State Shifters

SSS 182: The Relationship Skill Most Men Never Develop (Responsiveness vs Reactivity)


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The Relationship Skills Men Forget When Apart From Their Partner

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What's up, legends? I just landed back in Lisbon after 5 weeks apart from Amanda, and I've had some eye-opening realizations about the relationship skills men often neglect - including myself. This episode breaks down what I rediscovered about leading in relationships when you've been out of practice.

Walking through beautiful Lisbon to meet Amanda, I'm reflecting on how even after years of coaching men on relationships, I found myself slipping back into old reactive patterns within days of being reunited. The muscle of relationship leadership had gone weak from disuse.

In this episode, I share:

  • The #1 skill men must master: responsiveness over reactiveness
  • Why your subconscious defaults to familiar defensive patterns
  • How to catch yourself before damaging her nervous system
  • The weekly feedback process that transforms relationships
  • Why micro-moments of love matter more than grand gestures
  • When and how to give your partner constructive feedback

Being apart from your partner - whether through travel, work, or just getting complacent - weakens the relationship muscle. You forget the extra level of awareness and attentiveness needed around communication, emotional needs, and daily connection.

Old patterns that resurface:

  • Defensiveness when she brings up concerns
  • Not speaking emotions and projecting anger instead
  • Reacting from energetic overwhelm rather than conscious choice
  • Forgetting to notice what she needs in specific moments

The solution is building responsiveness.

While responsiveness is crucial, you also need to address things that don't feel right. Don't withhold frustration - it stacks up and explodes later. Learn to say: "How you communicated that felt disconnected in my body. I need more grace/cooperation/softness. Would you be willing to try this approach instead?"

Remember: You can only give love to the level you're willing to receive it. If you're not nourishing yourself, you can't creatively love your partner.

This is ongoing work requiring constant refinement, contemplation, and mindfulness. Get complacent, and your subconscious defaults to familiar defensive patterns.

Connect with me:📾 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordancandlish01/🐩 Twitter: https://x.com/JordanCandlishđŸ“± Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jordancandlish01đŸŽ” TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jordancandlish01Alternative Titles:Controlling Your Reactivity | Q & A Eckhart TolleHow Do I Keep From Being Triggered? with Eckhart TolleHow to Be Less Emotionally Reactive: Black and White ThinkingThe #1 Relationship Skill Every Man Must Master (Responsiveness vs Reactiveness)stop being REACTIVE: master your EMOTIONS by becoming RESPONSIVE instead#RelationshipSkills #LongDistanceRelationship #RelationshipAdvice #MensRelationshipAdvice #RelationshipLeadership #MasculineLeadership #RelationshipCoaching #HealthyRelationships #RelationshipCommunication #EmotionalIntelligence #MensWork #RelationshipGrowth #CouplesCoaching #RelationshipTips #IntimateRelationships #RelationshipFoundations #MensDevelopment

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State ShiftersBy Jordan Candlish

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