Somebody Save Me: The Official, but MOSTLY Unofficial, Smallville Podcast

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Zatanna is back and hotter than ever before, and sort of slutty? Either way, it's time to go "BIG" at the Metropolis Wonder-Con! A kid named Alec turns into an adult superhero after reading a cursed Warrior Angel comic book, courtesy of Zatanna's late father. Chloe shows us she's into REALLY young men. Clark and Lois still won't put out for each other.

Serinda Swan (Reacher, The Coroner, Ballers) makes her second appearance as DC Comics original character Zatanna Zatara.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

"You are of value, Clark Kent."

After part one, Clark and his worst friends all get together to team-up with some of the J.S.A. members. The heroes go after The Icicle once they find out his weaknesses, with some sacrifices along the way (R.I.P. Kent Nelson). Unknown to them, The Icicle was hired by Amanda Waller, an agent of a group called Checkmate. Waller, a.k.a. "The White Queen", lures Lois into her schemes, while Tess seems to be super jealous and continues to do things that make no sense.

Pam Grier (Jackie Brown, The L Word) makes her debut appearance as DC Comics original character Amanda Waller.

Phil Morris, Wesley MacInnes, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait all return as DC Comics original characters John Jones ("Martian Manhunter"), Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

What's the "J.S.A."?

That's right nerds, it's time for the golden age heroes to make their Smallville debut. After the Star-Spangled Kid and the Sandman are murdered by a villain named "The Icicle", the gang gets together in order to find out why he is picking off retired heroes one-by-one. As Oliver pursues a high school girl, Clark and Chloe bust out the Daily Planet archives to learn that this team of heroes were framed for crimes they never committed. That team's name is The Justice Society of America.

Wesley MacInnes, Jim Shield, Ken Lawson, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait make special guest appearances as DC Comics original characters Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Sylvester Pemberton ("Star-Spangled Kid"), Wesley Dodds ("Sandman"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively.

Other DC Comics character cameos include Ted Grant ("Wildcat"), Al Pratt ("The Atom"), Jay Garrick ("The Flash"), Abigail Hunkel ("Red Tornado") and Alan Scott ("Green Lantern").

NO LOVERS. NO ALLIES. NO HOOKERS.

Oliver's old mentor, Vordigan, comes into town to remind his former student of the vows he took. First, the Dark Archer ruins Lois and Clark's date night. Second, he attacks Chloe, who deserves it by the way. Third, he kidnaps Oliver's favorite hooker (oops, we meant "disciple") Mia, a.k.a. Speedy. Lastly, he wants an honorable death from his protege. What does Oliver do? Chokes out his hooker Speedy, and then mopes around Metropolis because Lois and Clark are dating.

Steve Bacic (Andromeda) special guest stars as Vordigan, Smallville's iteration of the DC Comics original character Dark Archer.

Elise Gatien (Ghost Wars, Virgin River) returns for her final appearance as DC Comics original character Mia Dearden, a.k.a. Speedy.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

SUMMERHOLT LIVES ON!

The time has come to dive into the not-so-distant future. Coming off her kissing seizure last episode, Lois gets unknowingly kidnapped by Tess and Stuart in order to unlock her future timeline memories. In this apocalyptic future, Zod and the Kandorians/Kryptonians obtain their powers under a red sun, take over the world, and turn the Kent Farm into a human concentration camp. The Idiot BFF Gang (Chloe & Oliver) find out Lois is at Belle Reve, then informs Clark so he can get inside her...memories.

Big shout outs to our original Summerholt Institute folks:

• Dr. Lawrence Garner (we miss you)
• Ryan James (you were a little annoying)
• Molly Griggs (so hot)
• Lawrence Grady (bad father)
• The Luthors (ew)

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Two Nerdy Idiots vs. The Wonder Twins: Who is more dumb?

Lois is back and is experiencing more intense visions from her trip to the future. As she attempts processing that on top of kissing Clark, Lois decides to go to therapy. Clark has two fans, Zan and Jayna, stopping crime and posing as his hero identity The Blur. While their intentions are good, the twins absolutely suck as heroes and get The Blur in the crosshairs of Metropolis' crooked District Attorney. Chloe somehow keeps beating her own record as THE WORST F***KING BFF EVER.

David Gallagher (7th Heaven, Kingdom Hearts) and Allison Scagliotti (Warehouse 13, Drake & Josh) special guest star as DC Comics original characters Zan and Jayne, respectively, a.k.a. The Wonder Twins.

Fun Fact: This is the first and ONLY live-action appearance of The Wonder Twins since their 1977 debut in Super Friends.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Jor-El & Major Zod: The Last Blokes of Krypton

Zor-El and Lara had their turn, now it's time for Clone Jor-El to make an appearance! Jor-El arrives at the Kent farm and tells the origin of the infamous purple orb, as well as his relationship with his BFF Zod. Tess wiggles her way in-between the two BFFs in order to "protect" Clark and his identity. Clark is upset his papa doesn't care to see him (he doesn't even know you bro). Oliver is just background noise. Chloe is now back on top as the worst friend.

The late Julian Sands (Arachnophobia, The Medallion) makes his first appearance as DC Comics original character Jor-El of Krypton.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

TRUE LOVE'S FIRST KISS

Lois and Clark land a pilot audition as cohosts for the news show Good Morning, Metropolis. While she is chasing a new career move, Clark just wants to get a second date with Lois. As they battle it out with their Online Dating story, Oliver finds a new "sidekick" in the form of a prostitute named Mia. That's right everyone, Speedy is here and Smallville made her a fight clubbing hooker! Make sure to listen to hear how Chloe has moved up the BFF ladder above Oliver.

Elise Gatien (Ghost Wars, Virgin River) special guest stars as DC Comics original character Mia Dearden, a.k.a. Speedy.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Roulette: The Chloe Sullivan Edition

It's Oliver's birthday, so why not go and place the most awful bets at the underground casino. After being roofied by the "owner" of the casino, Oliver's life becomes an insane and stupid test to prove he's still a hero inside. Lois tries to track down Oliver so she can play beer pong. Clark finds out more clues about the missing Kandorians. Oh, and have we mentioned Chloe is THE worst friend?

Enjoy the show and don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!

Smallville Presents: Fat Toy-Lover vs. Suicidal Billionaire

The infamous Winslow Schott, a.k.a. Toyman, returns this week and he's here for revenge against Oliver Queen. After Toyman's first bomb attempt against Queen Industries, Clark is gifted with the power of reading minds (thanks daddy Jor-El). Clark uses his new power to stop crime, but also to stand-up Lois on a "date" that he planned. Chloe continues to fume with jealousy of Lois' relationship with Clark. Tess tracks down Oliver and saves all the women of Mexico from his sexual harassment.

The late Chris Gauthier (Watchmen, Once Upon a Time) returns as DC Comics original character Winslow Schott, a.k.a. Toyman.