We hear from many Solo parents that they have come out of toxic, emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Unfortunately, it seems to be a rampant story in our community. Narcissism and overly controlling partners are a widespread issue that arises. Being that we are parents, albeit divorced, we still have to deal with the same people that were so toxic, and we will have to continue dealing with them for the rest of our kids' lives. So how do we heal from abusive relationships and navigate maintaining healthy boundaries with those overly controlling people in our lives? 

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As single parents were juggling a lot of balls in the air at the same time… Inevitably, we drop one or two. Most of the time, the proverbial ball we drop is the one with ‘me’ written on it. We put ourselves last; we don’t value ourselves enough. We tend to feel selfish in making ourselves a priority when we have so many responsibilities. So how do we move ourselves up the totem pole, so to speak? I think we all know that unless we care well for ourselves, we can’t care well for other people. So what can we do to nurture ourselves without adding more stress and ‘to dos’ to our already full list of responsibilities?

Our guest, Whitney English, is the author of a new book called “A More Beautiful Life: A Simple Five-Step Approach to Living Balanced Goals with HEART”. Her work has been featured in O magazine, The Wall Street Journal and on the Today show.

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So many of us could accurately state, “I thought I knew them…” We have all been hurt; we’ve all been betrayed in some way, shape, or form. As we move through a Solo Parent life in this modern age, it’s hard to know who to trust. Some people present really well and even act like they’re here to help and protect… but sometimes, it turns out, there were different motivations or deeper issues that don’t show in the beginning. So how do we recognize safe people after experiencing hurt, rejection and abandonment? We can become so full of fear relationally that we end up feeling like just giving up, OR we lower our standards to the extent that we continue making destructive decisions. So today, we are going to discuss Who Should We Trust?

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We all have heard the saying ‘we can’t give what we don’t have'. So we can feel stuck in this difficulty of knowing that we don’t have our own sense of peace… so how can we help instill that in our kids. As we often say, it’s one thing to deal with struggles ourselves; it’s an entirely different thing, a heart-wrenching thing to watch our kids struggle. Any single parent wants their child, or children, to have a sense of certainty, to have a sense of peace even in the midst of less than optimal situations. So how do we help our kids find that sense of peace and avoid the emotional instability that so many of us suffer from ourselves?

Fortunately for us Dr. Chip Dodd is here to guide us. Chip has been so foundational to so much of what we do here. For 30 years, he has poured his life into serving others through counseling, speaking, and writing best-selling books like 'The Voice of the Heart.' The bedrock of what he does is helping us discover ourselves and live fully in relationship with others and, ultimately, with God.

GET CHIP’S NEW KIDS BOOK - How Are You Feeling Today?

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As single parents, we tend to let our peace be drained out of us by other people, lies, society, and comparison, and we end up feeling disempowered or victims. So often, we let unsafe people have access to our identity, self-worth, self-esteem and how we feel about ourselves… in that sense, we are leaking our sense of peace everywhere. So how do we get to a healthy place of protecting the peace that we can experience in being enough, God empowered, and beloved? How can we move forward empowered with a sense of our God identity and have peace with where we’re at.

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As single parents, we all have direct and extended parenting relationships and will for the rest of our kid's lives. Often those relationships are strained and even volatile. For example, things can escalate very quickly if we’re divorced and it’s an ongoing contentious situation. Then there are the ex-in-laws that have very strong opinions about how their grandkids should be raised and can tend, at times, to overreach. Finally, for those that haven’t been married, there’s the other parent that has certain rights to be in our child’s lives, but from our perspective, it is less than optimal for our kids. In all these cases, how do we bring peace to the situation? We know nothing will ever be perfect, but how can we be the ones to bring peace and the stability that it fosters?

Today we have Tammy Daughtry back in the studio with us. She is a leading expert in co-parenting issues and author of the book “Co-parenting works”, she is also the creator of an outstanding program "One heart, Two homes,” and she and her husband Jay run a great organization called Center for Modern Family Dynamics here in Nashville. Also, both she and her husband were single parents before meeting each other - so they know firsthand what we walkthrough.

For the detailed show notes, tips and links visit soloparent.org/show-notes-blog

Co-Parenting app - appclose.com

Tammy's site - modernfamilydynamics.com

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As single parents, there are so many aspects of our life that are entirely out of control. In fact, for those of us that have been divorced, divorce in and of itself is a way of taking control of the situation/relationship that was toxic or out of control. We choose control to escape uncertainty, defend against pain, and keep ourselves from feeling afraid. We see control as a way to bring peace, but it actually leads us in the opposite direction. Control is a counterfeit to peace; control actually destroys peace. When we are in the midst of pain or struggle, we don’t want to wait for it to subside; we want to get to the other side of that pain and struggle. We tend to want to take the reins of control and get out of discomfort as fast as possible to have a sense of peace finally. If only I could find a mate… If only I had more money… If only my kids would stop acting out… That’s all a natural reaction. But that control never brings lasting peace. That kind of control is an illusion of peace. So how do we let go of the illusion of control when it feels so counterintuitive while we are hurting, confused and disillusioned.

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Single Parents, we have experienced so much hurt and disappointment, and the list goes on, that we can be too afraid to hope. We want to grow in this season, but often it feels like the best days are behind us. Rarely do we think of celebration as a means to grow… because frankly, it feels like there is so little to celebrate… and day in day out, the best we can do is just to get by… So how can we approach life with an expectant heart and courage to trust God’s good gifts again?  

Our guest, Nicole Zasowski is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of a new book called What if It’s Wonderful. Today, we discuss The Growth Tool You’re Not Considering: Celebration 

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On this podcast, we talk a lot about what we can do to grow in our lives. Whether that be physically growing stronger, emotionally growing stronger, spiritually growing stronger, or even relationally growing stronger… inevitably, all of us at one time or another, get impeded by things that come up in our life. Some things are within our control, and some things are not. 

How do we address those things in our life that hinder our growth, keep us stuck, or even have us moving backward toward bad habits or destructive behaviors? 

Well, it starts with identifying what those things are - So today, we’re going to walk through ways to identify things that hinder our growth so that we can be aware of them, avoid them, or in some cases, directly confront them.

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For many of us single parents, the solo season can be like a season in the wilderness. Feeling like we’ve lost our way, we’ve lost our direction. And from day to day, feeling unseen and like there’s a little hope. We also know and have seen as a ministry that this can be one of the most transformational times for us spiritually. But it’s hard to ignore the feeling that so many of us have of just being stuck in so many ways, including spiritually.
So how do we move from just walking day-to-day through this wilderness to unleashing the most important, transformational spiritual growth that we have encountered in our life. Because that is precisely what can happen, God changes us in struggle.
Today we have a special guest, Kristi Mclelland, a professor, a biblical culturalist, an author, and now a host of an incredible podcast here on AccessMore called Pearls. She has a Master's Degree in Christian Education from Dallas Theological Seminary and has dedicated her life to teaching people how to study the Bible. So, we are excited to get into this conversation about unleashing your spiritual growth.

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