The droopy dog energy Doug Lafontane joins Ian in the office to discuss his dismay over not being invited to his neighbor's 4th of July barbecue. If only someone could help Doug realize he's too concerned with safety and not nearly outgoing and friendly enough to accomplish his goals, however, Ian is far from that person. Instead Ian distracts with yet another tale of Selena Gomez, a unique approach to moisturizing, and merciless barbs at Doug's physical appearance. Get out of there, Doug!!!

Today's guest was very reminiscent of the wonderfully talented Rod O'Toole, wasn't he?? Rod and Ian both humbly ask that you consider donating to https://abortionfunds.org/ 

You can follow Rod on Instagram @roderickotoole and you can see Rod and Ian with Drop Your Socks Thursday August 4th at 8:30pm at The PIT

Celebrity Blind Gossip columnist Dana Wildebeest has experienced a trauma that’s been haunting her over the last week or so. No matter how hard Ian tries to put Dana in a 7 or 11 box, there may simply be no explanation for the supernatural psychic phenomena she is currently experiencing. And at Ian's rate, she's bound to get dizzy with all of his speculations as to what is going on, but how could he know? I tell you Dana's tale is one that is truly stranger than any fiction I've ever heard of!

This is the part of the episode description that manifests everything you could ever want... And by that I mean serving you up the comedy of the tremendously talented Rachel Taenzler! Be sure you follow Rachel on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @racheltaenzler 

Ya gotta feel bad for Peter Casey, the time traveler who just wants to makes friends but struggles with basic human interactions. But perhaps he's overthinking things. After all, in 12 attempts, it was the 6th that proved the most successful when Peter attempted to befriend the barista at his local coffee conglomerate. But a Sigmund Fraud like Ian is hardly the type of therapist you want to be turning to for advice on how to make friends...

Derek arrives to Ian's office quoting Jeff Bridges after having gotten plastic surgery to look exactly like James Bond actor Roger Moore in a sign he's clearly a very confused and troubled young man. Even if no other therapist will see Derek, does he really deserved the treatment of a UCB weekend team GOAT reject like this Sigmund Fraud proves to be? Maybe if Derek was getting really good advice, he would suck it up and move to LA like all his other friends....

Not just my opinion, man, but this is the best part of the episode description cause you get to hear about the wonderful Colby Smith of the Honey Baby Sweetie Love Podcast! Be sure to check out HBSL LIVE 7pm June 25th at the Brooklyn Comedy Collective! And you can follow Colby on Instagram @colbabouttown and on Twitter @colbyjsmith

It is unknown where he came from or where he's going, but very unfortunately Ian's next patient CoJo shares a name based on his real ailment with a controversial and very possibly racist song that originated in the American South. Please moms of the world, if your son has cotton balls for eyes, don't name that child Joe! And furthermore, don't send them to see a total sham of a therapist like Ian! It can only end badly, I guarantee it.

Now that your eyes have un-fluffed from all of the above, you should know how awesome of a comedian and musician Kurt Cruz is! Follow Kurt on Spotify under the name Kuko and you can also find him over on Instagram @4kuko

The woman behind the person behind XOXO Gossip Girl is none other than the very stressed ghost writer Beatrice Clarc. Without access to her local coffee shop, how can Beatrice be expected to get any work done? Speaking of not getting work done, the sleep depraved C.T.W.R.O.S. himself once again seems on the lookout for fast and easy solutions for his clients without any consideration of real world consequences. Get out of there, Beatrice! Recognize the red flags and don't come back!!

25% of all television watchers between 2:15-3:15 am already know Spud Favreau, ESPN's only movie award show commentator. However, very few people know Spud actually has rather nefarious aspirations to slowly takeover the world. Maybe a good therapist could have talked Spud down and make him realize what a failed corporate genetic experiment he is, though of course old dumb dumb CTWROS Ian Herrin not only indulges every Spud flight of fantasy but also goes off on his own wild and overly revealing tangents about his personal life. How does no one call out how awful some of the misogyny and heteronormativity in this conversation is?? Well I guess I did just now, but who reads this anyways??? Ian sucks and I hate how much he enjoyed himself during this session!

You've hit a Home Run!! Why? Because you've found the part of the episode description where I get to tell you about Chandler Dean, @chandlerjdean on all social media. Chandler is a tremendously multi-talented comedian, speechwriter, and overall renaissance man whom you should absolutely get to following and supporting first chance you get! 

Twinkie Franklin is a woman out of her time. She could use a lot of advice ever since her well of writing dialogue for songs has run dry, but it's not like this joker Ian who calls himself a therapist is going to be much help. I mean, Ian doesn't even know what year it is, for God's sake! Although to be fair, Twinkie may not know who is president in 2022 herself. Be sure to batten down your radios and avoid the Shangri-Las lest Twinkie visit you next!

Also, a special message directly from Ian... Fuck you Samuel Alito, fuck you Clarence Thomas, fuck you Neil Gorsuch, fuck you Brett Kavanaugh, and fuck you Amy Coney Barrett. The United States of America will never recover from your cruelty and authoritarianism and none of you will ever have the respect of real, non-radicalized Americans. We will resist your domestic terrorism in every way imaginable and long after you are gone it is our responsibility to erase every aspect of your miserable and cruel legacies like the stains upon this world that they are. 

Bruce, turn around!! Ian is a toxic therapist and your dynamic is wildly unhealthy! I know you're a robot trying desperately to become human but this oversexed weirdo of a shrink literally colors in his coloring book instead of trying to listen or help you with your issues. Not even a nationalist former AOL disk deserves the fate of Ian's "creative" form of treatment! RUN AWAY!!!

Bing bong! Bing bong! Have you heard the good word about the fantastically talented improviser and comedian Brandon Zelman?? Ya simply gotta follow him on Twitter @brandonzelman and on Instagram @whosethatpokemonpod

Reece Fine would by all accounts seem to be just fine! Reece is wonderfully engaged with the world around him and seems to be well off financially thanks to a fulfilling career doing something he loves. And yet, Ian seems intent on digging and prying himself into negativity. Not even the fun accoutrements around the office distract from Ian giving perverse solution after perverse solution for something that may not have been that big of a problem to begin with...