Sathnam has written Empireland and more recently Empireworld, two bestselling books which have garnered him critical acclaim, a Channel 4 documentary and which - even more crucially - have changed the national discourse around our colonial past. Without necessarily meaning to, Sathnam has become a historian. But his success has not been uncomplicated: he’s suffered horrendous racist abuse which has changed the way he goes out into the world (sometimes).

On How to Fail Sathnam discusses how he avoids joining in, the importance of saying thank you and why the best teachers can make a lifelong impact. Plus: why nuance in discussion is often ignored but absolutely vital.

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

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This week it's about the birthday boy, as we celebrate all things Gyles Brandreth. 

Not only does Gyles spoil us with a plethora of his famous anecdotes, but he becomes the linguistics quizmaster and places Susie in the hot seat to answer questions from his book 'Have You Eaten Grandma'.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GYLES! You are truly one of a kind.

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Galere: A coterie of undesirable people.

Chawbacon: One uninterested in culture.

Boulevardier: A lover of boulevards.

Gyles' poem this week was the incredibly emotive 'Counting Backwards' by Linda Pastan.

How did I get so old,

I wonder,

contemplating

my 67th birthday.

Dyslexia smiles:

I’m 76 in fact.

There are places

where at 60 they start

counting backwards;

in Japan

they start again

from one.

But the numbers

hardly matter.

It’s the physics

of acceleration I mind,

the way time speeds up

as if it hasn’t guessed

the destination—

where look!

I see my mother

and father bearing a cake,

waiting for me

at the starting line.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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From the latin word dicere meaning ‘to speak, to tell or to say’. This week Susie and Gyles are looking at the ultimate word bible, the dictionary! 

Gyles ponders the difference between a glossary and a dictionary. 

And Susie delves into prescriptivism vs descriptivism 

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And now for three bite sized words from Susie in her trio:

Thruffable: Open and transparent (through).

Wambliness: An upheaval of the stomach.

Boodyankers: An exclamation of surprise or delight (Northumberland).

Gyles’s poem comes from his friend and neighbour James K Harris and is called ‘I Don’t’ 

 I don't, of course, mean everything I say. 

I mean, sometimes, I don't know what I mean. 

Sometimes I have a thought which goes astray. 

I start describing blue, it turns out green. 

The alphabet is very volatile. Its union is hard to bring to heel. It's easy to fall victim to its guile. 

You think you're describing what you feel, but then you find the words describing you.

And so one sees oneself in their dark light. One thinks one is describing what is true, then suddenly one sees one isn't right.

 In which case, still, it's true that one was wrong. 

Well, truth, in some guys, always comes along.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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The 90s was a crazy decade, brimming with pop culture moments that defined Britain. Susie and Gyles discuss words that gained popularity in the post Cold War era, from Cool Britannia, to the Spice Girls, Dianamania to the World Wide Web... 

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Solacious: Soothing or comforting.

Soodle : To linger or dawdle.

Splatherdab: A gossip.

Gyles' poem this week was 'This Boy' by Leigh Lawson, who wrote it upon the birth of his first grandson, Solomon.

 He gives me joy, this boy, 

Unspeakable, inexpressible. 

This boy gives me joy.

Inexplicable, unexplainable.

This boy brings me joy.

Let bells ring, choirs sing, 

Chimes chime, poets rhyme, 

Trumpets trump, drums drum, 

Feet stamp, guitars strum.

Higher than the moon,

Oh, hotter than the sun,

Deeper than the sea, 

Is the joy this boy brings to me.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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'A moo point is like a cows opinion, it doesn't matter, it's moo'. This week Gyles and Susie have fun looking at the influence that television has had on language. 

Gyles gets nostalgic with some of his and his children's favourite UK and American TV programmes. 

And Susie explores the words that were popularised by these household TV shows. 

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Why not work one of Susie's trio's into a sentence this week?  

Crumpsy: Cranky and irritable from old dialect. 

Braggadocio: An idle or empty boaster, all mouth and no trousers. 

Apostasise: To abandon a once firmly held promise or principal. 

Gyles' poem comes from our listener Chris McAuley and is titled 'Father' 

If you find yourself forgetting the small things like keys, 

Moments which we spent together feeding the ducks or playing in the park, 

I shall remember them for you, 

And in those memories be still guided by your hand 

As we walk through the town on that cold rainy day. 

Someday, I will forget those times.

They will be cast to the wind, 

Scattered like leaves caught in the maelstrom of time. 

But today, I sit with my cup of tea and think about the small moments 

Of those precious days, and how much they mean to me.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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Flow it, show it, grow it! This week Susie and Gyles look at the history and etymology of all things to do with hair. 

Gyles takes us down memory lane and tells us about when he used to rock a full facial set (head to our social media pages for pics!)

And Susie does what she does best, by entertaining us with fascinating origin stories behind this luscious topic.

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Tabanca: The pain of unrequited love.

Redamancy: The state of being loved in return.

Gruglede (Norwegian): Happy dread.

Gyles' poem this week was a excerpt from the song 'Hair' by the cast of 'Hair - The Musical'

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it

Long as God can grow it

My hair

Let it fly in the breeze

And get caught in the trees

Give a home to the fleas in my hair

A home for fleas

A hive for bees

A nest for birds

There ain't no words

For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder

Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it

Long as God can grow it

My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy

Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty

Oily, greasy, fleecy

Shining, gleaming, streaming

Flaxen, waxen

Knotted, polka-dotted

Twisted, beaded, braided

Powdered, flowered, and confettied

Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see

My eyes if you can

Then my hair's too short

Down to here

Down to there

I want hair

Down to where

It stops by itself

They'll be ga ga at the go go

When they see me in my toga

My toga made of blond

Brilliantined

Biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it

Hallelujah I adore it

Hallelujah Mary loved her son

Why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it

Long as God can grow it

My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it

Long as God can grow it

My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it

Long as God can grow it

My hair

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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Dive into the groovy world of etymology as we journey back to the vibrant decades of the 70s and 80s in this week's episode. Join Susie and Gyles and get ready to disco through the evolution of language, exploring the funky slang, radical expressions, and iconic phrases that defined these iconic eras.

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Bagasse: A plant residue (as of sugarcane or grapes) left after a product (such as juice) has been extracted.

Ale-conner: A beer tester.

Misslieness: A feeling of solitude that comes from missing a beloved person or thing.

Gyles' poem this week was 'On The Edge' by Jane McCulloch

Staring down at the dark abyss,

I am balanced on a ledge. 

Hovering above that thin line which runs between sanity and madness. 

And they call the edge.

Some event, some news, some action has propelled me into missile like spin.

While all around they have no idea of the torment, the terror, the struggle coming from within. 

A telephone rings. The doorbell goes. People are laughing. 

Now I sway. 

Should I let go?

Give up and fall?

So much easier to give in.

No. Not this time. Not today.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Love makes the world go round,

And so does etymology too!

Happy Valentines Day!

This week, Susie and Gyles explore the words of affection we used in our everyday vernacular... From darling, to cabbage(?!), to sweetie, to bae - we find out where these cutie-pie terms originate from. Also, Gyles tries to impress Susie this week with (what he thinks are) good chat up lines!

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Explaterate: to talk continuously; to bluster.

Twirlblast: (19th-century southern US) whirlwind.

Groaning cake: cake provided for those waiting on a woman to give birth.

Gyles' poem this week was 'How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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This week at the Purple HQ, we explore words that come from the swinging 60s! Hear all about Gyles meeting The Beatles in an Apple shop back in the day, and Susie unpacking extraordinary etymologies...

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Batterfanged: Done in.

Sammodithee: A way of replying to the toast. It means the same unto thee.

Splute: Someone who exaggerates.

Gyles' poem this week was 'Imagine' by John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us, only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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Join Susie and Gyles this week as we unravel the captivating stories behind the letters 'E' to 'L,'  in the second installment of our alphabet journey. We explore the rich history and surprising connections that have shaped our language, and of course indulge in Gyles' infamous anecdotes.

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Enjoy Susie’s Trio for the week: 

Timdoodle (Cornwall): An insult for a stupid fellow.

Lab-dab: A profuse perspiration.

Nickerers: New shoes that make a creaking noise.

Gyles' poem this week was 'Happinness' by Colin Hinton - whoGyles met who took part Gyle's poetry together chatiry

Happiness for me is my aim,

Happiness for all others is my aim.

This is what I will endeavour to attain,

With all the thoughts within my brain.

To all my family,

I wish happiness,

To all my friends,

I wish happiness,

To others I meet today,

I wish happiness,

To the whol world,

I wish happiness.

For this, I endeavour to do my best,

To spread happiness,

From east,

To west.

I will always smile, laugh and jest

So that all that meet me,

Will feel at rest.

A Sony Music Entertainment production.  

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