Speak Shame

What if everything you thought you knew about shame was wrong?

 In the Season 4 finale of Speak Shame, Dr Connie is joined by Dr. Judith Pilla – psychotherapist, shame researcher, and author of How Shame Runs the World – for a conversation that will change how you think about one of our most powerful and least understood emotions.

 Dr. Pilla reveals why shame isn't simply a negative emotion to be eliminated. It's an evolutionary signalling system every human carries. She breaks down the crucial difference between pro-social shame (the kind that teaches useful lessons) and corrosive shame (the kind that only hurts) and why understanding that difference is the key to finally healing.

 Expect an eye-opening conversation covering perfectionism, procrastination, people-pleasing, the shame machine of social media, projection, discrimination, and why 90% of the shame we carry was never ours to begin with.

 If shame has been silencing you, this episode is for you.

 00:00 Content Warning

00:13 Show Intro

01:24 Meet Dr Judith Pilla

02:08 What Shame Is

03:37 Shame Versus Guilt

06:44 How Shame Shows Up

08:58 Why She Wrote It

13:06 Why Shame Runs World

13:59 Pro Social Shame

17:23 Corrosive Shame

19:15 Internalised Messages

23:28 Healing Shame Basics

26:03 Use It Then Lose It

28:06 Finding Safe People

33:56 Gender and Shame

36:31 Perfectionism and Procrastination

41:05 Masks and Social Media

44:24 Projection and Dumping Shame

46:41 What to Do Today

49:30 Inspirational woman: Gisèle Pelicot

52:54 Closing and What’s Next

DR. JUDITH PILLA

·      Website: HowShameRunsTheWorld.com

UK SUPPORT SERVICES

•      In an emergency, dial 999; for non-emergencies or dial 101 (UK only)

•      Find your nearest NHS Sexual Assault Referral Centre

•      Find an NHS Talking Therapy service near you or contact your GP surgery

•      Charities: Mind, The Samaritans, Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, or Victim Support

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

Monika Molander spent three decades trying to earn love through achievement: top universities, a career at Google and Meta, and relentless perfectionism. From the outside, an impressive life. On the inside, an unshakeable belief that she still wasn't enough.

In this episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie talks to Monika, self-leadership and embodiment coach and survivor, about the eating disorder she developed as a teenager, the sexual abuse she experienced while living abroad, the years she spent unable to leave a damaging relationship dynamic, and the depression that finally brought everything to a halt.

And about the retreat in Costa Rica that changed everything.

Monika's message: you cannot think your way out of shame. Healing comes through self-discovery, through being witnessed in your story, and through understanding that the shame we carry is never just ours.

Expect a warm, deeply honest conversation about perfectionism, belonging, generational trauma, and what it really means to stop performing for love and start living from it.

00:00 Content Warning

01:03 Meet Your Host

01:36 Introducing Monika

02:39 Chapter One Costa Rica

04:18 Roots of Not Enough

06:22 Achievement as Armour

10:43 Control and Eating Disorder

13:28 Chasing Approval and Belonging

18:24 Sexual Abuse and Shame Spiral

24:09 Loss Surrender and Retreat Call

29:06 Self Love Breakthrough

34:25 Coaching and Shame Healing

39:56 Leaving Corporate to Coach

44:33 Advice for Feeling Stuck

46:50 Where to Find Monika

47:52 Remarkable Women and Closing

MONIKA MOLANDER

·      Instagram: @MonikaMolander

·      Website: TheSelfLovePath.com

UK SUPPORT SERVICES

•      In an emergency, dial 999; for non-emergencies or dial 101 (UK only)

•      Find your nearest NHS Sexual Assault Referral Centre

•      Find an NHS Talking Therapy service near you or contact your GP surgery

•      Charities: Mind, The Samaritans, Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, or Victim Support

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

Emily Jacob went on a date in 2008 and woke the next morning to find she had been raped. What followed were six years she calls "the abyss" – years of surviving, struggling, and slowly finding her way back to herself.

In this episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie talks to Emily – founder of Reconnected Life, trauma-informed recovery specialist, keynote speaker, and survivor – about the gap that exists between disclosing sexual violence and accessing proper therapeutic support, and why she built a programme to close it.

Emily's self-guided recovery programmes are now licensed by more than 20 charities, NHS sexual assault referral centres, and universities across the UK, reaching over 10,000 survivors. Her mission: healing should not have to wait.

Expect an honest, hopeful conversation about sexual violence recovery, what "getting therapy ready" really means, the power of survivor community, and proof that we do not stay forever broken. We are changed, and we get to choose who we want to become.

00:00 Content Warning

00:43 Meet Your Host

01:15 Introducing Emily Jacob

02:46 Rebel Roots

05:19 Why Healing Can’t Wait

07:36 How Reconnected Life Began

08:19 The 2008 Assault Story

09:28 Abyss Years and Finding Community

15:30 First Disclosure and Reporting

22:51 Therapy Waitlist and Early Sessions

26:31 Building Therapy Ready Tools

29:40 Licensing to Charities and Growth

33:37 Big Vision for NHS Access

36:20 How to Find Emily’s Resources

38:58 Hope and Post Trauma Growth

44:49 Inspired by Granny Rose

46:33 Final Thanks and Sign Off

EMILY JACOB

·      Website: www.Reconnected.Life

·      Licensing Info: www.Reconnected.Life/Licensing 

·      Resources for Survivors: HealingResources.Reconnected.Life 

·      Free Facebook Community - Survivors Supporting Survivors

·      Instagram: @ReconnectedLife.EmilyJ

·      LinkedIn: Emily Jacob 

UK SUPPORT SERVICES

•      In an emergency, dial 999; for non-emergencies or dial 101 (UK only)

•      Find your nearest NHS Sexual Assault Referral Centre

•      Find an NHS Talking Therapy service near you or contact your GP surgery

•      Charities: Mind, The Samaritans, Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, or Victim Support

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

Shannon Freedman was driving to work when a freeway accident left her fighting for her life and ultimately missing a quarter of her brain. Doctors didn't think she'd survive.

In this episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie talks to Shannon – financial consultant, rapid transformational therapist, and brain injury survivor – about the two decades she spent believing she wasn't capable or worthy after her accident, and the mindset shift that finally set her free.

Shannon shares what it's really like to hear everything while in a coma, why she carried shame and self-doubt for years, and how she now helps others rewrite their relationship with money and unlock their own limitless potential.

Expect an honest, hopeful conversation about brain injury recovery, mindset, and money – and proof that you are never defined by what happens to you, only by what you decide to do with it.

00:00 Welcome to Speak Shame

01:06 Meet Shannon Freedman

03:06 Chapter One: The Crash

05:10 Coma and Surgery

07:06 Recovery and Proving Them Wrong

10:21 From Self Doubt to RTT

13:13 Coaching Money and Brain Healing

16:52 First Steps to Reframe Shame

19:22 How to Work With Shannon

21:31 Money Mindset Reset

25:13 Remarkable Woman Inspiration

26:32 Final Takeaways and Goodbye

SHANNON FREEDMAN

Instagram: @figure8freedmancoachingandrtt 

Linkedin: Shannon Financial Solutions

Website: www.Figure8Freedman.com

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

At 13, Madeleine Black was gang-raped. For decades, shame kept her silent, but she came to realise: the shame was never hers to carry. In this powerful episode, Dr Connie is joined by two-time TEDx speaker and author of Unbroken, Madeleine Black, who made the extraordinary decision to forgive the men who raped her – not for them, but for herself.

Madeleine shares her journey from trauma, silence, and a psychiatric ward at 14, to writing her book and speaking on global stages about sexual violence and shame. Expect a raw, honest conversation about healing, forgiveness, finding your voice, and why sharing your story is one of the most powerful things you can do.

This episode will remind you: it's not what happens to us, it's what we do with it.

00:00 Content Warning

00:39 Meet the Host and Guest

02:43 The Night Everything Changed

03:46 Aftermath and Survival

04:57 The Impact of Shame

06:24 Finding a Voice and Love

10:37 Going Public and Forgiveness

14:23 Ripple Effects and Writing Unbroken

17:46 Advice for Healing

19:17 Resilience and Family Legacy

21:39 Where to Find Madeleine

22:04 Remarkable Woman Inspiration

23:15 Closing and Resources

MADELEINE BLACK

·      Instagram: @madblack65

·      Website: MadeleineBlack.co.uk

UK SUPPORT SERVICES

•      In an emergency, dial 999; for non-emergencies or dial 101 (UK only)

•      Find your nearest NHS Sexual Assault Referral Centre

•      Find an NHS Talking Therapy service near you or contact your GP surgery

•      Charities: Mind, The Samaritans, Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, or Victim Support

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

What happens when the place you ran to for safety becomes the source of your greatest harm?

In Episode 32 of Speak Shame, Dr Connie Kerali is joined by Chioma Alade, UK clergy, cult and sexual abuse specialist, and founder of By Fourteen. Chioma grew up in an abusive home and found what she believed was safety in the church, only to be groomed and sexually abused by her Sunday school teacher for over a decade. She didn't recognise it as abuse until she was 30.

In this powerful conversation, Chioma opens up about the culture of shame that kept her silent, the grooming tactics predators use within faith communities, what radical acceptance really feels like, and the long road to healing, including the medical consequences of abuse that nobody talks about. She also shares how her late diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos syndrome added another layer of complexity to her journey, and why she founded By Fourteen: to help every child identify a predator before the age of 14.

This episode is for anyone who has ever been silenced by shame, let down by an institution they trusted, or told that what happened to them was their fault. The shame was never yours to carry.

Topics covered: church sexual abuse, grooming, coercive control, cult abuse, shame and religion, faith communities and safeguarding, Ehlers Danlos syndrome, invisible disability, healing from trauma, predator awareness, By Fourteen, Black British women, Nigerian culture and shame

📲 Connect with Chioma: Instagram @ChiomaAlade and @ByFourteenOrg.

If you have been affected by this story, you can seek support at charities such as Rape Crisis, Hersana, Secrets Worth Sharing, or Surviving Universal UK.

02:44 Chapter One: Potential

03:50 Childhood Abuse And Church

06:33 Realising It Was Abuse

07:53 Fury And Dismantling A Cult

09:13 Radical Acceptance And Recovery

10:39 Medical Impact And Regulation

13:01 Speaking Out And Training

15:43 Culture Of Shame In Faith

17:38 Advice To Survivors

19:03 Ehlers Danlos Diagnosis

20:41 By Fourteen And Disability Advocacy

22:43 Healing Takeaways And Resources

24:44 NHS Pathways For Survivors

26:46 Remarkable Women Inspirations

29:06 Closing And Where To Connect

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

"Where is this guy? I want to be rescued. And then I realised: No one is coming to save me."

In Episode 31 of Speak Shame, author Sacha Hughes shares her journey from self-sabotage to self-love and how she turned her pain into a published novel.

 When Sacha was 24, her mum died of cancer. She turned to Pinot Grigio to numb the grief. For years, she believed Mr. Right would rescue her from the depths of despair. When that marriage ended in divorce, she had a choice: sink or rise.

 She chose to rise.

 What you'll hear: 

·      Growing up as the shy, anxious youngest of four already carrying the belief "I'm not good enough" 

·      How her mother's death sent her into a decade of self-sabotage, numbing with drugs & alcohol, and searching for rescue 

·      The moment she realised: "This breakdown is going to become my breakthrough" 

·      Five years of reading spiritual books while her children slept, absorbing Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle 

·      The Shirley Valentine moment that sparked her debut novel 

·      Her advice: "Stop leaning into the hurt. Start leaning into the lessons."

 Sacha's message: You are responsible for your life. No one is coming to save you. Put on your own superhero cape and become your own heroine.

 If you've been waiting for rescue, if you're stuck in self-sabotage, if you feel like a fraud in your own life, this conversation is for you.

 Topics covered: grief and loss, self-sabotage, numbing with drugs and alcohol, people pleasing, imposter syndrome, spiritual awakening, divorce recovery, turning pain into purpose, finding your voice, writing as healing

📖 Get Sacha's book: Love, Grief, and More Sex Than Pinot
📲 Connect with Sacha: Instagram @SachaHughes | SachaHughes.com | Facebook

01:17 Meet Sacha Hughes

02:00 Chapter One Childhood

04:51 Losing Mum and Coping

06:48 Marriage Divorce Turning Point

07:36 Healing Books and Meaning

08:39 Holiday Spark Writing Begins

09:43 Becoming an Author

12:50 Advice for Feeling Stuck

15:54 Getting Visible and Connecting

17:31 Where to Find Sacha

18:24 Key Takeaways and Self Rescue

20:15 Shame Themes and Identity

22:13 Remarkable Woman Tribute

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

"You don't have to explain your ambition. You can just be ambitious."

In episode 30 of Speak Shame, journalist and author Rachel Hartigan shares her journey from feeling like an imposter in journalism to writing a book that unravels one of history's greatest mysteries: Amelia Earhart's disappearance.

Rachel spent 12 years at National Geographic covering everything from genetic potatoes to the long road to women's suffrage. But it was two expeditions to a remote Pacific island – searching for traces of Amelia Earhart – that led her to write Lost: Amelia Earhart's Three Mysterious Deaths and One Extraordinary Life.

 What you'll hear: 

·      How Rachel found her way into journalism (hint: her dad handed her a magazine) 

·      Why she felt like she was "faking it" for years and when that changed 

·      What she learned about storytelling from writing 200-word pieces on genetic potatoes 

·      The moment she realised she could write a book 

·      Why Amelia Earhart refused to explain her ambition and what that means for women today 

·      Rachel's advice to her younger self: "Stop wasting energy on insecurity. Just try."

Rachel's message: You don't have to justify what you want to do. Men don't have to explain themselves so why should we?

If you're a writer, journalist, or woman tired of over-explaining your ambition, this conversation is for you.

Topics covered: journalism career path, imposter syndrome, National Geographic, Amelia Earhart mystery, female ambition, writing a book, not apologising for your goals, women in history

📖 Get Rachel's book: Lost: Amelia Earhart's Three Mysterious Deaths and One Extraordinary Life 

🌐 Connect with Rachel: RachelHartiganAuthor.com; Instagram: @RJ_Hartigan 

01:12 Meet Rachel Hartigan

02:16 Origin Story: Reader

03:46 Finding Journalism Path

08:00 Owning Journalist Identity

10:06 National Geographic Curiosity

13:25 Lessons as a Reporter

16:37 Amelia Earhart Expeditions

20:25 Why Earhart Still Matters

25:42 Ambition Without Apology

28:23 Next Book Ideas

29:37 Advice for Aspiring Writers

31:25 Words to Younger Self

32:31 Where to Find Rachel

33:38 Remarkable Woman Inspiration

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.

In this inspiring episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie Kerali interviews Jennifer Schroeder, who at 58 was told her skills were “obsolete” and faced systemic age bias after hundreds of rejections. Jennifer recounts a planned 15-minute meeting where she was threatened with a performance improvement plan or severance, describing shock, shame, anger, and an out-of-body feeling, followed by months of replaying the event and noticing earlier signs like being excluded from meetings. Needing income, she tried various jobs while recovering for 12–18 months. She later posted videos on LinkedIn and TikTok, sparking thousands of responses from others experiencing similar discrimination, and grew The Unobsolete to support both HR leaders and professionals. Her key advice is to pay attention, document workplace issues, and remember you are not powerless or obsolete.

01:14 Introducing Jennifer Schroeder

03:21 A Career Turned Upside Down

04:43 Shock and Out of Body

06:27 The Walk of Shame

08:51 Red Flags in Hindsight

11:50 Aftermath at Home

15:11 Rebuilding After the Blow

18:49 Birth of The Unobsolete

20:48 Stories From the Community

23:17 Turning Posts Into a Mission

26:59 Practical Survival Advice

29:48 Where to Find Jennifer

30:39 Purpose From Pain

31:48 Not Powerless

33:27 A Remarkable Woman Tribute

JENNIFER SCHROEDER

Linkedin: Jennifer Schroeder

TikTok: @TheUnobsolete

Instagram: @TheUnobsolete

YouTube: @TheUnobsolete

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
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In this episode of Speak Shame, Dr Connie Kerali is joined by Dr. Jenn (Jennifer Noble), a licensed psychologist and parent coach specialising in children, teens, identity development, and the mixed-race population, and founder of Free to Be Collective. Dr Jenn shares her early life in Santa Monica shaped by diversity and international travel, and discusses her own mixed-race identity (African American and Sri Lankan Tamil) and how being read as Black influenced her understanding of perception and identity. She describes recognising a gap when mixed-race adults at community events revealed they had never processed identity with their parents, often feeling shame and pressure to choose one “box.” Dr Jenn explains her work helping parents understand the “third” mixed-race experience, increase intentional cultural exposure, and support adolescents navigating appearance, belonging, and assumptions. She highlights how societal expectations create shame and names Wangarī Maathai as a key inspiration.

00:00 Mixed Race Identity Gap

00:33 Meet Dr Connie Kerali

01:09 Introducing Dr. Jenn

02:47 Chapter One: Origins

04:55 Finding Her Purpose

08:27 The Need She Saw

11:30 Coaching Parents Basics

13:49 Cultural Exposure Matters

16:53 Sade and Self Freedom

19:40 Advice for Mixed Race Teens

23:49 Key Takeaways for Everyone

25:57 Connect with Dr Jenn

27:23 Shame and One Box Thinking

29:50 Remarkable Woman Inspiration

DR. JENN (JENNIFER NOBLE)

INSTAGRAM: @DrJennPsych

WEBSITE: FreeToBeCollective.com 

GET IN TOUCH

• Join the community:
• @StoriesWithoutShame on Instagram
• Sign up for the Stories Without Shame newsletter to join the movement.