Smutclub 1990

This week we’re joined by comedian, musician, and most importantly good friend of ours, Henry Bretz, as we delve deep into the reader submitted content section of The Picture magazine. In the ‘Sez You’ feature, we’re treated to poetry, lewd cartoons, and spousal sketches, all sourced from the mind (singular intended) of The Picture’s reader base. We are introduced to a cruel caricature of Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson depicted as agricultural machinery, poetry about having a slice of toast post coitus, and we also meet Teena - quite literally a cartoon vagina on legs. Disgraceful.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week’s episode, we take turns doing a bit of a table read through another piece of ‘reader submitted’ prose, albeit with notable punch-ups by the editing team at The Picture magazine. We chronicle a very elaborately mediocre exchange between an unkempt rapscallion and a service worker of vague description, in what can only be described as the height of banality. We shock our guest, Ben Knight, with imagery of tockleys sourced from the Home Blokes themselves, and we uncover possibly the most crook thing we have ever seen in a mass media publication. We didn’t publish it, we just found it - and that’s a loophole.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode, join your horny little hosts as we delve through yet another article void of ribaldry and filth, and instead take a trip down memory lane. Turns out, for quite a few years, the Germans were being bastards to the Brits, and ‘accidentally’ bombed a bandstand in Northern Pomgolia. Plus, we discuss Jake’s pending brain snap, cartoon pornography’s place in the uncanny valley, and why heavy set people should be buried to tuba music. Enjoy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s time to take a break from the smut and filth that has stained previous episodes, and time to hear the financial woes straight from the vox populi. Turns out that the readers of The Picture magazine have severe fiscal mismanagement to the point of requesting money from a fictional character in a pornographic publication. We introduce CASHMAN this week, voiced by our good mate and comedian Tor Snyder, who appears to be somewhat of a Robin Hood figure, albeit not great at coughing up the total amount of dosh required to relieve the readers’ woes.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our parents have vacated for the arvo to slap back house wines at the RSL, which means Jake and Pete are free to peruse smut in the back shed once again. This week we’re joined by comedian and big commercial television star, Mike Goldstein, all the way from The Americas, as we introduce him to a zoological nightmare of a feature. We hark back to a simpler time where you could publish slurs, women could kiss sharks, and most importantly blokes could do the rumpy pumpy with their favourite swan. Birds of a feather wank together it seems.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week the boys are out of the shed and into the dark depths of Good Chat Comedy Club, where we gleefully read out softcore pornography for a single digit audience. We sucked back a fair few beers and did our best job to try to understand the smutty nonsense in this feature. There’s a fair whack of confusion surrounding a judo belt, and our guest seems to have a cognitive issue differentiating between cab drivers and security guards.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The boys are back to crack into another feature from the crookest magazine known to man. We’re treated to some sage wisdom from notorious quack and self-proclaimed sexpert, Dr Ignatius Jones, as he imparts valuable wisdom concerning the halting of ‘prong-cream production’ via various sprays and injections. Shortly after this, we unpack some nonsense about a man who is too obese to administer erectile disfunction treatments on his own tockley. And, for some reason, the movie Cars features heavily in this episode, which makes sense considering how popular it is in our age group.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re home alone, void of parental guidance, and we’ve run a magnet across the back of our moral compasses, ready to dive into the centrefold of this filthy magazine. Joined by our friend, comedian Nick Capper, (who is in Peter’s grade at school), we finally get the scoop on the icy and discerning Covergirl Liz. This week’s feature has set a new record for the least comprehensible bit of prose we’ve uncovered yet. An article lower than filth, devoid of all structure and coherence - but, it is very, very funny. Please enjoy another week of inscrutable sexual musings.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re back in the shed for another week to peruse a pile of pornography peppered with pongy Poms, and regailed with writings of rectal retribution and retrenchment. For once, we’re not burdened with bountiful boozies and bulging ballbags, instead treated to a bit of light entertainment from across the atlantic. We discover the origins of one of Australia’s most beloved cult entertainers, and are treated to an absolutely horrific case of workplace bullying concerning a man with poor personal hygiene. Paul Lives Matter.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

School’s out, and mum and dad have finally pissed off out of the house for the arvo, leaving us to our own devices in the shed. We’ve got a friend from school, comedian Shad Wicka joining us as we delve into the mastabatory relics of one dearly departed man, and indeed heaven’s newest (and horniest) angel. This week is very sport heavy, as we unpack Nigel from Doonside’s most top secret sexual fantasy, set inside an indoor cricket centre. As this week’s feature devolves quickly from explicit smut to sporting commentary, it also serves as the progenitor to the hero that Australia deserves, Batsheila. Howzat, indeed.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.