Sparkler Parents

Today we are going to take a DEEP DIVE into the sensations of the present moment and begin to cultivate what I have been calling being an "Empathetic Observer Of Our Own Experience". We do too much judging of ourselves and others and this exercise that you are about to do will help gain experience with merely naming the experience/sensation without judgement or evaluation. After you watch or listen to this Podcast episode, spend 3-5 minutes journaling about your experience.What did you notice. Just name it, do not evaluate or judge your present experience.

This episode we review PACE, which stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy.  We talk a little more about playfulness and then dive acceptance.

QOD: Describe a time when you miscued with your child.  In that moment were you able to stay playful and accepting, or not?  

Jump on over to the FB Group to start a discussion.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441951513098677/

This chapter introduces the PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy) acronym.  We talk about Playfulness and how that can help get you as the parent back into a parental state of mind so that you can better read your child's cues and want to engage more (release of dopamine).  Join the discussion in the FB group, Sparkler Parents Podcast.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441951513098677/

If I threw 100 tennis balls at you all at once, how many would you catch?  I know that we would like to think we could catch at least 1 or 2, but in reality, the answer is none...in fact, I think I would turn around and just let all of the pummel me in the back.  So, stress, can be adaptive, if we have the resources to manage it, but when the stress is too great, we go into survival.  When this happens as a parent, it can feel very confusing, because everything just keeps going wrong and anything anyone says seems hurtful and it feels like you aren't a good parent or maybe you may perceive it as, your child is not a good kid.

These are all of the things discussed in this book chapter that Christine summarizes in this episode.  Hang out until the last 5 minutes to get information about a free download of a Calm Down Cube.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vR0r15SJAUgtsddsI6Q5-NrW3iPQvIAJqMboEV_pQAFcaAA7ZlpfcV6VG-X3HTiqXXfXPdQB2kafcvl/pub

Jump on over to our FB Group Called Sparkler Parents Podcast to join the discussion, or leave a review here!

There were some viewers/listeners who requested a YouTube Format, so this is it.  You can still catch the podcast version too outlets like Spotify and Apple Podcasts.  This episode continues to Chapter 3 of Brain Based Parenting and it discusses Blocked Care.  The question of the week to discuss here in the comments or on FB is:  What are your resources to buffer stress and challenge in your life so that you can stay in the present moment with your child?

Let's dive in to Chapter 2 a little more. So far we have learned that innately we, as parents, have different neurochemicals in our brains that help us connect to our children.  These chemicals help strengthen pathways to build a strong attachment to our child first to orientate to the child, then be motivated to spend time and care for our child and today we talk about our ability to read/attend to non-verbal cues that tell us as parents that our child needs something...but what? And I would like to discuss in the FB group,  what have you noticed in your own interaction with your children and how does your environment alter your way to effectively read your child's non-verbal cues.

Please join me on FB, search Sparkler Parents Podcast.

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What is the Parental Approach System and why is it important to me? This is the idea that we are biologically engineered to want to have experiences with our kids.  But I know that some parents find this difficult.  What about when you rarely feel this way? This is a warning sign that there is too much stress on your system.  Practicing silent sitting or a guided meditation can be PART of the solution at buffering your stress. How do you feel when you can take even just 2 minutes to yourself? What other strategies do you use to manage stress? Join the discussion in the Sparkler Parents Podcast FB group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441951513098677/

Join the Discussion at the FB Group! Sparkler Parents Podcast

Share an example of a time when you did not use your executive brain while parenting?

I used to do this a lot more related to behaviors my children did or if my husband was about to arrive at home and one of the kids just made a big mess, I would yell, where as, if that same mess was made 30-45 minutes earlier I may not have yelled at my child the same way.  What changed? The context changed.  The fact that I just cleaned up and my husband expects a neat home when he returns increased my stress level and then with the new mess of Cheerios all of the floor (insert whatever mishap), I explode my stress out all of my child.  If my executive parenting system was better developed, I would have been able to de-escalate myself.  But even in after the stress explosion, I have some things I can do.  I can take some breaths, I can step outside for a minute.  I can apologize and hug my child. I can text my husband and just let him know what to expect when he gets home. It is not that big of a deal...slowing down helps us (and our kids) get our executive functioning back online.

This is not truly a meditation, but rather a way to develop an awareness of our senses. We have 10! In this game, 7 of the senses could be used including: sight, hearing, taste, touch, smell, proprioception and vestibular.

Have a few items prepared and start the game off with SIGHT, I spy with my little eye....

Then allow you child to take a turn.  Move on to as many senses as you feel are appropriate.  Get creative with essential oils, noises and things to see in the room. But you can also draw a letter on their back (and allow them to do it to you too) or turn then around with their eyes closed and see if they know which direction they are facing.

Building an awareness of what kinds of sensory information can come in through our senses can help our kids (and ourselves) be more curious and open.  And if we notice that our child is not curious, see what you can change about the envionment to pique their curiosity, this is the alerting and orientating activities that our brains do to learn if something is safe or not safe.  So in this game, we are being very intentional about this, helping our child develop the alerting and orienting skills without having to automatically react to things that really are not dangerous or harmful.

This podcast episodes pulls in a little bit of the discussion from the FB group, Sparkler Parents. Please join us over on FB. Also we round out Chapter 1 with the concept of neuroception.