Shot At Love

Do you want to change your dating life and are looking for love - then change your location! Or you could drive to your closest city and change the radius on your dating app, try out a new neighborhood hot spot, or do what this week’s guest Lori Mendelsohn did. Lori Mendelsohn packed up her two dogs at age 66 and moved from Wisconsin to Maine. As a result of this bold and brave move, she started dating someone new and tripled her business. Lori shares how changing her environment changed everything for her. We’ll discuss the many ways you can change it up to change your results, whether that means moving or doing something on a smaller scale, like picking up a new hobby, enrolling in a class, or trying out new technology (such as a new app) to meet people. Lori also discusses how focusing on herself works for her, and loving her new location doesn’t hurt either.

Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker, dating coach, Dating profile writer, and an award-winning entrepreneur. She writes unique profiles that help you tell your story by adding personality, heart, and humor to stand out from the rest. When Lori writes, you find love. People resonate with her because she is in the dating game herself and has met many terrific men. Today we catch up with her to hear what she’s learned about love by relocating.

Kerry Brett and Lori Mendelsohn cover a lot of ground topics, including;
How relocating got Lori out of a rut and improved her love life and business.
Why it’s important to live in the present moment when it comes to finding love.
If you are afraid to get out of your comfort zone, remember you are your safety net and the only one you can truly count on.
If you want to change, be the change you want to be.
Do away with preconceived notions, release any expectations about meeting a person, and try to enjoy the moment without attachment to the outcome.

To learn more about Lori Mendelsohn, her coaching, and upcoming courses, follow her on Instagram @smartfunnysingle.

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Today's episode is titled "A Memoir of Love: How to Embrace New Chapters with novelist Elin Hilderbrand”. Elin Hilderbrand is the author of 28 best-selling books and the queen of the beach read. She’s in town working on her last revisions for book #29! Her muse is the magical island of Nantucket, and her novels include stories of romance, friendships, ex-wives, passionate affairs, and matchmaking. People often wonder how much of Elin's real life is behind these pages - if you think the characters she composes are riveting, wait until you hear her story. She's overcome personal tragedy, heartbreak, divorce, and is an eight-year breast cancer survivor. She relied on discipline, consistency, and determination to overcome it all! We'll hear how she focused on the things she loved…such as writing, her family, her adoring fans, an island 30 miles out, and how having compassion for others gave her strength when she needed it the most. We also hear a romance novelist's advice for finding love. 

Elin Hildebrand is an American novelist who graduated from Johns Hopkins University and later attended the University of Iowa, earning her MFA. After a short stint in publishing and teaching in New York City, she moved to Nantucket permanently in 1994. In the summer of 2000, she published her first novel, the Beach Club. Her 2019 novel, Summer of 69, debuted at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list. Five of her books are currently being optioned for movies, and a six-episode limited series has been green-lighted for Netflix. She's also a mother of three who loves cooking, riding her Peloton, and going to the beach.

 Kerry Brett and Elin Hilderbrand cover a lot of ground in this conversation. Topics include;

Why you need to worry about yourself first – do the work on yourself. Once you’re good and strong, you will attract people.
Going out and finding a man won’t fix you. Do things on your own, don’t be afraid to be independent and do something for yourself.
Make your own money because what we find attractive in men are the same things they find attractive in us. Men like women who have their finances in order.
A romance novelist's advice if you feel down on your luck and looking to find that special person.
Elin’s thoughts around a perfect date in Nantucket.
Elin's advice for navigating challenging times.
Having discipline is Elin’s secret power and sets her up for success.

To learn more about Elin’s books or events, visit her website at www.elinhilderbrand.net or follow her on Instagram @elinhilderbrand.

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Today, we welcome back Flora Ong, the incredible dating coach and founder of Redo Love! And she discusses how to stop responding to low-effort behavior. Engaging in low-effort behavior creates more of the same. It also shows others what we will accept or tolerate. Unfortunately, we avoid cutting off low-effort behavior because we don't want to feel empty or lonely or have to look within ourselves to figure out why we were accepting this kind of behavior from the beginning. Flora shares how understanding yourself and your attachment style is valuable and why once you figure this out– you discover this is something you can control and, in turn, change the outcome. We’ll learn how women give their power away by being easily accessible, readily available, or by responding in a weak moment. And learn how to avoid these traps, understand subconscious manipulations, and why it's human nature to want to keep a connection going but not at the cost of being mistreated. 

Flora Ong is the founder of Redo Love, a dating and relationship coach, and a matchmaker. She has set up 100’s of matches with an 85% success rate. After a failed 14-year marriage, she joined the millions of online/app daters in her search for love. During this process, she discovered she had no idea how to date, love, and be loved. Flora turned all her blunders into a quest to find her way into love and help others who struggled with similar issues. Her focus is to help others identify their blocks around dating to find the love they want while experiencing peace in the process.

 If you’ve listened to my most recent episode, “How to Stop Living off a Meme and a Dream," with Flora Ong – you’ll understand why I immediately had to bring her back for part two. Today we’ll discuss handling text messages, learning when to attach and detach and why the right person feels different to your nervous system.

Kerry Brett and Flora Ong cover a lot of ground topics, including:

How to stop being a lifetime responder or someone who needs to know every little thing or respond to every text?
Why you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
When things end, you shouldn’t focus on the highlight reel; you should focus on the documentary.
When you find the right one, you won’t need to write lists of why he’s not calling in your note section on your phone, and you won’t feel confused, anxious, or bad about yourself – you’ll feel happy and at peace.
When in doubt, don’t send the text! You can write the text you want to send and take a screenshot so you can remember it the next day but know your power remains in your silence.
Always remember you’re the architect of your destiny and in control of your future. Stop focusing on the negative and focus on the things you want to create more of that.

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Today we’ll discuss dating faux pas with Flora Ong, dating coach and founder of Redo Love. Flora feels one of the most unattractive things you can do is tell people who you are instead of showing them. People with a lot of unhealed trauma tend to live behind what Flora calls “a meme and a dream."  Flora shares tips around communicating better, trusting yourself, and learning why you attract the kind of people you do. She also shares what she’s learned from multiple failed dating episodes, anxious moments, sleepless nights, and painful lessons. She teaches us how to identify our specific attachment style so we don’t end up dating the same people who will never give us the love we deserve. Flora covers setting boundaries, avoiding wasting time with the wrong people, and stopping questioning yourself or the need to ask your friends for their opinions. You’ll hear how to date better people while finding peace in the process and look for love in all the right places.

Flora Ong is a divorcee and single mother of two. She's also a matchmaker, dating coach, and founder of Redo Love. Flora's sole focus is helping others find peace, trust, and safety in dating. She's a certified life coach and trauma-informed specialist focusing on attachment styles and helps people understand how they were programmed to have the life they do and how to reprogram their subconscious so they can have the life they want. She's a natural connector with a knack for understanding compatibility, and Flora is responsible for hundreds of relationships. She is also an expert at making intuitive matches and helping her clients find the right fit.

Kerry Brett and Flora Ong cover a lot of ground and topics, including;

How to stop ruminating over people who aren’t worth your while.
How to stop looking for security through other people.
The importance of learning about your attachment style.
How to stop living off a meme or a dream?
Why memes can act as barriers or devices to hide behind when texting.
How to get to a place where you trust yourself and do not have to rely on your friends’ opinions?
Why people don’t listen to others’ dating advice? They listen to their subconscious.
How the book Attached was the catalyst and became the blueprint for Flora.
You can cut things off early when you learn to trust your intuition.
Be willing to leave if someone doesn’t meet your standards.
Don’t take things personally; it usually doesn’t have to do with you.

To find out more about Flora Ong, go to her website www.redo.love. Check out her free Webinar and Attachment Style Quiz, or follow her on Instagram @redo.love or on Tik Tok @redo_love.

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Today's topic is how to avoid questions that lead to interrogations. Getting to know someone is one thing but placing a person in the hot seat can be stressful and off-putting. Many ask Q&A-style questions because they need to know, but in the early stages of dating, you're on a need-to-know basis. There's a better way to gain information, and that's by listening! This week's guest will lend his expert ear and share strategies for gathering data. His name is Randy "Moose" Gomez, and he's the "Date Detective" and an experienced PI and Bail Bondsman. We'll learn why to avoid pop quizzes, 20 questions – and one-time-at-band-camp stories. And why it's important to remind yourself this is only a date; you're not a cop on CSI; it's a courtship, not Judge Judy's courtroom. 

Randy, AKA "Moose" Gomez, the "Date Detective," is a cowboy and a single dad from New Mexico. He's also a trainer for world champion boxers, on the board of directors for PAL Boxing Club, President of Moose Inc., and founder of the "US" charity. Moose worked as a Bail Bondsman, a Recovery Agent, and a Private Investigator for most of his professional life. During that period, Moose learned a lot about people, especially when he bailed someone out of jail. And at that moment, he listened during that car ride home when people often spilled their life stories. He also learned about the power of listening, and in today's world, we are rarely present. 

A few months ago, I covered how con artists and scammers have doubled online during the pandemic in my episode How to Avoid the Tinder Swindler with the "Date Detective" Randy "Moose" Gomez, and today he's back by popular demand. He'll share strategies around keeping a date, a date not the Spanish Inquisition.

Kerry Brett and Randy "Moose" Gomez cover a lot of ground topics, include;

Why to avoid interrogation style questions.
Instead of directly asking others about their line of work, ask them about their passions. Their passion will tell you a lot about them personally.
The value of the art of listening when getting to know someone else.
Avoid predetermined questions and keep the conversation fluid.
If you're not getting the answers you want – let it go and come back to it at another time.
Why we should avoid over-sharing in the beginning of dating.
Don't rely on an agenda or a list of questions. If you have a rigid agenda, you'll stick to it, and a date should be fluid.
Why the best conversations or interviews are not planned?
When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Get clear about your what and your why. Why are you on the date, and what are you trying to accomplish?

To find out more about Randy “Moose” Gomez and all of his “Date Detective” tips follow on Facebook under Randy Moose Gomez, or on Instagram @randymoosegomez or email him directly at [email protected].

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This week I have the privilege to highlight the incredible story of Charlie Cifarelli. Charlie had everything in life he set out to achieve until one day; his world fell apart over a national story about a dog named Star. What started as a journey to save a dog, in turn, would save him. Star taught Charlie everything he needed to learn about love. Charlie went from having a transactional life with value on useless things and realized what he thought he wanted didn’t make him happy. We look for love because we believe it will complete us – but the truth is LOVE is universal. We can be in a relationship or have a dream home or career, yet often, it does not equate to happiness. Charlie share’s his tips around having a successful relationship, why comparison is the thief of joy, the value of finding purpose and why having gratitude is most important! 

Charlie Cifarelli, is an author, motivational speaker, businessman and dog lover, with a focus on rescues, in fact he has seven! In his early twenties he became homeless and addicted to drugs. He went into recovery after being directed to a Monastery where he got clean and sober, finally after numerous attempts. Circumstances led him to the Midwest where he lived in Nebraska for 25 years working at three maximum security prisons. He worked on death row, connecting with the inmates on a deep level - he became the inmates favorite! After seeing enough sadness - he started a trash business with the hopes of having a life of freedom and happiness which only made him miserably comfortable. It wasn’t until August 13, 2012 that his world would collide with a dog who was reported to be and killed in New York City by a police officer while protecting her owner – who was homeless. For the first time in Charlie’s life he believed in something he couldn’t see at the corner of 14th and  2nd. 

Today, Charlie shares his story of love. Love for his little girl Star “his snoopy” a dog so special - she’s on Wikipedia with the likes of Rin Tin Tin and Lassie. Charlie believes love starts in many places and carries over. He’ll share how rescuing Star connected him with people globally and how love found him in the most unlikely place on the corner of 14th & 2nd. Tune into this beautiful story of redemption, hope and most importantly love.

To find out more about Charlie Cifarelli go to www.charliecifarelli.com for follow on Instagram @charlie_cifarelli or on Facebook under Charlie Cifarelli.

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Today's topic is how to avoid dating fatigue. Are you burned out from swiping, uninspired by conversations over text, or feeling hopeless when it comes to dating? This week's guest is going to shift our mindset, and her name is Michelle Oliver, she's a business coach, and she's going to show us how we can reframe our thinking so we can cope and continue on our journey (that doesn't need to be so difficult) of finding love. Michelle will share strategies around being open to the unexpected, not taking things to heart, managing our expectations, and having fun along the way.

Michelle has been professionally training and coaching within the small business sector over the last 34 years. For over 30 years, she's been a student of personal development. She's held countless live trainings and workshops and was personally mentored by several high-performance athletic and business trainers, including Peter McLaughlin. She studied and trained with Success Motivation Institute and the Pacific Institute, working as a sale’s professional trainer and coach. Much of her life has been "in-the-trenches" business experience, having built 6 small businesses in various industries. She offers transparent conversations and relevant, valuable content, sharing everything she’s learned of the mosteffective approaches to growing a business, mindset, and skills online and offline.

Kerry Brett and Michelle Oliver recently did a live stream about overcoming dating fatigue which has inspired this episode. Together they cover a lot of ground. Topics include;

How to motivate yourself when things aren’t going well.
How to manage expectations and having zero attachment.
How to move away from disappointment or feelings of discontentment.
Why it’s important to have better thoughts and feelings, leading to a better outcome.
Why it’s important to look at a date as a new business opportunity, an opportunity to make a new friendship, or learn something new.
How to look towards possibilities and move away from the lies we tell ourselves.
How to look for alternate way of meeting new people.

To find out more about Michelle Oliver go to her website www.iammichelleoliver.comor follow her on Instagram @iammichelleoliver and all social media under the same name.

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Finding that connection and being in a relationship is one of the most critical things in our lives. The million-dollar question is, how do we find that? Or is there another way to find love other than a dating app? Today we’ll find out! This week's guest is Jill Vandor, she’s a dating and relationship coach, love extraordinaire and executive matchmaker at LunchDates - Boston's locally owned matchmaking service that is celebrating 40 years in business. She's been responsible for relationships , marriages, children, and grandchildren. Finding love is serious business for Jill; and in this episode she’ll share how it's done!

Jill Vandor, is an executive matchmaker, dating and relationship coach with over 25 years in the dating industry. Jill has made a career out of getting people into serious relationships. She’s been featured in the Boston Globe, Boston Magazine, the New York Times and Chronicle on WCVB Channel 5 Boston. She is the go-to for successful single professionals in the Greater Boston area as a matchmaker, dating coach and all-around dating expert. Jill and I recently shared the stage at the Great Love Debate that was hosted by Brian Howie at Boston City Winery and I’m so excited to have her on Shot@Love today.

Kerry Brett and Jill Vandor cover a lot of ground. Topics include;

Being present on the date and why you should be genuinely interested in the other person.
Why you should ask a lot of follow up questions on the date.
Jill’s tips for first and second dates.
Why you should avoid talking about your ex, dating in general, and your past history.
Stay away from controversial subjects such as religion or politics.
In dating there will be ups and downs but whatever you do don’t take yourself out of the game.

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Today's guest is Astrologer and psychic healer Jill Jardine, and today she'll discuss why the fall is the perfect timeto fall in love. Autumn has arrived, and you knowwhat that means it’s Cuffing Season! The search to shack up is on! Many are looking for a new love interest to stay warm during these colder months. The fall equinox is an incredible time to take things to the next level if you're single, and Cuffing Season is when singles are more inclined to settle into a serious relationship. Jill lets us know how the planets will affect our love forecast for Autumn of 2022 and what to expect as we kick off Cuffing Season.

Jill Jardine is an astrologer, therapist, psychic healer, and spiritual advisor. She's also a former radio personality on WATD 95.9 and the host of the podcast Cosmic Scene with Jill Jardine. She's also a Reverend in Sanskrit Mantra, and chanting mantras can shift outcomes and is an invaluable tool. For over 30 years, she's helped thousands of people find power and confidence within themselves and help with important decisions. Astrology and dating have always gone hand in hand because you can use Astrology to predict the unknown. Jill is back by popular demand, and today she will help us put our dating life into perspective and predict what is coming down the pike.

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Today, we're discussing breakups, broken heart, and moving on – and this week’s expert is Janice Formichella. She’s a breakup coach, writer and host of the podcast the Ex-Philes (with a PH, not an F). When you're in the process of a painful breakup, you forget how much power you have and how much is in your control. Believe it or not, you are in charge of how you’ll handle moving forward and can choose how you feel each day. It's common to feel sorry for yourself, and many of us lose our identity, sense of self and worth. Janice shares how to flip the script and how to turn your breakup into a magical opportunity. Janice encourages those struggling to get empowered, beat that breakup and create the life you love. 

Janice Formichella took a painful divorce and turned it into a positive! After recovering from domestic violence and hitting rock bottom in her 30’s, she did the work needed to heal her heartbreak. She decided to share what she learned, support others and help her clients build new lives through one-on-one coaching and by creating her podcast, the Ex-Philes. As a breakup coach, Janice supports those struggling with the pain and confusion of a broken heart and show you how to turn your breakup into an opportunity for something else. With a focus on overcomingloneliness and living a desired-led life, she works with people to become passionate about being their own soulmates and using solo time as a superpower.

Kerry Brett and Janice Formichella cover a lot of ground. Topics include;
*Making yourself feel like a VIP, starting with your morning routine.
*Why you should go to fancy restaurants on your own and don’t be afraid to try Janice’s sexy solo date.
*Why going out on your own makes you feel more confident and increases your chances of meeting someone.
*Be single long enough to become happy with your life, work on your relationship with yourself first because if you’re good on your own, you’ll make better choices in a partner.

To find out more about Janice Formichella, listen to her podcast the Ex-Philes or follow her on Instagram @janiceformichella.

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