Shit We Don't Tell Mom

What is it like to date a narcissist? What happens when you get triggered by other people’s breakup? Living with depression and bipolar, we sometimes wonder if we are the “bad” person in a relationship. So when a narcissist who seems like the “perfect” person comes along and gaslights you, you might end up believing them. Angie shares how she felt during her 6-year relationship with a narcissist and how she was triggered by a famous YouTube couple that recently broke up. 

Takeaway:

• Narcissistic people will always portray themselves as "perfect" so other ppl will be on their side
• Always go with your gut feelings; they're there to protect you
• You can never fully judge the quality of someone else's relationship just by looking from the outside
• Love bombing: when you're being showered with love and affection only to have the person stop so they can manipulate you with their "love". 
• Trauma bonding: bonding over shared trauma without seeking other perspectives can be harmful
• Narcissists use tactics to control you and their own image 
• It's better to offer a friend perspectives rather than always agreeing with them 
• Overanalyzing a situation can cause you more pain

Mentions & Resources:

• Love Bombing - The Narcissist Abuse Cycle (blog)

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy us a bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Tell us what shit YOU haven’t told your mom and be featured on our next episode!  

Website: www.shitwedonttellmom.com

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Email: [email protected]

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Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Xixi Wang, founder of Asians for Sex Positivity, discusses what sex positivity means for Xixi and her relationship with her immigrant parents as a queer Asian. We discuss mental health stigma and finding gratitude for our parents as we get older.

**CONTENT WARNING: Suicidal thoughts**   

Takeaway:

• Sex positivity is not about whether sex is good nor bad, it is about owning your body and your choices
• We need to unlearn suppressing our emotional and mental health struggles just to avoid disappointing our parents
• Relationships with parents are complicated because they are a source of trauma but they can also lead to recovery
• Forgiving our parents for unintentional trauma can come in baby steps

Mentions & Resources:

• Asians for Sex Positivity (Instagram)
• Xixi Wang Artist (Instagram)
• 8 Tips for Talking About Mental Health With Your Asian Family

---

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble, we would love that too.

---- 

Tell us what shit YOU haven’t told your mom and be featured on our next episode!  

Website: www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Buy us a bubble tea: www.ko-fi.com/swdtm   

----

Interested in creating your own podcast?

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card and we get a little something too. Yes, this is an affiliate link because we use them too. 

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Kristy discusses coping mechanisms for anxiety. What helps us vs. what makes it worse. Moving to a new city is not turning out to be the way she expected and she feels incredibly overwhelmed. She sits down with Angie to talk about her experience, and about coping mechanisms for anxiety and what helps us versus what prolongs the impact of it on our day-to-day life. 

Takeaway:

• Let yourself feel the physiological effects of anxiety rather than finding ways to suppress it because prolonged suppression of anxiety will magnify its impact
• Breaking down an overwhelming task into smaller items also applies to self-care and to mental health journeys
• If you cannot sit with your anxiety, give yourself an action item to look forward to doing while you allow yourself the time to process
• As cliche, as it is, talking to someone you trust about what you’re going through helps not only your own emotional well-being, but also develops your relationships

Mentions & Resources:

• Beyond Happiness: The Upside of Feeling Down
• The Positive Side to Your Anxiety
• Helpful vs Harmful: Ways to Manage Emotions

---

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy us a coffee or bubble, we would love that too.

---- 

Tell us what shit YOU haven’t told your mom and be featured on our next episode!  

Website: www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Buy us a bubble tea: www.ko-fi.com/swdtm   

----

Interested in creating your own podcast?

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card and we get a little somethi

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Kristy and Angie are back for a new season and they update everyone on what has been going on in their lives. Angie talks about (puppy) parenting guilt and Kristy talks about living her new life in another city. Angie reflects on a childhood incident that had impacted her deeply. Kristy reflects on pursuing an experience for herself and not for filial piety obligations. 

**Content warning: Death, childhood trauma

Takeaway:

• We begin to understand our parents more when we step into parental roles
• We are not responsible for the happiness of our parents and vice versa
• Being forced to bring joy to the rest of the family suppresses other emotions and we end up equating our value with displaying feel good emotions
• Emotional boundaries and codependency are a two way street and sometimes we forget that we also hold back our parents from living their best life
• Drawing boundaries with your parents will not dissolve your relationship with them, and might make it even better

Mentions & Resources:

• Coping Parent Guilt
• Mom Guilt: Causes & 10 Tips for Overcoming
• Sew Koo: Scrunchies and masks by Natalie Koo

---

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy us a coffee or bubble, we would love that too.

---- 

Tell us what shit YOU haven’t told your mom and get featured on our next episode!  

Website: www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

----

Interested in creating your own podcast?

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card and we get a little something too. Yes this is an affiliate link because we use them too. 

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Angie and Kristy go through the 36 Questions to Fall in Love questions to get to know each. Do they fall in love? Listen now to find out. Winky face. This episode was recorded on IG Live on the day of our 1 year podversary!   

**Content Warning: Child Abuse 

Highlights:  

• Kristy’s experience running away from home  
• Angie’s experience as a new immigrant  
• Kristy and Angie fall in love at question #22  
• Kristy cries three times and Angie made her cry two of the times  
• Friendship means loyalty, trust, and healthy support   

Takeaway:  

• Love and affection sustains life and it doesn’t always have to be for others  
• Forgiving our caregivers for their past mistakes allows us to move forward  
• It’s possible to repair your relationship with your Asian mom  
• Normalize uncomfortable conversations instead of causing indirect harm by shame  
• It’s your own approach to your own mental health journey that will yield the result you wish for  
• Grab someone and say five characteristics that you like about the other person  

Mentions & Resources:  

• 36 Questions to Fall in Love  
• Angie’s Medium: 36 Questions to Fall in Love  

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Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! The best way to support this show is by listening. So thank you

---- 

Got a topic you want us to chat about? Have a question about mental health or adulting as an Asian American? Let us know!  

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Is there a gender difference in how we think about sex, cope with depression, and priorities in life? Stephen Yuan shares his thoughts on how he navigates a semi-open relationship, getting out of low points, and his fascination with studying porn. Stephen is a co-host on “Stories with Stephen Yuan” Podcast. This is an interesting episode because we don’t always agree with each other in this conversation. 

**Content Warning: Consensual rape porn is discussed**

Highlights: 

• How to deal with your Asian identity as an Asian ex-pat in China  
• Stephen's weirdest sexual fetish experience with a woman  
• Is there a gender difference in how we cope with depression?  
• What separates love from sex? 
• How internet porn has affected millennial men and women  

Takeaways:

• We don't need to force our own coping mechanisms onto others
• You can be clear and upfront about what you want and not be an asshole at the same time  
• We often shame and judge people based on their life choices, sexual preference, relationship style, careers etc. This hurts us all.  Respect each other's choices
• Therapy helps you recognize and process emotions instead of pretending they're not there  
• Recognize your every day wins    
• It's okay for men to "not be in the mood" as well  

Mentions & Resources: 

• Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by. Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (Book) 

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Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! The best way to support this show is by listening. So thank you 

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Got a topic you want us to chat about? Have a question about mental health or adulting as an Asian American? Let us know!  

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Steve describes a low point in his life and reveals his story of coming around in a full circle, from jet-setting, big-law life to a humble counsel in his hometown serving his community. We sat down with a much-admired community leader, Steve Ngo, a lawyer, social entrepreneur, husband, son, and dear friend. We discuss our external facades, the labels we put on ourselves, and what this all means for our mental health.

Highlights:

• Steve’s encounter with hate crime against Asians during the COVD-19 pandemic
• How Steve’s burnout led to him creating a space for mental health awareness in the legal profession
• Angie’s rant about how self-help books need a rebrand
• Steve’s relationship strategy on avoiding fights and focusing on each other’s strength
• Steve growing up poor, achieved external success, but ultimately came back to serve the community

Takeaways:

• We all have a facade, but it’s not fake, it’s one of many parts of who we are
• Personal development and growth keeps us at an advantage
• The darkest moments are when you and your partner learn the most about each other
• Unlearn the implicit communication style of our upbringing 
• Keep the friends that bring you energy. Do the things that bring you energy.

Mentions & Resources:

• Asian-Canadian Community Tackle Hate Crime Reporting
• VPD adds forms in various languages for reporting anti-Asian racism
• Fix Police Reporting (Removing barriers to report anti-Asian hate crimes)
• Beyond the A
• Living Room Series Global

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Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! The best way to support this show is by listening. So thank you

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Got a topic you want us to chat about? Have a question about mental health or adulting as an Asian American? Let us know!  


Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

What is it like to have suicidal ideations? Kristy relapsed into depression and none of her usual depression management strategies worked. We talk about her obsessive behaviour to escape reality, using hentai to boost serotonin, different methods of seeking help, and taking medical leave to improve her mental health. **CONTENT WARNING: Suicide**   

Highlights:

• Obsession with the Hunger Games trilogy as a means to escape reality 
• Obsession with hentai to trigger serotonin and endorphins  
• Thinking about death when waiting for egg tarts  
• Separating between yourself from the illness (depression)  
• How Kristy travels the world during a global pandemic  

Takeaways:

• You're the only person to advocate for your health  
• The privilege we have is external, what we do with that privilege is internal   
• If the 1st few healthcare professionals didn't work out, don't give up on seeking help  
• Let go of expectations for tomorrow; just be where you are today  
• Vocalizing your depression can be liberating and validates your pain  
• Not everyone has the capacity to support your mental health journey, but it doesn't mean no one can  

Free Resources:

• Bounce Back Program for Anxiety & Depression (BC residents)  
• MindShift CBT App by Anxiety Canada  
• Anxiety Canada - Instant resources  
• VCH Access & Assessment Centre  
• Virtual family physicians (Maple, Babylon, Access Virtual) 
• Chinese Mental Health Resources (Greater Vancouver) 
• Asian Mental Health Resources (US/Canada) 
• Crisis Service Canada
• Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Crisis Helpline (Canada):  1-833-456-4566
• Suicide Helpline (USA): 1-800-273-8255

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Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! The best way to support this show is by l

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

The lack of male role models in Lisa's childhood led her to use sexuality to get men’s attention. Her mom physically abused her and they have a complicatedly civil relationship. We talk about forgiveness, coming to terms with childhood abuse, and her view on sex.   WARNING: detailed descriptions about childhood physical abuse, child death, and sexual abuse 

Highlights:  

• How to listen to yourself vs listening to others  
• Unlearning being a people pleaser   
• Chasing boys to feel loved   
• Using my sexuality to get what I was lacking   
• Why constant positivity can be toxic   
• Forgiving mom for being physically abusive   

Takeaways:  

• We don't always have to hustle all the f.ing time  
• Unlearn the standard definition of success and let that shit go    
• Forgiving someone is more for yourself than for the other person  

Episode Mention:

• 9. Depression, Distractions, and Dopamine 

Enjoyed this episode? Share it with a friend! 

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What cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics do you want to listen to? Send us a message or ask a question we could answer in our next episode. 

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Kristy and Angie answer two questions: What are some shit that our kids might not tell us? And what are our Myer-Briggs personalities? Not surprisingly, we get raw and vulnerable debating whether we should have kids and what that might be like.

Highlights:

• Angie is no longer pressuring herself to have kids
• Kristy is more open to the idea of having kids
• Fear of passing down traits like codependency or mental illnesses 
• Fear of becoming more and more like your parent

Takeaways:

• We all have a fear of passing down traits, nature or nurture, to our kids
• Awareness and communication can reduce self-fulfilling prophecies
• We can’t control our kids and we can only lead by example
• To be a good mother is to know that you cannot be a perfect mother

Resources:

• 16 Personalities - Myers Briggs Personality Test

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes.
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What cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics do you want to listen to? Send us a message or ask a question we could answer on our next episode.

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.