Stack'n'Days: Sober Journeys from Black, Brown and other voices of color.

The episode of the Stack’n’Days podcast Ray is joined by Markita Renee. Markita highlights the challenges and triumphs of her journey toward sobriety, emphasizing the importance of seeking help, building a support system, and addressing the unique needs of people of color in the recovery community. 

Substance abuse journey

Markita starts by opening up about her personal journey with substance abuse. She shares the challenges she faced and how it affected her life.

She discusses how she used substances as a means to escape from her problems and cope with her emotions. She reflects on the impact it had on her life.

Markita talks about her experience with pain medication addiction and the difficulties she encountered while trying to overcome it.

Hiding addiction from loved ones

Markita shares the challenges of hiding her addiction from her loved ones and the toll it took on her relationships.

Overcoming rock bottom moments

Markita discusses her journey of hitting rock bottom and the turning points that motivated her to seek help and make positive changes in her life.

Markita’s rock bottom involved a lot of hardships, including homelessness. She shares the steps she took to start afresh on her path to recovery.

Passing a drug test

Markita shares how she miraculously passed a drug test after using drugs, which she believes was divine intervention. This was a turning point for her because she knew she wouldn't get so lucky again and she had just started to get her life back on track.  

Tapping into personal power

Markita emphasizes the importance of tapping into personal power and finding inner strength during the recovery process.

She discusses her commitment to sobriety and her efforts to create a supportive community for people of color (POC) who are in recovery.

Lack of resources for people of color

Markita addresses the lack of resources available specifically for people of color in the recovery community and the importance of representation.

Markita talks about the BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) Wednesday meeting she has created as a safe space and support group for individuals who may not feel represented in traditional recovery groups.

Markita’s details

Insta: iammarkitarenee 

Tiktok: @iam_markitarenee 

Web: markitarenee.com

Contact the show:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram and TikTok: @stackndays

Website: stackndays.com

In this episode of the Stacking Days podcast, host Ray Donovan welcomes Sonia Kahlon, the founder of EverBlume recovery support service, to share her personal journey of recovery. Sonia has been sober for 6 years. The conversation focuses on the usual themes of inclusivity, representation, and finding healing as a person of color, as well as Sonia’s experience as someone of Punjabi descent growing up in Toronto and dealing with the breakdown of her marriage while sober. 

Alcohol as a temporary coping mechanism 

Sonia opens up about her experience of anxiety as a child and how alcohol helped to alleviate these feelings. She studied to be a dentist and reveals that her long academic journey and the demands of running a business afterwards were the only things that stopped her alcohol consumption from being problematic. 

However, she acknowledges that these were temporary coping mechanisms and that the real challenge was finding a sustainable solution to her anxiety.

Once she sold her business she knew she had to find this fulfillment elsewhere and not fall into a lifestyle of excessive drinking. 

Discovering sustainable coping mechanisms

Throughout the episode, Sonia emphasizes the significance of finding healthy coping mechanisms. Sonia kept herself busy after the sale of her business by taking up hobbies and doing volunteer work. This gave her a sense of fulfillment and purpose which helped her feel more settled in her life. 

Dealing with big life events sober

Five years into Sonia’s sobriety her husband said he wanted to separate. This took Sonia completely by shock. In times like these Sonia would usually have turned to alcohol. But she didn’t and embraced what she was feeling. She experienced an incredibly hard time in her life but learned to deal with it rather than using alcohol as a crutch.  

The value of self-care and holistic well-being

Sonia and Ray delve into the importance of self-care and holistic well-being in the recovery process. They discuss the positive impact of exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. They recognize that these practices contribute to combating anxiety and creating a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Cultural perspectives and evaluating relationships with alcohol

Sonia shares insights from her cultural background, emphasizing that the concept of alcohol addiction or mental health issues are not recognised in her Punjabi culture. Contrastingly she experienced a lot of men drinking very heavily in her culture growing up. 

She challenges traditional norms and encourages individuals to honestly evaluate their relationship with alcohol, regardless of cultural influences.

The Importance of support and evaluation

Sonia highlights the value of having a designated space, like EverBlume, where individuals can honestly evaluate their relationship with alcohol. She emphasizes the significance of seeking support and guidance throughout the recovery process.

Sonia’s details 

If you’d like to learn more about Sonia’s organization EverBlume see the details below:

Website: https://www.joineverblume.com/

Instagram, TikTok: @joineverblume

Twitter: @EverBlume

Facebook: EverBlume

Contact the show:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram and TikTok: @stackndays

Website: stackndays.com

Ray sits down with Ashley Blackwell, known as Ashley Ivana, a vegan chef who has been on a unique and unorthodox path to sobriety and recovery. The conversation delves into her personal journey battling addiction and her road to finding support, community, and mental and physical well-being. 

Ashley addresses the challenges faced by marginalized communities in accessing resources for addiction recovery and the need for increased understanding and acceptance of different cultures. She also talks about how alcohol is more readily available than fresh produce in some predominantly black neighbourhoods.

Recognizing and accepting addiction

Ashley Blackwell opens up about the dark and arduous path that led her to seek recovery. Through her story, she emphasizes the crucial role of recognizing and accepting a problem with addiction. Ashley underscores the significance of tapping into the power within yourself and the importance of seeking out a support system during the recovery process. 

Building a toolkit for mental and physical health

The episode further explores Ashley’s personal experiences, who shares their 12-year journey of developing a comprehensive toolkit for maintaining mental and physical well-being. She incorporates various practices into their daily routine, such as: 

By changing her mindset and taking control of her thoughts and emotions, Ashley prioritizes self-care, remaining open to learning, and staying in a teachable place. 

Ashley highlights the importance of a healthy diet in her recovery, something that she is passionate about given her line of work. 

These practices collectively form a toolbox that enables Ashley to create space for herself and avoid being limited by negative thoughts and emotions.

Separating alcohol use from feelings

Throughout the episode, Ashley emphasizes the importance of taking control of her own life and refraining from carrying shame or guilt. Ashley says it is important to separate alcohol use from your feelings so as to avoid leaning on alcohol in tough times. Through this Ashley has discovered her inner strength and resilience. She also discusses the role of spirituality and leaning into her God power as a vital aspect of her journey towards recovery.

Cultural competence in healthcare

Ashley shares a challenging experience when she was in rehab in San Francisco relating to cultural competence. Her counsellor said she was “aggressive” but Ashley pointed out that if the counsellor was familiar with black culture she would know that Ashley was not being aggressive. 

In the same rehab Ashley was told she was getting a new roommate who was a sheriff. Ashley expressed her concerns with sharing a room with a member of the police as she was traumatised by previous experiences with the police as a black woman in the US. 

The conclusion: Ashley was asked to leave the rehab. Her mother traveled to San Francisco to pick her up. 

Empowerment and growth

In conclusion, Ashley's toolkit and practices have been instrumental in maintaining her mental and physical health and well-being. Through her personal journey, she has learned to take control of her life, trust herself, and let go of shame and guilt. Her experiences serve as a powerful reminder that healing is an individual journey that requires self-reliance, a willingness to learn and grow and recognising your own inner strength.

Follow Ashley

Ashley's business is called Ivana Taste and you can find her on Instagram @_ivanataste

Contact the show:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram and TikTok: @stackndays

Chris Dickerson shares his story and wisdom with Ray in this episode of the Stack’n’Days podcast. Chris is a recovering addict and alcoholic, and sheds light on his path to recovery and the profound impact sobriety has had on his life. 

The seeds of addiction and coping mechanisms

Chris opens up about his early life, revealing that he faced childhood trauma and lacked the necessary tools to cope with it. As a result, he developed various defense mechanisms such as dissociation, codependency, lying, and manipulation as a means of self-preservation.

An attraction to alcohol

Even as a child, Chris was intrigued by the effects of alcohol on people's behavior. He would pretend to drink and smoke, imitating the adults around him. Chris moved to Hawaii as a teenager and played football in school. This exposed him to alcohol and partying, as he found himself surrounded by older teammates. Chris says looked old for his age and that people assume black people in Hawaii are in the military. This meant he could buy liquor without being asked for ID.

Escalating addiction

Chris's drinking habits intensified during his college years studying in California. Chris’s then-girlfriend fell pregnant and he felt trapped in a life he wasn’t ready for. He held a lot of resentment towards his girlfriend. Seeking a sense of control, Chris turned to excessive drinking and partying. Eventually, he moved back home to Hawaii after his daughter's birth, but his self-destructive habits followed him, leading to a downward spiral of constant drinking, drug use, and smoking.

Reaching rock bottom 

Chris found himself in a dark place and realized he was not the person he wanted to be. He was wasting money and his substance abuse was taking a toll on his relationship. In 2018, he and his wife separated, prompting Chris to face the reality of his addiction. Although he was high-functioning, he struggled to accept that he was an alcoholic or addict.

Running away

In an attempt to escape his troubles, Chris moved to Texas and later to Seattle, hoping that a change of environment would help him regain control. He experimented with different approaches to moderation, such as drinking only beer and tried some lifestyle practices like yoga and exercising. Unfortunately these tactics were not successful. Reluctantly attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings to appease others, he drank beforehand and couldn't relate to the people he encountered there.

The importance of community and representation

Chris highlights the lack of diversity he experienced in the AA meetings he attended. Feeling disconnected, he tried various alternatives to no avail. He eventually found solace in a meeting called "Black Experience," where he felt a sense of belonging. Embracing vulnerability, he sought guidance from a sponsor, initially struggling to trust authority figures. However, his sponsor provided him with valuable insights and support, helping him navigate the recovery process.

The power of therapy 

Chris emphasizes the tremendous impact therapy has had on his recovery journey. Ray adds that therapy, especially for black men who often build emotional barriers, is vital for healing. Both Chris and Ray express the importance of feeling comfortable with a therapist who shares their background

Chris’s contact details 

Instagram: @dick_nda_house

In this episode of Stack'n'days, host Ray Donovan sits down with Cassi Corona, an organizational psychologist who has been sober for four and a half years. Cassi talks to Ray about her journey from partying all the time to living a life free from alcohol. She shares insights from her role as an organizational psychologist about the role of alcohol in the workplace and how to navigate that while sober.

Cultural Influence and Early Substance Use

Growing up in a Latinx culture, Cassi was exposed to alcohol from a young age. She explains how the belief that hard work meant the freedom to drink heavily was ingrained in her community.

Cassi reflects on how alcohol became intertwined with her work in hospitality and her social life. She shares stories of her excessive partying and gambling habits in Las Vegas.

Awakening to Sobriety

Cassi's perspective on her drinking habits began to shift when she participated in Sober September in 2018. Although she didn't immediately recognize her own problematic behavior, she gradually realized that her life was better without alcohol. After completing Sober September, Cassi continued her sobriety journey. Cassi attributes her personal growth over the past four years to her sobriety and expresses deep gratitude for the transformative power it has had on her life.

Around five to six months into her journey, she attended an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting to support a friend. Initially hesitant about committing fully to the program, Cassi eventually began therapy and, after 4.5 years of sobriety, is now actively involved in the sober community and shares her story on social media.

Bringing Sobriety into the Workplace

Cassi advises companies on employee well-being in her job.. She incorporates her experience with sobriety into her work, advocating for creating family-focused environments and exploring non-alcohol-related ways to reward employees. Ray highlights how certain industries have an alcohol and drinking culture. 

Cassi shares some tips for someone in this position in work:

Cassi's Tools for Sobriety

Cassi reveals some strategies that have helped her on her journey to sobriety. She is training for a bikini competition and this gives her a clear goal to work towards. This helps her stay focused and motivated. 

She also sets milestones of when she can drink again, knowing that when she gets there she won’t want to drink and then sets another one. 

Advice for Seeking Sobriety

For individuals looking to embark on their own journey to sobriety, Cassi offers valuable advice. She suggests taking the first step by honestly asking yourself why you are struggling with alcohol or substance use. Cassi recommends writing down these reasons to serve as a reminder during challenging moments of temptation.

She also emphasizes the significance of asking for help. Seeking support from a community, whether it's through therapy, support groups, or reaching out to trusted individuals, can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement on the path to sobriety.

Cassi’s details and links

Instagram: @thereelcassi

Podcast: Not Your Drinking Buddy

Book recommendation: Living Sober, by Alcoholics Anonymous

In today's episode of the Stack’n’Days podcast, Ray speaks to Darnell Rice, founder and program director of Embrace Elevate, an organization that deals with sexual violence, rape, and unhealthy relationships. As April was sexual assault awareness month, Darnell shares his story of sexual assault and how he became the curse breaker in his family.

Childhood Trauma and Addiction

Darnell Rice's dad passed away when he was four, and his mom got a new partner who was an alcoholic. His mom's partner physically, emotionally, and mentally abused Darnell and his mom. This abuse went on for about five years, and Darnell realized that addictions are often tied to childhood trauma. When Darnell was eight, he got a baseball bat and said to his mom's partner that if he touched his mom again, he would kill him. His mom’s partner stopped abusing them. 

Darnell’s healing process 

Darnell was working a dead-end job, and he needed something to change. He had dealt with a lot of issues, including bad relationships and not loving himself due to his childhood trauma. He realized he needed to do something to help other kids in the same situation. Darnell never had a childhood, and he wanted to change that for others. While studying his masters Darnell met Lorenzo Lewis, founder of The Confess Project of America. Lorenzo became his mentor and offered him a job. He helped Darnell start the healing process and grow, encouraging him to go to therapy.

Tools to help deal with trauma

Men who have experienced abuse or other traumas often use substances to self-medicate to help deal with it. Darnell recommends some healthier options:

Embrace Elevate

Embrace Elevate is a survivor-led program that uses storytelling, presentations, and workshops to connect with their audience. They provide presentations on consent, prevention advocacy and stigma, and clergy programs. Embrace provides resources for people who need it and points them in the direction of other resources.

Shame in Sexual Abuse Survivors

Darnell knows that it is difficult for people to talk about their own abuse because of biases in society. To help people get past the shame and express themselves, Darnell lets people know it is a brave space. He never pressures people, but he says that to heal, you need to face these things eventually.

Breaking the Cycle of Trauma

Darnell believes that he is a curse breaker and will stop the cycle of trauma in his family. He encourages others to start their healing journey and emphasizes that healing is uncomfortable and must start with the individual. He reminds survivors that they are not damaged goods.

Darnell's Contact Information

For more information about Embrace Elevate, visit their website at www.embraceelevate.com, follow them on Instagram at @Embrace_elevate, or find them on Facebook at Embrace. You can also reach out to them at [email protected].

Additional Resources

Helping Survivors - helpingsurvivors.org

This week on Stack'n'Days, Ray is joined by Rashad Walser, who has been through a tumultuous journey of addiction and recovery. Rashad grew up with a drug-dealing father, which exposed him to parties in his home from an early age. In this episode, Rashad talks about his struggle with addiction, the challenges he faced on his road to recovery and how he achieved his goals and aspirations.

This week on the Stack'n'Days Podcast Ray is speaking to Jay Chase. Jay is a founder, entrepreneur, podcaster, coach, inspirational speaker, and leadership development coach at Jay Chase Coaching and Leadership. He also works as a contractor at Reframe. 

He speaks to Ray about his own growth and development journey, about the work he does and he shares some of his wisdom to hopefully help anyone who needs to hear it. 

Jay's Turning Point

Aged 23 Jay woke up in jail and not for the first time. He had violated probation and could have gotten 11 years in prison, but the judge gave him 120 days as a warning. After coming out 120 days later Jay didn't have a single message on his phone, which made him realize that people didn't like that version of him. This inspired him to become a better person.

Life Before Prison

Before prison, Jay was a social guy. He dropped out of college and got into selling cars, making a lot of money at 19. He used this money to fund his drinking and an extravagant lifestyle. His problem came from his desire for exclusivity and instant validation. He wanted to look like he had the best, for example. getting bottle service in clubs. He was putting on a show for people who, in the end, didn't care for him.

Changing His Environment

In prison, Jay tried to figure out how to be himself but not get in trouble again. He realized he had to change himself and his environment - people, places, and things. He says that if you change yourself and your environment, growth will be fast and easy. One way he did this was by replacing going to the club with playing pool.

One Principal

Jay believes that we have to know ourselves to grow ourselves. He uses the DISC assessment to help clients understand themselves better. 

Forgiveness 

He mentions that the book Forgiveness is a Choice by Dr. Robert D. Enright set him free. He wrote a forgiveness letter to several family members, and this was the time he felt honest and vulnerable and free. He let go of the power they all had over him.

Mindset for successful recovery

Jay asks clients who they are in a position of failure. Then, he asks who they are when they are drinking. Often, these are very similar. 

He says leadership is the real key to being successful, but leadership depends on influence, and influence can only run as wide as the character runs deep. He believes in using natural gifts, being your natural self, and being somewhere where you are naturally celebrated. 

Tools Jay Uses

Jay learned that this journey is not about him. He adds value for and impacts others by looking after himself and always asking how to add value to other people's lives. That is the main thing that guides him in his growth. 

He also reads every day.

Jay’s details 

Website: https://donttouchmymindset.com/ 

Instagram, Youtube, TikTok: @thejaychase 

Nicolas Morales, also known as Nico, joins Ray on this week’s Stack’n’Days Podcast. Nico is an author, inspirational speaker, and entrepreneur from New Mexico. Nico shares his story and discusses some tools and techniques that have helped him. 

Nico shares that his substance abuse began as a coping mechanism for an adverse childhood experience.

Drugs

Nico started dealing drugs to help support his family and to support his own marijuana habit. However, he soon got hooked on Oxycontin and eventually turned to heroin. His addiction left him sleeping in his truck, committing armed robberies and selling drugs.

At 22, Nico realized that he needed to turn his life around and started having conversations with God, seeking help and guidance. He managed to quit drugs cold turkey.

Alcohol 

Nico had his first drink at 23 after quitting opiates. It was fun and social at first but it led to him hitting rock bottom. 

Doctors' recommended Nico use pharmaceutical drugs to get clean from alcohol but he wanted to stay away from them. He reduced his alcohol intake gradually, eventually giving up completely. He turned to God, got baptized, and felt renewed. 

Nico's path to recovery

Nico went to college and got a degree in Business Administration. He wrote a book titled Five Things to Know Before You Get Sober. He likes to share his story in interviews like this and helps others who may be struggling with addiction.

Finding an identity outside of substances

One way Nico found a sense of identity is through the use of a personality test called the DISC assessment. By taking this test he learned to identify his strengths, which helped him focus on the positive aspects of his personality. This shift in perspective also helped him to stop looking at events in their life as negative or bad things that happen to him, and instead see them as opportunities for growth and development.

Morning routine and affirmations

Nico believes the first 20 minutes of the day will shape how the rest of the day will be. Every morning, he spends some time with God and reads something inspiring to keep him focused. 

Nico repeats affirmations to himself, such as "I'm clean. I'm cut. I'm calculated. I'm a son to the most high. I create. I see kingdom outcomes in all situations. I give generously without expectation because good things are supposed to happen to me. I expect to be successful. I’m building for a greater purpose. The gifts that I’ve been given, they’ll provide for me”

Challenging the Defense Mechanisms

Raymond and Nico discuss how overcoming addiction requires challenging one's defense mechanisms. Nico admits that it's natural to put up defense mechanisms and be defensive, but it's crucial to be mindful and work on vulnerability. He explains that it's not just about acknowledging the problem but also about continued work and repetition in vulnerable spaces to grow and move on.

The W.A.I.T. Tool

Nico shares a tool he uses called W.A.I.T. which stands for "What Am I Thinking?" He explains that by waiting and asking oneself this question, one can identify whether a thought is helpful or not. He emphasizes the importance of controlling one's thoughts, which in turn control feelings and actions.

Tips for Embarking on the Journey of Healing

Nico suggests identifying the "why" behind the struggle and seeking support from a trusted individual or professional. He also emphasizes the importance of being patient and kind to yourself throughout the journey.

Nico’s information 

Youtube: nohalonm 

Instagram: @no_halo 

Website: nohalonm.com

This week Kenneth Watson joins Ray on the Stack’n’Days podcast. Kenneth is a veteran, author, podcaster, and academic who has been sober for over six years. He is the author of the best-selling book 12 Faces of Sober and the host of the podcast 12 Faces of Sober Speaks. In this episode, Kenneth talks about his past experiences with alcohol and how he overcame them.

Kenneth's past

Kenneth's first taste of alcohol was somewhere between the ages of 4-6, tasting a sip of his dad's beer. His dad was in the navy, so he would bring back different alcohol from around the world, making it always available in the house. Kenneth got drunk for the first time at the age of 12 in his house. He was an athlete in high school, and partying was a big part of the culture. When he went to college in Minnesota, there wasn't much to do except drink.

After college, he worked in radio, his dream job. However, when he moved to Phoenix, he couldn’t get a foot in the door of radio there. He worked at random different jobs where he wasn’t using his degree. This started to grate on him and slipped into depression. He was around a lot of people with issues and was absorbing all their negativity too. 

He also got into some abusive relationships and was emotionally and physically abused by women in those relationships. In 2008, he spent a night in jail for criminal damages. The charges were dismissed but he went to rehab. Thirty days later, he got out and went straight to the liquor store.

Kenneth decided to join the military, where alcohol played a big part in life. He eventually went to court-mandated rehab after getting out of an abusive relationship. His ex-wife got arrested for domestic violence, and he took medical leave from the military. 

After leaving the army, he drank almost every day for 400 days and lived in a homeless shelter for a while. He went to rehab one more time, but this time the choice was inspired by a conversation with his mom. She said she didn’t want to bury her son, and that was a turning point for him. He went into rehab on November 15th, 2016, and hasn't looked back since. He started studying again three weeks after getting out of rehab. 

Kenneth's healing journey

During his journey to sobriety, Kenneth tried various lifestyle changes, including: 

Kenneth's go-to tools in his healing journey include: 

He is currently helping a non-profit homeless organization called Walking with a Purpose.

Therapy

Kenneth emphasizes the importance of therapy in his healing journey. However, finding the right therapist can be challenging, especially as a black man. Kenneth uses the VA (Veterans Affairs) to find his therapists. He was happy with his first therapist, but then he moved to Jacksonville. His therapist there stopped practicing, and he went a year without one. Then he got another therapist who aligned really well with him, but then he moved again and was sad to leave her. He is currently trying to find a new therapist in Minnesota.

Kenneth's advice for someone who wants to get sober

For someone who wants to start recovering, Kenneth says you must take it seriously. Looking at who you are surrounding yourself. He also emphasizes the importance of loving oneself, practicing gratitude, and finding support through treatment, social media, and coaching options.

Kenneth's details

To learn more about Kenneth Watson, visit his website at 12facesofsober.com, or find 12facesofsober on Insta, Facebook, Tiktok and Twitter.