SMARTER THAN TRAUMA Podcast

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The word is DISHONORABLE & when it pops up (auditory + contradiction*) repeatedly, you ADDRESS it like any “trigger.” When you see/hear that word, think SENSORY. 

I will be asking you to identify the sensory Max. Is it audio? Is it visual? Is it smell? Is it taste? Is a touch? To me audiovisual together with touch because touch implies audiovisual like a movie. That’s the only way I can explain it.

* just talking to self. No conversation. Let’s call this spontaneous conversation. That’s when a child just sort of brings up a topic without prompting or conversation on that topic. It’s important when we go back to Chicago walking by a wedding store…

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Also, the voice that always enabled me to "stay on track" as a way to say. I know things you don't know, little kid. There is this huge age difference between my siblings & I. Lucky to have the guide/how-to/sage & why looking for veterans in their field of study or interests to be the experts. 

Also, not ALL VETERANS have the best intentions. ptsDUH.

tick tick boom. Let's make those museum labels to a) face a fear b) remove an audio & visual memory --two people talking openly connected to two "doctors" (one wasn't licensed yet) c) enter World 3 where ptsd just disappears. This was described to me by a veteran who had gone through the cycles & then one day, it was all gone. I've been waiting for that moment. Preparing to forget it all--the good, the bad, the hopeful, the despair & it's working. 

For the first time in a long time, it's just about data.

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3 days GREAT ZZZ. 1 day not so great, but that's also connected to weekly routine to get out of house on WEDNESDAY (The best day! The Principal's Meeting!) but then back on track so the goal is to make the best [muscle] memories in preparation for NEXT WEEK. So there will be a next week? Yes. SUICIDE IS OVER & the first conversations with doctors were about zzz.

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Dropping the seed for the artist who abandoned their work because I attached "museum label" to in order to get into the office.

FIND "bits of paper" to write on. At the time, I couldn't do it, symptoms worse since I was FORCING myself to do so. Now, ask why? 

You will be able to figure it out, I promise, as long as you trUst your gUt or you!

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The hum of the refrigerator got me to the word "humiliation" which I could not say before since this is #mentalAbuse portion starting now. I unplugged the fridge because it was so bad---since abusers' need to take FULL SHAME. Why this is about those that enjoy the suffering of others & target individuals with vulnerabilities. They get full credit for giving me full awareness & that BEING EXPRESSIVE AFTER TRAUMA IS NOT GOOD FOR SURVIVAL SO CHANGE. How to turn off something that makes you vulnerable automatically? It's not instantly, but first time in a long time---years---slept 4 days in a row. Going to bed before 2-4 AM. The 24 hours up was 15 (2PM to 5 AM)+ 9 (9AM to 6PM); there will be numbers everywhere as we OVEREXPOSE while simultaneously documenting the exponential growth. When growth was spelled grOWth & that's remembering janet prOW, autism specialist who wanted to put bricks in the child's desk so they couldn't overturn it, but they would've. This INCREASE OF ADRENALINE!! A child turning into THE HULK. 

Dropping Tai Chi seed.

CHRISTMAS LETTER | How 6 years of annual anticipation for pictures for this Christmas letter and a photo with the updates (the last one) @ minneSOta GOlden GOphers with the picture.

Moving to Colorado. This whole narrative was simply to delay & a property with a prairie dog sanctuary in the backyard---whaaaat!?!? Pretending to be duh about home prices. The clear description of HOW & WHY EVERYONE WOULD BELIEVE [IT]

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It's really obvious that if I'm questioning you & there's a BEHAVIOR, I STOP. That is what IT stated in therapy. "I take whatever I know about a person [like previous sexual assaults specific acts] & throw it at them until they stop questioning." & the thought was (DBT) "that's what you did to her" & why all this anxiety. 

#anxietySobriety & all the ways a family DENIES. Makes excuses & learns to do the same. BREAK THESE GENERATIONAL CYCLES. 

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Worst Goes First & in this case it's a trio. Tick Tick Boom.

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