Shit We Don't Tell Mom

Kelli Chu survived a traumatic car accident from a drunk driver. She opens up about the regrets, the dark places, and what she hasn’t told her mom about from the incident. And of course, there’s still the everyday struggles for women in their 30s: career, marriage, and kids.

Highlights:

• Kelli’s story of how she almost had her hand amputated 
• How to forgive the person who caused you trauma 
• Being afraid to tell your family what haunts you
• Internal conflicts about the master timeline for Chinese women  
• How the relationship with our parents influences us more than we think

Takeaways:

• Live life day by day because sometimes, there's just no better option 
• We don't always have the answers
• Regret holds you back; it keeps you in the past
• No matter what your relationship is like with your mom, it will still influence you

Resources:

• Living After Surviving (Blog)
• @itskellichu (Instagram)

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com

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We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

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2 Asian men get vulnerable with us and share their fears, shames, and insecurities.  Lance Gee and Eric Wu from over at Off The Wok discuss losing a job, feeling suicidal, de-sexualization of Asian men, and starting all over from failures. Check out this hilarious episode that takes a turn for a deep dive into the Asian male psyche as Lance and Eric get super vulnerable with us. Content warning: suicide 

Highlights:

• Going back to school and restarting a career with a family
• Eric’s fear of water (what?) but he takes showers every day
• Losing your job as the “man” of the family
• Asian male representation in media 
• Lance and Eric overcoming the lowest points of their lives 

Takeaways:

• The shame comes from comparisons and it ruins us
• Our judgements of others are projections of our own insecurities
• People don’t give a crap, so give a crap about yourself
• Provide non-judgmental support and a safe space for the men in your life
• Everyone’s low point is different but they are all painful and valid

Resources:

• Off The Wok (Podcast)
• Off The Wok (Instagram)
• Why I’m Done Trying to Be “Man Enough” (Ted Talk)
• Crisis Centre Helpline (Canada)
• Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment or review and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Irving Chong from Asians in Space joins us to share his experience growing up in Alberta, Canada as one of the few Asian kids in the neighbourhood. We discuss what a “rotten banana” is, growing up inside a bubble, shaming people in “doing the right thing”, and how we can talk about social justice with our Chinese parents.

Highlights:

• What does it mean to be an Asian Canadian Millennial? 
• Growing up as a Chinese Kid who loved Black culture in a White conservative city
• What is the role of social media activism?
• Angie feeling ashamed of liking hip hop music 
• How the Chinese cultural revolution affects the way we communicate with our parents about social justice 

Takeaways:

• Culture and identity is less about where you are from and more about where you belong
• Be curious about why someone else might think differently from you 
• It takes multiple conversations to get through the cultural, generational, (and maybe language) barriers 
• Bring kindness, compassion, and patience into any conversation
• The point isn’t for your parents to agree, it’s for your parents to understand your perspectives and for you to see theirs too

Resources:

• Asians in Space (Podcast)
• The Asn Canadian (Instagram)
• Fresh Off The Boat by Eddie Huang (Book)
• For the Culture by Irving Chong (Paper on What it means to be an Asian Canadian Millennial)
• Unlocking Us: Shame & Accountability by Brene Brown (Podcast)

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!
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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Natalie from Yellow Bee Pod joins us to share her experience transitioning out of her civil engineering job to an outspoken supporter of Asian identity and women in STEM. We talk about what our parents’ expectations of us are growing up, our own expectations of what our life will look like, and how those expectations have changed as we approach milestones in our adulthood.

Highlights:

• Natalie kept her new job secret for six months before telling her mom
• Keeping your career plans to yourselves because it's easier than explaining it to your immigrant parents
• What we thought being an adult would be like versus what it’s actually like
• What emigrating was like for our moms when they were young
• We open up a safe space to discuss what we know and what we should know about Asian incels

Takeaways:

• Turning away from the expectations of your parents can happen at any time in your life
• Our parents never had a open-communication relationship with their parents, so it’s up to us to initiate that as our generation’s contribution
• Good grades, good university, and good job does not always equal happily ever after
• Our immigrant parents craved stability but did not have it and now they want that stability for us
• Median warps representation of all groups, whether it’s religion, incels, or our own communities

Resources:

• Natalie's Yellow Bee Pod
• Yellow Bee Pod (Instagram)
• Rice to Meet You Pod with Evelyn Mok and Nigel Ng (Instagram)
• Never Have I Ever (Netflix)
• To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before
• Asian America: The Ken Fong Podcast

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment or review and let us know your favourite episode!

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Instagram

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

What is bipolar disorder, what does it mean, and who has it? Do you think someone you care about might be bipolar? In this episode, your hosts Kristy and Angie sit down to finally talk about a long-awaited topic: Angie’s bipolar disorder. Content warning: mania, depression, suicide.    

Highlights:

• We take a stab at defining bipolar disorders
• How bipolar disorders are classified
• How to help yourself when diagnosed with something unfamiliar
• The stigmatization and misrepresentation of bipolar disorder
• How to call out someone who is being an asshole   

Takeaways:

• Bipolar depression, like unipolar depression, is a mood disorder
• Medication is here to help, not to stigmatize
• Sleep is very f*cking important!
• A successful relationship (bipolar or not) needs communication!
• Counsellor: RMT, Psychologist: Physio, Psychiatrist: Physician   

Resources:

• BP Hope - Hope and Harmony for People with Bipolar
• How Manic Depression Became Bipolar Disorder
• The History of Bipolar Disorder   

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!   

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!   

Email us, DM, or Record a 60-second voice message. Send us an audio message by clicking here!   

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom    

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Instructions on how to be an adult and live happily ever after. Do you want one? What if we were already given one but we just don’t like what is written? In this episode, Angela Kim from The Why Moments Podcast discusses the internal and external pressures of marriage, to have or not have kids, going to therapy, and how to tell all this to your Asian family. Content warning: suicide. 

Highlights:

• Why we confirm and more importantly, what happens when we don’t
• How to tell your Asian parents you’re not ready for marriage
• What is it like being the black sheep of a Korean Christian Family?
• Telling mom about therapy and having panic attacks 

Takeaways:

• Parents can equate their self-worth based on how their children are performing. This is not your responsibility to upkeep.
• If you want to dance, cry, laugh in public… just do it! The next person will be encouraged by you and we can all be a little more authentic with our emotions
• You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t so you might as well do and live life to your own values 
• You don’t need to have something “wrong” in your life to go to therapy

Resources:

• The Why Moments Podcast w. Angela Kim
• The Why Moments (Instagram)
• Living Room Series (Community Group) 

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to! Email us, DM, or Record a 60-second voice message. Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

How did you learn about sex? Did you have sex first or masturbate first? Did you ever get the “sex talk” from your parents/guardians? This is a special episode where Karen from MX Asian American Podcast interviews us about our sexual awakening, what is sexual consent, and how we learned to have sex.

Highlights: 

• When Karen walked in on her parents having sex  
• Kristy’s first time using a vibrator  
• Angie’s first time watching porn  
• What happened when Kristy & Angie got the “sex talk” from our moms   
• How sex ed has changed from Millennials to Gen Zs  
• Why is masturbation so embarrassing to talk about   

Takeaways:  

• Masturbation can be super empowering   
• Sexual consent is needed   
• Trying to mimic porn is not a good idea   
• Sex education should also include positive connotations such as how sex feels and exploring emotional connections with partners  

Resources:  

• MX Asian American (Podcast)
• Yaoi Manga (Gay Manga)
• Chanel Miller (Website)
• Me Too Movement (Website)

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to! Email us, DM, or Record a 60-second voice message. Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

How are our sexual identities formed? Is it from the media that we consume like magazines and porn? And how do we go about unlearning the dysfunctional and destructive ideas around sexuality and body image? **Content Warning**: anorexia nervosa and behaviours of disordered eating is discussed in this episode.

   Highlights:

• Learning about sex from magazines and porn
• Trauma from parents who enforce gender roles
• Karen’s journey in accepting her queer identity
• Religious beliefs and how they influence sexual taboos
• Inheriting body dysmorphia

   Takeaways:

• Closed-mindedness can hurt your loved ones
• Internalized homophobia can develop from parental pressure
• There are resources out there other than mainstream porn
• Different people want different experiences, there is no one size fits all
• You don’t need a diagnosis to improve your mental health

   Resources:

• Mx Asian American on Instagram
• Matt D’Avella on Youtube
• Chester 5000 XYV (NSFW)
• Curvy (NSFW)
• Strictly Dumpling (Mike Chen)

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!

Email us, DM, or Record a 60-second voice message. Send us an audio message by clicking here!

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: [email protected]

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Sex is everywhere but it is also taboo. Why? And how can we overcome this shyness around sex so we can embrace our own sexuality? **Content Warning**: criminalized sex is discussed in this episode.

Highlights: 

• Why is Sex Taboo?
• How do we define sex? 
• What happens when we feel pressured to be a sexy 
• Have confidence and self-esteem in bed 
• What Angie needs to have an orgasm

Takeaway: 

• Physical intimacy does not equal emotional intimacy
• Be okay with where you are at in your sexual self-discovery
• Tell your partner what you want in bed 
• Let's change our definition of sex as a society by not trying to define sex for everybody. It's different 

Resources:

• Reddit: How come sex and sexuality is taboo...
• Psychology Today: Why is Sex Taboo?
• The Maudern: Why is Sex Still Taboo?
• The Ripper (Docu-series)
• The Imitation Game (Movie)
• Ethical Slut (Book)
• OMGYes.com

Episodes mentioned:

• Ep.12: Codependency and Intergenerational Trauma ft. William Shaw
• Ep.15: Flatulence, Love, and Discomfort

Fellow Nominees for “Best Wellness Podcast” Asian Podcast Awards 2020:

• Colors of Success
• Thrive + Thread

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

Email: shi

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Kristy and Angie get together (virtually) to wrap up Season 1 by answer questions from our listeners and Season 1 guests. We discuss public flatulence, how we came up with our name, and most importantly, being true to ourselves as we pursue our passion project of creating this podcast we have grown to love. We share what we have learned and we share our gratitude for each other and for how much we have been able to accomplish so far in this journey. Thank you, listeners! We cannot do this without you. See you in 2021!

Highlights: 

• We’re putting a bunch of things on t-shirts  
• Advice for budding podcasters  
• Kristy is detailed-oriented and Angie is big-picture  
• How did Kristy and Angie finally agree on a podcast name   
• Kristy wants to be remembered for being dope-ass. Yes. Dope-ass  

Takeaway: 

• Once you fart, you can never be apart
• Working with someone very different can be incredibly rewarding as long as there is mutual respect
• Being at peace means accepting yourself for who you are
• Everyone's traveling style is different, do what makes you happy, just like life
• Liking yourself for liking the things that you like

Resources:

• Graze Studio (Instagram)
• Alan Watts (Website)

Episodes mentioned:

• Episode 1: What Is Our Shit?
• Episode 10: The  F(ailure) Word ft. Calven Wang
• Episode 12: Codependency and Intergenerational Trauma ft. William Shaw
• Episode 13: Desire, Dreams, and Diaries
• Episode 14: Ovulation, Breastfeeding, and Being A Chinese Daughter ft. Georgie Ma

Enjoyed this episode? Share with a friend! Hit subscribe to get the latest episodes. Leave us a comment and let us know your favourite episode!

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Tell Kristy & Angie what cringy and uncomfortable conversation topics you want to listen to!

Email us, DM, or Record a 60-second voice message. Tell us your thoughts, comments, or send questions you have for us. Drop your lov

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: [email protected]

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.