Somebody Save Me: The Official, but MOSTLY Unofficial, Smallville Podcast

!SKCUS GNI***F EOLHC

Chloe is on the brink of divorce, so why not throw a last-minute birthday party and not invite your husband? Zatanna (O M G) shows up and grants Chloe one wish. Wishing for love back? Yeah right, Chloe wishes to be Lois! Now deemed "Chlois", she has to get help from Clark in order for Zatanna to reverse the spell. Too bad Clark accidentally wishes to not have any world-saving responsibilities and forgets about everything super. Meanwhile, all Zatanna wants is for Oliver to get her dead dad's spell book.

Serinda Swan (Reacher, The Coroner, Ballers) makes her first special guest appearance as DC Comics original character Zatanna Zatara.

Don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN! (Tess included)

Jimmy, who is still in recovery mode, witnesses Davis committing a murder at the hospital. Davis claims he is hallucinating because Jimmy is secretly a drug addict. Chloe doesn't believe her own husband, which makes Jimmy take matters into his own hands. Tess invites Clark on a private jet so she can crash it on purpose, but not before she trauma dumps.

Hydro, Pt. II: Super Soaked

An INFAMOUS season six villain is back, and we're not talking about Linda Lake. Megan, a.k.a. The Nurse/The Wife, returns as our guest co-host...and gets us drunk.

Linda Lake returns to Metropolis to threaten Clark with exposing his true identity to the world. Clark decides to take control and have Lois leak the story first (he's high out of his mind), but things take a turn for the worse. Meanwhile, Davis is back and stealing drugs out of the hospital. Oh, and Jimmy STILL isn't back.

Tori Spelling (Beverly Hills, 90210, Scary Movie 2) returns to special guest star as the water-powered news reporter Linda Lake.

The Dark Lana Saga finally comes to an end... THANK GOD!

Everyone's "favorite" power couple is back after Lana got her super skin last week. While Clark just wants to have sex all day in his parents' old bed, Lana is only interested in "saving people", a.k.a. hunting down Lex. Toyman shows up and kills the entire board of directors at LuthorCorp. Oliver guilt trips Chloe into finding Lex in order to kill him. Lex reveals he's been in a garbage truck for the last few months and has only wanted to destroy the Clana relationship, which is honestly a good thing.

Kristen Kreuk makes her final appearance as the once adorable, but now insufferable, DC Comics original character Lana Lang.

Chris Gauthier (Watchmen, Once Upon a Time) guest stars as DC Comics original character Winslow Schott, a.k.a. Toyman.

Lana, where's my super [skin] suit?!

The Ultimate Dark Lana saga continues.

Lana decides that the world is much better off if she had super powers, so she hires Dr. Groll to burn her alive. Clark finds out Chloe also lies for her other friends (not just him). Tess bonds with Clark over B&E. Lana and Tess are somehow best friends now. Where the f*** are Jimmy and Lois?

Law & Order: Smallville Victims Unit

Detective John Jones makes his return only to get shot, while on duty, in the first five minutes. After Clark finds out it was an inside job he decides to go undercover as a cop named Joe Fordman (Top 10) in order to find the culprit. Meanwhile, Lana is still here, back as the lead terrorist, and now fighting with Tess about Lex and the famous art of Wushu.

Phil Morris returns for another special guest appearance as DC Comics original character John Jones ("J'onn J'onzz"), a.k.a Martian Manhunter.

31st Century's very own idiots!

The second half of season eight begins, so that means we tank the story right? A group of aliens come from the future to stroke Clark’s massive ego, and to prevent another Brainiac resurrection by killing Chloe. They also decide to tell Lana she’s historically important (forgot she’s still here). Clark just wants to beat up these futuristic idiots and get his best friend back to normal. Davis is straight CHILLIN’. Jimmy is in a coma…right???

Don't forget to leave those five stars!

Smallville Presents: The Bride of Doomsday

Wedding bells are ringing for Chloe and Jimmy. Davis is actually Doomsday and becomes a murderous wedding crasher. Clark and Lois experience a cute moment. Oliver ruins everything by teaming up with Lana, a.k.a. the devil. #RIPGayColin

Sam Witwer (Star Wars: The Clone Wars) makes his official appearance as DC Comics original character Doomsday.

Kristen Kreuk makes her temporary return as DC Comics original character Lana Lang.

Don't forget to leave those five stars!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: The Chloe Edition

Brainiac makes a surprise return as the true man that's been inside of Chloe (no, seriously) the past year. But now, he's causing her to lose her all of memories rapidly. Jimmy can't deal with another amnesia blondie, so he turns to Clark for help who then goes to Big Daddy Jor-El (LFG!). While Chloe tries to remain calm, she eventually can only think of her favorite paramedic: Davis. Wink, wink.

The Return of Kara...and her amnesia?

Clark takes a nice trip with Lois to the Phantom Zone and finds Kara there with some new dreads. While attempting to get back, the femdom wife of Zod takes over Lois' body in order to find her son...DAVIS?! Meanwhile, Tess continues to be annoying and Chloe uses Oliver just to steal and push him around.