系列的妄想，以使那屬於自我的「妄想的妄想」擁有一個現實意義。我們在人際交往當中，通常都會依據其他個體的現實行為對其做出判斷，而這份判斷通常來自於我們各自生活環境場域下，由至高話語權打造而出的認知。隨後，我們依託這份認知，透過個體的想像對另一個個體的未知進行填空，以完整一個模糊的形象，使其擁有可以被自我理性識得的現實意義。然而，這份被完整的現實意義，在此期間被我們填空的內容，其實都是被想像而出的、屬於我們個體自我的內容。
What we call "friendship" is, essentially, the content we use to fill in the blanks of other individuals, which originates from our own imagination. This also implies that others will, in turn, imagine and fill in the blanks of our existence that they cannot grasp in reality. The more beautiful the imagination of each other, the stronger and longer lasting the friendship. For instance, unconditional trust in a friend believing in them no matter what accusations others may make against them, firmly asserting, "They could never do such a thing" is a direct result of this idealized imagination.
所謂「友誼」，就是我們為其他個體的空白填充的、屬於我們個體自我的內容。這也意味著，其他個體也會對我們在現實中的空白進行想像，並填補他們無法琢磨的、顯現在現實之中的屬於我們個體的空白。在這期間，兩個個體如果對對方的想像越是美好，就意味著他們之間的友誼越是堅固且長遠。例如，對友人的無端信任——無論他人指責自己的友人做出了如何有悖於道德之事，自己都能夠無條件地信任對方，並給出類似於「他就不可能這樣」的斷言——其實就是一種美好想像的結果。
