Spiritual Dimension – Michelle Sparkes

Have you ever lost something precious to you and gone searching, scouring every nook and cranny to recover that precious item? I’ve lost many things that have set me on this search. Some more precious to me than others. The joy I experience when I recover something I have lost and searched for, is hard to describe. The more precious the item is to me, regardless of its material value, the deeper my joy in its recovery. I got thinking about this this morning when I got up at the crack of dawn to try and recover an item that I lost in the sands of the beach yesterday. As I was driving home I stopped to let some schoolgirls cross the road. They were on their way to the same high school I attended when I first began my slippery slide down the scales into anorexia as a young teen. What would have helped me then and at every point in my journey—into, through and beyond—anorexia and disordered eating, was to know at a deep heart level the preciousness of my life. If you are somewhere along that pathway I want to tell you your life is more precious than anything I can give voice to, and there is One who will never ever give up searching for you until you are found in a way that you know the preciousness and unshakeable worth and value of your life. You will need human help as well to recover from disordered eating. In my view it’s not one or the other. You need both human and divine help. In my experience that divine reassurance—of your preciousness, of your unshakeable worth and value—experienced deep in your heart and soul can help you hold on and move forward when you’re attempted to stop searching for it. [email protected]

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the last, I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.

To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the next I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.

To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Wherever you are, whatever space you find yourself in, may your heart be encouraged, you are not beyond hope, you are not beyond help. Nothing is impossible with the God who loves you. If you feel exhausted, defeated, hopeless or despairing, I pray you experience His grace reaching in and taking hold of you, lifting you up and out of the miry clay, the stuck places, the hopeless spaces. I pray you experience His truth strengthening your bones, bringing surety to your steps, bringing peace to your heart despite the challenges you face. Hope and help, natural and supernatural. For me the help of the Helper has been the one thing that has made the biggest difference. Again and again. 

In this episode I explore something I believe was profoundly important both in my journey into anorexia and other eating disorders, and in my journey out into freedom: the spiritual dimension.

At the heart of my own struggle was a deep-seated belief that who I was was not good enough—that I was unworthy and undeserving of life, nurture and good things. I share how this became entangled with the drive to be perfect, fear of failure and the pursuit of control, and how food, calories, weight and body became an apparently controllable arena when life itself felt increasingly out of control.

I also share something of the difficult period after hospital, when my attempt to be perfect had failed and the same underlying beliefs became entangled with hunger, anger, bingeing and self-punishment.

Eating disorders affect the whole person—physical, emotional, social, relational and spiritual—and I believe they need a whole-person approach to recovery. For me, discovering truth that challenged the lies, and experiencing a love and security deeper than words or intellectual understanding, became a foundational part of healing.

I explore the spiritual dimension from a Christian perspective and reflect on how my beliefs, understanding and experience within that framework both hindered and helped me at different points in my journey. I offer this for your consideration and welcome your comments, questions and feedback.

Have you ever felt deeply distressed, inconsolable or highly anxious? Right now in my country we’re grappling with the devastating impact of catastrophic bushfires. Closer to home my dearly loved mum is suffering and in decline. It got me thinking about comfort; it got me thinking about you. When we experience distressing emotions (as we do when we struggle with an eating disorder), we need comfort. Comfort that soothes and settles, that brings peace to our soul and fosters hope for the future.

When we are locked in the self hatred of the eating disorder ‘cage’ we need to experience ourselves as seen, known, understood, worthwhile, valuable, loved. Even when and especially in the midst of our most acute struggles. For me the heart of the Christmas message is about this. The sound quality of this audio is poor and I apologise for that but I believe someone out there needs to hear this message of hope today. Big hugs to you. 

There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free…

“Value is your birthright, your body is your home, and in a world of uncertainty you can experience a security deep within that will set you free from the dis-ease at the heart of disordered eating.”  Michelle Sparkes