Sitting in a Car

I have a story for you this week

about a time the kids and I talked about masturbation.

It involves a car journey, and some talk radio.

(You can hear the whole story in this week’s podcast.)

First, some misconceptions.

Some people think

that only boy children need chats about masturbation. Right?

Nope!

All kids need chats about how touching our own bodies, including the private bits,

is perfectly ok and a normal part of life.

And some people think

that the right kid's age to have chats about masturbation is just before puberty. Right?

Nope again!

You can actually start chatting about how and where we touch the private bits of our our body,

when kids are age 4 or even younger.

In fact, it’s good to normalise this part of how the body works,

and to teach rules and boundaries around it,

when kids are really small.

This is how we avoid shame for our kids.

This week, a parent asks,

‘How do I respond to things I hear my kid say that I don’t agree with?’

This is a great question,

because on the one hand, we want to raise kids whose values are in line with ours.

But on the other hand, we don’t want our kid to feel we’re constantly telling them

that what they believe is wrong!

So what can we do?

This is a super-juicy topic

and this week’s episode gives you loads of real-world tips on how to have these conversations.

By the way, you may be starting to realise

that gaining higher level skills like these is becoming a priority for you. Your kids are growing older

and you want your skills to be rock-solid.

If that sounds like you,

visit www.sarahsproule.com/evolve

and leave me your info.

That way I can let you know the next time I open The Evolve School –

so you'll be able to learn everything you need to know

about how to have these sorts of conversations and build more connection with your growing kid.

Sarah x

How can I answer my 7-year-old’s questions about the vulva and the clitoris?

What a great question.

Quite honestly, lots of us grew up without much information about the vulva and the clitoris.

(I have a story for you about that, in our episode this week.)

So hear all about it in this weeks episode.

And for more about the course I run,

that helps parents and caring adults just like you stay connected with their kids

while chatting about ‘glitterises’ and so much more,

drop me a email at [email protected]

so I can tell you the next time it’s running.

It’s starting soon!

Preparing for Christmas can sometimes give you the same squicky, sinking feeling you get when your 4 year old asks you right in the middle of the supermarket why daddy has a penis and you don’t.

Quite honestly, it can be a challenge.

So, while you might not have ever thought that taking about how babies are made and prepping for Christmas is in anyway related, listen to the three simply strategies this week that will help you get clear on how to build more connection with your kid(s) while prepping the Santa stockings.

To learn more about supporting your kids and building more connection as they grow,

head on over to iTunes or Spotify for the last episode of Sitting in a Car this year (or YouTube if you’d like to watch rather than listen).

Here’s a big, squeezy, virtual end-of-year hug for you from me and my best wishes for the tastiest roast turkey (or vege alternative) and Christmas pudding ever. And don’t forget about the loveliest conversations with your kids about sensitive but important stuff.

x Sarah

Ps. If you’d like to make 2021 the year you get super focused on staying connected with your growing kids by having open and natural conversations about bodies, sex and consent, head over to www.sarahsproule.com/easier and pop in your details. You don’t have to work out how to do this on your own

Let’s talk about how we can be there for our kids during puberty.

Because when we talk about how to help our kids through puberty, 

what we’re actually talking about is empathy. 

We’re talking about creating a connection 

that tells our kids that we’re comfortable talking about ALL kinds of things in our home, 

and that they are not alone.

So how can we help our kids feel this support? 

If you want to become more comfortable being a parent  to a young person approaching puberty, and

for more about how to help our kids through the exciting and sometimes scary adventure that is puberty,

(the secret sauce is empathy and connection) have a look at this week’s episode of Sitting in a Car

‘How do I balance talking to my child about the pleasure of sex

and also explain that someone can hurt and abuse them?’

The parent adds:

‘‘My own first memories of talks about sex were about abuse and rape.

And never anything about pleasure.

I’ve been trying to undo the damage of that memory for years.’

What an amazing question.

It kind of points to a larger conversation

about how we balance talking to our kids about the good things in life,

with talking to them about the bad things and the dangers of life.

So how can we find a balance

when we’re talking about sex and relationships?

There is so much more to say about this wonderful question!

To hear more about how to find that balance,

and how to give our kids the tools to have fulfilling relationships,

listen to today’s episode of Sitting In A Car here.

Consent is a funny one, isn’t it.

We might think it’s as simple as making a cup of tea, and then working out if the person wants to drink it or not.

Or as simple as working out what we want, and then just saying that thing.

But sometimes, it’s really, really not.

The thing is, often we have to balance consent

with responsibilities to other people.

We have to think about other people’s safety.

And what other people want and need.

For example, we can’t drive on whichever side of the road we like!

Because the road doesn’t only belong to us.

And so there are rules we all agree to follow.

Even if we don’t want to.

So how can we help our child, and model consent,

when they really, really don’t want to sit on the potty?

For more about how to model consent when our kid needs to do something they REALLY REALLY don’t want to do,

and for more ideas on how to help them in that moment,

listen to week’s episode of Sitting in a Car.

x Sarah

‘Should you talk to your 6-year-old about pleasure?

And if so,

how should you do it?’

The parent who wrote in with this question also said,

‘I can talk about procreation, but I can’t jump to pleasure!

What do I do now?’

This is such a great conversation to have!

Because, if you think about it,

we are so careful, and spend so much time, learning how to talk to our kids

about sperms and eggs and how we make new humans.

But… most sex that humans have, is because sex feels nice!

It’s not to make new babies.

So how on earth do we talk about that?

For more thoughts about this fascinating and complex topic,

about why we should talk about pleasure with our kids starting from when they’re very small,

and scripts and ideas for how to do it,

have a listen to this week’s episode.

‘Is it possible to be open with a small child about bodies, puberty, and sex?’

In the next few minutes, you’ll find out the answer is YES! But how?

The absolute BEST time to start laying the foundations of those chats with our kids,

is when they’re very small.

I have a story for you this week

about what happened when my own mum didn’t start having chats with me

about puberty until after my body started changing -

and then suddenly tried to talk to me about periods when I was 11.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t go well.

(You can hear about that in this week’s video.)

For more about why and how we can be chatting to our very small kids

about sexuality, puberty, babies and all the things,

and for an ACTUAL LIST! of stuff you can be chatting about,

listen to this week’s episode.

x Sarah

‘How can I get my 5-year-old daughter to stop touching her little brother’s penis,

without shaming her?

I’ve said that his penis is private, like her vulva is for her.

But she keeps doing it.’

What a great question.

As parents, it’s good to talk about this.

Because when stuff like this happens with our kids,

we immediately think about horrible news stories of abuse and non-consent,

and our minds go to some very scary places.

So we really want to get this right.

But here’s the thing.

It’s actually NORMAL for kids to be curious about bodies.

Their own bodies, and other people’s.

To hear more about this great question,

listen to this week's episode.

x Sarah

PS. I love making this stuff easier for you!

So, starting this week, if you’d like the highlight sheet from today’s episode,

just send me a DM and i’ll sort that out for you 👍🏼