Sometimes In Life

Have you noticed that Allah talks about these two emotions a lot on The Quran?

لا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ

That's what we will be talking about today.

Emotions are a part of us and not all of us. And I believe they are always there for a reason. There to tell us something.

Understanding them helps us uncover our values, boundaries, what matters to us.

Let's start with:

1- Fear

Fear is always associated with the future.

That something bad will happen in the future. Today we would use the phrase axiality/stress.

Fear is felt on the hearts.

2- Sadness

Sadness is associated with the past. Something in the past didn't go the way I wanted it to. I lose something that I cared about.

Fear is felt in the hearts.

We feel these two feelings because something mattered to us.

Fear and sadness lay int he heart.. which means to help you or someone you love work through those feelings you need to connect and engage the heart.

If you're struggling with...

1- Sadness: The lost something.. what is it that your being called to let go of and if you did it would open new possibilities for yourself?

Having said that it's okay to experience sadness at times. Even prophets experienced sadness. Jacob was so sad that he went blind from his tears. The important part is that he never questioned God. He was sad for losing his son but never questioned God's wisdom or mercy...

And if you find yourself struggling with fear/anxiety, always trying to make something happen or not happen, anxious, stressed and afraid, what would it take to allow you to let go of the results and the outcome? Focus on your part (the efforts choices and decisions) and the rest to Allah?

I can't tell you how many times I tried to open or close a door. Tring to make my parents and siblings see something I see or agree with me that something is good or bad. Were my job was only to state the difference/ share/communicate and then let them ..whatever doors God opens or closes believe it's from him.

It takes a lot of courage and trust to open your fist .. to whatever you're clinging on too. a physical way of letting it go.

Opening it for Allah and trusting him

Tomorrow we will continue the conversation and bring anger into the conversation and how The Quran talks about them.

More recorces:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW4EBB1OfTc


Sound Credits:


A Good Heart

Album: Unconditional

Artist: Marc Enfroy

"I can't believe this is happening to me again!"

"Why isn't God isn't answering my prayers?"

Sometimes in life, you may feel like the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again no matter how much you keep running away from it, it follows you.

Different people... different job... same situation.

Here's what I learned, when things keep happening to us over and over again there is a hidden blessing somewhere within it...

When a story we carry deep within us and it causes us pain and sadness (and it's a story about who we are)

The only thing that can actually heal that pain is changing that story. And what I mean by that is being in a state where I can act differently, I can choose differently, I can be different, I can see my self differently and therefore I heal coz I'm no longer the old story the old identity.

So when a very similar situation keeps popping up into your life (even if it looked different from the outside) God is sending it as an opportunity... and yes, the process will be scary, frustrating and will be filled with the unknown and from my experience, it also requires us to do something we really don't want to show God we trust him.

I want to share with you a recent lesson I learned from two studies of Musa's story in my journey of the study of The Quran...

1- When Musa was trying to defend one of his people and pushed the gard and accednetly killed him and then he said

قَالَ هَٰذَا مِنْ عَمَلِ الشَّيْطَانِ ۖ إِنَّهُ عَدُوٌّ مُّضِلٌّ مُّبِينٌ (15) قَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّي ظَلَمْتُ نَفْسِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَغَفَرَ لَهُ ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ (16) قَالَ رَبِّ بِمَا أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ فَلَنْ أَكُونَ ظَهِيرًا لِّلْمُجْرِمِينَ

he repented and made an intention and a decision that he won't be a supporter to hose who act out of ignorence or react when emotinaly over whelmed.

The very next day, God tests him with the same exact incident. His old story he was a murder (by mistake) the second time he acts differently so the story that he will now tell about himself would be as someone who acted differently. He can see himself in a new light (healing)

Don't underestimate the power of intention. Even if you don't know what to do, where you want to go or what you need to change, you just know your open to better whatever that looks like. In Musa is case his intention was I won't support the ignorant.

Here is another thing, when your ready God WILL test you... Sometimes the very next day and sometimes like Musa is the second story he gives us more time to build a self that can do something different .. we need to work on ourselves to be a self that can manage that situation in a new light.

So in the second incident in Musa's story that I want to highlight is: He ran away from the nation when he feard they will kill him

قَالَ رَبِّ نَجِّنِي مِنَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ (21)

10 years letter he was standing on the mountain and talking to God who has given him the revelation and told him:

وَإِذْ نَادَىٰ رَبُّكَ مُوسَىٰ أَنِ ائْتِ الْقَوْمَ الظَّالِمِينَ (10

He answered his prayers for 10 years gave him what he needed.. then 10 years after told him okay time to go back-you are ready.

Whatever situation you're going through in your life that seems to be following you and you can't get away from, know that God is sending it as mercy and care and not punishment. If we were only brave enough and trusted him enough to do our part and leave the rest and the results and the healing to him. Even when we don't know what we can do .. just sent an intention.. the intention will guide you and God will make it open doors that you can't even imagine.

Set an intention. Trust and then do the work required when it shows us. and you WILL heal. He will take care of you. He IS taking care of you.


Sound Credits:


A Good Heart

Album: Unconditional

Artist: Marc Enfroy

Today's Aya:

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعاً * إِذَا مَسَّهُ الشَّرُّ جَزُوعاً * وَإِذَا مَسَّهُ الْخَيْرُ مَنُوعاً * إِلَّا الْمُصَلِّينَ* الَّذِينَ هُمْ عَلَى صَلَاتِهِمْ دَائِمُونَ

Two nights ago, I was making pizza, My husband came home from work and asked me if I will forget the pizza in the oven. I told him I won't.. well I did and I burned it.

When my husband asked me about the pizza the first reaction that I wanted to say "you didn't remind me!"

Sounds familiar?

But I also remembered one of the biggest things I learned the last couple years, when I start judging others and trying to look and find fault in them then I'm probably doing it to protect myself from feeling shame myself.

Coz it is a hard feeling! It really is!

So we throw shame onto each other.

A few weeks ago, I went through a really strong shame storm (thank you Brene for giving me this word!), my the first reaction was wanting to call my husband and throw it on to him. And you know we tent to want to throw it to the closest people around us, husband, wife, mother, kids, etc anyone else but me. It's not me-it's them. I'm clean. I'm a good.

That's when I remembered the aya:

إِنَّ الْإِنْسَانَ خُلِقَ هَلُوعاً * إِذَا مَسَّهُ الشَّرُّ جَزُوعاً * وَإِذَا مَسَّهُ الْخَيْرُ مَنُوعاً

In that moment I was in حالة جزع I couldn't control my emotions...I also remembered the rest of the aya:

* إِلَّا الْمُصَلِّينَ* الَّذِينَ هُمْ عَلَى صَلَاتِهِمْ دَائِمُونَ

⇢ Sometimes in life, we are going to find ourselves in a hard situation with a lot of shame and guilt and we're gonna want to project it onto others in order to be able to say to ourselves " it's not me-it's them". Our identity feels safe.

Here is the thing,

Self-regulation isn't about putting our feelings and emotions in a box and pretending like it doesn't exist. It's about in the moment being:

1- aware of what we are feeling (okay I'm feeling shame and I want to throw it onto someone else)

2- In the same moment being able to put words to what we feel and need

"When this happens_______ I feel ________ I need________."

So if you're angry it may not necessarily about putting anger away but putting words to it to communicate it.

Not in a state of جزع anymore. You're not in reactionary mode but in a place of awareness and being able to make sound choices.

-How to get there??

* إِلَّا الْمُصَلِّينَ* الَّذِينَ هُمْ عَلَى صَلَاتِهِمْ دَائِمُونَ

those whoa re constantly in prayer.

I want to leave you with this thought by Brené Brown, the pioneer in shame an vulnerability in her book Rising Strong:

“No regrets" doesn't mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life. ... "

Tomorrow we're gonna talk about those moments when we need to make hard choices, stay tuned.

Noorah

Recommended read:

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Sound Credits:


A Good Heart

Album: Unconditional

Artist: Marc Enfroy

⇢ "I'm not good enough."

⇢ "I'm not perfect, I can't do all of this."

Internal dialogs that do exist in most of us-if not all of us. What I want to do today is bring God into the picture. His words from His book.

Here is what I learned:

" لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا ۚ"

God used the word "bette"r not "best" and not "the best".

Not الأحسن

It's a mercy he doesn't expect the best. He expects improvement. Everyone can be better.

قُلْ كُلٌّ يَعْمَلُ عَلَىٰ شَاكِلَتِهِ فَرَبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِمَنْ هُوَ أَهْدَىٰ سَبِيلًا (84) وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الرُّوحِ ۖ قُلِ الرُّوحُ مِنْ أَمْرِ رَبِّي وَمَا أُوتِيتُم مِّنَ الْعِلْمِ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا

We are asked to work according to the shapes that God created us in.

Another thing, only we can know what our best truly is.

Speaking about better and working with the shapes we were created in if you're listening to this podcast today, we meet tomorrow for our monthly live webinar classes and it will be on how to uncover our personality traits.

• Sign up for the webinar here: https://www.noorahkareem.com/webinar

• Listen to Brene Browns Ted Talk on the power of vulnerability: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

May we be better today then we were yesterday and may we be better tomorrow then we are today,

Noorah

Day #4

What I Learned ~A Ramadan Series

-----

"I wish I was dumb."

"Sometimes I wish I could just go back to not knowing."

These are statements I hear a lot in my sessions.

⇢ Sometimes in life, we may feel like we know too much for my own good. And now that we know it, we can't un-know it, and that feeling can hurt us.

Here is what I learned:

When we start becoming more aware of things about ourselves; why we act certain ways, why we don't do what we say we will, etc, even awareness about others, in the beginning, can feel painful. It's a normal part of the process and I'll tell you why in a little story.

When I first started studying and getting into psychology I would buy books on the topics that I really wanted to learn more about but also didn't really want to know at the same time (I was terrified to the point where my mind would race and I couldn't sleep at night).

I remember this one book I bought on anger, I read one chapter and put it away for a whole year before I had the courage to read the rest.

Coz I wasn't ready for the change it required me to make.

So I can totally relate to the feeling of not wanting to know better..

Say for intense I realize I have a tendency to avoid things. Yes, it may hurt me that I engage in this behavior but it's also easier (or at least seems easier in the moment) for me to pretend like I don't know (this is where the feeling "I wish I could un-see it" comes in.)

Here is the truth, knowing and awareness is a gift-it is.

Even the trigger inside of us that tells us that something is wrong or something could be better ( we could be better) is a gift.

As long as we are alive, God has hope in us and it's because of that He keeps sending us triggers (آيات) to guide us to a straighter path. Helping us grow in new ways.

When I think of this aya (verse in the Quran):

"ولا أقسم بالنفس اللوامة"

The Creator swears by the part us that He put in all of us Muslims and non-Muslims that triggers when we do something wrong. That part of us that feels shame and guilt.

When that feeling pops us we have two choices:

1- we either listen to it and change our stories

2- we don't listen

When choose not to listen, we then have to numb ourselves to stop feeling the triggers (the shame and guilt Allah put in us and swore by). And we do that through entertainment, drinking, smoking, people, etc. Anything to numb it.

And God will keep showing us mercy by giving us that voice inside of us that will keep calling us as long as we're alive.

I'll be honest with you, it is a hard feeling.

So we do more numbing and we build more layers. And the more layers we build the harder it may seem for us to go to the core of it and change our stories.

Here's a secret:

the real reason people don't want to listen is because they don't want to change. Change is scary. For a person that's used to avoiding things, change might mean letting go of the thought that "there is nothing I can do about stuff" to make room for new thought "I can make choices and be an agent in my story"... that can be a very scary thing.

It requires you to be different and act differently. And yes, you'll have to go through some ugly feelings to build a new self.

Here is what I want to invite you to do the next time you go through these feelings:

1- Pause

2- Acknowledge that the voice (feeling) is there

3- Be grateful that the voice within is still calling you (God still has hope in you)

4- Change your story. And by that, I mean act in the way that would break the pattern and show that your grateful for that voice inside.

⇢ Is it enough to connect with The Creator during yoga?

Todays Aya:

(وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ)

And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)"

...............

It’s strange how psychology and therapy tell you not to talk about God. Yet what I noticed, is that the clients themselves want to talk about The Creator. They want to make sense of life and find meaning.

I believe we humans have a deep need to understand why we are here, what we're supposed to do and what our relationship with The Creator is like.; who He is and who we are to Him.

Sometimes people are more direct with this need and will willingly bring it up. Other times they talk around it, avoiding it as much as possible as if they put it in a box and then wrapped it up with do-not-touch tap and put it to the side. In both cases the need is real.

What I learned is that the more I got to know myself the more I got to know the Creator and the more I got to Know the Creator the more I got to know myself.

You cant find answers to one without having questions about the other.

If God created us to worship him then getting to know him, talking about him and understanding him is the base and root of a healthy life. Not talking about him is like trying to win life without understanding the goal.

In the recent years, I've found people getting more interested in the concept of spirituality, listening to the voice within and connecting to something bigger than them. They may find it through yoga, meditation, stilling in nature, etc.

I think that's wonderful and I certainly do believe you can find God everywhere (آياته في كل مكان ) He's signs are everywhere.

That's why I believe you can find him in your darkest moments. Emersed in sin- as long as your alive He'd still be there calling you.

Even the part of us that feels guilty النفس اللوامة ( I'll make a couple of podcast on how the Quran talks about that in this series) is a sign from God.

But the question that comes to my mind is, isn't there more to that? Didn't God create us for more than that??

For a reason greater than simply acknowledging (and sometimes not even attributing the light to Him) his existence and the light inside of us? arent we supposed to "worship" him to? according to how "HE" told us not how we "think" we can worship him?

Today's Question:

⇢ What does success mean to you?

Today's Aya:

( إلا من أتى الله بقلب سليم )

(except those who come to Allah with a pure healthy heart)

.......................

⇢ What does success mean to me?

I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately. 🤔

Is it fame? money? influence? prestige? Or is it happiness? Or maybe peace?...

We all want success and although we may use the same word to describe it, we usually mean different things by it.

Personally, my life changed dramatically after getting married, moving to a new city and taking a new path in my coaching/speaking work (going solo and everything that comes with building trust both online and offline). I find myself in a new place suddenly with a need to redefine what the word means to me.

Allah told us what two words he uses to describe success. I'm curious if you were to use one word (or two!) to describe success to you, what would that one (or two) word be??

Todays Aya:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُم مَّوْعِظَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِّمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

Points Discussed:

⇢ Why don't we change even when we know what we can do better?

⇢ What truly creates shifts and changes?

A lot of times we know what we could do differently or better-I may know smoking is bad for me, yet I still do it-why? It's because the heart isn't convinced and it's not until we have a conversation between the mind "I think" and heart "I feel" do we really create real lasting changes and shifts

And as a therapist and a coach, it's my job to help facilitate those conversations in an empowering and safe way.

If you find yourself:

1- Stuck in your head (over thinking and analyzing everything), maybe it's time to talk to the heart.. bring it back into the conversation.

2- If you're stuck in your heart (way too caught up with your feelings-where you find it also hard to control them and they tent to slip out in reactionary ways), maybe it's time to go balance it out with bringing the mind back into the conversation.


Sound Credits:


A Good Heart

Album: Unconditional

Artist: Marc Enfroy