Sigmund Fraud

Derek arrives to Ian's office quoting Jeff Bridges after having gotten plastic surgery to look exactly like James Bond actor Roger Moore in a sign he's clearly a very confused and troubled young man. Even if no other therapist will see Derek, does he really deserved the treatment of a UCB weekend team GOAT reject like this Sigmund Fraud proves to be? Maybe if Derek was getting really good advice, he would suck it up and move to LA like all his other friends....

Not just my opinion, man, but this is the best part of the episode description cause you get to hear about the wonderful Colby Smith of the Honey Baby Sweetie Love Podcast! Be sure to check out HBSL LIVE 7pm June 25th at the Brooklyn Comedy Collective! And you can follow Colby on Instagram @colbabouttown and on Twitter @colbyjsmith

It is unknown where he came from or where he's going, but very unfortunately Ian's next patient CoJo shares a name based on his real ailment with a controversial and very possibly racist song that originated in the American South. Please moms of the world, if your son has cotton balls for eyes, don't name that child Joe! And furthermore, don't send them to see a total sham of a therapist like Ian! It can only end badly, I guarantee it.

Now that your eyes have un-fluffed from all of the above, you should know how awesome of a comedian and musician Kurt Cruz is! Follow Kurt on Spotify under the name Kuko and you can also find him over on Instagram @4kuko

The woman behind the person behind XOXO Gossip Girl is none other than the very stressed ghost writer Beatrice Clarc. Without access to her local coffee shop, how can Beatrice be expected to get any work done? Speaking of not getting work done, the sleep depraved C.T.W.R.O.S. himself once again seems on the lookout for fast and easy solutions for his clients without any consideration of real world consequences. Get out of there, Beatrice! Recognize the red flags and don't come back!!

25% of all television watchers between 2:15-3:15 am already know Spud Favreau, ESPN's only movie award show commentator. However, very few people know Spud actually has rather nefarious aspirations to slowly takeover the world. Maybe a good therapist could have talked Spud down and make him realize what a failed corporate genetic experiment he is, though of course old dumb dumb CTWROS Ian Herrin not only indulges every Spud flight of fantasy but also goes off on his own wild and overly revealing tangents about his personal life. How does no one call out how awful some of the misogyny and heteronormativity in this conversation is?? Well I guess I did just now, but who reads this anyways??? Ian sucks and I hate how much he enjoyed himself during this session!

You've hit a Home Run!! Why? Because you've found the part of the episode description where I get to tell you about Chandler Dean, @chandlerjdean on all social media. Chandler is a tremendously multi-talented comedian, speechwriter, and overall renaissance man whom you should absolutely get to following and supporting first chance you get! 

Twinkie Franklin is a woman out of her time. She could use a lot of advice ever since her well of writing dialogue for songs has run dry, but it's not like this joker Ian who calls himself a therapist is going to be much help. I mean, Ian doesn't even know what year it is, for God's sake! Although to be fair, Twinkie may not know who is president in 2022 herself. Be sure to batten down your radios and avoid the Shangri-Las lest Twinkie visit you next!

Also, a special message directly from Ian... Fuck you Samuel Alito, fuck you Clarence Thomas, fuck you Neil Gorsuch, fuck you Brett Kavanaugh, and fuck you Amy Coney Barrett. The United States of America will never recover from your cruelty and authoritarianism and none of you will ever have the respect of real, non-radicalized Americans. We will resist your domestic terrorism in every way imaginable and long after you are gone it is our responsibility to erase every aspect of your miserable and cruel legacies like the stains upon this world that they are. 

Bruce, turn around!! Ian is a toxic therapist and your dynamic is wildly unhealthy! I know you're a robot trying desperately to become human but this oversexed weirdo of a shrink literally colors in his coloring book instead of trying to listen or help you with your issues. Not even a nationalist former AOL disk deserves the fate of Ian's "creative" form of treatment! RUN AWAY!!!

Bing bong! Bing bong! Have you heard the good word about the fantastically talented improviser and comedian Brandon Zelman?? Ya simply gotta follow him on Twitter @brandonzelman and on Instagram @whosethatpokemonpod

Reece Fine would by all accounts seem to be just fine! Reece is wonderfully engaged with the world around him and seems to be well off financially thanks to a fulfilling career doing something he loves. And yet, Ian seems intent on digging and prying himself into negativity. Not even the fun accoutrements around the office distract from Ian giving perverse solution after perverse solution for something that may not have been that big of a problem to begin with...

Eeeek, a mouse!! Mice don't need therapy do they? And if they did, they certainly shouldn't get treatment from that 50's greaser shrink Ian Herrin. Even having your arm snapped off in a peanut butter trap has got to be better than some of the advice this wacko gives out! Petey is a father with 17 kids to be worrying about, but of course all Ian does it make it about sex... AGAIN. Good luck to ya, Petey! At least you can blend in anywhere you go with your skill for accents.

Hey, you! Down here!! I want to tell you all about the incredible comedian Kate Sisk! You can follow Kate on Twitter and Insta @thekatesisk and be sure to check out Kate's drag show The Luke Ass Spectacular Thursday May 26th 10pm at Union Hall. Link for tix:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-luke-ass-spectacular-tickets-318853047047 

Poor Amelia "Larkin" is perhaps the most aghast patient yet as she lets Ian stew in his own stupidity over and over again. It's really nuts how little Ian listens to her and how much he feels the need to instead constantly mansplain history and science. I hope Amelia and Chelsea can overcome this asshole and his terrible advice (wink). 

102 year old Betsy always makes the best of her life with the exception in her choice of therapist. Betsy has seen just about everything living on 110th street in New York all these years, including a surprisingly large number of anthropomorphic animals. Ian seems intent on making her depressed and himself sexy instead of actually trying to learn something important about the history all around him.

Hey, you! Down here for the good stuff! Be sure to follow Julie Kann @julie_kann on Twitter and @joolaylay1 on Insta. Oh and shout out to John Tant, Ian's real life Granddad who turned 101 today!! And that's not a bit!!! He fought against Hitler and voted against Trump as he likes to say!