How can society be concerned about who our next president will be when we have much bigger issues to resolve? Is Avril Lavigne dead and been replaced by a clone? Is the Denver Airport the Illuminati headquarters? Are Richard Simmons and Pauly Shore the same person? We have all the answers! Also, prop bets on Rick's Disney trip, our favorite summertime drinks, and pineapples make it taste better.

What does gross Japanese tea, a monkey bite in Mexico, and trimming your bush have in common? Absolutely nothing! But we masterfully weave all of that and more into a riveting one-hour conversation like, playing explicit music at your daughter's 12th birthday party, how to kill your neighbor's tree (and get away with it), and of course, a "Hawk Tua" reference.

Make all preparations for getting underway! LT Tom Struble talks us through his experience serving on the USS Virginia nuclear submarine. Hear what happens when you send 130 guys together underwater for at least a month. Also: Top 10 Manliest Movies, hunting for Jackalope in Chernobyl, and something about a "cocktail of funk".

Who would win, "person vs. killer whale?" O.K., that's an easy one. How about "person (you) vs. PARACHUTING SPIDERS?!?!?!" Yes, keep your head up because these things are no joke. Also, Rick's wife keeps hiring a "hot laborer", Liz explains how to coach up your kid when s/he's blamed for losing the game, and Evan highlights National Men's Health Week to draw attention to the mental health struggles many men experience.

The fuzz pinches famous golfer Scottie Scheffler, and Rick and Evan (also golfers) share similar experiences. Pink Flamingo Day is coming soon and we have everything you need to know about celebrating the kitschy lawn ornament. Also, a delinquent driver Zooms to court, a teen has a transportation tribulation, and we just got a porn horn!

There's a book about Billie Jean King that's mostly about tennis but there is a reference to being married to another woman. Someone has a problem with this because they didn't watch "My Two Dads" starring Paul Reiser on Sunday nights back in middle school! Also, save the turtles, drone wars, and ballsacksofinstagram.

Its parishioners mock an AI priest, The NY/Dublin Portal is used for explicit self-expression, and the once cutesy heart-hands gesture is now the hand signal of the human lemming. Also, is there a double standard between women wearing athleisure attire and men wearing golf clothes in public? Would you do Kim Kardashian? And finally, REI has a no-bag policy that has a workaround.

From authoritative moms on the playground to being framed for murder by local and state police, everybody is dealing with some baggage. Also, Tom Brady will regret his roast, a "chipper" solution to homelessness, and moms talk so much there's a new term for it: "mom talk"!

What would you do if a school employee yelled at you in the drop-off line, flipped you off, and then referred to you as an asshole while bitching to herself in a raised voice in front of your kid in class? It just happened in our hometown and we are following with awe. Also, Rick used to ride the "short bus", an artist built an AI naked camera, and someone somewhere must be banging a sex robot right now.

There is an increase in parents who drive their kids to and from school. So, with more cars, longer lines, and constantly changing protocols, you know something is about to go down. Don't mess with the mom fighting for pole position! Also, movies are too long, parents are bad videographers, and a good reason not to get an octopus.